in-laws

United States
March 17, 2010 9:28pm CST
Okay, I live with my future in-laws, and it is driving me crazy. Not his mom, just his dad. I understand that he is older and set in his ways, but sometimes he just gets on my nerves. Does anyone have any ideas on how to deal with this, because he is old, he does have heart problems and I dont want to make them work. But hopefully we will be moving out soon and then I won't have to deal with it day to day.
5 people like this
10 responses
@sid556 (30987)
• United States
18 Mar 10
Hi Mimama, Just keep reminding yourself that he is doing you a favor letting you stay there. You were not specific on just what he does to get on your nerves. If he is rude or abusive then you of course need to stand up for yourself. beyond that, just try to bite it and use it as incentive to save and get your own place. it's really hard living in someone else's home and under their rules.
1 person likes this
@SomeCowgirl (32254)
• United States
18 Mar 10
I want to second what sid556 said. To be honest I didn't want to bluntly say bite your tongue, but that's what we have to do and keep on saving, remember the incentive of your own rules, etc.
@dragon54u (31628)
• United States
18 Mar 10
I used to have a method of dealing with such things. I would tell myself "this is how it's always been, all my life, this is how it will always be and I must deal with it". It works very well, repeat it to yourself at least once per hour. Aside from that, you are living there with his consent, he respects you enough (or your relationship with his son) to allow you to live there. It is HIS home, HIS rules. If you can't deal with it you need to leave. But please, love him and accept his ways because he produced the wonderful man that you love. I know it can be stressful but you are the intruder and he is accepting you as one that his son loves. Don't you think it's stressful for him? Talk with him, get to know him better, try to love him because he will be your adopted father and besides that, the more you get along with and genuinely love your fiance's family, the more your fiance will love you. There can never be too much love in your life.
1 person likes this
@Hatley (164169)
• Garden Grove, California
18 Mar 10
mimama5 I can well imagine its hard to live with future in-laws but if you will be moving soon perhaps it would be wise to be careful how you respond to father-In-law. I do not mean let him walk all over you of course, but is he really old old? I mean so many younger people think anyone of fifty or sixty is ready to collapse, so if hes in his 60'ts he not all that old., but still I would be careful if he has a bad heart,but if he is really rude to you I would tell him I don't appreciate how you talked to me, that should be mild enough to not upset him but maybe make him remember he cannot be nasty to you. I hope you and your hubby to be will soon be moving out and things will be great for you. cheers.
• United States
18 Mar 10
No, he is old old. He will be turning 75 in May. but I will be watching what I say and how I say it. I have a tendency to jump at things, as I am well aware. I have talked to his wife and she understands what I am going through. She says that he has always been set in his ways, but I realize that it is me that is going to have to change anything that is wrong. I am trying to have a better relationship with him, so maybe he wont jump down my throat as much. This has been something that started about 2 years ago, I think he is bored because up until 2 years ago he worked. But then he go laid off and things sort of went downhill from there.
1 person likes this
@mr_pearl (5036)
• India
18 Mar 10
Well... this is not an uncommon problem. It has been there since we started the marriage system. You can not argue with him, because it will create stress and might harm the old man. I suggest you, not to argue with him. In fact, the lesser you talk to him, the better.. Good Luck!
18 Mar 10
Hi hun. It's very difficult to live with your in-laws and no matter how hard you try to get along, there will be all those little things that wind you up. The best thing is to concentrate on is remembering that you won't be there for too much longer and that patience and tolerance can get you though.
@sublime03 (2169)
• Philippines
18 Mar 10
I think the only thing you can do is just put your focus on other things instead for now. Since you are living with them there is nothing you can do but to just live your life and pushing forward in having your own place. I am in the same position where I am ticked off with my mother-in-law but there is nothing I can do to get rid of her so I just enjoy my stay here and hopefully soon I get out of here so I would enjoy my life better without seeing her every single day.
@mtdewgurl74 (18159)
• United States
18 Mar 10
For me it was my mother in law that drove me crazy..seemed I could do nothing right in her eyes...none of the in laws could..and let me tell you really there is nothing to do except go with the flow unless you want problems to arise..and stay out of the way or out of their eyesight as much as possible..
• United States
18 Mar 10
Oh. I feel for you. That is a hard situation, especially because of their health problems. Can your future husband do anything about it? I would talk to him and see if he could talk to his dad about it.
@GardenGerty (127034)
• United States
18 Mar 10
Dragon is very right. This man is the father of the person you love, and has evidently done something right in raising him. I hear compassion and understanding when you say that everything went downhill when he could no longer work. Just keep remembering that that is a great loss to him. I would add the phrase, "This too shall pass" to your mental pep talk. It will pass, you will move out. Try to take the really long view of things, and think about whether this will matter in a week, or a month or a year from now. It is good to respect yourself, and not allow someone to deliberately hurt you, but it is also good to respect him. I agree that you need to get out and get away on a regular basis.
@SomeCowgirl (32254)
• United States
18 Mar 10
My husband and I still live with my inlaws. We bump heads sometimes but it's all part of life. The best thing I can recommend for you is to just try to get out of the house from time to time even if it's just for a walk, or leave the room or, just say "fine" (of course not in a mean way) and let him have his way sometimes. We've nearly got kicked out once because we bumped heads, my husband and I were right but we just lamented and left for the night, and gave in when we came back. I hope you get your house soon!