Would you lie to your partner about previous relationships?

@mipen2006 (5528)
Australia
July 19, 2010 10:45pm CST
A recent survey about relationships shows many new partners lie about their previous relationships. About a third of women give a false response, and 64% of these reduce the number. 43% of men lie, with 60% increasing the amount.vey was taken in Why do you think men increase the number of relationships, while women reduce it? Personally, what happened before is of no interest to me, and also none of my partners business, as long as we are true and faithful from here on. What about you? Would you lie if your partner asked? Incidentally, the survey was taken in The U.K. Would your country would have the same result?
7 people like this
24 responses
@Ezra710 (135)
• United States
21 Jul 10
If the subject of past relationships arises I will not lie. What is the purpose of it? One lie leads to more lies being told. Telling a lie to your partner about anything is wrong. A reminder, a white lie is still a lie. If the talk of past relationships came up, I would not avoid it. Eventually the secrets you keep about past relationships will surface, or they will keep you from truly committing yourself to the success of your present relationship.
@mipen2006 (5528)
• Australia
21 Jul 10
I agree with what you are saying, but I don't believe the subject should be raised. Why would you want to know? One should be totally committed to their partner.
@Ezra710 (135)
• United States
22 Jul 10
That is correct,totally committed, and able to talk to each other about anything. Which is better, letting only 75% of yourself known to your totally committed partner, or never witholding anything?
• United States
20 Jul 10
I believe that women give a reduced number because of fear that they will be looked at as a loose woman. In society men are not usually frowned upon if they have a vast number of partners. I would probably not tell my partner about my past relationships because the last time we got on that subject he got really upset. I feel that if it is before your time, then it isn't any of your business.
1 person likes this
@Zaphan (710)
• Philippines
20 Jul 10
yeah you're right. But for me even if my partner confess about her past relationships I wouldn't mind as long as we're happy at the moment..truth will set you free. and knowing the background of your partners will decide if he/she really loves you. because no matter how you've been messed up he wouldn't mind that as long as you're looking good at the present of your relationship. That's only my opinion.
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@mipen2006 (5528)
• Australia
20 Jul 10
I agree your partner's past is not your business, and your relationship starts day one.
@suspenseful (40193)
• Canada
20 Jul 10
I do not know what it is like in other countries, but it usually depends on who you are going with. It is rather hard to say that you slept with more then four people, if he considers you a tr*mp if you had s*x with more then one person. This is why women lie and say they had one affair, when really they had a few, because men seem to think that she is a sl*t. So in that case, the woman lies and says she has less then what she has. With virgins, no one need worry because the wedding night proves she was one. Now with men, they do not feel any shame by saying they had s*x with more then one woman although, in my opinion, they should. As for me, my husband did not want to know about my past. He did know that I had one affair before - because I had a child I gave up for adoption, but he did not want to know if I had other boyfriends, whether we just help hands or whatever. I tried to tell him, but he did not want to hear about it. So I was not put into that spot, thank goodness.
@mipen2006 (5528)
• Australia
21 Jul 10
Hi suspensful, I don't believe anybody should be in that position. In my case my wife and I had grown un children when we married in 2001. I was never interested in her past affairs, nor she in mine, and although we are from different countries we have both met the others first partner, and remain friendly with them.
@dawnald (85129)
• Shingle Springs, California
20 Jul 10
Double standard. A man who has had many partners is a stud, a woman who has had many partners is a wh*re. Or so some people think...
1 person likes this
@mipen2006 (5528)
• Australia
21 Jul 10
That's the way people think, but it's not always true.
• Portugal
20 Jul 10
ahah well i think those are the results bcs if a girl has many guys they think ohh she had so many bfs and maybe think she is not good enough or be with a guy easily but guys always say more bcs they are known like they can have any girl, they are soo great that any girl falls for them. anyway i wont lie to my bf when i have one bcs i think we must be honest always why lie about that? if he loves me he has to accept me the way i am. and yes i think in my country and in all countries the result would be the same ahah
@mipen2006 (5528)
• Australia
21 Jul 10
Even when guys the subject with each other, they exagerate. They like to boast. However, when they are talking about their current partner they reduce the number of relationships they have had. Human nature, I guess.
20 Jul 10
I am a 2 year relationship now, and when we first started going out, i did lie to her about the number of women that I had dated/been with. I lied because I did not want her to think that I was a machine, lol. But seriously, I lied, so that she would take me as trying to make her just a notch in my belt. I did finally fess up to her the number of women I had been with, because I was fearful of losing her. I believe that when two people are in a relationship, then the past of one partner doesn't matter, what matters is the now, that both people are happy with each other. What would happen if every time one partner's past relationships came up, and they slept with a lot of people, or better looking people than your self, if you were seriously paying attention to what she was saying, you would drive yourself insane and not further your current relationship, obsessing about something that was in the past, and should no longer affect your relationship in the present.
