Good Friends closer than Relatives...Can that happen ?

@kiran8 (15377)
Mangalore, India
July 19, 2010 2:24am CST
It does happen sometimes that we feel closer to certain friends who we are able to completely trust and share all our sensitive issues with . I have a few such friends who I can trust with every single matter and they never hesitate to help nor do they hesitate to give a piece of their mind when they feel that what I have done is not right LOL...I would rather have it that way than have flatterers who praise me to my face and later spread malicious gossip behind my back. The advantage with friends is that they are not connected with the intricate details of your family matters and do not get directly effected by what might be happening within your family, but at the same time may be able to give you good well meaning advice... What are your views friends?
4 people like this
40 responses
• United States
19 Jul 10
I have always had a close extended family, but I still think I have 2 friends that are closer to me than my family is. My family has had alot of disagreements over the years, and can sometimes be judgemental. When my husband and I were gone for 5 days, we chose to leave our daughters with my best friend and her husband instead of anyone in either of our families if that tells you anything!
1 person likes this
@mommyboo (13187)
• United States
19 Jul 10
LOL! I have a very close friend (who also lives very close) and if we go away, that's where our daughter stays too. My mom lives 1200 miles away, and I would never leave my daughter with my mother in law lol. If my mom lived close, I might occasionally, but more often I think we'd just go spend time with my mom - together. My parents have raised 5 kids, I'm kind of hesitant to be the sort to ever just leave my kids with my parents all the time. I've always been that way, some of my friends think I'm weird but I feel right about it after I see how many people constantly treat their parents or inlaws like built in babysitters lol.
@kiran8 (15377)
• Mangalore, India
20 Jul 10
I think it happens with me as well.My children when they were very young preferred to stay with friends and one particular relative who was very fond of them.They still are very fond of her, but, other than that one turns towards friends during an emergency...
• Philippines
19 Jul 10
One good thing about friends is that they do not expect any 'attachment decisions' from you as compared to relatives. Relatives can sometimes be so biased about their points of view toward you that's why their views get clouded, and hence, a very negative result. Frankly, there are times that being friends with strangers are better than being friends with relatives. Strangers who became friends do not have any interest in you whereas sometimes - and I'm not generalizing here - relatives tend to expect too much from you, like expecting you to make decisions taking them into consideration (that's what I call attachment decisions.'
@kiran8 (15377)
• Mangalore, India
19 Jul 10
that is true, it is much easier to develop friendship than get close to relatives, which can lead to many complications.What you say about strangers is also true but after a couple of meeting they become friends ...
1 person likes this
@dpk262006 (58697)
• Delhi, India
19 Jul 10
Hi Kiran! I agree with your observations that good friends are many a times better than the relatives because friends have not stake of property etc. like friends. Friends are many a times our better well wishers than our relatives because they seriously think about our welfare. I have few friends on whom, I rely more than my relatives.
@kiran8 (15377)
• Mangalore, India
19 Jul 10
Hi deepak, how have you been? how is the weather in your country ? lol...here it is raining, actually pouring all day...I agree with your views that it is much easier to interact and develop friendships than with relatives for obvious reasons- too much at stake ...Have a nice evening deepak and all the best
@dpk262006 (58697)
• Delhi, India
20 Jul 10
Hi Kiran! Many thanks for your comments. I am doing fine. Weather was not good in our Country (read city), however, after seeing your comments, weather Gods have shown mercy and it has been raining continually since last night and weather has turned pleasant. It is always easier to develop good friendship and rely on them. Have a great day!
@dpk262006 (58697)
• Delhi, India
20 Jul 10
Kiran! Your post features in today's 'Mylot Digest' (i.e. 20/7/10)
@ElicBxn (62389)
• United States
21 Jul 10
there is a saying that "friends are the family you chose", and while I'm STUCK with my brother and I know he'd be there if I needed him, I'd rather be with my friends And I'm not a teen either, I'm a 50+ yr old woman
@kiran8 (15377)
• Mangalore, India
22 Jul 10
Yes I understand, because sharing a close friendship with your brother involves lot many complications esp if he has a wife, family...It is much easier to interact with friends since it is most of the time hassle free..
