As one grows older…………….

@dpk262006 (56730)
Delhi, India
February 24, 2010 3:59am CST
Hi friends, for all of us growing old are natural in our lives and we found around us many older people, be it our parents or relatives. It is also a true fact that everyone who comes into this world becomes older one day. I have observed some older persons, who feel insecure as they grow older. It could be financial insecurities, economic insecurities or emotional insecurities. Older people sometimes feel less confident and their insecurities make them feel in their hearts that somebody should be around them to support them to give them a helping hand, in their old age. What are your views, thoughts and experience on this issue? Thanks in advance.
9 people like this
35 responses
@Genericbe (1378)
• Philippines
24 Feb 10
My view about what you shared is that, growing older is a natural biologic process we cannot change but accept the reality that all of us will end old as time goes by. Regarding the factors that contributes to one's coping mechanism as getting old. IT in one's personal decision, views and expression how to face his time. All feelings has something to do with the people around him and the affections given to him. If a person has an positive view about his life and well accepted the things and able to prepare himself for the future. Then I guess, growing older for him is just a physical formation but not in thought and heart. If he deliver active mind and good lifestyle, he can deal with this stage well and overcome any stress factors in life.
2 people like this
@dpk262006 (56730)
• Delhi, India
24 Feb 10
Hi Genericbe! Welcome to my post. Thanks very much for being the first one to kick start the discussion. It is true that growing older is natural biological process and we all have to grow old one day. I think you mean to say that one's personal experiences and those who are around him, help that person to build a mechanism to cope up with old age. Growing older may only be a physical phenomenon, but does old age brings insecurities in one mind? What are you own experiences in this regard?
1 person likes this
• India
24 Feb 10
The faster I age and nearer my end the better for me Deepak…seriously, you know so much about my personal thoughts and life and struggles…you see whatever happens Deepak, most of us have lots of dreams in our teenage years and early youth. Gradually we pursue them, some get lost, some we understand are beyond our means…all said and done, by the time we are in our mid-youth, most of us have settled down to our careers and then comes marriage and then kids and then what??? No matter how much more you earn or how much your parents have kept for you…its still the same for everybody…the same struggles, the same uncertainties, the same stress, the same insecurities…we all have to walk our lives ourselves and the faster this journey ends for me the better. I hope to steal a few years down the line…maybe after 50 by which time hopefully most of my responsibilities would be over and take a last chance at listening to myself for a change…free of the compulsions of job and mannerisms of family life…that’s all. Believe me Deepak I have no wish to ever turn my life and be young again
1 person likes this
@kalav56 (11497)
• India
24 Feb 10
Hi Sudipta! WHat is going on now? You write such wonderful responses normally and I hopw to be around for at least 15 years more to come and keep reading your responses.
• India
25 Feb 10
Oh Kala...have no fear, I'll be here till time permits me...its only that I am becoming (or trying to become) more spiritual these days and the futility of life and living it to the fullest, is gradually opening up to me. Its a kind of realisation that no matter what scales you rise to, in some basic ways you are no different from the man on the street and after all this game is over, you take nothing with you but complete freedom...it is that ultimate freedom I'm looking forward to. I'm in no rush, I'll do my responsibilities, I enjoy my challenges and I hope to leave as a wonderful mother, a valuable companion and as a friend to you all...when my time comes.
1 person likes this
@kalav56 (11497)
• India
25 Feb 10
Thanks Sudipta ! For a moment I was wondering what had got into you.
@Roseo8 (2947)
• India
24 Feb 10
Hi dpk...Guess what...I havent seen you around much after your famous discussion on bath towels.....I have been feeling lonely,insecure and wondering whether its old age creeping up to me that was making me miss your discussions so much......Your discussions always make me feel that someone is always around to give me a helping hand in my old age....and to keep me entertained.... Ok jokes apart ..Dpk its only natural for people to feel insecurity of one form or other.....For some its their failing beauty/appearance,,and failing health that makes them feel so.For others its loneliness stemming from loss of loved ones or moving away from family,fo others its loss of income after retirement....I guess people have to be practical and learn to accept old age and to face bravely what it has in store for them.....
