She got married today. So why do I care?
By bonnie
@bunnybon7 (50973)
Holiday, Florida
May 16, 2010 4:00pm CST
Agra, my sons ex, got married today. she is my same age and some of you know what I went through with her before she moved out. Yet ive been friends/and enemies with her for 15 yrs now. We've had a very strange relationship. its never been black or white, cut or dried with us one way or the other. when she first left i was like 
then slowly got over my dislike, became friends again. I felt so sorry for her, I prayed for her to find happiness. well, she did and just got married today. of course i wasnt invited for obvious reasons. she said i could come though. My problem is though im very happy for her and hopes its not a mistake because of it being a rebound, im confused. because it also put me in a funk. as because shes my age and now has a new house and good life,
i feel like why not me? yes, im jealous. Im friends with her daughter on FB, so got to see the lovely pics. it was beautiful. But now im depressed. feeling like my life is at a stand still, has been for 5yrs now since i lost/sold my house. Does jealousy ever depress you? Do you ever feel like "this is it"?like nothings ever going to be exciting, happy again?4 people like this
18 responses
@bunnybon7 (50973)
• Holiday, Florida
20 May 10
im so sorry to see you are losing your house. its about the second worse thing ever happened to me. maybe there is a way you could just live in seperate parts of it. 
unless hes abusive. then that wouldnt work i suppose
1 person likes this
@bunnybon7 (50973)
• Holiday, Florida
18 May 10
did you make it kid? im hoping you did or will. just today i was talking with her on the phone about how nice the pics were her daughter put up on the FB site. she seems happy.2 people like this
@bunnybon7 (50973)
• Holiday, Florida
17 May 10
thanks Deb. ive just been having my weak moments today. seeing as how im no longer master of my own domain. 
i hope things are looking up at your house and you stay well yourself. i think thats the key. if we could just stay well, right? 1 person likes this
@bunnybon7 (50973)
• Holiday, Florida
17 May 10
btw, i dont think you have to worry about another man in my life. they talk/type with me a bit then go off into the wild somewhere
1 person likes this
@bunnybon7 (50973)
• Holiday, Florida
17 May 10
Alice!! there you are. you keep going MIA. hope you are well
1 person likes this
@Christmas2006 (1661)
• United States
17 May 10
The grass always looks greener on the other side of the fence, problem is once you get over the fence you find out they have weeds too! and sometimes there weeds are worse then yours!!!
How about a special Bible Verse for when your down? I thought of this as I read the responses so here goes!
Have mercy on me, O God, have mercy on me, for in you my soul takes refuge.
I will take refuge in the shadows of your wings until the disaster has passed.
Psalm 57:1
@Christmas2006 (1661)
• United States
18 May 10
Your welcome! I am glad that it helps you. I like being your friend too. Thanks!@bunnybon7 (50973)
• Holiday, Florida
17 May 10
wow. thats beautiful. id never heard it before. you dont know how much that helps. im glad you are my friend. thanks, christmas
@3SnuggleBunnies (16374)
• United States
16 May 10
I hear ya I feel like life is at a standstill at times. Especially with my job it's nothing special just work at a store. But you know I always wanted to do better than my Mother did. Though I have in many ways like I've been married longer than her, never divorced, more kids than her, and I own a house. But I still want that carer worth bragging about and I'd hate to go back to school again and find out I've got no job and wasted more time and money again KWIM? So yeah I've got my share of jealousy even a friend of mine since 6th grade on FB posting pics of all her home remodeling and I need sooo much done but can't afford to do anything right now to improve my house let alone keep my bills paid KWIM? Depressing sometimes...
@bunnybon7 (50973)
• Holiday, Florida
17 May 10
yes very depressing friend. im really thinking though mine has a lot to do with age.
i see women worse off but most, except a couple are younger then myself and i think well, they have time to see things change for them. i feel i no longer have a lot of time and just wish my last days could carry a little more happiness with them. KWIM?
@3SnuggleBunnies (16374)
• United States
17 May 10
I see your view since on that. But you can't always dwell on what others have & you don't even though the grass always appears greener on the other side it isn't always. And I wouldn't feel so much about the clock ticking away at whats left of your life too much you never know how long one will be around. My Mother lived longer than she wanted to, but not as long as I would of liked her too but it was part of her illness to feel that way I'm afraid. As my kids are still young and I don't think they'll remember much of her.
I think someone once told me you have to make your own happiness, it's not handed to you. I guess find the things that make you happy and focus on those things, not the activities of someone else. ((hugs))
but it was part of her illness to feel that way I'm afraid. As my kids are still young and I don't think they'll remember much of her.
