Engagement without a ring?

Engagement ring - white gold engagement ring with a diamond.
United States
January 20, 2010 12:56pm CST
I believe that, as a woman, when it comes to this topic, you are on either side of the fence. Either love it, or hate it. Men, it is a different story.. here goes. So, there are a lot of times especially in young relationships [meaning those involved are of young age] when a guy proposes to a girl without a ring. Sometimes, they might even get married without the ring. Sometimes, it is a promise to make a promise. I know I was proposed to without a ring, but it has been 3 years and we are still waiting for the right time. It was basically his way of letting me know he is serious about a commitment I guess.:) Anyway, I wanted to ask, how do you feel about an engagement/marriage without the ring? Is the ring SUCH a big deal if you really love each other? Would you want it just to prove to people around you that you are off the market? Feel free to speak openly on this one:D
6 people like this
22 responses
@writersedge (22563)
• United States
20 Jan 10
My way of looking at it has to do with my circumstances and does not mean in any way to have anything to do with your circumstances (my disclaimer). I did not take my husband's last name. He did propose with an engagement ring and we did exchange wedding rings. Since I did not take his last name and there are some around here that my husband calls "hounds," (males that sniff around to see if you're available), it just seems like a good idea to have a ring to me. I even go by Ms. and my original last name, which I always went by. Single or married, I go by Ms. Therefore, unless my husband was around, no one would know I was married without the ring except that I do talk about him quite often, but many times by his first name and not by "my husband." I believe each couple to their own situation. He always works somewhere that I don't work. So seldom do people run across the two of us together during the day. When we volunteer or go out, people see us together, but not always people either of us work with.
@writersedge (22563)
• United States
20 Jan 10
In summary, I like the rings because I don't have men chasing me and vice versa.
2 people like this
@GardenGerty (156360)
• United States
21 Jan 10
I even resorted to wearing a ring when I was not engaged for self defense.
• United States
21 Jan 10
I like the ring symbolizing a man marking his territory. It does do its job for the most part about warding off "pochers." I will keep this in mind for the future :)
1 person likes this
@JoyfulOne (6232)
• United States
20 Jan 10
I never had an engagement ring, although we were engaged and eventually married. We were married more than 20 years, and I never missed having an engagement ring. Personally, I never wanted a ring with diamonds. For me, it would only get in the way, and I would have had to remove it for my job outside the home too. I'm a farmer, and can you imagine the germs that could lurk under a stone?! Or even the thought of losing it when you're throwing hay to the horses or mucking the stalls lol. For my job though, I was a nurse, and it's very hard to put sterile gloves on with a ring of any kind. Plus there's the germ issues, as well as possibly scratching a patient by accident. So, you either end up taking it off (and risk losing it), tape it down, or leave it home. For something that costs a lot and only gets to be worn a time or two a month, it just didn't seem worth wasting money on. I also never felt that the size of somebody's ring was representative of the feelings that went into proposing marriage. The size of the ring does not equal the size of the committment. The relationship itself is the 'big deal' and not the ring.
2 people like this
• United States
20 Jan 10
Could not have said it better myself! When I tell people I am engaged, they ask me "well, where is the ring" and it puts me in an awkward position of explaining. Eventually, I just get tired of explaining myself and tell people it is at home. I do not have time to waste on others' judgement when I am pleased in my own relationship.
1 person likes this
• Pamplona, Spain
21 Jan 10
Hiya JoyfulOne, I still have an engagement ring but it is´nt spectacular full of diamonds and things like that but it is a little tight so I keep it off my fingers and keep it where it is safe and I always know that it is there. I love diamonds but you are right too this kind of ring does not fit in with everyday work not even in the House and besides if you get to wear tights or a nice dress with viscose in the composition it can sure tear and snag them to pieces and jumpers too. So although I like diamonds and I don´t crave to have any I still think some kind of ring or bracelet or pendant is a nice thing to have. My other engagement ring I can still wear thank goodness it´s very comfortable and very easy to keep clean too. PS: I love those Horses you have there too I don´t no where else to mention it so I put it here at the bottom. We had those kind of horses at the bottom of our garden when we were small they used to tie them to our fence and they used to feed there they used them as pit ponies then.
