If your guest's child asks for the toy that your child has, will you give it?

India
February 3, 2010 5:56am CST
Once my friend's niece (6 years old) asked for the odd shaped steel cup, in which my daughter was drinking milk. She was pestering my friend. So I washed that cup and gave it to her. My daughter, who was also of the same age, did not tell anything that time. But later she kept her face small and was angry with me. She said, 'You know how much I like that steel glass. Everyday I drink milk in that cup only. How can you give that to somebody? You could have given anythingelse. You did not care for my sentiments.' I searched for that cup, but I did not get the same type. I bought something similar but my daughter was not satisfied. Even now I cannot make out as to what I did is right or wrong. What is your opinion about this? Can you share your thought please?
2 people like this
8 responses
@yugasini (12836)
• Anantapur, India
3 Feb 10
hi buchi_bulla, before giving that cup to the other person,you have to take prior permission from your daughter,you convince your daughter there is lot of satifaction in giving than the taking,you tell sorry for that and ask any other thing for the replacement of that cup,you have done write and wrong thing,have a nice day
2 people like this
• India
3 Feb 10
Yes Yugasini, I made a mistake. Today I asked for sorry. She forgot that incident. But a small pain always remains in my heart that I made a mistake and hurt my child's sentiments. Nannu nene kottukovali mari. eE vayasulO vere evaru nannu kodatharu?
1 person likes this
@vandana7 (72434)
• India
4 Feb 10
Nenu inka batike unnanu Buchi_bulla. LOL (I am still alive).
1 person likes this
• India
6 Feb 10
Oh God yugasinigaru, EE thuntari ammayi eppudu chetilo choppadhantu pettukoni, evarini kodathamani thiruguthunnadi, Naku bayanga unnadi. (This girl is keeping a stalk in her hand and running around to see whom she can beat, I am afraid).
@vandana7 (72434)
• India
3 Feb 10
Hi Buchi_bulla, I have faced similar situation. I have a guest's child, and he often asks for some coin collection that is there somewhere in my cupboard, which he at times sees. :) I find it strange that his parents look at me to see my reaction instead of correcting him. At times I tell him I will give it to you when you grow up, and at other times, I just ignore him. I think if we give in, the child gets into habit. So it is not right. It is the duty of the parent to counter it. Fine you want that glass, then you should give something in exchange and then mention something that the child likes very much. Once an equivalent exchange is fixed, the child is forced to back out. But few people do it. They are so keen that their child be indulged. Under such circumstances, denying own child is bad. At least I think so. Because the child might feel loved less. If others are being shrewd, we can at least be normal.
• India
3 Feb 10
True. I made a mistake. It is not the small steel glass that matters. I put down my child's personal liking. I thought I was doing good thing. But actually I did a foolish thing. Today, after putting this discussion, I told her I felt sorry for that incident. She said, 'it is ok mumma, what I will do with that glass,'. But these words are told today. But she was hurt that day. I wish no one will make this mistake.
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@vandana7 (72434)
• India
3 Feb 10
I am very clear on some issues, am I not? :) Anyway, next time you can advise somebody else.
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@Ravenladyj (22936)
• United States
3 Feb 10
In a situation like that I would have told my friends child that THIS TIME she couldnt use it becuase my child already was BUT NEXT TIME she can use it...then I would explain to my child that sharing is a good thing and that next time it would be very nice of her to let the other little one use that cup..
2 people like this
• India
3 Feb 10
This is a good suggestion. But my friend was from some other state and never came to my house again. But on that occasion, may be I should have told this and tackled the situation easily. Thanks Ravenladyj, you are well practical. It did not strike me.
1 person likes this
@Sreekala (32783)
• India
4 Feb 10
Hi Buchi, Actually I feel for your daughter, you could have asked her permission before giving to other child, if she denies in front of the other girl, she (the other girl) may realize her mistake. If I am in your friend’s position I won’t take the cup from you (I appreciate your generosity but at the same time I want to discourage the child with me). I can convince the child by telling that this is not a good habit. I liked your daughter’s nature, she didn’t tell anything at that time, since her age was 6 at that time she really need appreciation of her silence. Later she expressed her unhappiness but she didn’t tell anything in front of them.
• India
4 Feb 10
My daughters never let me down in front of others Sreekala. They are gems. That is why, even after so many years, I feel for hurting her heart, though it was a small matter. But it was a lessen for me. I feel you are shrewd. I do not think you will make such mistake and hurt our house angel.
@vandana7 (72434)
• India
4 Feb 10
Hi sreekala, dont you think when we appreciate such qualities in a kid, we sort of impose a burden on the child to behave in a particular way. Indirectly, the child never ever comes out with what he or she should oppose at all costs when the problem occurs. Moreover, if the child is silent most of the time (read adjusting), if she opposes at any time, people feel quite comfortable to over ride her wishes! I have seen this happen quite ofen because the child falls into some mould! :( It takes a very sensitive person to realize what is happening and prevent the child's wishes being overridden. I would personally expect my child to be open about her wishes, manners be damned.
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@vandana7 (72434)
• India
4 Feb 10
Manners if others show some manners. he he
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• Canada
3 Feb 10
My mother taught me never to ASK for things as a child, and I hold guests up the same way. I do my best to offer what I have to them that is available, but I will not take something away from another relative just because someone asks for it. People need to know that they can not have everything that they ask for.
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@vandana7 (72434)
• India
4 Feb 10
1 person likes this
• India
4 Feb 10
The quality I like most in you is, you set forth some principles for you and you stick to it no matter what may come. I am weak in it. This discussion should make me strong mentally to follow my principles in any situation. May be I have to practice and get it. Thanks danishcanadian, I always watch for your response eagerly.
@2babita (1074)
• India
10 Feb 10
Well,sometimes it become very hard to say no,but i always keep my children's things seperate.From my heart i can't give the items in which my children eat and the dresses they wear,leaving this i can share anything.
• India
10 Feb 10
That is the correct attitude 2babita. I was wrong.
• Singapore
5 Feb 10
Oh, I have many such experiences before. Sometimes we have guests with children and their children will want toys from my house. I will normally ask my children first and explain and if they say OK, I will go ahead and give the toys away. If it happens that the toys are my children favourites, I will explain to my guest and maybe give something else instead. Personally, I will train and warn my children to avoid this kind of situation whenever we go to other people's house. But children will be children.
1 person likes this
• India
6 Feb 10
Even I trained my children not to ask anything with outsiders. But guests' children ask for it. What to do?
@vathsala30 (3728)
• India
4 Feb 10
I do not think I will give my children's belongings to any one without their permission because when I know that they are using it with much enthusiasm I feel guilty to give it to someone else even though they are the children of our best friend instead I will try to get the same toy or cup and present the child so that both my child and the child of my friend will be having the same each for themselves and I also feel that I have done some justice to both
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• India
4 Feb 10
My friend Rani came for a while and brought her niece with her. They were leaving immediately to other state. The cup I bought in an exhibition and no way I will get it immediately. In fact later on also I did not get it. So buying another similar one and giving it to the guest's child is out of question. I should have told the child that I will give her next time. This I did not do. That was my mistake for which I feel sorry always. Thanks for the response.