1 person likes this
@ElicBxn (62389)
• United States
24 Jul 10
my brother doesn't have a wife, but we haven't gotten along since he became a teen and discovered that his "friends" didn't think he was so smart when his "dumb" sister who should've been 2 grades behind him was only one.
@kiran8 (15377)
• Mangalore, India
24 Jul 10
But I am sure there might come a time in life when you two may come much closer.It has happened in so many cases.I used to have a lot of misunderstanding with my brother mainly because of ego problems from both sides I guess. But my 3 children loved and respected him a lot and that slowly brought me closer to him and today we are the best of friends...
1 person likes this
@kalav56 (11465)
• India
19 Jul 10
Definitely Kiran! I feel that freinds are closer and easier than relatives. Recently, in my son's wedding my childhood friend came over to be with me during the wedding.We have been friends for more than 40 years an d I attended her daughters' weddings in remote villages. We are in touch though infrquently.She came over to CHennai from Guntur for my son's wedding and was virtually all ina all , helping me organise gifts etc.., for other people.She came with her daughter and granddaughter and I would cherish the memory forever. Reltives get into unnecessary backbiting, gossip, commenting , unnecessary shooting of mouth. etc.., With friends it is only the camraderie minus the politics.
@kiran8 (15377)
• Mangalore, India
19 Jul 10
Hi kala, most of us seem to have the same view as far as relatives are concerned. i too have some really awful relatives who it is difficult to avoid so one has to suffer them ...It is nice to read about your friend...Is she an Andhraite? ( I hope i spelt that right, what I meant was she from Andhra?).I have lost touch with most of my childhood and school friends .But the couple of friends that I am still in touch with are very close to me ...All the best kala, have you started to sing rain rain go away yet? lol We are almost getting there because it has not stopped raining since a week here...
@kalav56 (11465)
• India
20 Jul 10
"I don't mind singing'rain rain go away' Kiran--it is not that wet here.
@kiran8 (15377)
• Mangalore, India
22 Jul 10
Hi kala, That is lovely to read, one feels nostalgic reading about childhood and those carefree student days right? It is indeed a great feeling to have a friend who you have known since childhood. i have lost touch with most of my school friends except a couple of relatives who happened to be my class mates , but today as this topic goes I have an uneasy relationship with them because of too many familial handicaps and obligations...thats why it is better to have close friends... Thankfully today the rains have subsided a little...kala drying clothes is a major problem now..enjoy your evening
@jumesbond (109)
• Turks And Caicos Islands
20 Jul 10
I don't feel very close to my family. I feel closer to most of my friends than my family members, even if they're not close friends. I can't really be honest with my family members or share things with them because it always turns out bad. Really, I don't think most people are able to really be close with their family, but the few people who can be are very lucky. It's hard for me to imagine being able to talk to family about sensitive issues because they are the people who are most likely to tell you want to do with your life or push their views on you than anyone else. Friends can give advice, but they are less likely to force ideas on you. You're family is also more likely to criticize you because they want you to be a certain way since they consider you a part of themselves. Friends don't typically do that.
@kiran8 (15377)
• Mangalore, India
22 Jul 10
Hi jumesbond, Are you including your close family like your parents,siblings as well...You know as you grow older the way of thinking changes drastically. But it is much easier to share close relationship with friends rather than relatives or extended family members...
• Turks And Caicos Islands
22 Jul 10
Yes, I was talking about my parents and siblings. I can't imagine relatives who aren't close doing the same things that close family does that makes it hard to talk to them, but I actually don't know anyone else in my family other than my parents and siblings. I imagine that maybe as I grow older I'll be able to be closer to my close family, but that may be years from now.
@kiran8 (15377)
• Mangalore, India
24 Jul 10
You know life is the best teacher .You get into situations in life that you would never expect and imagine, and it is at such times that you come to know the true worth of your close family and also close friends...
