Do I have "Stupid" on my forehead?? Well I must have!!
@dreamweaverjan (3471)
United States
January 6, 2010 10:32pm CST
Lordy me sometimes I really think I must have "Stupid" engraved on my forehead.
Why you ask??
I have these friends and we used to be really close friends but the last year or so
we've kinda drifted apart;
Now I moved here into my new place in March and they came to check it out when I moved in
that first week, its now Jan 2010 , and tonight My friends husband came by since I now have high speed internet again he wanted to bring his hard drive over to do his updates
they have dial up and live out in the country and in this town they are just basically
screwed ( no high speed ) so anyway he comes over here and the ding dong idiot didn't
know which unit was mine...which is so funny to me as I'm the only one here who has their
place decorated to look like a lived in home you know what I mean?? So he phones me from
the truck he's sitting outside on the street in front of my place but isn't sure if he's
at the right place I told him well if you guys would COME VISIT ME..YOU'D KNOW WHERE I FRIGGIN LIVE...and I said a lot more but that is all "censored" stuff... Their son Jake
who I dearly love and is now 6 years old has NEVER been here until tonight...
It makes me mad, and at the same time it breaks my heart that my so called friends can
never pencil me in to come by and visit me so since I have my HIGH SPEED INTERNET I'm now
back on their radar and stupid me is sitting here updating their friggin machine for them;
I'm so stupid stupid stupid stupid...
do you have so called friends that use you and just abuse you?? I DO!!!!!!!
I got to give Jake his Halloween stuff him and his little sister she didn't get to come tonight she was "asleep" supposedly ...and I got to give them their Christmas presents...
For Halloween I had made them some rice-krispy treats too, I had to throw those out weeks ago as they had spoiled............
I repeat I am just so friggin STUPID....
why do I put up with it??
I really don't know except that I do "Like these people" and I dearly dearly dearly
love the kids....otherwise I'd tell them where to go ....
but after spending several hours here tonight doing all of their updates not only on
the main computer but for some of their other programs, games etc...
I just feel stupid and used....stupid and used ....
4 people like this
12 responses
@jerzgirl (9233)
• United States
7 Jan 10
Is this Tracy? You used to always be at their house and Jake at yours when you were in the trailer. Maybe they hate coming into town just like you hated moving to town? But, yeah, I know what you mean - and now I understand why you're up so late (for you). I was going to ask, but this pretty much told me. Did Jake come with his dad?
2 people like this
@dreamweaverjan (3471)
• United States
7 Jan 10
Yep! You guessed right!! I do go to their place the point is they don't come to mine;
Randy's work place is just across my back yard I mean its YARDS not even a half a block
from here. All of her family is here in town. The YMCA is across my street to the South
and yet she can't stop by with the kids...not even for a minute its always up to me
to go to their house;
They've never been to my house for Halloween not when I lived out in the country, not
when I lived in that other awful place that you have to drive by to get to most places
here in town...I've always been in spitting distance from where ever they go to do their
business in while in town;
I'm just not on their radar map anymore but SINCE OLD JAN has high speed now, NOW
they found some time to "drop by " with the machine Randy didn't plan on staying here too long but they did Jake was having a major meltdown he didn't want to leave, that
kid does love me just as I love him and like I said this is his first visit to my new place and I've been here since MARCH...its just really really sad;
Like I said I feel used...I really do it sucks!!!
@jerzgirl (9233)
• United States
7 Jan 10
I thought you guys were good friends and went back and forth!! I agree with Hatley - it's time to say "no". If they don't have time for you, don't have time for them. Just don't be available, simple as that. All the stuff you do for them, they could reciprocate once in a while in some fashion - like stopping by to show how they appreciate your friendship???
