advice about a girl problem

Netherlands
March 22, 2010 12:39pm CST
Hi friends I would like to have your thoughts on this one so please read it carefully. A while ago I started dating this girl I had no particular interest in. But as the dates went on I found myself more and more into her. It wasn't how she looked, she was fine, but the chemistry and all. We kissed on our third date and had much fun, it seemed that everything was fine and all, but after almost a month of dating she told me to split up. It was sudden for me, and I wanted an explanation. She said she's going to study abroad soon, but I did not believe that reason for it would have happened months ahead. After a week or so it was destiny or luck but I saw her with another guy. They were hugging and seemed to be having a good time. She didn't see me, nor did we see during that time. I text her I saw her and it's all over for me, she didn't text back. After a week suddenly she came to my home and said she wanted me back. She said she got rid of that guy and all she wants is me. Do you think I should give it a shot or not?
3 people like this
23 responses
@adam1980 (517)
22 Mar 10
well from what i can see she was loyal to you in the sence that she didnt cheat on you and finished with you to go out with this other guy, maybe she realised what she had lost after she split up with you aand now wants you back, you need to decide if you realy like her still and if you can put this in the past and forget about it as you dont want to constantly be worrying about it happening again
1 person likes this
@amijor (234)
• Philippines
23 Mar 10
Personally? I think that girl was dating another guy aside from you. The girl is, shall I say, practical. Maybe she dated both of you at the same time to see whom of you could give her the attention and the love she wanted. When you texted her about what you saw, maybe, she felt guilty of having cut up her ties with you without a rational explanation. If I were wearing your shoe, I won't give her a chance. Yes, she might really like you but it is not impossible that she's getting back on you because of her guilt or worse she's back so that you could be the person who'll make her feel alright for the moment and when things are okay between her and the other guy then she'd split up with you for the second time around. There's a saying that goes, "Once is understandable; twice is rational; the third time it happens, it is me who is made a fool."
@shibham (16999)
• India
23 Mar 10
nonono... get an another life, she is playing with you. this type of girl is not reliable. perhaps that guy deceived her so she has come to u again but if she finds an another guy better than u then i am damn sure that she will kick u off. so beawre. u better ned to find out a girl who really loves u. good luck.
• Philippines
23 Mar 10
hello.. hhmmmm.,we experienced same problem in love but don't worry maybe the girl wanted you to come back because she wants to give her full love to you and now,she learned from her own mistake..you can give her one more chance and you can start again..i know the girl felt a big regret with her wrong decision made to split you up with u before but now she realize that it was wrong..if you love her so much,you will accept her and maybe you can hear from her side if what are the reasons behind with her decision before..good luck and God bless you!.
• Philippines
23 Mar 10
I think you should give it a shot. But if she did that again, then never accept her again.
@bounce58 (17441)
• Canada
23 Mar 10
You're a guy, so I'd say give it a shot. I know that there is a possibility that you'll get hurt, but I'm sure you'll get over it. Sooner or later. If you notice the same behavior again then you can let her go. But in the meantime, enjoy the bliss of getting back together, and enjoy her company. Goodluck! And welcome to myLot!
@Ritchelle (3795)
• Philippines
23 Mar 10
sometimes it is good to see things from another person's shoes. think of you being a parent and your child being in this situation. i'd say there are many girls out there more pretty, a joy to be with and has a sane and stable frame of mind when it comes to treasuring other people's feelings. at 35 i'd reach a point wherein i see people only as good as the people they decide to be with. so beware. you get one like this and you might end up all the time with someone like this.
• Philippines
23 Mar 10
It's not fair to leave someone off like that just because there is a new love interest. She should've been honest with you. If I think I'm not going to give much in the relationship, then why would i lead you on? No, I would tell you that it wasn't working out for me at the moment. Yeah you'll be hurt, but I believe that it's better to let you know the truth than find out later. I know I would want to know the truth if I was in your position. Yeah, you'll never know until you go and find out for sure, so you can give yourself a chance. Remember that there's a possibility that she left you once and she can do it again. She was looking for something else that's why you saw here with another guy. When she didn't find what she was looking for with him, she decided, oh you're much better. It might sound really bad, but I'm just giving you a heads up. If you're open to that possibility, then you'll be ready for whatever may happen. And of course, if that doesn't work out, it means someone is still waiting for you out there! ;-)
• United States
23 Mar 10
well to me it seems pretty obvious...uhh, nah. but i know that when you're the one in the situation, you're point of view is very different than someone on the outside looking in. this chick seems like a very untrustworthy human being (she told you she was leaving the country for goodness sake!)and it also seems like you are her "booty-call" guy. no offense, but, from what you've explained, it sounds like if she has someone better around, you're out of the picture. but, when she's bored, well, there you are. bottom line:you obviously care more about this than she does, im sure you can do better.
