I want him to know he can lean on me??
By phoenix1344
@phoenix1344 (698)
United States
March 26, 2010 12:46pm CST
Hey everyone,
So I've been with my boyfriend for almost 4 1/2 years now and I love him things are great. But when it comes to communication on his side he bottles it up and won't tell me when something is bothering him. In his defense, he has a good reason. I have developed a really bad habit of getting upset with him when he is just trying to tell me how he feels about me. But whenever I need to tell him something.. I do.
So its gotten to a point where he said he can't talk to me anymore. And I am conscious of how I handle when he talks to me about how he feels and I am ready to hear it out. But he said he isn't ready to share and that he will have to work his way up to being able to talk so his feelings won't be at expense while I work on my issues.
Also whenever he has a bad day and it has nothing to do with me.. I have no idea what to do to help cheer him up. The problem is I am really sensitive.. so even if I try different things at first.. if it doesn't work.. my mood starts to slip.. and I know if hes upset.. he obviously can't lean on me if I'm upset. And it doesn't help that he won't talk to me.
So if he has a bad day.. he won't tell me whats going on.. so I have no idea what to do to cheer him up.
And its frustrating because he knows exactly what to do for me. Everytime I am down he always knows exactly what to do .. but he is so complicated!
Any ideas would be much appreciated.
I am beginning to realize that if he can't lean on me.. he will eventually start to lean on someone else. And the last thing I want is for him to make a good girl friend.. who he can lean on.. and for him to leave me or something .. because I am not being the best I can be.
thanks.
1 person likes this
11 responses
@kaylachan (58061)
• Daytona Beach, Florida
27 Mar 10
I know you want to be the best you can be, and no one can ask for more then that. But, you have to understand you can't push him to talk to you. And, getting upset if he talks to someone else isn't going to work eaither. You need to be paicent with him. That's all he's looking for. You should be glad he talks, if he does talk.
It can be hard to change such a large part of your personallity, but he deserves the best effort you're willing to give. And, that doesn't include judging him, or shutting out what he has to say. Let him come to you, and remind him you love him. That's all anyone can ask of you.
@cowboyofhell (3063)
• Philippines
27 Mar 10
He can tell you everything but how can he tell anything when you are not ready to listen? He's afraid that everything he says would just be another roadkill to you.
@umit_umit (1984)
• India
27 Mar 10
well then you can alsio tell that he cn lean on me and try to change your nature for him to lean on you,its true if you will keep on doing like this then he may find the other!
@irisjaneoraiz (1)
• Philippines
27 Mar 10
hey girl...just doyour job as a gilfriend to him..maybe he just needs privacy..dont hook him up..
@mariposaman (2959)
• Canada
26 Mar 10
Maybe you should read your own post.
I have developed a really bad habit of getting upset with him when he is just trying to tell me how he feels about me.
So its gotten to a point where he said he can't talk to me anymore.
You are going to have to figure out why you are giving out mixed messages, saying on the one hand you want him to say what is on his mind, and when he does you punish him by getting upset. I too would stop telling you what is on my mind if you reacted that way.
Men are not that complicated, it is you who is making the situation complicated by being disingenuous.
Men are socially bred not to show their feeling because it shows weakness. You are interpreting his showing feelings as weakness as you have been subject to this same social conditioning. So you say one thing but then react another way when you see him as weak. Until you decide to work on your reactions, nothing will change and this will drive a wedge between you two, as it already has. You have a long way to go to regain his trust because right now he knows he cannot lean on you.
@amyson (3498)
• Philippines
27 Mar 10
i think the first thing you do is to calm down and he is calm down and ready to talk that's the time to sit down and talk.your partner needs some space sometime you'll better to understand him since they really not vocal like Women's are.When he start to talk about whats happening and thus he has a problem in work or other things try to encourage him to talk about it so that you'll know whats the problem of your boyfriend.they usually hide their feelings from us.on the other hand when he brought out about your relationship troubles because he has falling in love to another women.i think you have the right to know that but do not judge him let him talk whats wrong and what you can do to fix it.if he said i think i cant be with you anymore i think thats means his breaking out with you.be brave women knows if their man doing something not right.let him explain and when its time to let go move on and start new life.
@besthope44 (12123)
• India
26 Mar 10
Well, i feel you both need to talk a lot and lot. The communication gap is the main thing i feel so. You cannot imagine if he is not leaning on u. Probably you are right and you may be wrong too. Because you are sensitive and at his end, he doesnot want to share his bad part, which may affect you. And to be frank, this is common in all relationships. Even i am that kind of person, wont share my bad day with my girl. But it doesnot mean i dont like her or continue my life with her. Rather i love her so much and she is so sensitive that she may hurt or feel bad on my issues!. So communicate and hold on your love!
@khalida (1126)
• India
26 Mar 10
hey! i think this happens quite often. all u need is a little more patience girl. when u are worried about him and trying to cheer him up.... don't let ur problems come in the way. if u be patient and let him yell at u or say mean things or anything he wants in order to let out his frustration u just encourage him and let him do it. then patiently tell him that u are very worried about his state of mind and let him know that u are always there for him to help him out!
of course he will not pour out stuff immediately, but seeing u being patient and trying to solve his problems, i think he will feel obliged to discuss the problem with you!
believe me, its easy said than done but even if u lose ur temper and when u realize it, just apologize for it and try to talk things out of him! :) hope ur problem gets solved: )
@engrdng06 (248)
• Japan
26 Mar 10
You get it exactly girl. If he can't lean on you, possibilities are he might look for somebody he can lean on or he already has someone leaning on. Talk to him honestly on how you feel with the things that really bothers you. Communication plays a major part in a relationship and you should work it out.
