Who is the first to apologize?
By Amber
@AmbiePam (85497)
United States
August 10, 2010 6:18pm CST
I got into an argument with my sister today (as I mentioned in an earlier post), and I apologized about an hour after we were done with it. I don't like leaving things badly with people after a disagreement. And it usually is not hard for me to apologize first, especially if I know I was wrong. In fact, usually when I apologize, the other person responds in kind. I can say my sister started it, but that sounds incredibly immature, doesn't it? lol I apologized for yelling, and said I should have been more patient. She nodded. Yep, she nodded to accept my apology. And I didn't expect her to apologize because she never does. That's why it is so hard for me to apologize to her, because I know she'll never acknowledge she had bore any responsibility. I mean, she'll usually just let it go, don't get me wrong. She doesn't hang on to the argument after I or someone else apologizes. But she never admits wrongdoing.
But I guess that isn't the point of saying I'm sorry, is it. Ultimately, I have to live with how I feel inside, and I don't want any unresolved anger lingering in my heart. So how about you guys? When arguing with someone, who is usually the first to say 'I'm sorry'? Or, is it kind of like an understanding where you just go on from there, and neither one of you apologizes?
5 people like this
21 responses
@maylaine (441)
• Philippines
11 Aug 10
if you want to settle things immediately i think it is not important who will take the first initiative. And after that you try to talk to her, heart to heart do not try to make argument anymore just ask why she is always like that.sometimes in order to make things okey between two parties one must be submissive and understanding in order not to make things worst....but may i ask who is the elder? sometimes you also need to show her your authority but make it sure you do it in a nice way.
1 person likes this
@carmelanirel (20942)
• United States
11 Aug 10
I admit I find it hard to apologize if I feel I was not in the wrong, but find this interesting about you and your sister..Who is older? Because I had a recent Facebook war with my sister who is older..(I don't recall if you responded to my posts on that or not) Anyways, I did end up apologizing and asked if she'd forgive me..she e-mailed me back and said she did..
No apology at all even though in a way she did start it. 
But, she is happy with her life and I am happy with mine and since we are no longer friends on either network, I don't have to worry about her making any more derogatory comments to me..
But, she is happy with her life and I am happy with mine and since we are no longer friends on either network, I don't have to worry about her making any more derogatory comments to me..@carmelanirel (20942)
• United States
11 Aug 10
I may be wrong, but that might be part of the problem, she is older and though you are an adult, she sees you as "little sister" My sister does this too, and the fact that both our parents are gone, I guess she feels responsible, but she isn't..She never was in the past and she can't force her into that position now..
1 person likes this
@PurpleTeddyBear (6685)
• Canada
11 Aug 10
If I feel that I have done wrong then by all means I am the first to apologize, and it usually doesn't take long. However if I feel I have really done nothing wrong then I usually wait for the other person to apologize. One other thing I try to remember and respect is that even if one person has apologized it may still take some time for one or both people to "come around". Some fights can get very heated and a lot of harsh words and/or verbal abuse can occur. Just because one apologizes doesn't mean it makes the hurt and pain that the other caused go away! Also it is ok to end a friendship! If you don't want to be friends with someone for whatever reason then don't! Don't ever feel like you owe someone something, and try to surround yourself with the best most positive, caring, loving, trustworthy friends that you can. You don't need someone that's going to drag you down with them, keep you wrapped up in a he said she said dram fest and especially someone that will verbally abuse, point the finger, or belittle you! Whoa! Sorry! Kinda got carried away there!
1 person likes this
@jillhill (37354)
• United States
11 Aug 10
Well I got into it with my sister and we didn't talk for almost a year...and yup...I had to be the one to end it....even though she was the one who instigated it.....she is also one who never acknowledges what she does of if she started something. I have gotten to the point where I understand that she thinks differently from me...and she is not going to change.
1 person likes this
@megabiz (185)
• United States
11 Aug 10
Sounds almost like guy friend and myself. He is 16 years older than me. He comes over a lot. We get in a fight, he up and walks out slamming my front door. He knows he can do that and I can't follow as I don't have a car. Then like a two year old brat, he shuts his cell phone off all day and never comes back. Then he well call me late at night somewhere between midnight and 2am telling me how WHAT I DID made him feel and that I need to apologize after what I DID even if I didn't start the argument. I know he will not apologize as he tells me he doesn't have to apologize for he was not in the wrong or the one who started it. He always says he isn't the one to start and that I am the one that always starts the arguments. I hate arguing and fighting. But, I become the Christine one and say I'm sorry just to get it over with. Then when I get off the phone I cry as I feel horrible for being accused of starting something I never did. Just like you Ambie, I have to live with how I feel inside and don't want unresolved anger lingering in my heart.
@AmbiePam (85497)
• United States
11 Aug 10
She is the older sister at 31, and I am the younger sister, 29. She lives three hours away, but is here with my parents right now visiting. I live in the same town as my parents, but not with them. We were both at their house today. She goes home Thursday back to her husband. One would be shocked at the behavior because she is normally very cool and collected.
@mtdewgurl74 (18151)
• United States
11 Aug 10
If I know I am in the wrong, yes I do apologize. But if they are and know they are then no I don't. I know that is childish but if I am the only one giving in and forgiving it is not fair to me. And it lets them walk all over me and take advantage of me in other future transgressions..My husband rarely says sorry even when he has been proved wrong. He just lets it drop and goes on his merry old way.
