When guest overstays..............
By udayrao2
@udayrao2 (781)
India
March 5, 2010 6:48am CST
I had this problem when a guest overstayed recently but luckily stayed only a fortnight more than planned but till he actually left we were not sure whether he would really go at all.
This because I remember the last time this problem occured was when I was married about about a year and relocated to a new city. After we were settled there my cousin also happened to be transferred there to the same city and since he needed about a week to a fortnight's time to scout around for his own separate place I, out of goodness told him that he could stay with me, but then even after a month he showed no signs of moving out nor was he looking for another place. My wife was bearing it patiently as he was my cousin and also there is an old Sanskrit phrase which translated means" Guest is like God." so that was her policy!!! And then it was more than 3-4 months with no signs of his moving out and even if I asked him to go he was good at getting good excuses to continue. And then I think Providence came to my rescue as he got a new job and shifted out of that city. After that I am wary of inviting people to stay as it is difficult to get them out when they overstay.
What, my friends, would you do in a situation like this with guests overstaying? How would you actually get him out? and have you had similar experiences? Would you care to share. Thanks
3 people like this
10 responses
@vandana7 (99063)
• India
5 Mar 10
Hi udayrao, my cousins did that. In fact, my father's sister's and my father's brother's families did "free loading" for years. Much later, my father had differences with his brother, but his sister managed to reconcile them. This led to my paternal cousins staying at our place. Having lost substantial wealth to feeding these free loaders, my father went on sending messages to me, asking me to get rid of them. I just couldnt bring myself to tell them. After about 6 months, when my cousin's wife got pregnant, I got a chance to put a full stop to expenses. They'd ordered something, and I refused to foot the bill. It felt bad even then, but I think they should have had the decency to get out before. Finally, it was that cousin who beat me up for monies.
1 person likes this
@udayrao2 (781)
• India
6 Mar 10
Yes, because of our Indian culture and the hospitality extended to guests, I think most of the Indian guests expect that the hosts will tolerate anything and for an indefinite time!!! But I see the present & younger generation putting some stops to this attitude but both have advantages & disadvantages.
@zed_k4 (17589)
• Singapore
6 Mar 10
What an experience there you had gone through.
Personally for me, I dislike traits of people whom like to take advantage of something, someone or a particular situation and circumstance etc. Generally, a guest whom overstays without my consent is rather sheepish. I mean, unless I invite someone to stay longer, I don't expect them to overstay at all. But if I were in that kind of sticky situation, I would have to be frank and say that I would have to give at least a 2 weeks grace or so for that particular person to look for another place and to sort out his or her problem. I need my privacy too, so I don't think a guest whom overstays is a good idea after all..
@zed_k4 (17589)
• Singapore
9 Mar 10
Ah...shameless is an entirely different thing altogether.. you would know them more, makcik since you have been living with them.. I suppose you are right..sometimes there are people whom want to barge in our lives, claiming that they know better, but actually they weren't around when we really needed them the most. Speaking of life in general here..it's sad, isn't it..
@vandana7 (99063)
• India
6 Mar 10
Hi anak saudara, not everybody is sheepish. :) My cousins are shameless! One of my aunts, who was never around when I really needed a lady (lost my mom when I was five and a half), at 45 she steps in my life to tell me whom I should write what. LOL. And when I tell her I dont have any feelings for my cousins who beat me up for monies, she is kind of shocked... how can that be - blood is thicker than water. LOL. Well, she has been watching too many movies. :) Dont you think?
1 person likes this
@Janey1966 (24170)
• Carlisle, England
5 Mar 10
Hello again! Firstly, let me say I fully sympathise with the little predicament you found yourselves in and I must say, your patience was rewarded in the end wasn't it?
A few years ago a boyfriend of mine came to stay with us. At first I thought it was a great idea but I never knew that he wanted to move in on a permanent basis! That's how it turned out. He did stay at least 6 months longer than he should have done (and Mum couldn't stand him, Dad liked him because he was giving him money lol) but Mum knew that, eventually, I would "go off him" and so it turned out. He never made a fuss and just went back to his hometown of Whitehaven, thank goodness!
He really should not have been there 6 months though, more like 6 days haha!
A few years ago a boyfriend of mine came to stay with us. At first I thought it was a great idea but I never knew that he wanted to move in on a permanent basis! That's how it turned out. He did stay at least 6 months longer than he should have done (and Mum couldn't stand him, Dad liked him because he was giving him money lol) but Mum knew that, eventually, I would "go off him" and so it turned out. He never made a fuss and just went back to his hometown of Whitehaven, thank goodness!
