Her dads email...

I was in the same situation a few years ago. I was adopted at 3 weeks by a loving family and was able to locate my birth parents when I was 31. By this time I had two kids and one on the way. It was time to complete the puzzle and find out my roots. I found and met my mother. It was a decent meeting. Quite uncomfortable for both of us but we were able to build a lasting relationship. We lived in different states so I wasn't able to see her regularly. Was hard at first but I adjusted. A few years later my mother told me who my father was, things about him that she could remember but had no idea where he was living or his marital status. Doing some research and contacting others, I found him. He denied he had a child. I was hurt and confused. One of our kids contacted him and he responded. I was able to meet him along with our kids and my husband. It took a few years but it finally happened. I look just like him and am built like him. There was no denying after our meeting. I keep in touch and he and his wife in turn call during the holidays and on my birthday. His wife had no clue he fathered a child when he was 18. He had to straighten that out prior to our meeting. I respected his thoughts and wishes and waited patiently for our first meeting. He also had three other children that had no clue there was another child who was the oldest. I would suggest that your friend just sit back and be patient. Persistence is good but it's always a touchy situation and being too persistent might cause him to run and hide. I would also suggest she tries to contact him once more maybe after the holidays and ask him if he does not want to hear from her again. Nobody likes rejection so explain to her that she might prepare herself for this to happen. Regardless of the story, I don't believe it's right to deny a child the right to their biological family whether it be for medical reasons or curiousity. I wish your friend the very best and please let her know she's not alone in this type of situation. Who knows, this may turn out good and she can have further contact with her father and maintain a healthy relationship. Happy Holidays, carolbee

She does deserve an answer! I do recall this and I think you and I discussed the show The Locators at that time. I think this man has given her her answer. He doesn't believe he is the father. He doesn't want to believe in the possiblility of it being him either. I think he has other kids and this is all he can handle. It is sad but I doubt she will get much more. Maybe she can get the woman on her side and work from that direction. Sadly I don't think there is much hope.

It sounds to me like he is hoping that he is not her Dad and that he will not admit it to himself that he could be I hope she gets this Test done one to settle her mind and 2 so that he knows to It is not nice to let her hang like that as she must be very upset and confused about this all

she has done her part to contact him the ball is in his court, this is a very big thing she has put on him too, imagine not knowing you had a child and 27 years later somebody comes out of the woodward and appears on facebook. He has some issues to deal with of his own. Whether he answer her or not will tell her exactly what kind of relationship he wants if any at all.

Sounds very obvious to me he doesn't want anything to do w/her & that's very sad for her. It was really tacky of him to tell her he thought someone else w/her dad. He needs to take the test for her & himself.

That is so sad to hear for your friend. I know that probably what she is looking for is to build a relationship with her father that has never existed in the past, but I also think that for him it could be quite difficult to do. To add another member to a family after so many years would be a very difficult thing to do and it may be something that his other children wouldn't accept. I think that she should probably just take as long as it would take for him to respond back to her and not push the issue. Sometimes, I think pushing the issue does destroy a relationship that could have developed.

Thanks for the update, even though it seems nothing has changed. I have no advice for your friend, though.

I think perhaps she should at least ask for the courtesy of a reply as to whether he is willing to talk to her or not. And then if he doesn't reply, sadly, she should take the hint.