1 person likes this
@3SnuggleBunnies (16374)
• United States
11 Aug 10
I don't apologize first unless it was something that was totally my fault. I have a tendancy of being impetious some times and totally end up putting my foot in my mouth and then some. Fine I would take blame on those. But ones where the other half is crabby or bossy ect... I'm not apologizing for my hurt feelings in the matter.
1 person likes this
@julyteen (13252)
• Davao, Philippines
11 Aug 10
It's hard for me to do this things before. If you will be the one to ask first it is mean you admit that it's your mistakes so I allow longer time to heal the wounds we felt but when I was mature already, even I am not the one who make the mistakes, still I am the first to apologize because as what you have said "I don't want any unresolved anger lingering in my heart". This is the reasons I am closed to my family and friends.
1 person likes this
@paula27661 (15811)
• Australia
11 Aug 10
I hate arguments of any kind but inevitably they do happen every now and again. I usually don’t mind being the one who apologises regardless of whether I think the other person is wrong or not, I am peace loving and I rise above pride, say sorry so we can move on except with my husband…I don’t know if it is because I have more criteria of how a romantic relationship should be but most of our arguments have been due to the fact that I think he’s wrong! I am not perfect but he does have the knack of pissing me off quite easily and regularly (LOL)! I have apologised to him before for different things but in our situation I would say he is usually the one who says sorry first!
Hope all is well again with your sister...
1 person likes this
@sender621 (14894)
• United States
11 Aug 10
When i argue with someone, i am usually the one to apologize first. i will feel guilty that there are hard feelings. I will often wonder if it something i have said or done to bring this on. Even if i feel i shouldn't, i will be the bigger person and say i'm sorry first.
@princejhaizee (279)
• Philippines
11 Aug 10
saying sorry doesn't mean to say that you admit that you are wrong but instead it is an act of humility and showing respect and love to your loved ones after having a disagreement... it really doesn't matter who will apologize first, but what you feel inside of you when you did this wonderful thing...did it feel much easier?...live at peace with everyone...God Bless!
@rangasri (45)
•
11 Aug 10
to speak frankly, the guilty person has to take apology first. the guilty done with sister,brother,father,mother,friend or teacher or any body this is irrelevant here. when u are doing a thing which has been proven wrong, the first and foremost thing to do is to take apology for the same . it is not quite favorable to argue that let the other fellow take apology first and all. if u are standing on your views and if u think u are correct and right , then stand at the same place, because some times taking apology falsely may lead the circumstances to a endless doubt condition and you may loose your integrity and faith amoung others
1 person likes this
@Ceekay1989 (323)
• United States
11 Aug 10
I'll be the first to apologize if I realize i'm wrong i dislike fights but I will fight for what believe in no doubt. SO i come off as stubborn but I really do dislike fighting and sometimes even apologize for the sake of everything being back to ok.
@GardenGerty (157551)
• United States
11 Aug 10
I do not think I have too many arguments. I usually find it easy to say "I am sorry" if for no other reason than I am actually sorry that we have had a misunderstanding, or I can say I am sorry for hurting someone, or even be sorry that we just cannot agree. You are right, though, apologizing clears your conscience and lets you turn loose of the turmoil.
1 person likes this
@grecychunny26 (9483)
• Philippines
11 Aug 10
If there is an argument, there is always a reason for argument. If I argue, then the problem i find is either irritates me or this problem have to stop so I start an argument and if I am really angry. I do not say sorry until i realized that I had done something wrong too or I had made a shortcoming. However If not, I do say sorry and I wish the other party says sorry indeed. Moreover at home, whenever I am arguing with my father, I don't understand why he can't say sorry to me or to my sister. He is like this, he can't never accept mistakes. He always believe he is right because he is the father. Being a father or a parent doesn't mean you are always right. If they can't accept their mistake how can they be sensitive to others needs and attention. It seems they do not understand life after all.
1 person likes this
@Hatley (163781)
• Garden Grove, California
11 Aug 10
hi ambiepam I am usually the first to apologize but with my hubby when he was alive we sort of both did it at the same time.My mom used to rub me sideways as she always had some criticism to make about the way I kept
house or cared for my children. but we usually patched things up as I really loved her so much.So many times she was actually right and I hated
to admit that lol. that was ages ago however. My son and I rarely fuss with e ach other as our time together is too precious for that.
1 person likes this
@katsmeow1213 (28717)
• United States
10 Aug 10
I never apologize, and will never admit that I'm wrong.. and sadly I do hold a grudge for a very long time. I don't usually accept apologies because I don't believe it's heartfelt. I suppose this could stem from my childhood.. my mother is stubborn and usually very angry.. but I believe it also stems from just being hurt in life. I refuse to allow myself to be vulnerable, and apologizing, accepting an apology, or admitting I'm wrong is part of being vulnerable.. I just can't bring myself to do it, not to anyone, especially not the hubby and kids.
1 person likes this
@Ruby722 (796)
• China
11 Aug 10
Hey Ambie
We got the same problem.My younger brother and I.Just had an argument two days ago.Of course i got so angry and told him got out of my room.He is really annoying me.All the time he keep saying that i am not a good sister and same like that.
He challenge my patient.And obviously the consequence was really bad.To be frankly we got a little fight.
Well.I dont want to aplogize first.He is the one who should apoloize to me.But i did.I shouldnt done that.should i ?
1 person likes this
