Relationships and Financial Problems

You know Laydee I bet you financial hardships is a major cause of break ups. We have financial issues all the time. My man thinks all I think about is money. He's partially right. I am not unable to relax if I have a bill pending or I owe money somewhere. Once I know all bills are paid, food is bought, all is taken care of then I can relax. We had a fire about 2 years ago where we lost everything. Our shirts literally. We are still trying to get back on the right track. I cant believe how hard it is. The sad part is that all the family and friends or people I thought were friends didnt even offer us a kind word much less a place to stay or even a meal. The one thing that I was surprised about was that when we were in dire straights we stayed together. Actually we got closer. As I said we do have fights about money but he always makes sure my pockets arent empty. Dont let finances come before love. That's a pact we made. So far, So good! Happy MyLotting my friend. dl

I am going through the same problems with my boyfriend right now. He totaled his truck a month ago so we had to get a new one because I do not drive. And I lost my job last week. It just seems like things keep coming. He wants us to not have joint savings or anything but then it comes time to pay the bills and we don't have the money. I suggested we each put aside a little money a week into an account or another safe place, that way we have money to pay the bills when it comes time to. We do fight a lot over money though and it is not the way I wanted the relationship to be. I just try to suck it up and realize that our love is more important than money and that any troubles we are having are not going to be permanent. Good Luck!

Well the bottom line is... you can't. Finances is an integral part of our lives. It effects all areas, both big and small. All your values, all your world views, all your hopes dreams, and expectations, all are effected by finances. So the idea you can find some way of dealing with finances, that isn't going to affect your relationship, is not possible. Notice how you said you didn't want financial stress causing relationship stress, but isn't that exactly what is happening? Further, you are right that money is one of the big three causes of relationship break down. However, you are trying the same solution most people try, and like we just said, that causes relationship break down. You are trying to avoid the problem. You try and avoid the subject. And you say "I hope" that it will not break you apart. But saying "I hope" and trying to avoid the topic, never solves the problem but instead makes it worse. Think of a spider or snake bite. Sure the bite itself hurts a little, but all in all you put a bandage over it, and your fine. But there's a problem... That poison or venom is still inside you. Sometimes, going to the doctor and removing that, can be very painful. We have a type of snake here that if it bites you, the doctors have to use a knife to cut away all the flesh that is poisoned. But if they do not, you die. Financial problems in relationships are exactly the same. You don't have to do anything for that poison to get worse and worse. If you just try and avoid it the problem will grow. Yes, dealing with the problem head on will hurt, but that's the only way you can cut the poison out, and start to heal. Oh and by the way, this is true of any problem in relationships. So we need to deal with the problem, and heal it, not avoid it because it's not going away. How do we do that? Well, we need to learn how to handle money, and not just how to handle money, but how to handle money as a couple. For starters, make a written budget. Determine how much money you have coming in, and where every dollar is going to. Find out how much you spend on everything. Every payment, every bill, every out of pocket expense. I heard one couple say they finally sat down and wrote out a budget, only to find that their total bills every month was greater than their income, and they had no idea. They were about to go totally broke because they never wanted to deal with their stuff. Just avoid the topic until they were completely bankrupt. So there is a good first place to start.

As early as now my boyfriend and I talk about our financials regularly. It is actually one of the topics we are very fond of and interested in. I think the best way to solve relationship problems arising from financial problems is proper financial planning. If the couple knows how to handle money and knows their limit to avoid spending beyond their means, there will not be any problem at all.

Hi, the worst part of this is trying not to talk about it and just go with the flow...I hate this situation also, I am currently on this situation but manages to cope up with God's grace...Sometimes I fall down crying, but I know this too shall pass like most of the problems in the world... Remember, Financial instability is just a test of faith...as well as shaky relationship... "So, This too shall pass..." Happy mylotting and always put God at the center of your relationship...