1 person likes this
@dpk262006 (56730)
• Delhi, India
1 Mar 10
Hi Rose! What I understand is that you are going to cope up with your old age in a wonderful manner and you will cross all hurdles, be it health or financial matters (You are quite young and it will take many years, before you come into the bracket of being called old). I hope your advice - that people need to accept the realities of life says a lot. Thanks for sharing your views. Deepak
@allknowing (85596)
• India
24 Feb 10
There are certainly no two ways about it. When one is younger one is mentally and physically able to fend for oneself but old age robs these faculties necessitating for the oldies to look around for support which sad to say is not available these days. There are countless seniors languishing in their homes living solitary lives having lost their spouse, children having left the shores seeking greener pastures. The only recourse left would be to shift to senior homes having no other alternative.
1 person likes this
@dpk262006 (56730)
• Delhi, India
24 Feb 10
Hi allk! Your thoughts prompt me to say and sum up that it would be better if older people are 'independent' and fend for themselves because old age is certain to come in one's life. Those who are without their spouses or without the support of their children, feel much worse. In many countries 'senior homes' are not available to stay for older people. Thanks for such a touching thoughts.
1 person likes this
@towongfoo27 (2989)
• United States
24 Feb 10
I think older adults need support and encouragement from the community, their friends, and their family to keep enjoying life despite setbacks like health issues and loss of finances. I know I would not want to grow old alone with only my thoughts to accompany me, and it would be nice if the community were there for me, too. I have always told my mom that when she gets older (she is now 58), I would take care of her, because I love her. She has always shown me kindness, even when I didn't do anything to warrant it, so I want to show her some in return.
@dpk262006 (56730)
• Delhi, India
24 Feb 10
HI tow! Welcome to my discussion. I appreciate your positive and warm attitude and of course your wonderful response. I fully agree with you that older ones need support and encouragement from the community and above all their immediate family members. It is really sweet and very kind of you, on your part that you have assured your mother that you would look after her, when she grows older. I think, your mother must have feat very proud of you, hearing your statement. I wish that all in the world could think in the positive way, as you think.
1 person likes this
@Opal26 (17686)
• United States
24 Feb 10
Hi dpk! I think that I qualify as an "older person"! And I will say that I am starting to feel a bit scared about what will happen to me if I should fall ill or I am not able to take care of myself! I have no family, except my Mom, who God Bless her, just turned 80 years old 4 days ago! Now she has the same concerns, but she has me! I have no one! It is a scary thought! I have no children, not married, not anyone that I could count on! So, what would I do if something did happen and I couldn't care for myself? I don't ever want to end up in a Nursing Home or Senior Residence! That was always my Mom's fear and she will never have to because I will never let that happen! So, hence my dilema!
@dpk262006 (56730)
• Delhi, India
1 Mar 10
Hello Opal! I can well understand your apprehensions about old age and its affects on you. When one is without family s/he start feeling insecure. But God willing, everything would be alright for you and you will continue to live a very good life for years to come, my best wishes are with you. Did you get my PM, intimating my email ID? Deepak
@Opal26 (17686)
• United States
1 Mar 10
Hi again dpk! Yes, I did get your email addy and thank you! I will write you a PM soon, I promise! I was just busy trying to reach payout!lol
@dpk262006 (56730)
• Delhi, India
3 Mar 10
Am waiting for your PM/mail anxiously.
@kalav56 (11497)
• India
24 Feb 10
Hi Deepak! Old age is a very difficult thing and the process of growing old is another.People have different stages of this same old age--some start feeling old when they are 50 while others feel sprightly and young even in their seventies. It is absolutely true that insecurities would loom large in old age, moreso when the people become quite infirm and dependent.Some people have the fighting spirit and they fight hard to keep themselves self dependent while there are others who are just the opposite.I have seen a few people and the most admirable are my father and an old aunt of my husband.My father was suddenly paralysed when he was at the peak of his profession but fought wiht his incoherent speech, incapacity,[on one side valiantly for 18 years +. He never ever did show any insecurity and a person of less mettle wowuld have made life hell for those around. THis aunt had elephantiasis and was all alone in a huge house till the age of 85 . On the other hand , some people would like to be dependent and weak because it gives them the much craved attention. As people grow old, theri children get families of their own and their attention would get divided [what with their own careers, wife/husband, household worries,children etc..,].At this point starts the problem , especially if they want someone to do everything for them. My grandparenets identified themselves with my parents and stayed till theri last with us [when I was unmarried].THey had their frailties and health problems but they did not show much insecurity.They could relate to us grandchildren and I have even stayed with my grandfather when he was hospitalised for some surgery. They were part of the household and this was all pretty natural. People like my parents and parentsinlaw fall in the second category of being independent till their last.WHen money is not an issue of insecurity, the problems are relatively less.But here there is another problem of less adjustment.[older generation of people born in 1890s to1900 were more willing to be dependent and adjusting than the generation born in 1925+ to 1940--have seen my uncle etc.., When financial problems are also there [with increasing health care costs] it becomes a real problem. On the whole old age is definitely a difficult one, with plenty of insecurities and if the old people want a helping hand they should be given it according to what the doctors prescribe.But they should not take emotional advantage of children because this will lead to a rift in relationships.THey must learn to be self dependent at home and have slightly less wants[within their capacity].