1 person likes this
@syankee525 (6261)
• United States
7 Jan 10
oh no it wont happen here. my thing is they should have been coming over before this. and since you have high speed internet and they want to start coming over. i would say something to them and ask them what and why is this now.
i have a few people who will ask if they can come and use my high speed internet once in awhile but i sure wont allow them to make a habit of it. specail if that means i or my wife cant be on the internet.
you need and should speak up to them, dont allow anyone to use you no matter if they have kids or not. i found either they will have more respect for you or they will be upset. if they get upset then they know its true.
or better yet tell them you got rid of the high speed internet and see what they say
1 person likes this
@syankee525 (6261)
• United States
7 Jan 10
there you go.. since you have a bad back and neck. (so do i) have them sholve you out. or find something for them to do for you. and i would limit them using your net. what i do since like most of my house is wireless anyways i hard wire them to my router or if they have a laptop then set them up to go wireless on my network.
there you go. tell them from now on if they want to use your net then they have to get you a router and they have to do it by networking thier computer to your net. so if they have to spend money on a router and a wireless card then that what they have to do. after a few time having to bring the whole computer over they'll get fed up of it.. lol
good luck
1 person likes this
@dreamweaverjan (3471)
• United States
7 Jan 10
HI syankee: Sorry to hear you too have neck and back injuries;
Yeah Randy said last night he was gonna have to help pay for
my cable highspeed...I **snorted** and said yeah right I'll believe
that when I see it;
I'm not gonna hold my breath on that one cause I'd just die..LOL!
who knows what all is gonna happen really?
@dreamweaverjan (3471)
• United States
7 Jan 10
HI syankee: I know what you mean and we have discussed this very thing
in the past when I was doing all of their updates using stupid dial up
now that was time consuming I made them pay then...LOL!!
but yes all of a sudden since I've had high speed again for the last
month suddenly I'm back on their radar and good Old Jan is needed here;
if it was not for the kids who I dearly love I would tell them both
where to get off and stay off and learn to do this stuff themselves;
This won't be the end of it I will get "something" for my troubles
if not money wise then I will figure out some chores for old Randy
to do for me, seeing as how I am limited to what I can do with my
neck and back injuries I will take it out with Randy's hide...LOL!
Thanks for understanding what I felt and was going through last night
and thanks for stopping by;
One way or another I will get even (G)!!
Since we had so much snow here last night hopefully I will get to
spend some quality time with the kids and not their stupid computer!
@Polly1 (12645)
• United States
7 Jan 10
No, I don't see it. You can go a long time without talking to friends and still be good friends, I do see why you would think the way you do, specially him coming by so you can do the updates since you have high speed. How often do you talk on the phone, have you been to their house since you moved and how far away do they live. I do know when your married with children time is short, there is always something that needs doing. I think its ok to use a friendship but not to abuse the friendship. it goes both ways..
1 person likes this
@dreamweaverjan (3471)
• United States
7 Jan 10
Hey Polly~doodle: Yeah Tracey and I talk on the phone, we belong to the YMCA and
do AQua-sizing ...but whenever I try to get her to bring the kids over here like all summer long, that's when the excuses start of "why" she can't come over with them;
Scroll up above and read some of my other responses I'm too tired to type it all out again
LOL! Tired, lazy, my eyes hurt and I have a massive headache...
Yep! I go to their house whenever I can or am asked too...its always up to me to be the one to do that;
they live maybe 3 miles from me 4 at the most if that??? Her husband's work place
is practically in my back yard;
like I said tonight was the first time Jake has been here since I moved here in March
its now Jan....its not right!
anyway I'm off to bed....I'm sad, I'm tired, upset, oh yeah and irritated..LOL!
I tried all summer long to get the kids over here, and I tried all summer long to take
little Jake fishing out at our farm that didn't happen either....I miss him he's a little
beast but I still miss him...(G)!!
@Thoroughrob (11742)
• United States
7 Jan 10
They are taking advantage of you, and I would let them know that is how I feel. I would tell them that if the only time they want to come around is when they need something, that they don't need to. I think we have all had a round with people like that.