21 Jan 10
Yes, you can't be more right. i also had an engagement ring. but i can't wear it to work either. so it's just the odd weekend which i used to wear it. but now even this is not happening. i am not very used to jewelry of any kind, so when i don't have the habit i just forget putting the ring on. sad, but true. i still love it, i even know where it is :)
@savypat (20216)
• United States
20 Jan 10
I think you need the ring to symbolize the commitment between the two of you. I had a very plain ring and he made monthly payments on it for about a year. During that year the ring was on and off my finger as the relationship progressed, but in the end it helped to keep us both focused on the goal. Plus 8 months after the wedding the first child was born. Now you can make of that what you will.
1 person likes this
• United States
20 Jan 10
I think it is different for every couple. Although I may prefer a ring, others may not, and I don't see anything strange about that. It's about the commitment two people have to each other, the ring is just a tangible sign of that. If the ring isn't there, that doesn't mean that the commitment isn't.
• United States
20 Jan 10
Exactly. We are 100% committed to each other, just because there is no ring does not mean otherwise. Yes, I would LOVE LOVE a ring, but if I cannot have one now, I am not upset, I will just wait until he can get one.
1 person likes this
@Minella (13)
• United States
20 Jan 10
I don't think a ring matters in a relationship. All it basically is is a status symbol representing to other people that you are committed. My husband bought me an engagement ring, but I didn't want or need one. I was committed to him without it, and still would be if I didn't have it.
1 person likes this
• United States
20 Jan 10
Very true. That is almost the same as marriage is only a piece of paper to some. Thanks for sharing.
1 person likes this
@bounce58 (17387)
• Canada
20 Jan 10
Maybe for a guy, a ring is like a 'keep-off-the-grass' sign. So that when the fiance is away without the guy, he would feel secure that nobody would hit on here because the ring or the sign is there. But if the guy has no insecurities, I don't see any problems having no ring. She'd for sure get a ring when they get married anyway.
1 person likes this
• United States
21 Jan 10
[[marking his territory]] :)
@dawnald (85129)
• Shingle Springs, California
26 Jan 10
It only matters if it matters to the couple involved. And it's not just the woman expecting a ring because it's tradition, a way to fend off other men, proof that the man is economically stable, etc. I bet it is also a matter of pride with some men not to propose unless he can afford a ring. But in the long run it's the strength of the relationship that is far more important that the ring or any other symbols...
@PeacefulWmn9 (10420)
• United States
22 Jan 10
Hi Chels Rings are more tradition, perhaps, than anything else, and I'm not sure when or how it began. I think it depends on the people involved...either or is fine, really. But...above all else, mutual respect, love, and things in common are the truest things that make a relationship. The ring is merely an outward symbol of things that are on the inside. Karen
@sublime03 (2339)
• Philippines
21 Jan 10
It really depends on the situation that you are in currently. An engagement ring is a symbol of a reminder that this is my promise to this special someone that I want to marry him/her. Again, it would actually be super sweet if there was a ring but if there is not due to financial issues or what not, then all you need to do is just talk about it and find a certain ground to agree on things.
@trisha27 (3494)
• United States
27 Jan 10
In my opinion, I would rather have a ring. I did have ring when my husband proposed to me. But I guess it just depends on who would see it as an engagement without a ring and who would not see it as an engagement with a ring.
@vingyan06 (2486)
• Malaysia
21 Jan 10
For me, if the man is going to propose, he should have get all the preparations, like engagement ring, flowers, gifts and all sort of things. Without anything, just a word or just by orally it is not enough. At least he done something towards the proposal, or either both the girl and the guy already know they want to settle down with each other.
• United States
21 Jan 10
Nothing wrong with him showing a little effort. If you REALLY want to spend your life with me, show me you can at least take time to prepare.. :)
@dorannmwin (36392)
• United States
22 Jan 10
I personally love my engagement ring and now my wedding ring as well. However, I don't think this is necessarily a think that is necessary in a relationship. When you are engaged, I think that the ring is really just meant to be taken as a symbol of the fact that other men need to back off because the girl is already taken. Really, I also feel that this is the reason that a married couple wears rings all the time as well. I wear my rings every minute of every day but my husband doesn't wear his all of the time because he is a machinist and it would get destroyed in his workplace, therefore he only wears his for special occasions.