@sid556 (30986)
• United States
23 Mar 10
sounds as if she needed some space. Maybe she needed a lot of space. regardless, she was honest and respectful & wasnt seeing anyone else during that time. You guys were only together a month before so there shouldn't be baggage and all that. I'd give it another try. Why not?
@ybong007 (6655)
• Philippines
23 Mar 10
It's really up to you. If you still have feelings for her then you can give it another shot. So far, i can see nothing wrong with what she did. She did it as it was what she was feeling then. Although it may hurt a little bit to realize that you are second choice, the mere fact that she came to you and ask you to take her back means she came to her senses and realized that you it's you after all that she wants.
@zed_k4 (17619)
• Singapore
23 Mar 10
You can put her on a relationship 'probation' and see if after awhile, the feeling of trust is built up or not. Just take it slow if you really like her still, give her this one chance. Who knows she's genuinely interested in you.. but do observe her behavior pattern in the relationship, and if she commits the same mistake again, then you know what to do. I believe everyone should have at least a chance to prove themselves, so yeah.. this is my take. However, you can make known to her that you were hurt when you discovered she cheated on you, and how can she assure you that she won't do it again. You can also see her actions because they speak louder than words and time will tell if she's loyal to you and loves you for you and won't cheat you with anyone else.. like what you have mentioned.
22 Mar 10
I think the only person who can answer this question is you. If you feel that there was a spark there and you feel you can trust her then I think there would be no harm in giving it another shot. Only you know how you feel, so deep down in your heart do you want to take her back and be with her?
@TheWebGuy (243)
• United States
22 Mar 10
This is a difficult topic my friend with many ways that you could look at it. I think that if she kind of lied in that way, that shows her basic character and it would be hard for me to trust her thinking that she would do the same thing again. If you really liked her, give it a shot. However, you don't want to really start to like her a lot again and have something similar happen again. This would be very hard on you. Just be careful.
@khaezi (1002)
• Philippines
22 Mar 10
I'm a girl..for me I would not do that to someone if I really love him..when she said that she was going abroad to study well that was pretty much of an excuse to escape from you..but we'll never know right? why not try to talk to the guy whom you seen her with and ask some questions it would help you a lot.. And you can't just leave someone then take him back again that easy..considering the fact that he saw you with another guy.. It doesn't matter if she says that she loves you again what really matter is if she means it or not..so please think twice =)
@jaiho2009 (38980)
• Philippines
22 Mar 10
I am also a girl,well,i guess she realized that,she loves you more than the other guy. She maybe had to prove herself who she really loves more...was it you or the other guy. She split up with you and dated the other guy,and,later she realized that,it was you that she really loves. That is why she comes back to you. At least she never cheated you from the first place.
@1anurag1 (3578)
• India
22 Mar 10
oho its a state which can be understand by you. i think now the ball is near to you and you have to decide and i know even if i say not to go even then it is hard for you to not go to her. so i think whatever you have seen you know well. just have a talk with that girl on this matter as there must not be anything hidden between you and the story must be revealed. may be there must be a story that could tell her compulsion and if that is then you can be with her with free mind. and have a promise to be with each other honestly.
• Japan
22 Mar 10
IF you love her why no try to forgive her with what she did on you,and start be friend again until you know her for sure and her feeling for you i am sure you will know that she was just playing with you or serious about your friendship and then you can decide you take her back or say good bye to her,one thing you should know if the girl lies on you in time she might do it again one other time,but if you are ready and okay with it so go back with her....or fine another good one:)the world not so small as we think,
@sushie93 (1359)
• France
22 Mar 10
I'm agree with Adam980, she didn't play/cheat on you because she has already breack with you before going out with another. Now, all deped on your choice. Do you really like her? If yes, re-go out with her. If it is not a big love, find another girl. Did you miss her? Could you imagine your life without talking/being with her?
@choybel (5049)
• Philippines
22 Mar 10
It's a girl problem alright. Well, you could put it this way, convince yourself that what had happened was just her testing her love feelings for you through a trial relationship with another and it ended on your behalf, now ask yourself if you are willing to put yourself to a test. What test, you say? It's a two way-test. Risky, I must warn you because it could involve emotions, one that could leave a scar. So anyway, if the answer is yes, be prepared, here is the test: - take her back and go into a relationship with her. See where it goes. If you both make it all the way through, then you're lucky. So I mentioned, that it's a two-way test, how, you must ask? Well, it could be that she wants you back because she wants to know if you are the guy for her or the other one who you saw her with. Think about it, she did it to you, she could probably be doing it to him too, right? Anyway, I wish you good luck on whatever decision you arrive at taking.