Risk??

United States
April 22, 2010 12:35am CST
I just met a guy, and we've gotten to know each other. He told my friends (who are more his friends but I already knew them) that he likes me, and he texted me directly that he likes me. He hasn't asked me out as a dating type of thing though. The problem is, I think I would like him, but I don't trust him. I want a relationshop right now, but I'm not sure if it's the best choice. I think he would like my friend that he has been friends with, or he would cheat on me/break up with me. Do I take the chance and hope for the best or just let it go and avoid the possibility of getting hurt?
4 people like this
24 responses
@sid556 (30987)
• United States
22 Apr 10
Hi Frozenfire, Well, for one thing, anytime we get into a new relationship there is always the chance that it won't work out and we may end up getting hurt. Or we could well be the one that hurts the other person. There is no guarantee that a relationship is going to stand the test of time. One thing that stands out here is the fact that you already do not trust him and think he would cheat on you. Is that your own fears or is there some real reason why you don't trust him?
1 person likes this
• United States
24 Apr 10
Yes, the chance of someone getting hurt is unnerving. It's both, my own personal worries and reasons I think are valid. He used to be a player and mess around- he'd cheat on girls, have one night stands, drink, smoke, etc. He's said he's changed and I think he has as a person but I'm not sure by how much. When I met him (we both had a few of the same friends coincidentally) someone else informed me he had a girlfriend, it was an open relatinship. Then he cancled a couple of times on me when we were supposed to hang out and spend some time together without even telling me- no call or text. happy mylotting
1 person likes this
@sid556 (30987)
• United States
24 Apr 10
I'd go slow with this guy. Sounds as if you have a lot of red flags. I think you should find out first of all if he really does have a girlfriend. The fact that he stood you up a couple of times with phone call says a lot about the kind of person he is. I think you should go really slow, if at all.
@messageme (2821)
• United States
23 Apr 10
If you don't trust him now your surly not going to trust him if you were with him! You will only make yourself miserable thinking about things like that trust me I know I am there right now. Tell myself I would be better off not with whom I am with because then I wouldn't have the stress of wondering if he is going to cheat on me or when he is going to leave me. But there is kids involved in my situation and it makes the desicion much much harder. My advice, don't even get started with it!
1 person likes this
• United States
24 Apr 10
Maybe..I'm not sure. I guess I'm wondering if maybe I can learn to trust him if we were in a relationship..that could happen right? I wish you the best of luck in your situation, it's difficult to make a decision. My family went throught that. It's hard to find the balance between what you think is the right choice and what may be the best decision for your kids..I'm sorry, but just give it your all and things will work out. happy mylotting
1 person likes this
@fever324 (51)
• United States
23 Apr 10
Hi frozenfire I would suggest you to wait, just to see if he is the right one. Remember the old saying "Time can prove everything" If I really like a girl, I would wait for her and give her sometime to get to know me. You should know him more and make sure you trust him before he becomes your boyfriend. Good luck :)
1 person likes this
• United States
24 Apr 10
okay, that mekes sense. I wish more guys could be like that, but most don't wait around long enough for a logical decision thankyou! :)
1 person likes this
@clocks123 (1226)
• United States
23 Apr 10
you just met this boy so i would get to know him a little better. this way you can see what he is really like. you say you don't trust him. did he do something that made you think this way? it seems to me that he is friends with your friend and you are afraid. you may go out with him and he may leave you for your friend. this is why i say get to know him better. if he really likes you he will want to be with you. i wish you the best.
1 person likes this
• United States
24 Apr 10
That is one of the things I'm worried about. She's pretty and they're good friends. Plus, sometimes waiting too long pushes a guy away. HHe had a girlfriend when he met me and didn't tell me. Though he was being flirty the whole time we met o.o Hopefully something works out, thankyou!
1 person likes this
@cupkitties (7439)
• United States
23 Apr 10
Your best bet is go with your gut feeling. You said you don't trust him. Did he do something to cause that or just a feeling you have about him. Listen you instincts and not your emotions.