@dpk262006 (56730)
• Delhi, India
24 Feb 10
Very well said Kala! Your wrote your heart out. You summed up very well and analysed the issue very discreetly and I am really impressed to see your analysis of old age situations and how old people tackle those situations. It is true that one's inner will-power and inner mental strength help him/her face the adversaries of old age. If one is strong enough, he can fight any situation, as you have given the example of your father and of your aunt. And there are some, who always want attention of others and become dependent on others. I think those who can sustain their lives in an independent manner and can fight the odds, are better quipped to face this world. I agree with you that it would be better to remain 'independent' rather than 'dependent' on family members and there would be a less chances of rift between the two generations. Many thanks for such a wonderful and detailed response.
1 person likes this
@kalav56 (11497)
• India
24 Feb 10
Actually DEEPAK! I only mean thta we must be independent in the sense that we should be a bit non-interfering and occupy ourselves with our own activity in old age-it can be anything, be it reading, listening to music if our hearing is good, meditating, reading religious books whatever but I would definitely be physically dependent on my child.I do not wish to have an independent establishment wherein I can do as I wish and be totally free from family.I would only like to evolve a style as that of my grandparents .I have also seen other elderly couples living a self contented life without feeling insecure and putting pressure on their sons or daughters..I am also aware that these insecurities would rear their ugly heads but I pray to God to give me enough maturity and wisdom to handle myself.
• Philippines
25 Feb 10
Good day dpk, Literally speaking, getting older takes place from the moment of birth till the body gives up on this life. Everyday is a process of development, maturation and preparation for the future. The quality of a person's life depends on choices that he makes every single day. One reaps what he sows. Getting old should not be something to feel insecure about. It happens to everyone, no one is exempted. It's a matter of attitude. If one knows how to keep himself physically and mentally fit instead of sitting in a corner, moping and brooding, he can choose to be physically active and at the same time, continue to learn through research and to interact with people. Technology has come to the point that people who are retired can use the www to benefit from it. For example, mylotting gives people, including the old, the chance to express their ideas and learn new things. In that way, they don't feel left out and won't have the time for self-pity. Some may be tempted to ask, "Learn new things, what for?" Hey, there is so much in this world to learn, one cannot expect to learn everything in a lifetime. If an old person is disabled, the younger generation can very well be of help to them. If this old person had been good to them, I am sure that to them, helping out would be a pleasure rather than an annoying chore. What goes around comes around. Good always begets good. Anyway, no one, young or old, has to feel lonesome at anytime. Let's bear in mind that Someone is always with us if we believe in Him. Faith is all we need. Have a lovely day, dpk!
@dpk262006 (56730)
• Delhi, India
3 Mar 10
Welcome to my discussion Bami! I have seen your response for the first time in my post and am impressed to read your elaborate and logical response. It is true the moment we are born, aging process starts. And everyone has to become older one day or the other. It largely depends upon one's attitude, how s/he copes with the old age insecurities. Thanks for enriching the post, I can say, one of the best responses so far.
1 person likes this
• Philippines
5 Mar 10
Thank you very much, dpk, nice to "meet" you. Mylot is a great place to acquire knowledge, learn about other mylotters' valuable opinions and share ideas. Your kind and generous comment about my response is tremendously appreciated. Have a joyful day. :)
@zed_k4 (17624)
• Singapore
25 Feb 10
I agree. As someone grows old, insecurities might be formed and in turn, he/she will turn to their children, love ones and etc to take care of them. Sometimes, there can be expectations that are too much and it might be over-bearing on the children involved. While on the other hand, there are the elders whom do not want to disrupt the peace of their children and love ones and just 'suffer' alone. And on some sad cases, the children do not care for their feelings, which can be really sad. I think this is going to be a problem for everybody once they reach an old age. They would either wonder about their lives, start worrying but there are also some that embrace their ages gracefully and filling their senior years with fun activities which are relaxing.