I think someone once told me you have to make your own happiness, it's not handed to you. I guess find the things that make you happy and focus on those things, not the activities of someone else. ((hugs))
@ANTIQUELADY (36440)
• United States
17 May 10
I learned to accept a long time ago that i would live alone & to be honest it's not a problem for me anymore. I wish u could get to that point, Bon. U really can't depend on someone else for your happiness. I'm sorry u are upset by this .
@ANTIQUELADY (36440)
• United States
17 May 10
Maybe u should take the effort it takes to whine to change some of the decisions u made back then, Take your life back & be happy.
@bunnybon7 (50973)
• Holiday, Florida
17 May 10
the thing is that when hubby first passed away, i was ok with living alone. i had my house, my job. everything was fine. 
but then i got sick and made stupid decisions that got me in a crappy place and kept making dumb decisions until im no longer my own boss. im not in a position any longer to decide who or what i have to deal with and that sucks and depresses me. i know, its my own fault, but still i have to whine now and then about it. sorry. thanks for your condolences tho1 person likes this
@celticeagle (158879)
• Boise, Idaho
17 May 10
Any sort of negativity that comes into your life can make for depression. Stressers are the culprit. I reached this point that you seem to be in several months ago. I JUST DON'T CARE ANYMORE! I was in a position of helping my family and we all in a really good situation and then my daughter went into a manic phase that changed EVERYTHING. She made comment to my granddaughter one evening that maybe they should just get rid of me. That was not the only thing that transpired. I really feel at a loss. I feel no energy or drive. I have no passion for my writing like I used to. I wanted to leave this spring and go meet some people and travel but instead I fell into a awful deep depression which I haven't come out of. Having severe depression I am that way most of the time. I used to atleast have the joy of having my grandson around but don't even have that anymore. Oh well!
@celticeagle (158879)
• Boise, Idaho
17 May 10
Yes, we should! I hate the hangover though. I send my best wishes to you and will whenever I think of you. Thanks.
@bunnybon7 (50973)
• Holiday, Florida
17 May 10
so sorry celtic. wish we could just go get soused together or something and talk about the good old days lets make sure we pray for each other or at least send blessed wishes for each other, ok? it helps usually when i pray for others, just not for myself. look how its helped my sons ex
cheer up i hope friend. praying for you right now.1 person likes this
@gabs8513 (48686)
• United Kingdom
25 May 10
Hi Bunny
I have learned to never be jealous of what other People have, that they are better of then me, they have nicer things then me, my Friend had a Husband who adored her and cared for her while my Ex Husband only thought of himself
Then I thought why put myself through all this? I accepted my Life the way it was but....I made changes, I got out of my abusive Marriage, I lost my Health, then my Job because of my Illness and then my House, but the changes I made have made more at ease with my Life, I live my Life now the way I want to live it and I am grateful I found the Strength to realise that I am grateful for what I have got
@bunnybon7 (50973)
• Holiday, Florida
26 May 10
i probably would enjoy it more to if i hadnt gotten so dependent on my kids and left myself no alternatives. or if my great wonderful hubby had not passed away and left me high and dry. i cant find any replacement now
@MsTickle (25180)
• Australia
20 May 10
Gosh Bunny, I think I know how awful you feel. That was very quick...she only left your son a short time ago, how did this happen so quickly? I think it's safe to say that it won't last because the woman is just weird.
You must be feeling just awful and I think that's very natural. Please don't beat yourself up for feeling as you do as I reckon I would feel just the same and I wish I could be there for you. Sending virtual hugs my friend.
@bunnybon7 (50973)
• Holiday, Florida
20 May 10
thanks mstickle. im glad you are a friend and understand what i mean, sending hugs back1 person likes this
@dragon54u (31636)
• United States
17 May 10
"Do you ever feel like "this is it"?like nothings ever going to be exciting, happy again?" Yes, I do feel like that sometimes but then I remind myself of all the wonderful things I do have in my life and all the the Lord has blessed me with. That usually lifts my mood! Don't dwell on what you don't have or events you'll not be able to enjoy. Appreciate the now and count your blessings.
Sometimes it's hard not to be jealous of others' good fortune but you also don't know what kinds of problems they are hiding.
@bunnybon7 (50973)
• Holiday, Florida
17 May 10
you are right dragon. and like ive said already. i do have mixed feelings about it. in a way im happy for her and just a little jealous, but im concerned some also, as shes confided some things with me not so great about the whole relationship. i think hes a little to dominate, and needy, but lets just hope im wrong and it works out. im much better today after talking with my friends here,
@katsmeow1213 (28717)
• United States
17 May 10
Of course it's easy to become jealous when we see someone who's life is going in a direction that ours isn't. The cure is to look at those less fortunate than you are, and look at what you do have instead of focusing on what you don't have.
