Rejected!

Philippines
July 26, 2010 8:45am CST
I found one of my Ex in Facebook through a common friend and I requested to be friends with him. I was so surprised that after a few days he was not accepting my invitation, event hough I can see that he was active, cause he was posting comments to a common friends status and pictures. And then just a couple of hours ago, I checked and it doesn't anymore say that I have a pending request, so that only means that I have been rejected. I knew that he was really not too crazy about being friends again even if our relationship ended around 7 years ago when we were still in college. We work for the same company now, and I can feel his coldness when he answers my Instant messages or emails.. I mean, these are friendly emails, I just really want to be friends again, because he was a really a good friend in back in college before we got together. I think this rejection is his way of telling me to just stop. I just really want to be friends.. So, should I really stop?
10 people like this
41 responses
@rameshchow (4426)
• India
11 Feb 11
You have to continue friendship with him. You only saying that he is your friend, you put this many months ago. I think now you both are very good friends. You know, one of my friend is now in contact with his school mate his close friend. She also very excited about this.
• Philippines
11 Feb 11
Nope. He still is cold, and I didn't asked for a friend request again in Facebook. Sometimes I email him, but mostly it's because of something work related (we work for the same company).. and he would answer my emails, promptly, like I am a client or something, and when I read his emails it's still that cold, hard heart that I read.
• India
11 Feb 11
Do you want to make a healthy friendship relation and wanna continue it? or Do you wanna receive any help from him(do you expect anything from him in the form of support).
1 person likes this
@simonelee (2715)
• China
28 Jul 10
If i were you, you should. Your ex probably laughing at you. Being cold and rejected your friend request on FB is a sign of he's no longer interested to be friends with you. Maybe your ex was hurt when you broke up with him 7 years ago and these are his simple ways to get back at you. More on "ego" thing. He may no longer have feelings for you but he wants you to feel the feeling of being rejected. Or perhaps he doesn't want any connection with you or with his ex's. There are people who prefer to be like that. I also don't want to be friend with my ex's even though i initiated the break ups.
• Philippines
29 Jul 10
I know he has his own reasons, I am really curious on what are those, but I don't think I would know anytime soon. Hehehe. I would just leave him alone and leave him in peace.
@simonelee (2715)
• China
30 Jul 10
In time you'll know. Yes, that's the best thing, leaving him alone and gather your colleagues and inform them to ignore him and never talk to him even he ask a important question. For sure he'll resign. Kidding Guys like that s_cks. Feeling Hot!
@jdyrj777 (6530)
• United States
27 Jul 10
Yes, you should just stop. Why not just ask him about being just friends? Sounds like he either has some bad feeling or it could be he is ina relationship right now and she is uncomfortable with you and him being friends.
1 person likes this
@jdyrj777 (6530)
• United States
28 Jul 10
If he is not ok with that for whatever reason theres relly not much you can do.
1 person likes this
• Philippines
28 Jul 10
All I am asking is we could be friends. I am in a serious relationship for four years already, and I really am not asking for us to get back together... I think he understood that but none the less he still rejected me.
@celticeagle (157593)
• Boise, Idaho
27 Jul 10
I think that there becomes a time when we need to respect others feeling and just move on. I don't know what the reason for the ex situation was but I think that sometimes people are not as open to 'just being friends' especially when they are men have egos the size of a small planet! Move on! There is a reason why he is in your past.
@celticeagle (157593)
• Boise, Idaho
29 Jul 10
Good for you!
1 person likes this
• Philippines
27 Jul 10
Thanks celticeagle.. I'm moving on.. and hopefully, time will come that he won't harbor any bad feelings for me anymore.
1 person likes this
@voldrox (7191)
• India
27 Jul 10
I am sorry to hear that Ingkingderders, his message is straightforward, he doesn't want to be friends with you. Maybe you remind him of the past ? It's better you don't look forward to a friendship with him, it would be for the good of you both. Had it been with me, i would have done the same as he.
1 person likes this
• Philippines
27 Jul 10
Yeah, I think I did something wrong that he just doesn't want to remember. It's sad though that I managed to hurt him that much without me knowing it.
1 person likes this
@voldrox (7191)
• India
28 Jul 10
But friend, now it's time to move on.. You both were not compatible i guess, wasn't it going on smoothly untill you sent him the friend request.? Everything will be fine .. He just doesn't want to be bothered now, he should be doing good too.
1 person likes this
• United States
27 Jul 10
Sorry you have experienced this but you should take this as several signs. For starters why type of friend would this person be future wise if he can't even be courteous enough to even send you a PM giving you his reasons. There are perhaps many reasons why he is not accepting, he could have a very jealous significant other or better yet his significant other could have access to his account and is the one rejecting the invite. You just never know, as I know my sister does that all the time. Apparently this re-encountered friendship is not going to happen on facebook so I wold suggest that you leave it fate, what is going to be is going to be. This life is not so big as we think if it is meant to be you will perhaps run into each other at some point and well then your friendship can resume then. I would say well you already attempted so if he is at some point interested he will seek you out someday and if not well sometimes we just can't go back in time.