@dpk262006 (56730)
• Delhi, India
3 Mar 10
Hello zed! If one feels dependent on his/her children, s/he would turn to them in his/her old age and it is true that every old man/woman have some expectation from their children. It becomes really sad when children ignore their parents. I think most of the old age persons face similar kind of situations. Thanks for joining and sharing.
1 person likes this
@zed_k4 (17624)
• Singapore
3 Mar 10
You are very welcome, dpk.. You said it true.. there are lots of elderly persons out there whom are being ignored by their successful children..and at the same time, there are also very good children that do not forget their parents as well.
@dawnald (84075)
• Shingle Springs, California
24 Feb 10
Insecurity about my health maybe, otherwise no...
@dpk262006 (56730)
• Delhi, India
3 Mar 10
Hello daw! Is not insecurity about health could be cause of great concern for an old fellow? I think if one is not keeping good health in her/his old age, s/he would feel insecure? Thanks for joining.
1 person likes this
@dawnald (84075)
• Shingle Springs, California
3 Mar 10
Yes, indeed!
@Sreekala (32783)
• India
24 Feb 10
Hi Deepak You have clearly mentioned that the aging is a natural process and it means nobody can control the same. The feelings on old age may be different with people to people. However there is a common feeling that, nobody needs the old people. I have heard many times from old people, that ‘oh.. I am getting old now what I can do for you people..’ this has given a clear picture about their attitude when getting old. In old age they need support from their children, mentally, physically, financially, emotionally etc to remove these kinds of feelings. It is the duty of the younger generation to make them feel comfortable. Unfortunately the younger people are busy with their own job, family etc so the old people are getting negligence from their kids though it is unintentional.
@dpk262006 (56730)
• Delhi, India
24 Feb 10
Hi Sree! Very nicely written and described. I agree with you that feeling of getting older, would differ from person to person and it could not be the same everywhere. The feeling that 'older people are not useful or nobody wants them' is very depressing kind of feeling. I think, those who are connected with us should not feel this way. We should try out best to support them and lift their moral. Many thanks for your thought provoking response.
1 person likes this
@Sreekala (32783)
• India
24 Feb 10
Thank you very much for the appreciation. My in-laws are the energetic old people infront me and the reason is the care they are getting from their children and grandchildren.
@whyaskq (7531)
• Singapore
25 Feb 10
I do not agree that as one grows older, one feels insecure due to financial, economic and emotional reasons. In my opinion, one feels insecure because he does not know what to expect. It is not that when we are young, we do not feel insecure. We do feel insecure but because we are young, we know we have the energy and courage to remain vibrant and face fear fearlessly. As for the old, they feel insecure because they lack the energy and strength, not because they choose to, but because it is part and parcel of the aging process.
@dpk262006 (56730)
• Delhi, India
1 Mar 10
Hi why! Would you yourself feel insecure when you grow older or this possibility is ruled out because you feel that you will ever remain highly energetic and you can cope up with any situation be it concerning your health of financial matters?
@paula27661 (15898)
• Australia
25 Feb 10
I will be 49 this year and yes physically I am getting older and my body has its own special ways of not letting me forget! In the last couple of years I have learnt a great deal about myself and I have more of an idea what will do in my life and what will not do! I find my mind is clearer than ever. I just wish my body would keep up! There is a certain insecurity as one approaches old age because there is a certain idea that once one is old and gray he or she will inevitably be useless and in everyone’s way which is totally untrue of course but society has it that old people are not as worthy for some reason instead of treasuring their wisdom.
@dpk262006 (56730)
• Delhi, India
3 Mar 10
Hello Paula! I can understand your predicament and your notions about old age and we all know that this stage is inevitable. It is incorrect to think on Society's part, that old people are not worthy. In fact, with experience on their back, they can help a lot to others. Hope you would always remain young, and ignore Society's uncalled for comments for old people. Many thanks for writing and sharing. Deepak
1 person likes this
• India
24 Feb 10
I dont know whether i would be able to help someone or not but on one thing i am quite sure --- i would certainly be tehre for my parents. and help them out tll the end. i see in many places that the parents are not treated well and this is something i dont like i wouldnt want such a thing to happen to my parents...
@dpk262006 (56730)
• Delhi, India
3 Mar 10
Hello apo! Very noble thoughts by you and I wish this could be read by your respect parents. I think they must be proud on you.