We sit down and talk about it. It is not something to be ignored, as it will not go away, by itself. You have to it and literally pen everything down. From top to bottom. And each one has to have their say. Any relationship will be strained, but by talking about it and solving it together, you will get threw this. Do not give up. You can do this.

I think finances is a major part of a relationship and communication is very important so that your financial situation will not affect your relationship that much. You should try to set a date with your husband (when both of you are in a fairly good mood) to talk about your financial situation and how the two of you can work together to make it better. Financial problems can either make you stronger or split the two of you apart. It also helps to be open-minded that not all of as are brought up with the same money principles and habits. We all have different money personalities and most likely you and your husband is different. You have to meet half way, to set compromises that you are both comfortable with.

I think the best thing you can do is talk about you feelings and not argue about them. Talk about how you feel and be sure not to throw blame at one another decide that you are in this together and you will get out of it together, and remember to laugh and have fun. Think of creative ways to spend time together and have fun. Decide to be partners in beating your financial problems and not enemies. Your relationship will survive this if you work as a couple and remember to keep anger and blame out of your conversations. I wish you all the best.

We cannot deny that financial issues are one of the reasons why relationships won't work out. I even know someone who is now in the process of annulling their wedding due to financial issues (those couple are both financial stable I might add). Anyway, I get the logic with this issue. Although, I don't get it at all. I mean, both of you became partners because you love each other and not because of the financial stability of the other. It would be hard to resolve this problem if the two of you are just going to keep on arguing on who fault is it. Things will get better if you guys will just compromise and work things out TOGETHER. If it's really hard to maintain sufficient funds for your living, then make a budget plan that you two will agree upon and will follow TOGETHER. Cut off the unnecessary expenses and save up some.

Financial problems are a major source of stress and a major cause of relationship problems. My husband was laid off last year and was out of work for about five months. It was hell. It was terrifying to me not to know when another paycheck would come in, and the possibility of losing our home and maybe having to put our cats to sleep (we have 8) re ally tore at me. But I did my best to keep it to myself, to encourage and support my husband's flagging spirits because he had to function and do the job searching and unemployment rigamarole. I tried to cook healthy foods that he would find a treat, to think of things we could do that were inexpensive but fun, to keep his spirits up. Any anger I felt, about why he waited so long to look for another job when he knew the project was ending, and he'd been talking about it for two or three years... Well, that wouldn't have helped things, would it? I'm sure he felt bad enough as it was. And I kept telling him that it was a numbers game, that no matter what the national job situation was, he only needed one job, and they would be lucky to get him. Things like that. I hope this helps. My husband is working now, but he dislikes his job, and is looking for something better. If you are reading this, your prayers would be appreciated. We are willing to move if necessary. I just want him to be happy and appreciated where he works.

I know how finance can be a hassle in the relationship. My boyfriend and I are basically frugal. It is because we both are students. I can still save something, but his everything goes in paying for the tuition fees and student apartment. Morever, he is in MBA student which means he extra cost and he is unemployed. The only reason why our relationship has no problem about finance is because we both hate going out. We hate going to the movies, restaurants and all other places. We just sit at home, cuddle and talk to each other everytime we meet. And if we wish for some kind of entertainment we watch free movies online. But it often goes nowhere because we are so into each other that we prefer looking into each other's eyes than anything else. However, for fresh air we did go to a park once. And sometimes we go to the hill to see the city from the top. It is always romantic. And when it comes to some kind of a holiday we give each other handmade presents. They are more meaningful than store bought gifts. And we use tools to make them that are usually less than 5 bucks. We both like creating things and we are investing all our ideas on this creativity in this relationship. But we do have obsessions with cozy stuff like teddy bears. We both make sure to buy them from sale. Even for Christmas I gave him a giant bear whose real price was 19.99 bucks, but I got it for 10 bucks because it was in sale!For food we both prefer to cook for each other. And we make sure that we are under budget when we do this. I also had a deal with him under which I would not move in with him now since we are not married. I first want him to get a job and for myself I want the MBA degree. Only then we would get married. This I have done so he gets time to become financially established.