Does the Pediatrician have the right to tell me how many kids I should have?
By cream97
@cream97 (29087)
United States
July 3, 2010 8:35am CST
My daughter had to go to her yearly check up appointment. And, the pediatrician told me that I don't need to have anymore children. She said that it would be to much on me, because I am already raising smaller children right now. My son is 8, my oldest daughter is 4. And my youngest daughter is 3 years old. I have not gotten pregnant in three years now. I am not sick. I am a very healthy woman. She always say that I take good care of my children and that I am doing a great job. I only have three kids. I am not an unfit mother. Everyone who knows me, knows that. I don't throw my kids on anyone else. I understand that having a child right now, may be a bit of a tight squeeze, but that is my personal business if I want to have anymore children. No one has the right to tell me this. I told her that, I really don't want anymore kids right now because of my personal beliefs. Why do people assume before they ask? Common sense should tell her, if I did not have any kids in three years then, I may not be planning to have anymore any time soon. She has been my kids pediatrician ever since my son was born. And this was in 2001. So for about 9 years, she was all of my kids doctor. She is a very nice woman, but I feel that it is not her place to tell me when and when I should not have anymore children. She is not the first person that has told me this and she won't be the last. I will be 32 on my Birthday in August. I am a grown woman. Not a child. I know some women that will become pregnant within five months to a year again after having their child. I did wait in between periods before I have had another baby. I am getting tired of people telling me that I don't need anymore kids. Why tell a mother this, whom takes great care of her children??
2 people like this
18 responses
@carmelanirel (20942)
• United States
3 Jul 10
Yes, and it stinks because they then force women to abort if they get pregnant again or they will abort if it is a female since they value males more..
1 person likes this
@JenInTN (27514)
• United States
3 Jul 10
I can see why you would be offended by an out of the way comment like that. I mean if you were discussing the fact with her or asking her opinion...ok...but just off the wall? I would be irritated too. It is no one elses business what you want to do as far as your family goes and if you want to have another child..well...that's none of her concern. I can't understand why anyone would think that offering their opinion on your life like that would be acceptable to be honest.
1 person likes this
@deriellevc73 (982)
• Philippines
4 Jul 10
i agree with you JenInTN. it was an unsolicited advice and i'd be irritated too if i were in her shoes. Although the pediatrician may have good intentions in telling her that, it was bad timing and unsolicited, except if they are discussing the matter before hand or if Common was asking the Pedia for an advice, which she didn't.
I guess there are just people or professionals who might be experts in their field but it doesn't mean that their advices are not sought, so they should learn how to keep their mouth shut if their advices are not needed.
1 person likes this
@scarlet_woman (23465)
• United States
20 Jul 10
no,they don't.
i can see it being suggested for people of ill health or a history of hard pregnancies,but otherwise they should STFU.
it seems with some doctors afterwhile the closer you are to 40 they try to push toward a nice and expensive tubaligation.
1 person likes this
@louisefrank (356)
•
2 Aug 10
It sounds to me as if she had your best interests at heart but that didn't come across in what she said. She obviously recognises that you are a really good mother and doesn't want you to be too stressed and overworked with another child. However, it's absolutely your decision and not hers. If you really want a fourth child, go for it - and good luck. You sound like you have been very blessed with your family.
@snowqueen200802 (1463)
• United States
3 Jul 10
Hi cream97
Good for you! I think that is was out of line.
Take care
Snow
1 person likes this
@consultrainer (4992)
• India
3 Jul 10
it would have been better, HAD the doctor put the words in a better fashion. suggesting some GAP for now! .. anyhow..
you seem to be very strong with your feelings. Gave out a crispy answer. Is it because of the snow? .. Just asking!
1 person likes this
@mario_stevens (6971)
• Malaysia
3 Jul 10
unless it was an advice due to some health reason, i don't think the pediatrician should be that nosy...
1 person likes this
@TexLadyPj (1328)
• United States
3 Jul 10
Herro cream97
I'm going to join the crowd. I think the doctor had no business giving advice unless there is a valid health reason.
The fact that you have 3small children is irrelevant. A lot of families in my church have 4 children. One has 6. One family has 11. As long as you are managing them financially and taking care of yourself, I believe that it is God's, your husband and your business. The family with 11 children...The mother is a stay-at-home mother. Her oldest just turned 16, her youngest is 4mo. She and her husband are fantastic parents. I know, I am a nursery worker and can tell somewhat by the behavior of the children. I also see the husband as a nursery worker. IGNORE the unwanted advice.