@bhanusb (5709)
• India
19 Jul 10
Yes kiran, good friends are closer than relatives. I have the same experience like you. Some relatives are back biter. Outwordly they seem veru sympethetis but actually they are cruel. Some friends are very sincere. Even they are ready to give their life to help me. In myLot also I feel some friends are so closer to me. You are one of them. Don't think I'm pumping you.Cheers.
@kiran8 (15377)
• Mangalore, India
19 Jul 10
Bhanu, most members who responded here seem to have the same idea as you do...As you rightly say relatives can make trouble whereas friends never wish ill for us.Thank you so much for that bhanu, I am truly honored to think that you consider me as one of your close friends , I do the same...have a nice evening and all the best
@mommyboo (13187)
• United States
19 Jul 10
Relatives are not always compatible... that's why they often cause trouble. I would compare relatives many times to those people who meet you and then decide they don't really want to be your friend - but they friends with YOUR friend, so you have to be in contact often with each other. You tolerate each other, you'd say you're acquaintances, but you're not really friends. Yes you know each other, yes you even do things together, but if the situation didn't warrant it, you wouldn't.
@kiran8 (15377)
• Mangalore, India
20 Jul 10
Hi mommyboo, Thats true, it is not easy to get along with relatives since many issues clash and can cause complications where relationships are concerned...hence most people prefer to share their inner most thoughts with friends rather than relatives..
@elmiko (6633)
• United States
19 Jul 10
i can understand where your coming from.
@kiran8 (15377)
• Mangalore, India
20 Jul 10
What does that mean? Is it relevant here for this discussion...
@kalav56 (11465)
• India
20 Jul 10
Hi KIRAN I wrote an extended response, a big story about my friend.
@jose431 (164)
• India
28 Jul 10
It happened to everyone,for me I can trust to my friends more than my relatives because I can share everything to my friends but I can't share to my relatives.They help me when ever I get problem.They care for me more than my relative so,I always thanks to god that he had given me a such friends in my life.
@kiran8 (15377)
• Mangalore, India
28 Jul 10
Hi jose, Most members have felt the same...They all feel exactly as you do about friends and relatives.But there may come a time when some relatives do become very close to us...
• India
26 Jul 10
Yes,I feel that I am much closer to my friends than my relatives.Since I am spending most of the time with my friends,I feel very comfortable with them whereas with my relatives I really feel hesitate and uncomfortable.
@kiran8 (15377)
• Mangalore, India
26 Jul 10
Hi carline, thanks a lot for your response Most people seem to prefer the company of friends to that of relatives, since it is less demanding and hassle free - all the best and have a great day
@krnavtr (285)
• India
24 Jul 10
As saying goes "the value of a friend lies not in the length of a day of the way we make used of it"So we feel free to share our secrets to our friends than our relatives.Feelings of hesitation and scare will be there to share our secrets to our relatives but to our friend we feel free and more comfortable.It can happen with everybody and too its same to me,that my friends are more closer than relatives.
@kiran8 (15377)
• Mangalore, India
24 Jul 10
That is true 1 It is because of shared relationships that may come in the way of close friendships.One feels a little wary of revealing oneself to relatives lest it is misinterpreted , there is no such fear where friends are concerned...
• United States
23 Jul 10
Relatives can be friends, but they're your relatives whether they're your friends or not. You're a kindred spirit with your friend, and blood has nothing to do with it. While I love my relatives and can enjoy them on those rare occasions when we get together, I have never been that close with any of them.
@kiran8 (15377)
• Mangalore, India
24 Jul 10
Yes that makes sense , unless there is a special bond between you and your relatives and you share a common interest it is not easy to be very close...It is of course much easier to develop that kind of closeness with friends..