@zandi458 (27948)
• Malaysia
24 Feb 10
Hi dpk, It is a fact, we can't stay young forever. Many people who are far-sighted should have prepared for their retirement. Those who has preparation for the old age should be reaping the fruit of their labor when they are no longer strong to provide for themselves. And again that is where our children come into picture. They will be our pillars when we are old. I hope to be aging not only gracefully but armed with financial security which I hope not to be financial burden to my children as they too have life to lead. All I expect from them is love and affection which will secure my emotional well-being.
@dpk262006 (56730)
• Delhi, India
1 Mar 10
Hello Zandi! I can understand that if one have a reliable and mature children one can feel secure in his/her old age. I presume that you are also banking upon your children and they will prove pillars for you, when you need them. Thanks for sharing your views. have a great day! Deepak
@saphrina (31738)
• South Africa
24 Feb 10
I agree with the emotional and financia strain that our elders need to live with. But that is why we as their children need to supprot them every step of the way. We have to be their helping hand and give some support. They are our elders, after all. TATA.
@dpk262006 (56730)
• Delhi, India
1 Mar 10
You are right Saphrina. How much support do you give to your elders and how much support would you expect from your younger generation?
@maximax8 (30059)
• United Kingdom
24 Feb 10
I am in my late thirties and I am beginning to feel rather old. I know one sixty something person that acts younger than me. I think therefore that a person is as old as he or she feels. I have heard of the term 'young at heart'. I know a young person that has a mature mind. Teenagers can feel young, happy and free. They can enjoy partying and studying to get decent qualifications. People in their twenties tend of work and have a great social life. Some people settle down with a partner and many of these have children. A person that buys a home will have to pay household bills. That is a time of maturity. I imagine that people in their forties feel secure in life. Those in their fifties look forward to retirement. I guess that retirement is enjoyable if the person has enough money. I believe that older people should be helped and given a comfortable time in life. I think that old people should feel happy that they have retired. Hopefully each of them has enough money for the household bills. He or she should be respected in the local community. We all get old and so he or she should be treated with kindness.
@dpk262006 (56730)
• Delhi, India
1 Mar 10
Hi maxi! You mean to say that when people retire successfully, they should feel secure because when they retire they make adequate arrangements for themselves for their old age. Thanks for sharing your considered views.
@kiran8 (15324)
• Mangalore, India
24 Feb 10
Hi deepak, I agree that as we grow older our priorities and perceptions change a great deal. I feel that one tends to give far more importance to things like developing better relationships and leading a qualitative life rather than give too much importance to money and wealth. There may be some who become insecure because of failing health and may be monetary reasons...I have seen my mother who is a quiet person, but, giving all of us, children and grand children the support and guidance when required, and I feel that only an older person is able to do that because of the experience and wisdom that comes with age..I also feel that it is very important for everyone to make sufficient provisions for the future while you can so that you dont have to depend on anyone..all the best deepak and great evening
@dpk262006 (56730)
• Delhi, India
25 Feb 10
Hi Kiran! I appreciate your considered views and it is true that in old age one tries to develop better relationship and wish to leave a peaceful life, rather than running after money. Irregular health can surely make one insecure in his/her old age and that could be a worrying factor. It is good that your mother is always available for your guidance and she gives her necessary support to all of you. Making sufficient provisions for the future, will save old people from lots of hardships, which they may face otherwise. Many thanks for your wonderful response. have a nice day! Deepak
@SViswan (12071)
• India
22 Mar 10
Well, I'm sure that it is true that older people might feel insecure and might need their loved ones around them. But I also feel that the previous generation to mine (my parents' generation) have saved up for themselves and made arrangements for themselves. They know or think that they cannot depend on their children to take care of them in their old age. They think ahead that their kids might be working abroad or in a far off place where it might not even be right to impose on them to leave their jobs and other responsibilities and look after them in their old age. They are practical and think ahead. But they are humans and they sure feel insecure even with everything taken care of. It's an emotion that cannot be helped...and one cannot ask them not to feel that way.
• Bangladesh
9 Mar 10
Well, friend. When people (e.g. our parents) get old, they expect much love, affection and proper care from us. It's our duty to provide these feelings as much as possible. If we can deliver these things to them, they don't need to ask for physical, financial/economical and emotional securities to anyone. As their beloved offspring, we must stay alert to take necessary care and pay attention to them always. And those who have no offspring to take care of them, we the civilized citizens of the society should carry out our responsibility to them. Because, we are human beings, the supreme creatures made by Allah, not beasts. We must stay aware of all of the society for well-being. Have a nice society.