@bunnybon7 (50973)
• Holiday, Florida
17 May 10
yes i know. i feel ashamed for my whining, but sometimes cant help it. gotta come and cry on my friends shoulders here then i feel better after a while
@reckon21 (3479)
• Philippines
17 May 10
I really have to read your post slowly and analyze each lines very well. When your friend get married you seem to be having jealousy for all the thing she had and which you don't have. I know deep inside you felt happy for her and wish her all the best in life. But it seems her happiness touch something in you the feeling of jealousy and emptiness.
I feel the same way too like when some of my classmate in college already become police officers or military men. I watch them with envy because I could never achieve what is their status now. I have certain illness that a hindrance to my life's goal. You are not alone. Cheer up.
@bunnybon7 (50973)
• Holiday, Florida
17 May 10
i can see you know exactly how i feel. i hope you can cheer up also, friend
very nice of you to read it thoroughly and to understand it so well. hope you can keep up the bravery of over coming this also, as you have so far.
very nice of you to read it thoroughly and to understand it so well. hope you can keep up the bravery of over coming this also, as you have so far. 
@bunnybon7 (50973)
• Holiday, Florida
17 May 10
hey hon. you need to respond with at least 3 lines to get paid. and by the way, it wasnt myself married. you need to read the discussion also. or you wont have a lot of fun here. which is even better then the getting paid part.1 person likes this
@alexies29 (124)
• Philippines
17 May 10
I also gets jealous but only for a very short time. I don't really think much about it. Jealousy could sometimes provoke a person to do some stupid things. Or sometimes when you're jealous with how lucky the other person is, it makes you feel insecure and sorry for yourself that instead of becoming productive, you become more and more lazy and not getting something good for yourself. Too much jealousy is not healthy. It's normal to be jealous, but you should not dwell on it. If you think it's making you depress, then it's time for you think of yourself and the good things in your life. Block the feeling of jealousy so that you can go back to your normal self.
@bunnybon7 (50973)
• Holiday, Florida
17 May 10
you have that right. its just that there are times its a hard thing to do. i will likely feel different tomorrow i suppose. then i'll be out of my funk im pretty well feeling it mostly gone as i read and type. people here on mylot are always so good for me
@Opal26 (17679)
• United States
17 May 10
Hey Bunny~ I don't even know what to say! She sure didn't waste
too much time being upset about the breakup! She is a needy person
who wants someone and needs someone and I guess isn't all that
picky who it is if she could get over your son and get married
so quickly! People like her are co-dependent, my Mother is! They
just need to be with someone! Thank God I am the opposite! Don't
feel jealous because you don't know what she really has or if
she is really happy! She and your son barely broke up after so
many years! Get real! I've never been married, although almost
twice! You think I'm upset! Hell no! I know that I made thr right
choices both times! There is alot more to both stores, but I
don't want to get into them except to say that I am not sorry
for my choices! So, stop being so down! At least you have some
beautiful kids and grands to show for your life! I have nothing!
@bunnybon7 (50973)
• Holiday, Florida
17 May 10
oh so sorry. you had me happy for you right up toward the end, then, now i feel ashamed of my rants. like i said before, i know lots of people have it worse then i. anyway, i know shes not deliriously happy. every time we've talked shes cried over loosing my son. even after she told me of her plans to marry this guy but still, tho i still miss my hubby, im a little jealous that at least she has someone to talk troubles over with face to face and can just be held sometimes. you know what im saying. no, i dont wish her any unhappiness. not at all. im just envious that she had the presence of mind to get on with someone to grow old with before its to late, like me.
@jugsjugs (12967)
•
16 May 10
I have a friend that has everything she could want in life apart from she is not happy and if she stays with the man shes with she will never be happy.She has not got married to the man yet but she is putting that off as i think in the end she will have no choice as he tellks her what she has got to do.I think alot of people out there get married for all the wrong reasons except they get married aswell as stay married so that thee people who said it would never work are not proven they were right.I hope you will find happiness soon.
@bunnybon7 (50973)
• Holiday, Florida
17 May 10
it doesnt sound like it i know, but actually iam very happy for her and dearly hope she will have a good life. otherwise i wouldnt have prayed for her when i felt sad for her. im just envious you might say @bigal3 (1231)
• Thailand
17 May 10
Cheer Up! It's not that bad. Believe me, the pain does go away eventually. "Been there,done that"; to my dismay. I dislike using "old sayings" but in this case it might be warranted. Well here goes; Is it possible YOU have stronger feelings for her than you will admit to yourself?
The "FEELING" you had, was it kind of a hollow feeling,a sense of loss? Finally, why did you feel "JEALOUS"?
The bottom line is you have to continue with your life and move on.
GOOD LUCK!