@MagicGuy (157)
• United States
22 Jul 10
Without reading any of these responces, I'll simply say... ...comfort... ...this is the reason your family is the way they are. Most people (bad) treat those they don't know with a certain 'fear' and is almost always taken as 'respect'. It's been my experience that once a person of that caliber becomes 'comfortable' with you, their true colors will always show through. Be weary of those, as they are very hard to spot. Time must tell/show thier colors. Some people (most) will even through you away, because you don't have anything they need (except true friendship). It is my experience that nice/real people are very rare, I know I am one, but can't seem to find another. I have no friends!!
• Romania
22 Jul 10
Well, i have friend that are closer to me that my cousins...
@kiran8 (15377)
• Mangalore, India
22 Jul 10
It is the same in my case too....i am close to my cousins , but there is a fine dividing line which I wouldn't want to cross for many reasons - thanks a lot christiana and have a great evening
• Philippines
21 Jul 10
You can choose your friends but not your relatives.
@kiran8 (15377)
• Mangalore, India
22 Jul 10
Yes absolutely true...Thanks a lot for your response - all the best
@Canellita (12040)
• United States
21 Jul 10
Well there's a reason for the saying you can't choose your family members. Of course we can count on our friends, that's why they are our friends. They share the same philosophy and relate to where we're coming from.
@kiran8 (15377)
• Mangalore, India
22 Jul 10
Yes one would agree with that - thanks a lot for your response Canellita,have a great evening and happy mylotting
@dorannmwin (36620)
• United States
20 Jul 10
Well, it depends for me on which friend I am talking about and which members of my family that I am comparing them to. You see, I don't think that there will ever be a friend that I could have to ever compare to my mother. However, I do have friends that I would say are closer to me than my cousins are. When I was young I was very close to my cousins, but since I've been grown, I don't spend as much time with them as I did as a child and I don't often get to see them whereas I do get to see my friends on a regular basis.
@kiran8 (15377)
• Mangalore, India
22 Jul 10
Hi dora, That makes sense - not all relatives and family members are to be distrusted. And close family is definitely not to be compared to friends.It is the extended family and relatives that I am referring to ...One tends to get closer to friends than relatives with whom sometimes it becomes difficult to share a close relationship...
@mtdewgurl74 (18154)
• United States
20 Jul 10
You know I find this very true.. I am closer to some of my friends and my friends online then I am my own family.. I feel as though I can tell them anything and everything but can't my family... My family is way way way to judgmental about alot of things and my friends well they offer advice..leave it at that..family tends to push things..won't give up..like a bull dog on a bone..lol..and sometimes a rift occurs because of it.
@kiran8 (15377)
• Mangalore, India
22 Jul 10
Hi, You know most members feel that way and I too tend to feel that one feels closer to friends than relatives.having said that My own sister is my best friend with whom i can share every single little detail and feel happy to take her advise...I can do that with my brother too, he is never judgmental , so... But he is far too busy...Thanks a lot for the post and Have a great evening
@derek_a (10881)
20 Jul 10
Well, there's an old saying that states that we choose our friends, and we cannot choose our family because we are born into the. It's a strange thing, because although as kids my sister and I didn't get on too good, if something/somebody was threatening her, I would be at her side defending her in an instance. It's not that we like people that's important, but that we love them. And we don't have to like them in order to love them. Therefore, blood may be thicker than water even if we don't always get to experience it! _Derek
@kiran8 (15377)
• Mangalore, India
22 Jul 10
Hi derek, There is a lot of truth in that saying - I think I too have grown closer to my siblings now than I did before..I cannot hear anything bad about them ..But other than my very close relatives I have no particular attachment with other relatives...
• India
20 Jul 10
Yes!! Everything can happen. What if someone doesn't have relatives or they are not good ? At that case, friends can get more closer to him/her. He/She can share his/her happiness/sorrows with his/her friends.
@kiran8 (15377)
• Mangalore, India
22 Jul 10
Yes that is something to think about - just reminded me, I met a lady who had been brought up in an orphanage and my heart went out to her because she has absolutely no blood ties and only friends who have been with her..All the best and happy mylotting