Can an adopted child get the same kind of love and attention from the parents

India
January 28, 2010 7:15am CST
like the normal child? One of my relatives (widow) adopted a girl baby 6 years ago. She showers her daughter with extra ordinary love, sometime I wonder whether my wife and I show that much love to our children. She is really a wonderful child. She loves me and my wife more than her mother. Now till now she is not aware of the fact that she is an adopted child. In fact this girl is so sad her dad is no more. Now if we tell her she is an adopted child, she will undergo big mental agony. On the other hand it is better to tell her the truth before some one else tells it to her. I am really worried about her... what do you think?
6 people like this
22 responses
@eshaan (6192)
• India
28 Jan 10
Yes...it happens that when a person adopts a child, it is either due to some reason that they could not have their own child..or one of the partner passes away...or some problem..and in that case their liking for the child is too much....its not that real parents don't love their children, but its the pain of not having their own, which makes their feelings more intense towards the child....in your case...someone should tell the girl but at proper time and proper age, becoz she should understand it and maybe her love for her mother grow more...
1 person likes this
• India
28 Jan 10
Hi eshaan I know you would respond this way for this discussion. It is true that this mom loves that girl more than a biological mom. I admire her mom for her love towards this girl and the girl for showing such immense love to my wife and me. Whenever some body asks her who does she love most she would instantly say my name and my wife's name and thirdly her mom's name. Her mom is a little unhappy about it as she is the one who takes care of the child mostly.
@eshaan (6192)
• India
28 Jan 10
how did u knew that i will surely respond to your discussion??? r u the king of mylot ??? i too hope to see you at my discussions..but you appear like a moon...not regular...hope to c u sometimes there KING
• India
28 Jan 10
I knew how you would respond to this discussion eshaan, like a mom can love her adopted child like her own biological child... Am I king of Mylot? Not at all. Mylot is an ocean. vijayanths is a drop of it.If I see your discussion, I would definitely try to respond to them. You are the moon (your name) I am not....
@Buchi_bulla (8299)
• India
28 Jan 10
My relative girl has adopted a girl child. They love that child so much and get everything possible for the child and try to keep her happy to the core. As you told, it is better to tell her that she is an adopted child, before somebody breaks the news for her at the wrong time.
• India
28 Jan 10
Yes, Buchi that is what worrying me. She is a darling to us. She has every right in my home like a daughter to us. Her mom loves her so much and we are really proud of them both. I am happy to have contributed a small part in the process of legal adoption of that child.
@zandi458 (28124)
• Malaysia
28 Jan 10
I have two adopted daughters myself and I have never think of them as adopted but my real children as I love them all the same along with my two biological sons. They will also inherit any properties that I have. Presently I have already bought two houses for my boys as they have reached adulthood and now I am looking for another 2 units for the girls.
• India
28 Jan 10
wow, you are really great zandi. I salute you for your attitude towards your daughters. My best wishes for them zandi, you are great.
• Slovenia
28 Jan 10
adopted or biological as already pinted out, it's really irrelevant. a child is a child and I think any parent that decides to adopt a child whether it's for not being able to give birth or any other reason, firstly will think about it and get as much info about it as possible. You have to be aware that you'll have to love them just as much as your own kids, cause whether you gave them birth or not it's you raising them, it's you teaching them, it's you who will take care of them until they're adult, so I think that you don't have to worry about whether she is getting the same kind of love as a biological child would. It's really not important, cause you take this child for your own and you don't think about it any other way when showing them love. as for telling them they're adopted I think the sooner the better, but not before you think they're ready and they'll be able to understand fully what you're telling them. Kids are very sensitive to these kinds of things, but with proper way and time of telling them they will understand. Maybe they'd want to meet their parents, but kids are very well aware that mother isn't just someone who gives you birth, but mother can be someone who raises you, gives you love and teaches you, so most kids respect that very much and don't think being adopted means you're getting less love than your siblings or peers who have biological parents.
• India
28 Jan 10
Yes xdarkshadow, sooner the better to inform her about the adoption. But we are waiting for the right time.
@thedark (156)
• India
28 Jan 10
it all depends on the parents who are adopting the child. if the parents have their own child, then it may be very difficult for the adopted child to get their love. overall, it depends on the person. it depends on their views and heart.
• India
28 Jan 10
Yeah, that is a good point. Fortunately this mom has no other children of her own.
@Hatley (164154)
• Garden Grove, California
28 Jan 10
vijayanths yes indeed an adopted child can get just as much or more love and attention from his adoptee parents as a natural birth child does. It depends on the parents but most who must adopt are filled with love for a child and need only to adopt that fortunate child to show just how much. I think that an adopted child should be told as soon as possible so she knows she is loved just as much as if her adoptee mom had given birth to her. Dont wait til they are grown as its much more of a shock then, and is truly unkind too.
• India
28 Jan 10
Hi, Hatley you are absolutely right and We are just preparing that girl for it indirectly. I used to tell her some real incidents where a few loving moms raised their adopted daughters better than the biological moms and things like that..
@Ravenladyj (22919)
• United States
28 Jan 10
I am an adopted child first off and secondly...whether a child is adopted or biological is irrelivent...My brother and sister are the biological kids and in OUR family they were treated and still are like a king and queen where as I'm the lowly peasant, street rat and am treated as such.....HOWEVER I know other adopted ppl that grew up in my area and they were treated wondderfully by their adoptive parents....I also know biological kids who were treated horribly by their parents so you see its not about whether or not the child is adopted or biological BUT more so about what the parents/caregivers are like... As for telling the little one that she is adopted...Well how old is she for starters? Secondly, how long ago did her dad pass away? Both of those things are very important factors in whether or not the child would benefit or not by beign told at this point in time....