@mipen2006 (5528)
• Australia
21 Jul 10
I agree, what happened in the past should remain in the past. If I were asked the question, I honestly wouldn't know, and it doesn't really matter.
@zed_k4 (17589)
• Singapore
20 Jul 10
Yeah, that's what I think too..what's past is past and I wouldn't bother to ask if it's not really important. Unless my partner used to have a criminal record, that's entirely a different matter altogether..
@mipen2006 (5528)
• Australia
21 Jul 10
Hi zed. You're spot on, past is past. However if I found out my partner was a hooker, well that might change things!
@sender621 (14894)
• United States
20 Jul 10
It is not a very good practice to lie to your partner about previous relationsahips. Secrets have their way of coming out. They usually jump out at you at the least moment you expect it. Your past can haunt you if you try to hide it. It is better to be open and upfront and honest with your partner. if they learn you have kept something from them, the trust in the relationship is questioned.
@mipen2006 (5528)
• Australia
21 Jul 10
I agree with you about not telling lies, but I really don't think it is necessary to discuss the subject of prior relationships.
@free_man (7330)
• United States
20 Jul 10
Hi Mipen. No I wouldn't lie about what happened in the past. What happened before I got involved with anyone else is no ones business but if asked I will tell the truth, I can't see any point in lying about something that happened before I met my husband. I don't give a hoot what happened in my husbands past and don't find it important enough to ask him about his personal life before he met me. I don't know if the USA men and women are any different then any other people once in awhile we all tell little white lies about things no matter where we are from. Good discussion! A person that says they don't tell stories I wouldn't trust.
@mipen2006 (5528)
• Australia
21 Jul 10
Hey free_man, we agree, and a little white lie here or there never hurt anyone.
• India
20 Jul 10
Hello mike LOL mine was an arranged marriage 44 years ago, no love affairs, no meeting before marriage, i am with her even now, we are a happy couple.. I think what you say is getting common these days in all countries.. Thanks for sharing. Welcome always. Cheers. Professor
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@mipen2006 (5528)
• Australia
21 Jul 10
Hi Professor, Arranged marriages are hard for people in the west to come to terms with. I am pleased that yours is is a happy one, but what happens to the couple when the marriage doesn't work out? Do they get divorced? Thanks for your contribution, Mike.
@Bhadine (594)
• Philippines
20 Jul 10
I am a transparent person specially to my partner. I always give an honest answer to every question but if really bites, I prefer not to directly answer it. I am the most honest person in front of my boyfriend. I don't have to lie because he already knows me inside out. Living in lie is like having a life full of limitations and worries. Lying will just make things bad if not worse.
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@mipen2006 (5528)
• Australia
21 Jul 10
That's the way to go. Then you have nothing to fear. Good for you.
• Philippines
20 Jul 10
No, I would never lie to my husband about my past relationships. But that`s probably because he never asked anyways. But if he did, I wouldn't hesitate. But I would probably ask him why he wanted to know, cause that might mean something for him, or might be bothering him that much to ask me. As to the survey statistics, women generally don't like to be labeled as flighty, being with many guys in the past. And as for men, the statistics would just give them a macho, virile image which I'm sure they'd want to think they are. *wink*
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@mipen2006 (5528)
• Australia
21 Jul 10
You make a good point there, "why would they want to know?" Really none of his business. On the second part, yes men like to boast about their conquests, but when it comes to the women, well they are easy ones, and hard ones.
• Philippines
20 Jul 10
I didn't lie to my partner about my previous boyfriend. He knows about him even before I accepted him as my partner and jumped into the relationship. There's nothing to lie about and it will not strengthen the relationship.
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@mipen2006 (5528)
• Australia
21 Jul 10
If you have nothing to hide, then you have nothing to worry about, right?
• Canada
20 Jul 10
Guys probably lie and say they've been with more girls to boost their ego. They're probably lying to themself about it as well.. haha. Guys want it to seem like girls love them. Also people don't really care if a guy has been with a lot of girls, and I guess some people would rather be with a guy who has more experience. Girls reduce the number so they won't be called a **** . However I don't lie about anything to my boyfriend.. If he wants to know I tell him, but we just don't talk about that because even when he asks I know he really doesn't want to know. I know how many people he's been with, I don't like it, but its not about that.. The past is the past. Move on
1 person likes this
@mipen2006 (5528)
• Australia
21 Jul 10
You're right about guys boasting about their conquests. It's best that the subject is laft alone, then there won't be any friction.
@paula27661 (15811)
• Australia
20 Jul 10
I told my husband all there was to know about me including past relationships while we were dating and rarely spoke about it again. He is not comfortable with the idea that I have been with other people which I understand and these days I have neither need nor desire to discuss them because my husband and I have been together a long time now and have created a new history for ourselves that does not include past lovers. I have never lied to my partner but I imagine some women do because they fear being negatively judged by the man.