1 person likes this
• United States
24 Apr 10
Thankyou. You may be right, I might just have to trust my instincts.. It's a bit of both, I'm not sure how I feel about him and I don't know what he's like- you never really know every layer to a person let alone more than the side they show you. Also, it's more like is lack of doing something- he didnt tell me about his girlfriend and open relationship and that he would cancle on plans with me (twice)
1 person likes this
• South Korea
22 Apr 10
I think you should cross the bridge when you get there.... or should I say dont count the chicks if the eggs arent hatch yet??? dont assume too much, liking is different from loving...and if you like him enough to get him into a relationship...its just not right to not trust him cause loving is trusting... hope I had given you helpful insights and if you ever give your self a chance prepare to get hurt cause nobody gives us the guarantee not to be hurt when loving, its the risk you have to take but if you choose to let go, well its your choice, but be sure that what ever you decide upon be sure to be happy with your decision and that you are ready to stand for your decisions... have a nice day...
1 person likes this
• United States
24 Apr 10
I think that is why I'm uncertain of what to do, I'm not sure if I'm ready to take the risk of getting hurt. I've been hurt, but not dumped and not decieved in a relationship. I really want to start having meaningful relationships where I am vulnerable, but I feel like I should be cautious and make sure it's the right person for the real thing- a serious relationship..Thankyou for the sensible advice.
• South Korea
22 Apr 10
dont worry too much everybody deserves a chance and if you like him also...go for it...theres nothing wrong with it.... if he lies or cheated on you...then move on theres a lot out there better:) unless you wanna get married thats why your too seriuous... if your noy meant for each other..lets accept that every relationship ended up on break up....(but not always negative sometimes they became friends) and there you go till you find the Mr. Right... but you know you can sense it if the guy is sincere or not..;) well gooodluck:)
1 person likes this
• United States
24 Apr 10
No, not marriage. Maybe I am giving it more thought than I should. I think you're right about being able to tell whether or not someone is sincere. Thankyou for the respoonse!
• Boston, Massachusetts
23 Apr 10
Hi Frozen, Just don't take it so serious this time. just enjoy each others company and give yourself the chance to know thhe person if you really like or love him. at least you gave yourself the opportunity to know him well. let it come naturally. don't force any relationship yet. good luck.
1 person likes this
• Philippines
23 Apr 10
i think what you need to do is to know him more. Do not rush things out. Because deciding on it is not in done in one seating only. You should think of it very carefully. But the best thing to do is, pray. Ask god to help you and give you a sign if he really is the one. And if you're really meant for each other, you will be together in the end no matter what happens. So, do not rush things out. PRAY. :)
1 person likes this
• Philippines
22 Apr 10
I guess you just need to know him better because taking the risk sometimes is dangerous when you fall to a stranger.
@Opal26 (17684)
• United States
24 Apr 10
Hi frozenfire~ You are way too young to even be thinking about a serious relationship! In fact, you are even to young to be in a relationship! At your age, you should just be going out with a group of friends and having fun! You shouldn't even be thinking about anyone as "boyfriend material"! Just go out and have a good time and don't think so much! You can do all that when you are older!lol
• United States
24 Apr 10
Well it's not that marriage is on my mind. I guess to clarify my definition of serious, is just having a boyfriend who lasts longer than two months. The generations are getting to young..It's not a priority to me, I think spending time with friends and having fun takes precedence. Thankyou for the point of view- maybe youre right, it would save me from this thinking overdrive :)
@Opal26 (17684)
• United States
24 Apr 10
Hi again frozenfire~ I actually think that you are alot more mature for your years and you have a good head on your shoulder which is a very good thing these days! If you ever need any help with anything, I would be glad to talk! You seem like a very bright young lady and I have no doubts that you will do the right things that are best for you! I only wish that some of the younger girls where I live (in NY) were as smart as you are!
• United States
25 Apr 10
Thankyou :) and hopefully, but if anything I can make a mistake I will learn from lol
@sunemi (22)
• Italy
22 Apr 10
I think you shouldn't think about it so much. A date is not an appointment for the whole life, maybe you don't like him either after spending some time with him. I think you should just think of this date as an opportunity to know him better, and if things go well, you have time to decide what to do!
