Would you stay with a person that was disfigured or badly hurt from an accident
By newtalent
@newtalent (1112)
United States
March 29, 2010 8:08am CST
This question is a harsh reality of what we think about appearances on a person or ourselves no matter what the situation is. I have seen break ups happen that would not normally happen if appearances did not change. The simple weight gain, to child birth, to accidents beyond anyone's control. Would you stay with a person that has had features altered beyond repair? Are we that shallow in today's society? Thoughts? Views? Please share them.
1 person likes this
15 responses
@purplealabaster (22094)
• United States
29 Mar 10
If I loved someone, then I would stay with them, especially since whatever hurt or disfigured them badly enough to not be able to repair it with reconstructive surgery probably could have killed them. I would focus on the fact that I was lucky enough to still have my loved one with me rather than what injury he sustained. As for gaining weight and having scars from childbirth, it was the love of the two people that created the scars and weight gain, so shouldn't they be cherished as the child is also cherished?
@purplealabaster (22094)
• United States
30 Mar 10
If the person had contemplated leaving before the accident or disfigurement happened, then he or she would probably be more likely to leave, because that is just another added stress in an already rocky relationship. On the other hand, there are some people that would actually stay rather than leave, even if they did not feel the love that they once felt for the person, because they would feel too guilty to leave their partner in such a condition. Staying out of guilt, in my opinion, is just as bad as leaving due to the accident or disfigurement.
@newtalent (1112)
• United States
30 Mar 10
I agree totally. If you really loved the person before then nothing should change in their hour of need. I think the true test will be if they already had contemplated on leaving in the first place. I mean if they were already planning to break up or leave before the accident then it is harder to deal with. Do you now stay and stick it our or do you cut the ties and not look back? Love is always tested and it is a hard call. But I am glad to hear the we are human and will do our best to work through any and adversities in life. Thanks for sharing and take care.
@anne25penn (3305)
• Philippines
30 Mar 10
Yes people are that shallow. I have experienced this with an ex who left me because I was starting to gain a lot of weight. To make matters worse, he did not pay the money he owes me and this was my savings. But he's no loss. I have a wonderful partner now who doesn't mind if I am fat.
@newtalent (1112)
• United States
30 Mar 10
awesome. Don't ever let a person take you where you cannot come back up. WE are dealt hands that can make say why me. But we can also turn it around to make it better for all of us in the long run. As one door closes another opens. Apparently you hit jackpot and sound like you are very happy, That is awesome . Take care.
@recycledgoth (9894)
•
29 Mar 10
It would make no difference to me, after all it's what's inside that counts. I do get quite upset when people judge by appearances alone, it is shallow and materialistic.
@newtalent (1112)
• United States
30 Mar 10
As it should be the thing that counts the most. Yes you hear about the outrageous relationship based on physical appearances. It is crazy to hear that or read that. WE as society focus on beauty and not the individual. Then when something like this happens we cannot deal with it in a normal situation. It would not make a difference to me. it is the same person. Thanks for the input.
@momjessie82 (344)
• United States
30 Mar 10
I would absolutely stay with that person without a doubt. We cannot control what happens in our lives. There are no guarantees. We never know what could happen or when. If I had given my love to someone, it would be unconditional love. I would love them and support them through anything and everything. I could never turn my back on a person that I love because of any kind of disfigurement or problem that may arise. These circumstances would only make them need that love and support more.
@newtalent (1112)
• United States
30 Mar 10
That's great to hear. The compassion and the support for another human being is undeniable a great gift to any person. These are great qualities in a person and it good to hear that so many of us would help rather than abandon ship at the first opportunistic moment. Thanks for sharing.
@lelin1123 (15595)
• Puerto Rico
29 Mar 10
I think with todays society especially the younger generation they would leave because they couldn't or wouldn't want to deal with it. I have also seen where many men can't deal and walk away. I just wonder how a man could up and leave his wife because she either got fat or ended up with cancer. It's being so inmature ans shallow. I believe women have a more nurturing quality and for the most part be there for them. If it was my significant other of course I would stay and do what I had to do to make his life easier. That is the right thing to do. Especially I have always lived by the motto, "do onto others as you wish them to do to you." I could never see myself just up and leaving because my boyfriend was disfigured or had become disabled.
@newtalent (1112)
• United States
30 Mar 10
Well put! your motto is a good one. It is a hard lesson to learn about a person or persons when you are faced in this situation. The harsh reality may be harder to bear when you know the person does not have your back after all the time they have spent with you. Thanks for sharing your views.
@confident (25)
• China
29 Mar 10
i alway think that stay with somebody. no matter who was that.only one thing that he or she can improve your working ability ,and you mind
his appearance is not important
so that is my answer
@newtalent (1112)
• United States
30 Mar 10
I would stay if the relationship was there to begin with. I would not abandon them in there hour of need. If the relationship was rocky I would have to work on myself to put myself in that persons shoes and rethink my thoughts of leaving because I could just get up and go in a cold and callus way. Thanks for sharing.
@newtalent (1112)
• United States
30 Mar 10
I think you realize what you have and how close it came to not having it or them that you do love the person more. Its hard to fathom life without them. That is how i think I would be. I know it will be stressful. Thanks for your view.