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@mipen2006 (5528)
• Australia
21 Jul 10
Hi paula, very few everlasting relationships nowadays would be original for both parties, so there is really no need to lie. I don't know why anyone would want to lie about 'how many,' but I also can't understand why one would want to know about their partners previous relationships. Surely it has nothing to do with the way we feel about them.
@naoimi09 (106)
• Philippines
20 Jul 10
Hi Mipen2006... For me, I think you don't need to lie to your partner about previous relationship. Anyway it is your past. Starting or entering in a new relationship entails honesty. As they say TRUST counts a lot for a long lasting and happy relationship. Not being honest may bring problems and may be a cause of trouble for both of you..
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@mipen2006 (5528)
• Australia
21 Jul 10
Very well said, naoimi, honesty in the only way to base asolid relationship on.
@lissa12p (99)
• Philippines
20 Jul 10
My fiance rarely asks me about my past. But when he does, I'm completely honest with everything. I believe that he ought to know everything about me. My past, present and my plans for the future. It's the only way we both can know how deep we are into each other. It's the only way we can love each other and be happy together, being honest and transparent.
@mipen2006 (5528)
• Australia
21 Jul 10
That's a great way to set the foundation for a strong relationship, Lissa. Good luck for the future.
@puccagirl (7294)
• Israel
20 Jul 10
No, I think it is always a bad idea to lie to a partner, because you will either get caught, which is bad news for your relationship, or you will have to lie for the rest of the relationship, which is also not very nice. So avoid that, people!
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@mipen2006 (5528)
• Australia
21 Jul 10
You're spot on here,puccagirl. Honesty is the only policy as far as good relationships go.
@megabiz (185)
• United States
20 Jul 10
I don't lie about past relationships. I never dated in high school. I did not have but two guy friends that I just hung out with at the movies or dancing. Then I met the love of my life in 1989. We got married in 1992. He was still the love of my life even though he decided to devorice in 2002. Never understood why and now he is remarried and not sure why he left me either. But I met one guy later in April of 2003. It was a great dating relationship that was serious till the eve of Thanksgiving in 2004 when he told me I had to have the meal ready by 12pm due to he had other afternoon plans. He would not tell me till after the meal. He was going to another woman's apt to pick her up and have dinner at her parents. I questioned him as to how long he has been going out with her behind my back when in a serious girlfriend, boyfriend relationship. He told me the night before he loves me more than life. This guy said he has been seeing her the past three months. He saw her at the mall when I was with him, but told me he had to see a friend he spotted he had not seen in years. They use to go to the same church. He asked her out that day. Never told me till after our Thanksgiving meal. When he got done eating, he told me he had to go and not to call him as he asked her to marry him a week before Thanksgiving. That tore me up. Men are secretive and lie. I got into another relationship in 2005. When he told me I was special and he wanted to date me, we started dating. We went out almost every night. Then one night a month later he told me he had to go to another town for the evening. Four days later he was at a party. Five days later he was busy again. I asked him if he was seeing another woman. He said he wasn't. Then three days later he came to pick me up and he was on the phone in his car talking. I opened the door and heard him say, love you too. He said it wasn't a women. It was his sister. We ate out then went to his place to watch a movie we rented. He said he wanted to take five minutes to see if he had a reply from his dad in his email. As soon as he got into his email, bang! IM popped up with message saying, "I had a great time with you the other night. Thank you for coming to my place and letting me fix dinner. You are hot and sexy. Thanks for stay with me during the night. You're really good in bed." I was not to see it but I read fast. He didn't know I was right behind him. He said I was not to see that. He got mad. I was even madder. Men lie and cheat. When men lie and cheat, they get away with it as if it is okay for them to do that. Women lie and cheat, they get the fingers doing the shame, shame on you. Women get the blame and the questions. Men don't feel the need to have to answer any questions woman ask. You wonder why it is so hard to date? You wonder why it is relationships don't last? You wonder why marriage don't last? Men and woman are to busy cheating and lying. CAN'T WE ALL JUST LEARN TO TELL THE TRUTH? THEN WE COULD ALL LIVE A HAPPIER LIFE.
@mipen2006 (5528)
• Australia
21 Jul 10
Oh megabiz, I really feel for you. You have been lied to and cheated by some very mean men. I can assure you not all men are like that, and I sincerely hope you find an honest and loving man soon.
• Malaysia
20 Jul 10
I would not lie about previous relationship. The reason is just as reminder on how the previous relationships are failure and telling the new person not to repeat the same mistakes. Actually not to the person I involve with, but also to myself that the mistakes from the previous relationships should be avoided to preserve the current relationships. If then failure again, then there are more to improve for the better future relationships to come.
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@mipen2006 (5528)
• Australia
20 Jul 10
You're right we should learn from failed relationships, and help them make future ones stronger.