Why is having an only child looked down upon?

I don't necessarily think that it is looked down upon to have an only child. Instead, I think that it is the natural question to ask is when there is going to be another member of the family. For me, I always knew that I wanted more than one child and it never bothered me at all when people would ask me when the next child was coming. However, I think a lot of people that only plan on having one child are pretty up front about their desire when they are asked this question.

We also have only one child, a son, who's almost 5. People usually do ask us if/when we are going to have more and we usually respond, "We decided he would be our one and only very spoiled and over-indulged child!" People usually laugh and we offer nothing else. If they don't pick up on the "WE DECIDED" bit and they get pushy, we say something like "We had the same PRIVATE discussion about having more children as we did before we had our first!" People who know us well, understand - it was a very important, very conscious decision on our part to go so long without children. We were well into our 30's before we even talked about having kids! Those same people also know that it is for our own health and sanity that we not WANT or HOPE for more, but would feel blessed if it happens. We both have serious medical issues that effect our fertility; it took me 4 years to get pregnant, and although my pregnancy was fine, the delivery was not. We are very open and explain to those who think we are denying him something by not providing a playmate/sibling that we take extreme measures in making sure he doesn't MISS anything. From the time he was 7 months old, he's been in Mommy & Me classes and became very social. By the time he was three, he was in preschool and a regular playdate invitee. He attends half-day camps with other 4/5 year olds... Now, at 5 he's one of the most social, happy, friendly, unafraid kids I've ever seen. He is in no way MISSING anything by being an only child - something his dad and I are proud of and work very hard at. Don't feel at all bad about telling people that it's a PRIVATE family decision you made ON PURPOSE. But also embrace the fact that you can't stop people from having the wrong ideas and you may actually ENLIGHTEN them with your honest answers. Best of luck!

For a long time it looked like I would only have one child. I was married for six years and during that time had my son. After I got divorced I had another relationship. So I ended up having another son and a daughter. So I had one child for twelve years before I had my second child. So I have a fifteen year old son, a three year old disabled son and a one year old daughter. I know some friends of mine are only children. Some of my friends just have one child. I think it is up to every lady whether she is happy to have another baby after her first child. Sometimes there are reasons why she doesn't choose to have a second child. Like for example one of my children had a very upsetting time in her labor. She had already had the maximum amount of pain relief then she had to continue a very difficult labor without any pain relief. When I oldest son was born I had a retained placenta and the manual removal of it was very painful. I didn't imagine I could go through that sort of thing again. When I become pregnant a second time I had my worries about that happening again. At 36 weeks pregnancy I found out my second son is disabled. He has spina bifida and hydrocephalus. His birth was quick and easy and the placenta came out fine. Then in my third pregnancy I imagined another easy labor. However it was agony and I lost two and a half liters of blood after she was born. The placenta came out with four blood clots. I think it is fine to have just one child and understandable to want a full term baby rather than have a nightmare time having a premature baby. When my disabled son was in the special care baby unit I saw many premature babies and some looked very frail. It took some of them six months to be well enough to go home.

Many people these days perfer to have only one child because of a lot of reasons. There are already lot of people in this world and the population is increasing everyday. Also, if a fmaily doesn't have enough money to support two children and give them good education and financial support to build up the life of their children, it is always good to have one child other than having two or more children and let them struggle in this world.

I don't see any reason that you'll be looked down upon if you have an only child.. I'm an only child, maybe its the most basic question to ask, the progression.. no offense taken at that..

I am my parents only son and to be honest I wouldn't have it any other way. I am close with my cousins and have a multitude of friends so I never felt alone in any way. Don't get me wrong, having multiples are fine,too, but when I settle down I would like to have an only child. My parents could focus totally on me so it really made all of my aspirations and dreams easier to fulfill because their resources weren't split between three or four children. They've provided me with my first vehicle and I haven't had to take out student loans for med school or any other educational expenses. I am not the spoiled only child, I am very grateful and appreciative of what I have been blessed with. Plus, now that I am an adult, my parents have a plethora of free time on their hands in which they travel, volunteer,and pamper themselves. Be proud of your decision. I am. :-)

That is pretty odd! Before we had my now 11 month old we were never asked if and when we were planning on having more after having my now 4 year old. I guess that is also because I was told that I could never have kids so talk about a shock when I found out that not only did the specialist "fix" the problem, but that I was pregnant! WOW! What a super shocker that was, but the best surprise ever, and I was equally surprised when I found out I was pregnant again with my youngest.