1 person likes this
@Thoroughrob (11742)
• United States
7 Jan 10
Maybe you could invite them over for a pizza night or something, just to visit.
1 person likes this
@dreamweaverjan (3471)
• United States
7 Jan 10
Hi there: Yeah I've tried that too, Lots of different things but
there are always a thousand and one excuses....no matter if its
spring, summer, fall or wintertime now;
It's really sad you know?
@mzz663 (2772)
• United States
7 Jan 10
Maybe your friends have just gotten really busy....have you visited them?
I have a niece I'm really close with and she complains that I don't visit, I complain that she don't visit.
I had to call and tell her I was coming over, seems like if I make some kind of commitment, it's easier for me to hold it instead of saying to myself...I'll stop sometime soon.
Sometimes I have friends that use me and it is always a reminder to me that at least they know they can still count on me.
Maybe next time you see them, find out if there was some sort of misunderstanding that has kept them away or just that they're busy....seems the older we get the faster time slips by unnoticed.
1 person likes this
@dreamweaverjan (3471)
• United States
7 Jan 10
Hi mzz663: Yeah they are busy alright I know the two kids keep them very busy, Randy
works but Tracey doesn't I mean outside the home Jake is in school and the other one is three years old;
Oh Yeah Its always up to me to go to their home, my main gripe is that tonight was the first and only time little Jake has been here and that's only because his DAddy brought
out his stupid computer for good old Jan to work on doing his updates on everything;
I couldn't really visit with Jake with me trying to work on the computer here and Randy
his Dad being here telling me all the crap he wanted done on here you know?
Poor kid was mostly left to entertain hisself, The first 4 + yrs of his life I was always
around and there for everything and now I'm only visible when they need something from me; Its just a sad sad situation I guess I'm just gonna have to draw them a picture
because telling them using words its not sinking in at all;
Yeah the older we get time sure does fly by fast...
@sanjana_aslam (4187)
• Malaysia
7 Jan 10
hi dream .. have been in your shoes dear .. i just managed to erase mine, it was very difficult but somehow i managed to ..
how its done : stage 1 i became a "stupid" person, i ,ean pretend dumb in situations - now y dont u learn the techbical aspects of your internet server n disconnect it .. pretend u donno how to switch it back n "become a lier" n dear no harm doing this ..
children , sometimes they grow up to be like their parents , USERS , so be very careful where u shower ur love dear .. i hve been bitten by those harmless children
cheers
1 person likes this
@dreamweaverjan (3471)
• United States
7 Jan 10
HI sanjana: I know what you mean and I have done that very thing
many times over the years especially when I was the one doing all the updates
on their old computer, They've had this one not quite a year or whenever it
was that Vista came out that's how long they've had this new system;
and I swear last night was the first time any updates were done on the darn thing
I mean we are talking about TONS OF UPDATES for many of their programs..YIKES!!
I also dumped all the history on here too...ROTFL! That way they can't see
where I've been on the puter while I work on it...HA!!
They are and can be really really good people but for the most part I just
always feel so "used" by them, maybe its just me I don't know???
thanks for stopping by and for knowing and understanding my pain and frustration;
@gabs8513 (48686)
• United Kingdom
9 Jan 10
Jan you are like me as yes I have "Friends" like that to but I am learning to say no as I do not need it and I do not need the upset about it all so I just have let them go
But I have to be honest whenever they want something I am still the Stupid one
When I moved here I lost the contact with those "Friends" and I am to far away to run around after them so all I put up with now is a Friend that gets drunk and then tells me I am boring, because I do not go out, because I do not drink and how could I like my Life the way it is now, well if she had been through the Hell for 40 years I have, she would appreciate the peace and sanity I have now
Why do People think that you have to go out to be happy, why do they not understand that being a Home Person is what that Person wants
@Hatley (163781)
• Garden Grove, California
7 Jan 10
hi dreamweaverjan he he have you not heard of that little two lettered word, NO? well then suppose occasionally with these friends who come because of your new resources, say no , no as in no I cannot do that tonight or no you will need to give me some time first. also let them know how you feel when they do not come any more unless its to use your computer. be honest with them.
the friends you save maybe your own. I know you love their kids. good luck. God bless.