• India
28 Jan 10
She is about 7 years old now. We adopted her when she was one year old. thanks for sharing your experiences ravenladyj.
1 person likes this
@rangasri (46)
4 Aug 10
the adopted child care is really a specialized function and due and utmost care is needed while growing the adopted child . i can narrate a real matter happened with my friend . they did not have child for nearly 20 years and atlast they have adopted a girl from an orphanage and started loving the kid and girl is also growing nicely and really that girl is a very brilliant one and too charmy and good color. after a span of another 5 years , my friend gave birth to a boy . even though the child (own) child is really a gift of god after a so long years , the parents started loving both the adopted girl and their own son at par . after few years, when both the girl and boy grown with a gap of 5 years , suddently the indifferences started. they have started to reduce the interest on the adopted girl on the firm decision that she is not their own kld and only adopted and that too after all after marriage she has to go to somebody's house and will not take care of them , so they started not showing any kind of interest or love over the adopted kid. and ultimately his will grow and grow and all of a sudden at her age of nearly 22 the adopted girl has almost become a slave or even like a servant of them and finally she ended her life by hanging herself in a rope . that is why i am telling the adopted child is to be grown in due and utmost care and you should not opt for or go for your own child . this is really a pathedic situation and it is to be avoided.
• United States
4 Aug 10
Of course a adopted child can receive the same amount of love.I think an adopted child should be told the moment they are old enough to understand what adopted means. It is better that she/he learn it from the parents she knows than a mean child at school or from someone else when they are in their teens. It will break their trust in the only parents they know..As long as they know they were Wanted and loved it should be ok.
• United States
29 Jul 10
My husband was adopted at birth and his adopted parents loved him kust as much as if she had given birth to him. When his adopted parents decided to adopt they told the family up front that this is their son and that he deserves to be treated the same way as any other child in the family. There was never any favoritism. My husband has always been told that he was adopted. His parents never kept it hidden and if they wanted to ask questions he was allowed to. My husband has always been grateful that his parents told him that he was adopted. When he was really young his mom told him that it was a special angel who brought my husband to them.
@ronaldinu (12439)
• Malta
10 Apr 10
I do agree that children should be told the truth from a young age. They should be given information little by little. Information that they can can grasp and understand. I think revealing bit by bit information would be helpful. If she has suffered the loss of her father it is a bit unwise to tell her the truth right now. But give her time and space and I do believe that she should be told the truth.
@besthope44 (12135)
• India
3 Apr 10
Well, this is a good question. I feel its purely depends on the mentality of the parents. How they take up the child and the love for them. Well its good to tell the truth at right age for the child to accept the fact.
@Rvd007 (95)
• India
24 Feb 10
I think you guys should i have tell her becauz if u will tell now she wont get much shocked as she will tell by others.............SO better u tell her
@varron (453)
• Philippines
2 Feb 10
Love and attention to an adopted child depends in the mutual interaction between the parents and the child. Its better to tell her in a nice way that she came from another way around. If you are worried about the heartaches,it is only minimal if the child learns the reality from others who might tell her. So better tell her the truth.Explain to her that she is very much important or still important event though she was an adopted. As you tell her, show love for her, more than before.
@srganesh (6344)
• India
30 Jan 10
In this case,as she is the only kid in the family,she will not lose any love and care.In some families after they adopt a kid,they have one with their own blood and they start acting indifferent to the first one.That is really cruel.Well,here what is the age of the girl child now and do you believe she has the mental maturity to digest the fact?Then go on telling the truth as she has to know it one day.
@madteaparty (2757)
• Japan
29 Jan 10
I have some relatives with adopted children, and they take care of them and love them as if they were their biological children . Also, they decided to tell the kids the truth as soon as they had enough age to understand the concept of being adopted. The kids understood it and they still live happily with their parents, so I guess that this should be the right thing to do.
• India
29 Jan 10
Regarding the love part, I don’t think there’s any difference really in the parents love for biological child and adopted child…even if there is, then it’s the parents shortcoming which they should overcome. To adopt a child is always a willful, conscious, adult decision and after that, in no way should that child be made to feel unwanted or less loved. However, the unfolding of truth is something which I really don’t know how to get about…I would like to know how parents who have adopted, specially in india, tell their child the truth! What does the lady say? Is she comfortable with telling the truth or does she want to wait a few more years? If she does want to wait, then people around her should respect that decision though as much as you and me know our neighbours, tongues are already wagging and it’s a race really as to who should spill the beans first!
@Pose123 (21660)
• Canada
29 Jan 10
Hi vijayanths, I agree that she should be told this by her mother and not someone outside the family. It is best that the child be told as early as possible so I would not delay it any longer. If there is someone that the mother can get expert advice from on how best to tell her. I would advice it. The point is the child must understand that although she isn't her birth mother, she is the one who has loved and taken care of her and in that sense is her real mother. I hope that things go will for both mother and daughter. Blessings.
@bingchen (1126)
• China
29 Jan 10
actually it is worried problem.she have this right know the truth when she grow up.it seems cruel for her to know the truth.but we could not change this truth.when she can keep the age which she can undergo responsiblity i think that she have right to know this.because of family's love and care,she can analyse your good intention cherished and finally she accept the truth.i believe she still leave those love her around.
@visalusha (132)
• Australia
29 Jan 10
One of my relatives adopted a few months old girl child in a different caste.All the people around them told that they would have adopted the child from the same caste itself.That family is treating that child like an angel.Her first birthday was celebrated in a very grand manner. I feel very happy to see you all involved in the adopting issue.According to me I feel you have to tell the child the truth before any one says to her.This will lead to a wrong thoughts in that child.Be very careful in expressing the issue to her.Prepare yourself and the child too.