@tess_quinain (1149)
• Philippines
29 Mar 10
I think i would stay if that someone was so special to me. I would never leave him behind. I am always here whenever he/she needs me.
These people needed to be loved. And i am willing to give that love.
@newtalent (1112)
• United States
30 Mar 10
Bless your heart. Everyone needs to know that they are loved, wanted, and want to be needed. The person is in there that you knew before. All the of the new struggles are easier handled when you know someone has your back. It will take time and patience to deal with all that. the medical,the surgeries if needed, the emotional state is in challenged state for both parties and families. Thanks for your response.
@syankee525 (6261)
• United States
29 Mar 10
if you really love and care about the person then yes. its the right thing to do, its call for better or worst. i couldnt think of leaving my wife over something like that, the time where she would need me the most
@newtalent (1112)
• United States
30 Mar 10
Yes those are definitely the vows that people should not take lightly when getting in a committed relationship. Your are good man for thinking it in that way. Divorces happen so frequently without an incident like this. This would really test their relationship on a different level. We try to do our best when committing to a relationship but it does take two parties to make it work. Recovery is a hard road, but the path is worth taking when you love the person genuinely. Thank you for responding.
@jewels49 (1776)
• United States
29 Mar 10
Absolutely. I couldn't imagine turning my back on someone I loved due to something out of their control. Loving someone is about more than what lies on the surface. I have a friend whose husband was horribly burned in a fire, it never occurred to her to leave him,though she did drop the few ignorant friends that suggested she might consider it. His appearance has changed and he has become a stronger person due to what he has been through, but after 10 minutes with him, you don't even see the scar, just this beautiful person, that he always was.
@bulastika (5966)
• Philippines
29 Mar 10
No. I will live. I will live and find a way to support that person and me.
Life must go on. If that person close to me is disfigured or badly hurt. Then its a life time liabilities. And the cost of take care of that person is so huge that I have to work double time.
..
Even if we have that kind of person by our side we must also do and make a living.
@newtalent (1112)
• United States
30 Mar 10
That's amazing. You brought up a very good point. The financial impact on a relationship is a big issue in relationships without having to endure physical ailments. Most families and relationships are on a two income basis and when one is out of work for whatever reason it can cause tension, resentment, towards the one not supporting the household income. The other party has to do double time to make up for the financial loss. That is a lot on anyone s plate to fill on a day to day basis. Good points. Thanks for sharing.
@besthope44 (12123)
• India
29 Mar 10
Well, busy works, schedules are all secondary when compared to a helping a fellow man kind. I will not leave the person alone, i may do my help that i can do from my end. so we should leave our humanity in saving fellow human being.
@newtalent (1112)
• United States
30 Mar 10
Interesting way of putting it. Its true humanity does or should play a part. we want other to help us in our hour of need and we should give the same respect with our actions when things happen beyond our control. We should help those in need especially those that we express our love before an accident that can change a person world. Thanks for your input.
@setsuna26 (2751)
• Philippines
29 Mar 10
If i love the person so deep no matter how disfigured he or she maybe , i dont care i will stay until he or she needs me.Yes easy to say but hard to do, im willing to give it a try hard but if you put your heart into it im sure somehow and in someways i will be able to endure everything. But i want to make it clear that its not because of pity that i will stay, its because of what we call love thats why i will remain by his or her side until he or she wants me to be ;) hope i helped you out with your question ;)
@newtalent (1112)
• United States
30 Mar 10
Good point. You do want the feeling of pity when in a relationship. Its hard a call no matter what. Some people can handle others just cannot get past it. Even the victim can play the pity card because of insecurities that they may now have. I know I have my insecurities without any real problems, I cannot imagine what it would be like to go through this in life. thanks for your input.
@steve_sanchez (35)
• United States
29 Mar 10
I think truthfully most people should not abandon a person because he/she is hurt from the accident. But the harsh reality is that a good percentage (I wouldn't even try to quantify) of people are superficial. They just cannot see past the person's outside appearance. Remember the movie Shallow Hal. I wish more people could be like Hal in the end, but really, come back down to reality. I would say 50/50. I don't even want to see where I would stand, because I might be disappointed with myself.
@newtalent (1112)
• United States
30 Mar 10
It would be a harsh reality on any level. Whether you were the injured or the one with the partner that was injured. It would really put humanity to the test. One of my friends is going through that right now. The only difference is that she knows if she was hurt one, he would eventually abandon her. He's left relationships for less. It is a difficult situation that really puts you through the wringer if it happens to you. The unknown is scary. AS you say you do not know how you would react. Tough call. Thanks for your honesty and input.
@Sir_bobby88 (8231)
• Singapore
29 Mar 10
That will test our love , if just a normal friend why not ?
@newtalent (1112)
• United States
30 Mar 10
This is really going to test their relationship. I know looks were everything for him. But It he that will have to wonder what will his mate do now. I just hate seeing relationships that were based on looks fall apart. I mean that is so shallow. Its still the same person and they have to now deal with the trauma of change. It is harder to do when your whole world has fallen apart. Time shall see. Thanks.