1 person likes this
• Philippines
28 Jul 10
Yeah, I have never thought about him having a significant other and that's the one who rejected my request. That is actually really possible.. Although I am really curious as to his reasons, I think I would just leave him alone and let him be.. Let our lives move on, and maybe we could be friends in the future.
• United States
28 Jul 10
That a girl, you go about your happy life and try really hard to put it past you, someday if and when he approaches with a message or in person then you can ask or not and move on. It will always bug you but know that you did well over the good friend requirements and well all your worthy friends will appreciate you always!
1 person likes this
@bunnybon7 (50975)
• Holiday, Florida
27 Jul 10
of course you should stop and not keep yourself open for more hurt. and embarassment its possible that he has a new partner that just is jealous and dont want him talking/communicating with others. or perhaps his hurt is still there from the break up.
1 person likes this
• Philippines
28 Jul 10
I guess so. I'll save myself from the environment and I'll just leave him alone. That seems like the best way to go.
@yugasini (12836)
• Anantapur, India
26 Jul 10
hi ingkinderders, this type of thing happend to me also,i have a close friend some 25 years back,due to some abuse to him from me,he left me and never turned out to me,when ever i meet him,he gives limited answer and escape from me,recently he was retired from police department,but he never troubled me in any aspect from the beginning,i still feel due to my negligence and unwanted behavier i have lost his friend ship,have a nice day
1 person likes this
@yugasini (12836)
• Anantapur, India
29 Jul 10
hi ingkingderders, thanks for the response,still i cannot convince him,recently while i am going to my work,i am in a Autoriksha,i have crossed that friend is riding on motor cycle,i called hi hi kumar,after that,he never crossed our auto and changed his direction of going,that is the thing happened,have a nice day
• Philippines
27 Jul 10
I think I also did something wrong, to warrant this kind of reaction from him, but I have no idea what I did or said or didn't do for that matter. I'm left wondering why...
@andy77e (5156)
• United States
27 Jul 10
Yes you should. Perhaps he has a wife, or future wife, and he wants to be totally committed to her, and thus does not want to bring up something that might be a threat to that. On the other hand, it is possible that he for whatever reasons, doesn't want to remember the past, and you bring up not-so-great memories or something. Finally, it could simply be that he is immature about the breakup between you two, and is angry at you over it. Maybe you hurt his pride, and he is still holding it against you all these years later. Alternatively it could simply be that he's a jerk. People change, especially after college when they have to face the real world. 7 years is a long time. Maybe he is flat out a jerk now, and you just didn't know it. My suggestion would be, never press for something someone else doesn't want. He doesn't want to be friends. Pushing it will only aggravate him. Instead, be as friendly as you can when he's around, but do nothing more. If he comes around, great. Otherwise, do not make matters worse.
1 person likes this
• Philippines
28 Jul 10
You gave a lot for me to think about.. But one thing is for sure, I would be leaving him alone and would go on with my life. If he doesn't want to, then I really don't have anything else to do...
• Philippines
26 Jul 10
I am a guy. I'd say you STOP it. the coldness i believe is indeed giving a strong message for you to stop. you have to respect that people may have go on, but what if the feelings are still there. feelings of still anger or love that he's trying his best to forget. am sure he didn't forget the good times, but his response to your friends request sure has strong message that he just didn't want to built that Bridge back with you..even as friends. You don't need to ask that, he's just being polite, don't wait for him to start being rude.
1 person likes this
• Israel
27 Jul 10
You've got it. I gave you a + for being clear and succinct.
1 person likes this
• Philippines
27 Jul 10
Yeah, I definitely got his message, hence this discussion. LOL. Anyway, I really don't want to test his patience, and how long he will be polite.. So I'm stopping now and well, as they say life goes on. But I admit, I would always have that hope that one of these days we would be friends again, I guess when his ready.
@eurekafemme (5877)
• Philippines
27 Jul 10
You should have long time ago. The cold responses to your IM and email messages are already clear indications that he DOESN'T WANT TO BE FRIEND WITH YOU. That he wanted to move on with his life without you on the picture even if it just a platonic relationship. You can't blame the guy. May be you have hurt him so badly that being continuously in touch with you would mean difficulties for him to move on. So let the poor guy be in peace. You can have other friends. Don't push yourself on him too far. Rejecting your request is just another way of telling you to stop. So, there's no question about that, just stop for PEte's sakes....
1 person likes this
• Philippines
27 Jul 10
Ouch!! The rejection was clearly a message to me to just stop with what I'm doing to start our friendship again.. So I would, I get that. Life moves on, and so will I.
• Philippines
27 Jul 10
That's better, dear. :-) Get a life outside that person and you'll see that you'll be happier. No need to feel sad because of the one person who refusing to accept your friendship. Try to understand his sentiments. You broke his heart so let him live in peace as well. Goodluck to you.;-)
1 person likes this
@kharlav (1669)
• Philippines
26 Jul 10
Yes, I think that you should stop. You cant really do anything about it. Maybe he was just so hurt that he doesn't want to communicate with you again. Or maybe something else. But i think it is a sign that you should stop.