God bless you
Prosperous mylotting
1 person likes this
@carmelanirel (20942)
• United States
3 Jul 10
I agree with most here cream..Unless there is a physical, financial reason you can't have any more, it's none of her business. I have friends and relatives that have 7 plus kids and they are happy..:)
1 person likes this
@Hatley (163781)
• Garden Grove, California
3 Jul 10
hi cream that is rather odd unless she is concerned about your age and the liklihood of giving birth to a child with birth defects. I am with you on this, I really dont think she is the one to tell you about not having more children.Your ob gyn might have said something about the possibility of having children with birth defects increases a lot after thirty. But still I see no reason why either one of them need tell you to or not to have more children. That'
s a personal choice of your own. I can see how this would really irritate you
s a personal choice of your own. I can see how this would really irritate you1 person likes this
@bounce58 (17387)
• Canada
6 Jul 10
I don't think the pediatrician had the right to say that. Even if he or she is your personal doctor, and knows you very well, I still don't think she had the right. Unless of course you are sick, and that the one thing that could treathen your health or life is getting pregnant.
Good on you to tell her off!
@indhunair (259)
• India
3 Jul 10
commonn dear,leave it,the doctor is oon his professional ethics,then our people mentality is showing ,dont bother about it,it is nature of people,some topics if they get means they can go back,so please leave this difficult silly people answer,do what is good for you andyour family
@pcserver (392)
•
3 Jul 10
Of course not. He can't tell you how many kids you should have, if it is not bad for your health. But you are fine, so you should keep on if you have the money, time and you think you can take care of all your children you should get pregnant again :) It is the greatest thing to do. Don't listen to your pediatrician - obviously he is an idiot :)
@manokob (19)
• Philippines
4 Jul 10
Yes you're absolutely correct not to be told by anyone else that you should quit from bearing anymore child. however your doctor could just be sharing her piece of advice but not officially deciding in your behalf after all its you who has the final say. raising more children in the family is really a great great blessing for life itself is indeed a gift from above and no human luminary can ever dispute it. go ahead and multiply
1 person likes this
@consultrainer (4992)
• India
3 Jul 10
i am sorry. IF it has hurt your feelings. The DOCTOR might have told you that in all good sense, and with a true nature to help you. But, may be.. she was out of moods, and tired. So, she could not sugar-coat the sentences, and had been a bit DIRECT, and RUDE in telling you so, without checking out the facts.
it happens. You are able to bear with the queues in the airport check-ins, you are able to bear with the IRS, and their taxations. .. you are able to bear with the pressure of your CREDITORS, DEBTORS, etc.. in finances.
please also bear with the rudeness of DOCTORS and medical staff. The PRESSURE is too much, these days, everywhere.
@celticeagle (159008)
• Boise, Idaho
3 Jul 10
The pediatrician is there to counsel you on all manner of things. If he feels you need to be careful or there might be a problem with another pregnancy then ofcourse it is something he needs to put out there and discuss with you. There are alot of reasons why a women shouldn't have more children. It is a big strain on her body and becomes more of a problem as she ages. I am rather certain that your doctor would not bring this up unless there were valid reasons for the discussion. He has probably had some experience and is imparting that to you as well as the rest.
@cream97 (29087)
• United States
4 Jul 10
She should not feel that I have any health problems. I am healthy and so are my kids. And she knows that. She may put them on this and put them on that. But she knows that I am healthy enough to have more kids if I decide to. She may be annoyed at just seeing any new babies that I may have. But that is her job.
1 person likes this
@celticeagle (159008)
• Boise, Idaho
6 Jul 10
The pediatrician just wants you to have every opportunity and all the options. It can't hurt to have all the options.
@my_name_is_coco (4334)
• Philippines
3 Jul 10
I think your pediatrician is giving you an advice.it will depend if you are going to take it or not.personally,I believe she is just looking out for you and your children.running a household with 3 small children is not easy,financially,mentally,and emotionally.even if you are a healthy woman,it doesn't guarantee a successful pregnancy in the future.just my 2 cents...
@cream97 (29087)
• United States
4 Jul 10
@my _name_is_coco. I have no health problems that would interfere in me giving birth again. I never told her that I wanted anymore kids right now. She just openly decided to submit her unsolicited advice. And besides, I always have a gap in between my pregnancies anyway. Looking out for me does not mean that she should offer me advice especially when it is not her place to. And if I did not ask for her advice.
@ersanmiguel (476)
• Philippines
3 Jul 10
i hear you coco.
funny cause my OB advises me to have a baby this year
. health wise maybe she has the right but i still have the final say. same with you cream, if you feel you want another one and you can afford to have another child, the final decision is with you and your husband.
. health wise maybe she has the right but i still have the final say. same with you cream, if you feel you want another one and you can afford to have another child, the final decision is with you and your husband. 1 person likes this