1 person likes this
@dreamweaverjan (3471)
• United States
7 Jan 10
HI Hatley: How are you??
Yeah I know that little two -lettered word I use it and hear it too all the time (G)!!
Oh believe me they know how Upset I've been for months now, everytime there is always
some excuse as to "why" they can't stop by, she's sick or the kids are sick or some silly
thing and I wind up having to go out to their place funny thing though its the same
distance to their house and back to mine you know? LOL!!
I don't even get invited to the kids birthday parties anymore so that too is a big old slap in my face you know?
its just a big old mess!!
They've had two different computers in the last five years and they know SQUAT about
them and how to upkeep them, Good old stupid Jan is the one who always has to come to
the rescue either at their house or they drag stuff out to mine after being ABSENT for months...it just is soooo wrong!!
Good to see you!!
@dawnald (85135)
• Shingle Springs, California
7 Jan 10
After a while it becomes very frustrating trying to keep up a one sided friendship. Sure people drift apart and get involved in their lives and so on, but if you're always the person making the effort, eventually it just isn't going to work any more no matter how much you may like them.
@Opal26 (17679)
• United States
8 Jan 10
Hey sweet jan! I wish you wouldn't talk about yourself that way~
You can't help it if you happen to be a truly and genuinely
nice, honest, and caring person! I know it sucks to be that way
and most of the time you get kicked in the azz for being that
way! I hear ya girlfriend! But, if you really are a "really
good person" than WTF? You have to learn to be mean, I guess!
Get tough, be a beotch? I don't know what to tell ya! If it
means having your guts eaten up then maybe you should! I hate
USERS! USERS ARE LOSERS! Jan, life sucks, and you know
the rest! You have to decide on how you want to play the game!
And unfortunately, the rules keep changing! I love you girlfriend,
and never forget that! I won't ever change the rules on you, I
promise! Love, Leslie
@smartie0317 (1610)
• United States
9 Jan 10
It's because you're such a kind person. Your story reminds me of my mother. For many years, over forty!, she would always be kind and generous to people who were just users and never cared for her. I told her, like I'm gonna tell you, being nice doesn't mean giving people things and letting people use you. These friends should like free loaders. I have a friend like this in a way. She's not a user, but she's very when I have time for you I have time for, but when I need you you better have the time for me. You know, that can be as drainning as someone needing financial things. She had a car, and never let me ride it in. Claiming it was due to insurance, despite all the other illegal things she did in it (like for example using handicap parking when her handicap mother wasn't in the car). It broke down the end of 09 and I didn't hear the end of it, despite never having a car of mine own and having to take two buses every day for my commute. She told me oh, when I get a car I can take you places and help you with things. She's had a new car for almost two weeks now, and is going everywhere, and hasn't offered me a ride anywhere. I don't mind, because I didn't ask or feel entitled, but people like that are annoying. TBH, I think she, along with a short list of others, will not be getting my number when I change it in November, when my plan is over. I would change it now, but it costs money and I'm short on cash for extras. Maybe you could change your number.
@Tallygirl09 (1380)
• United States
8 Jan 10
Well, what it comes down to is you are nice and sometimes nice people get taken advantage of. Kinda nice having a place like mylot to vent too. Sorry to hear that you felt used so to speak, next time, maybe let them know you can only do their updates for an hour or so as you have other things to do. And maybe if you suggest getting together between where you both live, they'd be better about it. Amazing how different things can be when one is no longer a neighbor. And this may go without saying but did you extend a special invitation to them to come over to the new place for dinner or bbq... Hopefully, now that they know the way to your door, ey'll be back. And maybe you could drop in on them too. Good friends can be hard to find, that's for sure!