1 person likes this
• Philippines
27 Jul 10
Hahaha. Maybe he would, but I won't be betting on it. I am stopping, cause everyone here really has the same advise... And I guess you all are right.
@kharlav (1669)
• Philippines
26 Jul 10
You wouldn't know, maybe if you stop, he'll begin to add you in fb or send you an email. Just give him space to think about it.
1 person likes this
@inviteme (67)
• Philippines
26 Jul 10
As you said you were good friends in college before you were having that relationship, at least you know him. Maybe you have an idea why he keeps on rejecting you and he doesn't want any kind of communication with you. I guess there's a good reason behind why he doing it and I think, the way he reacted you should stop.
1 person likes this
• Philippines
26 Jul 10
Yeah, I think I have done something to make him do that, though I have no idea what was it... I guess I'll be forever thinking what have I done, cause I don't think he has any plans on talking to me in the near future.
• Philippines
28 Jul 10
But if you have guts to confront him do it for once, asked him why he acted like that ( so childish thing) and when you know the answer you should stop.
1 person likes this
27 Jul 10
I know how you feel. All you can do is just leave it and forget about it. He's an ex, something of the past. I suggest you don't take it to heart, if he wanted to talk to you he would have accepted. He's moved on and may not be interested in being friends with an ex. On the other hand you could send him a direct message and ask how he is and if he'd like to get back in contact again. Only do this if you really REALLY miss him / want to talk to him though.
1 person likes this
• Philippines
28 Jul 10
I think I would just leave him alone. It's really not worth my stress and time. Hehehe. He seems happy as he is, so I'll just let him be.
@34momma (13882)
• United States
27 Jul 10
i would say just leave it alone. I would not want to be friends with anyone who didn't want to be friends with me. I mean it's his choice and he has choosen to not be friends. You have to respect that and move on
• Philippines
28 Jul 10
You're right, it's not worth it if the want for a friendship is not mutual. I will just leave him alone, cause obviously that is what he wants.
@whyaskq (7523)
• Singapore
27 Jul 10
Why do you want to be friends when it is simply impossible from his behaviour. Let him go and I am sure both of you will be happier. Since he is not willing to retain the friendship, I am sure he has his reasons and I am sure he will wish you can respect his decision. Personally, I feel you will. No point pressing on. Let go and move on, friend. I am sure you can make it.
1 person likes this
• Philippines
28 Jul 10
Yeah, after this discussion, I would definitely move on and let him go...
@webzap (884)
• Philippines
27 Jul 10
Perhaps you still have a feeling for him and he might have notice that in your emails and conversations when you cross paths. And his coldness only means 'please stop'. Sorry, but just ignore him and let him go.
1 person likes this
• Philippines
28 Jul 10
Hmmm. I don't think so. I have been with my current boyfriend for four years already, and I think he knows that... Though I would really stop now and won't bother him anymore.
@Unah08 (671)
• Philippines
27 Jul 10
I think you should stop, I mean you've done your part already and he is not responding to it. He may have a reason for his actions, and you must respect that, though your only intentions are good for the both of you. Just let it go, you'll see if he really wants to be friends with you again he will be the one approaching you. He already knew your intentions so if he wants it he'll grab it. Just give him time or the decision to acknowledge you. I too, I'm anxious of asking my ex-boyfriend to be friends with me again after so many years of having no communication cause I'm afraid of this kind of rejection you're experiencing right now. We didn't ended our relationship well so I'm afraid he might refuse any invitations coming from me, which I'm avoiding the most cause I'm sure his refusal would still bring some kind of pain in my heart. You doing what you did to reconcile your friendship with your ex is truly amazing and I salute you for it, you're one brave lady and very kind indeed.
• Philippines
28 Jul 10
Thanks Unah. I think that's the only thing that I will hold on to, that atleast I tried, and hopefully in time he would forgive me for all the things that I have done and we could be friends again.
@cerebellum (3863)
• United States
27 Jul 10
I think you should stop. You have tried to be friends and he obviously doesn't want to respond. You say you were friends first, but after getting intimate things change. He may feel you don't have much in common anymore. However, you said you work together, so you have that if nothing else. A lot of his attitude may stem from how you ended the relationship. One of my ex's is on facebook also. I don't want to be friends with him, I just wanted to see his picture and what he looks like now. It was in high school, so we have both changed a lot.
• Philippines
28 Jul 10
Yeah, I guess things change, and people do change. I will leave him alone and let him just live his life.
@kaka10 (178)
• South Africa
27 Jul 10
Sometimes it is best to just leave people in the past even though you attempt to be friends, they just hold on to the past and are unable to move on. It is the most difficult thing, my ex broke up and told me she hoped that we could be friends and after like two months of being broken up she just deleted me from facebook so sometimes you just can't be friends even though you make an effort. You have to let them come to you and just keep being a good person, be there for them when they need you one day.
• Philippines
28 Jul 10
Yeah, I think that's what would I do.. I would just leave him alone, and just wait for him to come around, and hopefully it would be in the near future.