Rude questions and how to deal with them?

United States
April 20, 2010 8:55am CST
I have been trying not to get upset with some of the rude questions I have been asked lately concerning my pregnancy. But there is one that really just kills me. See we lost a baby at 20 weeks almost two years ago and it was awkward to say the least when people who didn't know would ask how I was doing? Or where was the new baby/ Etc. Now this pregnancy I am at 29 weeks and I do not show a great amount. I have had people asking me over the last few weeks if I am still pregnant. I know they do not realize that this is like stabbing me but it really kills when I hear this. I am very nervous about this pregnancy as they couldn't figure out why we lost our last girl. These questions send me into a nervous fit and I cannot help but break down the second I am away from the person. Yesterday this happened and since I was dealing with some pregnancy issues to begin with I sorta bugged out. I teared up and told the lady it was a horrible question and to stop asking it. (This was the third time in the last two months she specifically has asked that question) If she wanted to know how I was doing just to ask how I felt or something. She then told me I was being rude and over sensitive. Was I?
1 person likes this
5 responses
@celticeagle (156265)
• Boise, Idaho
21 Apr 10
I would just state it like it is! How rude comes to mind. Or just turn and walk away. If it is the same person I would tell them they are rude. I think that sometimes people don't realize how rude they are or what the impact is of what they say. Try to ignore them and maybe they will quit asking.
• United States
22 Apr 10
She has made it clear she does not approve of our having another child (she believes no one should have more then two) and has been rude about this before. But there have been others who have asked because they knew about last time and as I said I do not stick out very much even now.
1 person likes this
@celticeagle (156265)
• Boise, Idaho
22 Apr 10
I have to agree with her there. People who have alot of kids in this day and age are just asking for problems. But to each his own. No reason to be rude or unruly.
• United States
26 Apr 10
May I ask what problems come from having a large family?
1 person likes this
• Bulgaria
22 Apr 10
You know, I think it's rude people to ask you such questions even if they don't know about the end of your previous pregnancy. Week 29 is too early to ask such a question. I would be insulted. Just try to ignore them and to be calm because of the baby. Trying to fight with human foolishness is a lost cause.
• United States
22 Apr 10
Thank you. I was wondering if I was being over emotional. It happens when pregnant and I didn't want to be a crazy person.
• Bulgaria
22 Apr 10
I don't think you acted like a crazy person. I wish you an easy pregnancy
• United States
26 Apr 10
Thanks, it's nice to hear.
@palonghorn (5479)
• United States
20 Apr 10
No, you weren't, but she sure was. People just don't know how to handle things like that and a lot will ask the stupidest questions, and even to the point of being rude. I had a miscarriage years ago, and then ended up with 2 great daughters. The way I look at is, there was a reason, we or the doctors might not understand or be able to explain, but it was not meant to be. But, instead of letting it upset you.....deal with it with a little sarcasm. Turn it around on them, 'oh are you still trying to loose weight?' or what ever would fit that person. That will shut them up. lol I know that it's hard not to be nervous with the first prenancy after a miscarriage, but don't let this insensitive idiots get to you.
• United States
20 Apr 10
Thank you. It is hard after a miscarriage. It was hard last time as we had lost one of our twins the pregnancy before. I usually can be very sarcastic but this one question really seems to knock me off my game. As for this woman once I came inside my husband went out and had at her. I don't think she will actually speak to us again. Not quite How I would like things with the neighbors but oh well.
• United States
24 May 10
Sadly no one but you or your spouse know how you feel how nervous you are this pregnancy. Just try to take the questions with a grain of salt... people are people. I had to tell people I was pg because unless you knew me I just looked a lil fatter than usual! But that last trimester yeah I looked pg alright... Don't sweat it! ((hugs))
• United States
25 May 10
Thank you and I try but I am a little hormonal to top it off...lol, also it was the meanness in the question as we know she does not approve of the pregnancy that makes it all the more difficult. Now that my husband has lost his job she has asked if we will be putting "it" as she say up for adoption. We are not, he has been out of work for only a couple weeks and we are doing fine and I wish she would just go away. We tell her nothing but neighborhoods being what they are she knows everything. Sorry to vent but she makes me mad.
@dorannmwin (36392)
• United States
25 Apr 10
I don't think that you were being rude and oversensitive at all. It is really difficult to deal with a pregnancy following a loss (and I lost mine at nine weeks so I wasn't nearly as attached as you were with losing a pregnancy at 20 weeks). When I was pregnant with my son following my loss, I was afraid of everything, I made many unexpected trips to the doctor's office just to make sure that things were okay. I did show quite a bit with Paul, but it was difficult to deal with the questions that people would have from time to time during the subsequent pregnancy.
• United States
26 Apr 10
Thank you for sharing, I know that it doesn't really matter how long ago it was that you lost an angel it always stings a bit to discuss it.