• United States
22 Apr 10
Haha I agree, but relationships have been on my mind alot lately. I do hang out with him, but I feel like I should decide whether or not I want to just be friends or actualy be in a relationship..Thankyou for the input! :)
• Philippines
23 Apr 10
I super agree with sunemi. She's right, you shouldn't think about it too much. And dating should not be the basis. Love should be the basis.
@idowrite72 (2214)
• United States
23 Apr 10
It's not a good idea to go into a relationship if there isn't trust. How happy will you be with him if you are constantly wondering if he is cheating on you? I think you'd be better off remaining friends and leaving it at that. It's a miserable life to be suspicious all the time.
• United States
24 Apr 10
Yeah, I really wouldn't want to go through that.. Thankyou for the point of view
1 person likes this
@syankee525 (6293)
• United States
22 Apr 10
so glad i am married. but either way i look at it, you still be worry about that if he didnt know your friends. so trust is one thing that not just the guy but the ladies need to build on. if you like him i would say take a chance on him, you will never know if you dont give him just alittle trust. i tell people dont rush things take it slow for awhile. good luck.
• United States
24 Apr 10
That is a really good point. Thankyou for the insight! :)
@ebuscat (5945)
• Philippines
22 Apr 10
For me if you like him then ask him to visit in your house so that your parents know more how to do in such issue about you and him.
• United States
24 Apr 10
Do you bring your partners to meet your parents? If that's so, then thats great! I wish I could be like that with my parents. Not only are they not open, they're quite judgemental. Family is a good way to figure out issues, which is why I'm so thankful I have my sister. Thankyou for the comment!
• Philippines
22 Apr 10
Do you mean taking the chance of asking the guy if you want to be together in a relationship? Well, you could do that but you have to be ready whatever the effect of that action would bring to your friendship. I would say that you should take it slow. Maybe he's just mustering the courage to ask you out formally on a date. Maybe he's also thinking if taking a step further would affect your friendship. Why do you say that you don't trust him or if going in a relationship with him would be best? Has he done anything in the past like cheated on a girl or something? I guess you should take the time to get to know him better.
• United States
24 Apr 10
It's more like I'm waiting for him to directly to say he wants to be in a relationship, I'm not sure what teling me he likes me is ssupposed to mean. Maybe staying and becoming better friends is what I should do..I don't know, still abit confused. He used to be a player- cheated on girls always partied for fun, but he's said he's changed..And he didn't tell me he had a girlfriend when I met him, a mutual friend told me about the open relationship. Thankyou for responding :)
@bhanusb (5709)
• India
22 Apr 10
That guy is not your old friend. Not yet you both of you have become so close. Take time to know him more. Then decide whether you will response to his love. My suggestion is don't go to any risk. Love is not a matter of taking chance. If you become sure that you can trust him then proceed . Wish you good luck.
• United States
22 Apr 10
I think that makes sense, very wise :) Hopefully there is potential, I just want to be able to trust him. Thankyou for responding!
@dorannmwin (36648)
• United States
24 Nov 10
If there is any element of doubt in your mind about having a relationship with a person, I would say that it is best to not get into a relationship with a person. Besides that, you are the only one that can judge your own feelings and knowing that you feel like you are taking a risk is not really a good thing. You are definitely doing the best thing for yourself to avoid taking the risk and save yourself some pain later.
@_Honey_ (781)
• Philippines
15 May 10
Hi Frozen, how can you be such a paranoid?? LOL. Has he told you that he wants you to be his girlfriend? You're thinking too much and you fear of the unknown. Take it slow, make friends with him, find your common grounds and see if you share the same interests. If he courts you, then decide if you want to give it a try. Don't think of getting hurt if you're not in a relationship at all. The first step is to get comfortable with each other, determine if he's the type of guy you like or just someone you want to keep yourself in a relationship with. Have him as a bf because he's the one you like and not because you just want someone to call your lover. If he's already your bf, stop thinking about getting hurt but share your contributions in your future relationship to keep your man. If he still hurts you then at least you won't regret that much coz you did your part.
@piya84 (2589)
• India
24 Apr 10
Hiii frozenfire If you start dating with him it isnt mean you are in relationship with him.If oyu find out something is wrong with him after 2-3 months oyu can leave him there only.Dont assume you start dating means you are in relationship with him. So go ahead and have fun.