• Australia
21 Jan 10
I think this has to be a personal decision. My husband and I married 34 years ago, without an engagement ring as that was unaffordable so he got me a ring from a 20 cent machine. On our 30th anniversary I received an engagement ring which is beautiful, however, the 20 cent ring means more to me and I still have it. To him 20 cents at that time was a lot of money, but he loved me and wanted to show it. I will always treasure this ring.
• United States
21 Jan 10
That is a very romantic story! I was proposed to without a rind due to money issues. That does not matter though. Our financial situation does not make or break us as a couple. I am glad we are waiting to get everything right before we take that plunge. But it is good to know that he is fully committed to me. =]
@burgas4e (62)
21 Jan 10
I don't think the ring is the most important thing really. i got want when i was proposed but even without it i would have said yes. it's not the main thing in many countries. where i come from the ring is something which became a bit fashionable the last 10-20 years, but before that there wasn't such thing. in some countries the engagement rings have an expiration date. if you don't get married in a year, after the proposal, there ahs to be another ring for the next year. so boys, have this in mind. how much you can afford to spend on a ring? rings? :)
@nicholejade (2430)
• Canada
21 Jan 10
I'm with you on this one. I never got an engagement ring either and we have been engaged for quite awhile now. Honesty I don't think that you need to have a ring to symbolize your love. You know that you love him and that he loves you. You are in a serious and committed relationship and that truly is the only thing that matters. To be honest I don't care really if he ever gives me a ring or not. Even if it's the actually wedding ring when we do marry. It's not going to change how you feel about eachother. I'd be happy with a twist tie. LOL
@cerebellum (3863)
• United States
21 Jan 10
I guess a ring isn't really necessary, but I would want one. If only to keep other guys away and save you from having to explain over & over again that your not interested. A friend of mine kind of got engaged in high school. Her boyfriend gave her a cheap ring to symbolize that he was going to get her an engagement ring. I forget what they were called, a promise ring or something like that. That was a common practice at that time. He did get her an engagement ring and they later married and are still happily married after 31 years. The commitment part is probably the most important, but it's nice to have a ring to avoid getting asked "Where's the ring?"
• Philippines
21 Jan 10
I believe that having the ring for an engagement isn't that important since this is only a material thing. Love and genuineness are more important than receiving a ring from someone who is proposing marriage to you. My boyfriend and I have been living together for quite long time and our relationship is already 6 years old now (and still counting) but he never really proposed marriage to me, or am I just confused? Well we sometimes talk about getting married when we are both ready in all aspects of life, that includes, financial, emotional, psychological and the like. But I guess this is still not the right time and I think there will no longer be proposal and engagement since all we just need is a plan. But somehow, just like any other girls out there, I wish to receive a very special ring from my lover, if possible.
@tarapot (144)
• Philippines
21 Jan 10
I think it is the man's sign of love and it will really show that he is serious about the relationship. My husband didn't actually proposed to me so it means that we don't really have an engagement ring. It was implied then that we are getting married. But when we got married we have our wedding rings. Well, every time I see my ring(I actually wear it all the time), it reminds me that my single life is over and I need to act as it is.
@foumi7 (45)
• India
21 Jan 10
hey friend. i newer think that ring is a part of engagement even me too proposed or engaged with a ring and by gods grace our marriage and our married life is going in very success...thank god. but i think for men they love it. they want their symbol,or their promise should be with their girl i think so
@Cherlove (20)
• China
21 Jan 10
I don't think a engagement ring can mean something.Without a engagement ring, he is still the person I love. Maybe in some people's view,a engagement ring means a commitment. But can a ring really let him feel responsible? or it's just a self-comforting? my parents have married for 22 years without a marriage ring, but they still live quite a happy life. I thnk the point is weather you love each other.