There is nothing wrong with having an only child. I think some people are just used to people having at least two children. I will be having my first child in November if all goes well which I hope it does. I don't know if I will have another or not we are thinking about it eventually but I want to see how this one goes first. We are having a little boy and we would eventually like to have a girl too, but as we know there are no guarantees, so we decided we will see after our son is born and how well it goes, although I had no problems conceiving I wasn't even trying to we were actually taking the precautions not to have a baby but sometimes it just works out this way I guess, but as I said there is nothing wrong with only having one especially going through what you went through. People just think children should just have a sibling and in some ways I can see that I had brothers and sisters and in some ways it is nice not just for the children but for yourself as well having more than one child around on the holidays, but everyone is different sometimes one is enough for some people and others need to respect that decision.

Wow, your post and the responses you've been getting have been an interesting read for me. I'm in a similar position to you, except that the risk of having further children would be to my health and not that of a future child. I find it a tricky question to answer as I don't want to go into detail with everybody who asks (and plenty of people do..), because it's really none of their business. My daughter is a very sociable little girl, just as yours is by the sounds of it. She loves playing with her friends, and we try to have lots of play-dates, so she does see her friends a lot. A couple of them she has known all of her life, and they are almost like siblings. She is also good at sharing a lot of the time, and is very kind. It makes me angry too that people can ask questions like "so when are you having the next one?", and even ask my daughter if she'd like a baby brother or sister, without even realising how insensitive they're being. I wish I had a really good, stock answer that I could use to stop them in their tracks! I've thought about this subject a lot. A while ago I wrote this hub on the subject of whether it's mean to have just one child. My conclusion was that it's not, by the way! I didn't go into the subject of health or fertility considerations, I wanted to mainly look at whether only children are worse-off than children with siblings. http://hubpages.com/_x8qozdkx59zj/hub/Am-I-evil-if-I-dont-have-a-second-child

Hello welcome to mylot There is nothing wrong in having one baby for the time being,when you feel proper go for the next, never get worried over what others say.. Thanks for sharing. Welcome always. Cheers. Professor

i do not think you are being looked down upon. maybe it is just not common to say that your child is going to be an only child, and to those people who does not know the reason, it is totally a big question why? i actually amdire you for considering what could happen if wish to have another child, that he/she might also suffer just like your first, be born preemie and might in the future develop defects, and might put yourself in danger if you try to conceive. it is really tough decision. you are right, your child will not be lonely, as you said you have a day care, and maybe that is the reason why you are not keen on having second child because these children become your children also. good luck!

i tend to answer things like this even though i am single : ). i maybe a bit excited about parenthood, i guess : ) about her being a lonely child: it really depends on how the parents handled her growing up days. good for you that you allow your daughter to play with other kids. it's important that your attention will not be too focused on her. you will care for her of course but then she needs to feel her independence. allowing her to mingle with other people is just right. i knew this from experience. i had a high school friend back then. she said that as an only child, she felt the pressure coming from her parents. she thinks she needs to be right if not be perfect all the time. she was afraid that she might fail and disappoint her parents in anyway. that is one scenario that might be avoided if you are giving your daughter, which you are doing now, her taste of independence.. on having another child: it really depends on the couple, as long as they see themselves fit or capable both financially and emotionally. on emotionally, it is just not your desire to have another child that should be accounted for. the amount of attention that you will be able to give to your second child should also be considered. it may also help to ask for your daughter's point of view, on how does she likes having a younger sister or brother. if you find it too candid to ask, you might like to observe her mannerisms to playmates younger than her.. on the health aspect: physical health of the mother should be of utmost importance. it may depend on individual body physiology but my mother was able to give birth to me when she was 37, my first brother when she was 42 and the youngest in our family when she was 47.. Thank God all of us siblings are all normal and healthy beings. : ) hope i have contributed something : )

I agree with you. As of now, I only have one child. I don't see any problem having only one child. It's really not easy to have another. I don't believe that your child will be lonely if she doesn't have any sibling as long as she socializes with other children of her age. As you said, you are not getting any younger for having another child and its true that pregnant mom whose age is 30 and up is a little bit risky knowing that you have a history of pregnancy problem. its still up to you if you want to have another child, then you are willing to take the risk. But if not, then just don't listen to what other might say.

I am my parents only son and I wouldn't have it any other way. Don't get me wrong, multiples are fine, but when I settle down I would like to have an only. I am close with my cousins, and have a multitude of friends so I never felt alone. With being an only my parents could totally focus on me instead of splitting their resources between three children. This made my dreams and aspirations much easier to accomplish. They could provide me with my first vehicle, a great school, and I haven't had to take out any dreaded school loans for med school or any of my educational needs. I am not the spoiled only child,though, mind you. I am very grateful and appreciative of everything I am blessed with and pay it forward, especially when i become a full fledged doctor. Also, now that I am an adult my parents are still young and have free time to travel, volunteer, and pamper themselves which they deserve. Be proud of your decision. I am :-)