Why do some people borrow stuffs and never return them?

@caliya (1170)
Philippines
July 13, 2010 12:35am CST
I used to believe that being a good friend would include letting your friends and colleagues borrow stuffs from you like books, dvd's and even shoes. But lately I have realized that many of those people never even cared to return the stuffs that they borrowed from me. I did my part in reminding them to return my stuffs but to no avail so I have decided not to let people borrow things from me anymore except for really close and trusted friends who I know would really return things that are borrowed. I'm sure at some point in your lives, you have also experienced something like this. Please share your story.
9 people like this
41 responses
@kharlav (1669)
• Philippines
13 Jul 10
It think it is because they forget and as time pass by, they think that they already own the borrowed stuff. But i think for me it is just an act of being irresponsible. Because a borrower should always be responsible for the thing that he/she borrowed.
@ifa225 (14364)
• Indonesia
13 Jul 10
people are being so busy at this time. they often forget what things that they just borrow. they tend to use 'forget' to legal what they did
@caliya (1170)
• Philippines
17 Jul 10
How could one possibly forget? I think it's just a lame excuse.
@skbh12 (2946)
• Philippines
13 Jul 10
hi caliya! i know some people who borrows stuffs and doesn't bother to return to the owner. it simply pisses me at times because you have to update them before they return a thing to you. for me, once i borrow a stuff i make it sure that i return it to the owner once i am done using the certain item.
@caliya (1170)
• Philippines
17 Jul 10
Hi there! I know right. These people are a pain in the neck so we should not make the same mistake of letting them borrow our stuffs again.
@LotRowena (158)
• Philippines
13 Jul 10
First, I don't lend my personal things even to my dearest friends. Because it is not safe to do this. But for people who use to borrow things without having them back are kinda bad person and don't give value to you or to your things. I think they must consider taking extra care of the borrowed things so that the owner can still have it in its original form or state.
@caliya (1170)
• Philippines
13 Jul 10
I see your point, if a person really values you as a friend then they would take care of your things and also make sure to return them.
@denise36 (128)
• United States
13 Jul 10
I learned a long time ago that if I was going to let someone borrow a book that I would probably never see it again. I have gone over to one friends house and while I was there visiting grabbed my book off the bookshelf and said "Oh, I forgot I let you borrow this". I've lost a few dvd's this way too. I don't understand why they do it, I think it is probably a simple matter of forgetting. I on the other hand can barely enjoy anything I borrow because I'm too concerned about getting it back to the person I borrowed it from.
@caliya (1170)
• Philippines
13 Jul 10
Same here, I always feel the need to return the things that I borrow that's why I can't understand why others forget or could it be possible that they just intend to forget? lol
• Philippines
13 Jul 10
Yeah i have tried it already and you know what? to a very close relative of our family. It's not even things but it's money. They have asked my help and promised to return it. Actually, it's my aunt who borrowed the money. It will be used to finance my cousin's flight to another country. She promised to return it as soon as my cousin sends money to them but unfortunately, after four years of informing them, i have got no reply. I have trusted them since they are our close family but then it's a big NO.
@caliya (1170)
• Philippines
17 Jul 10
This also happened so many times in my family. Relatives would borrow money from my parents and they never care to pay the debt. Is it because they are our relatives that they don't feel the need to pay their debts? I don't think it's a good practice and I feel that it shouldn't be tolerated.
• United States
6 Mar 11
When I let people borrow things I always get it back.
@MsTickle (25180)
• Australia
17 Jul 10
It's happened more times than I care to remember. It first happened when I loaned my best and favourite pair of shoes to my best friend to wear when we went somewhere together. We travelled home by train and bus, getting separate buses but she nevewr arrived home. She was seen getting into a sports car with an older fellow whom she seemed to know well and that's the last her parents saw of her. A "friend" borrowed an expensive gardening reference book, a special gift from my Dad, and not returned it. Another time my hub's sister borrowed an expensive sewing book and didn't return it and I can only think that these were deliberate acts of theft. Both books were the type you will refer to over and over again. To this day I miss having them. Sadly, I'm still generous with my stuff and encourage people to help themselves and I immediately regret my words. For me to borrow anything is fairly rare and I always return the thing immediately...clean, and back in it's correct place.
29 Oct 10
I guess some people forget and others simply don't care that they keep things that aren't there own. I borrowed things to a family who live next door, this goes against my strict rules but I generally allow exceptions as we really did get on and they seemed very down to earth. I stopped borrowing them things after I did receive two items back and I still get asked now, I really think some people just can't be bothered to go out and by things for themselves. Personally I won't, not under any situation now.
@cream97 (29087)
• United States
6 Aug 10
Hi, caliya. I have had this happen to me. One time I let my father-in-law use a blue tumbler cup of mines. He never returned it back to me. So, from then on if he has to drink from a glass or cup out of my home, I will let him use a plastic cup. He can take this cup with him. I would not mind. But for the cups that are in my home, I want them to stay in my home. I mean no harm. I can't afford to give away my nice cups away. I do think that people should return things that they borrow from me. And I don't like it when someone borrows something and return it back to me so late too.
• United States
16 Jul 10
I never let people borrow stuff, I'm stingy, if they want it so bad they can go buy it. I'll let them test drive it but I'll be the salesman over their shoulder if they show interest. Heck, I'll even drive them to the store so they can pick it up. I've learned that people don't take the same care of your stuff that you do. Its a hard lesson to learn but it only takes about once or twice.