He really should not have been there 6 months though, more like 6 days haha!@Janey1966 (24170)
• Carlisle, England
6 Mar 10
"Ungrateful parasite" sums it up quite well I think! There's nothing worse than having people in the house that shouldn't be there! At least he's gone now.
@udayrao2 (781)
• India
6 Mar 10
Hi Janey
At least your boyfriend was giving money or at least footing some expenses - in my case not a penny he spent - over & above he gave his clothes to the laundry along with ours to save his money as we had a running account there; many a times he would even ask my wife( never me as he would have a sharp no!!)for money- small change- to pay the taxi as he would say he had only Rs 100 notes and no change- and my wife being a very good person did that all the time( she never could hurt anyone's feelings!!!)and God knows how much money we may have spent on that ungrateful parasite.
I hope that he gets a similar guest and with same situation as now his wife ( he got married much later after moving to another city) is also a very sweet & calm person not wanting to hurt anybody!!!
@batcountry72 (219)
• United States
5 Mar 10
I've never had that experience, but I've had ring-side seats. When I was growing up my parents took in strays. Dogs, cats, a ferret, and people. It's a wonderful, generous way to be. Have you ever heard, "the road to hell is paved with good intentions?" Their well meant hospitality often lead to a strain on the friendship. My parents still perform these acts of random kindness. The difference now is my father has become the Yoda of getting people to move it along. "Get out of my house you will." He creates situations. If his guest is supposed to be job hunting, but not really putting forth much effort, he'll find them a job. Three or four towns away. If his guest has a job, but is just not finding a place to live, guess what! He'll find them a place to live. He'll cruise around town and scout out a few nice apartments. Then he'll take his guest for a drive. By the end of that drive there will be a signed lease agreement. He'll even reserve the U-Haul for you. I've come to the conclusion that my parents are running a half-way house for slackers.
@MagicalBubbles (5103)
• Canada
5 Mar 10
Hello Udayrao!!
Im afraid it never happened to me. My friends and family know that I think of my home as my sanctuary. My sister stayed over for a week but she left when the time came. Same for one of my cousins who was having her hard floors done, she left after a day.
IF I had someone overstay, Id sit them down and tell them that they have to leave in the morning, no "if" or "buts" about it.
Its ok to want to help someone, more power to you, but eventually if they dont leave, they're abusing your kindness and thats not right. Nobody should let others invade their privacy.
@joebrpt84 (85)
• Malaysia
6 Mar 10
well, I find that your problem is not actually a big problem to most of us but I think it is because you are too kind.. soft hearted.. The best way is to sit down and talk nicely.. you know.. tell him that he should find his own place... if you cannot do that then I would suggest you frequently asked him about the place that he should be looking for.. maybe even give him suggestion..
@udayrao2 (781)
• India
7 Mar 10
Well he is history now- in the sense that after that incident he avoided talking to me & family though his wife, because of her sweet nature & goodness, still are in touch with us, and I think his wife chided him after hearing all this, so now he does not talk with us nor with people who have also shown him the door!!!!
@Sreekala (34312)
• India
10 Mar 10
Hi uday,
It is a very common experience with those people who are staying away from native and living in city. I know many people with similar experience of yours. I don’t understand how those people can act like this; it is simply like ‘digging the wet land’
. I like your wife’s attitude, and of course she should do her duties as the guest is the cousin of yours. I also did great things for unknown people (friends of our niece) but once they moved then they won’t even remember us.
It is a very common experience with those people who are staying away from native and living in city. I know many people with similar experience of yours. I don’t understand how those people can act like this; it is simply like ‘digging the wet land’. I like your wife’s attitude, and of course she should do her duties as the guest is the cousin of yours. I also did great things for unknown people (friends of our niece) but once they moved then they won’t even remember us.
@syankee525 (6261)
• United States
5 Mar 10
i do have friends that do this all the time, i tell them to go the hell home.
@phoenix8606 (4942)
•
5 Mar 10
hi! i have one friend who really doesn't know when it is time to go home and sometimes i really must tell him to go home, because i have some other things to do and just can't let him stay longer than that. well, sometimes when I am not that busy I let him and all others stay as long as they will even to sleep at home, but only when i have nothing to do and can treat them the way they deserve!
@hofferp (4734)
• United States
6 Mar 10
I've had friends stay with me, but no one, that I can remember, overstayed their welcome. 2 or 3 days and they're gone. Your cousin was simply taking advantage or you and your wife. I would have had no problem in showing him the door...after two weeks.