@jdyrj777 (6530)
• United States
20 Jul 10
I have learned the hard way not to loan stuff out. Because of people that you describe. You might as well just give it to them. I hate being that way becuse i dont want to appear to be selfish. On the other hand i can not afford to go out and re buy items that never get returned. Ive only actually gotten stuff back two times. Once some neighbors returned a food processor. It was full of roaches when o got it back. The other thing that was returned was a electric heated. I do not know why they even returned that because it was no longer working. A $50 heater. They should have bought me a new one. The food processor wasnt cheap either. i had to throw it away. These were two differnt borrowers. Once i lived next door to my cousin and she would always barrow my frying pan (my only 1) and my broom. I got so everytime i had to use one of my two items i had to go to her apt and get them. One time when i had to get my stuff from her place she asked me to return them when i was done. Lol!!! i told her maybe she should just buy her own things.
@hamcenty (71)
• United States
14 Jul 10
I can see how this can be a little annoying. I would never let a friend borrow something I want back for real. If it is something I do not care about, I will let them borrow it. Honestly, I do not think they have bad intentions...since they are my friends, I am very comfortable in asking for my stuff back, even if I have to do it every day...lol. They will give it back that way! They never seem to get upset because they usually just forget. There have been times when I have been guilty of not giving my friends back their stuff, but that does not mean I am a bad person. I usually end up cleaning the house and find their stuff and just put it in a bag and place it beside the door so that I will not forget it next time I go see them! Most of the time they forget they let me borrow it anyway but they are always grateful for the return!
• Malaysia
23 Jul 10
Yes, I understand how you feel. I learnt the lesson when i was in secondary school. I had difficulty when it come to say 'NO' to my friends so i lend my stuff to them. I'm a comic lover and one of my favourite comic is SLAMDUNK. i bought my comics in Kudat which is my hometown but i study in Labuan. In Labuan it is very difficult to find this comic so i really cherish it and make sure it is in good condition. I tell my friends to take good care of my comics and they did. But one friend who borrow without telling and only inform me after a few days borrowing had really made me the person i am today. Not only did she delay the return of my comic but when she finally returned it was in really bad condition. I was really mad but i manage to hide it from her. only my best friends know that i was really angry. But that is a very good lesson because after that i was more brave to say No. I than bought a new copy of Slamdunk and that girl wanted to borrow but remembering the way she handle it prevously, i told her no. She was very mad and said i was not a good friend. But who care...a person who know how to borrow but do not know how to care for others' stuff if not worth trusting or lending anything.
• Philippines
29 Oct 10
You reminded me of one childhood friend who is also my neighbor.Before we only have simple lives because we are from poor family and still struggling in life. When we are on our high school years she always borrow clothes jeans and shoes from me but i cant refuse her because she is my friend.She have body odor so i dont know how to tell her that i dont want to borrow her cloth or jeans or shoes because she have body odor.So what i do if she insist i let him borrow my shoe and jeans but not my clothes.When we grew up and started to have our jobs we dont much now especially when she left our place for her new house which her ex husband bought her for. She married a japanese men before and her life got better bought her new house,new car and new bar.I noticed she did changed attitude maybe because she can say she had a good life but since i started singing abroad i dont know whats happening to her. After 1 year singing abroad i went home then i found out that she is separated now with her japanese uisband and lost her money for the case. She is now living with another partner and since then many years ago we dont have constant communication since she experienced a good life now she is back to normal except for the house she had now so i guess really can chane a lot because of money and possession.
@mtdewgurl74 (18151)
• United States
14 Jul 10
I so know what you mean...or if you do get it back it is in bad shape..that they didn't even take care of it or keep it from the kids or harm..DVDs come back with so many scratches they don't wanna play anymore..Or have candy on them or whatever else the kids had on their hands when they touched it..Yeah.. I have loaned to a few and didn't recieve stuff back..or if I got it back it was 6 months later...and only after repeatedly reminding them every week..again and again.. I mean they should want to return stuff and in good shape so we would want to loan this stuff more..and take care of it better then they would their own stuff..so it doesn't get messed up or ruined. If I borrow something even a movie..I return it the next day or if I borrow something else..I return it as soon as I am finished I don't wait days and days or weeks and months to return something.. and I feel that if I respect them enough to do that then they should respect me enough to do so also..I mean if they borrow a movie..and then a week or two later tell you they still haven't gotten around to watching it..why borrow it in the first until they have time.
@34momma (13882)
• United States
14 Jul 10
my cousin use to do this all the time. not only did she borrow my clothes and not give them back. But she use to borrow my clothes and taylor them to fit her better. She would take the pants up, or take the blouses and jackets in. like they were hers!! it use to drive me nuts. until i said ummm ok... no more borrowing my clothes thank you
@Canellita (12029)
• United States
14 Jul 10
You should never lend anything you don't want to lose. People are sometimes careless or irresponsible and if something is important to you the only way to protect it is not to lend it out.
@lindsiko (355)
• United States
14 Jul 10
I've often wondered if people who borrow my stuff ever really had the intention of giving it back. I haven't lent anything to anyone for a while except $10 to my coworker last summer. She has been reminded of this twice now and each time she acts embarrassed that she hasn't paid me back yet. It's only ten dollars, so I've just let it go. But I don't think she ever intended to pay me back.
• Philippines
14 Jul 10
Unfortunately I'm one of those people who sometimes don't return things. Not all the time though. My reason usually is because the thing has been with me for a long time that I'm embarrassed to return it to the owner when I remember to return it. I make it up though by giving something in return. I just don't know if they realize that.
@dav20b (507)
• United States
14 Jul 10
I know I always hated that when I would let people borrow some of my stuff and they never like to return it.I have a sister like that I have to remind her or just take my stuff back from her or she will forget and then think it is hers.