how do we say sorry?

Philippines
August 14, 2010 7:59am CST
if you had a big fight with our partner, how do you say it? do you forgive and forget? do you count all the mistakes that your partner done? when you said that you forgive your partner already, do you really forgave him? or you just told your partner that so no more arguments? does your partner admit his/her mistakes? how do you do it?
19 responses
@myiesha (97)
• Singapore
15 Aug 10
Personally speaking, I forgive easily but I don't forget. I don't forget not because I'm counting the mistakes but to learn from it. Whenever there is conflict or disargument I try to let the anger subside and not face hubby head on to avoid saying harsh things that I would regret later. After a fight, it's nicer to end it intimately :)
• Singapore
15 Aug 10
Correction on disargument, it's suppose to be disagreement.
• Philippines
15 Aug 10
yes i agree with you. we need to learn of our mistakes. that's why we get more mature and thinks differently compare when we were younger! happy day to you!
• Singapore
16 Aug 10
Yes, we should learn from every mistakes thus we become wiser. happy day and mylotting.
@doormouse (4619)
15 Aug 10
i only fight if i know and can prove i'm right,i never say sorry for anything that i say as everything i say i mean,no matter how hurtfull it is,i'm a bit of a heartless cow
• Philippines
16 Aug 10
well honesty sometimes can be harsh and true words can hurt us sometimes. but in due course i think it is better to tell what is the truth than lie.
• Portugal
15 Aug 10
when i argue with someone i love i say sorry after it when we argue i say everything i didnt like in what he did. im always honest and dont keep things for say. if i do that i dont feel ok. usually they admit their mistakes but im always the one getting more humiliated mostly. anyway i think that we all should say sorry if we were the wrong ones. usually i say sorry even when wasnt my fault and i know i shouldnt.
• Philippines
16 Aug 10
that's good when you say all the things you didnt like because later on no issues are brought again.
• United States
15 Aug 10
For me if we had fight especially with my husband and i knwo i am the one who is wrong i will go to him and i will going to lower down my ego and i will ask that he will forgive me and talk to him like an adult woman and accept my fault.
• Philippines
15 Aug 10
acceptance is the key! we need to accept our mistakes and just like you said. having an ego or being too proud is so wrong. we need to let our guards down and admit that we did wrong. to have a healthy relationship with our partner.
@ash_gray (128)
• Philippines
14 Aug 10
After we have a big fight with my partner I go some places to calm my self and think what will be the better solution for this one. I never count what my partner mistakes have done when we have some quarrel. Even if it is my fault or she's fault I'm the one saying sorry for what happened.
• Philippines
15 Aug 10
oh you do that? it is nice of you to say sorry whether it is your fault or not. dont get me wrong okay. but doesnt it seems right. because you might give a wrong impression or you baby him/her too much and takes advantage. dont get mad okay. im just curious. you dont have to explain or what.
@eurekafemme (5881)
• Philippines
14 Aug 10
My husband and I don't say sorry to each other anymore unlike before that we really said the word. But, I know that he is sorry through his actions. He'd help me with the chores and would be extra nice to me. There was a time he called me name, I posted it here and I believe he saw it because after few days he expressed that we shouldn't fight anymore and that I should not raise my voice when he seems couldn't understand. We don't fight now as often as we used to and I guess there's a give and take between us right now.:)
• Philippines
15 Aug 10
my husband is like that too especially f he knows he did something wrong or upsets me so much. he'll kisses and hugs me more often. he'll bring anything that i carry. when we are in bed he'll place the blanket for me. do sweet things. it makes my heart melt. happy day to all :)
• India
14 Aug 10
I would give a gift or show them how valuable they are to me. In that way i could gain their friendship back. If that person is really valuable to me then we wouldn't even have arguments in the first place. But if we did then it would be friendly and nothing more than that i guess. Arguments sometimes show how much does one care for the other. Cheers!
• Philippines
15 Aug 10
arguments can really show how we love our partner because we feel their pain when we hurt them. and we truly share those pain. that's why we feel guilty and we were sorry for the things we have done.
• United Arab Emirates
14 Aug 10
i dont fight to remember...I just forget all that is done and forgive her. I will not even speak or remind her of the mistakes done. I believe in forgiving and forgeting. "Forgiveness does not change your past, but it does enlarge your future."
• Philippines
15 Aug 10
good words edwardjoy! yeah we need to learn from our past and not to live in it. to make our future better! happy day to you!
@bingskee (5236)
• Philippines
14 Aug 10
when we were still a very young couple, we had had fights. we sleep without talking to each other and without an attempt to settle the issues. then eventually, we learned that we do not sleep without talking about what happened. and so we did. i have to say it made the relationship better. but just a few weeks ago, an expert was talking on the radio and telling that you do not need to necessarily talk at once. if both of you feel you need space after a bad incident between you and your partner, cool off and talk later. the important is you talk about your fight and ask sorry if needed.
• Philippines
15 Aug 10
what you said is true. based on my experiences whenever we push ourselves to talk and discuss our issues we tend to argue more. because all the pain is still there and you havent think about it yet. but when we sleep on it and we are both calm we can talk and discuss it, then compromise.
@kristeena (358)
• Philippines
14 Aug 10
There's no perfect marriage here on earth. Conflicts among partners and lovers are just normal. Humility, forgiveness and transparency to each other are important factors in resolving marriage conflicts. Sometimes, action speaks louder than words. A tight hug speaks it all and we are okay before the day ends. The next day we'll communicate and listen to our hearts.
• Philippines
15 Aug 10
oh yes that is so true! when me and my husband had a fight. my heart will melt whenever he wraps his arms around and say the magic words.. "i am so sorry, i know i am wrong. and i love you, i will try my best not to hurt you anymore", and kiss me passionately. i dont want to him to say i promise because he knows i will be more upset if he will do it again. happy day to all!
@gradyslady (4054)
• United States
14 Aug 10
If someone really loves you, no matter what happens, I believe they know that you mean you're sorry even if you don't have to say it. Kind of like loving someone so much that you never have to say it and you both know it's there. The only thing I don't think I could forgive is if someone cheats, that's just the ultimate betrayal.
• Philippines
15 Aug 10
i believe in that too. but i think there is always a limitations. you need to respect and love yourself too! and i very much agree with you, cheaters and hitters are no no! if my husband will ever hit me or cheat! i will definitely leave him!
• India
14 Aug 10
Hi, The wonderful thing about such a relationship is that you don't have to explicitly say 'sorry'. Just a few moments of intimacy says it all. Forgiving is really necessary for the sustenance of a relationship. In every relationship there will be flaws. Actually the flaws of the participating bodies are reflected in the relationship. But then, who is entirely flawless? If one can find a few flaws of me, I can find a thousand flaws in return. But does it lead to anything? No, certainly it doesn't. Even if you want to establish your points, you need to forgive each other before that. Disagreements can be bitter as well as they can be mild. In long standing relationships bitter conflicts can prove fatal. Read http://www.wikinut.com/how-to-be-successful-in-every-relationship/18dvsqma/moj_slpp/ and you will know how all relationships actually stands on a few fundamental points. Thanks. God bless you
• Philippines
15 Aug 10
very well said getbiswa! in every relationship, we dont love only the good things in your partner. but also we need to accept his/her flaws. that is a relationship. not just the one way but both!
• India
14 Aug 10
forgiveness is a divine act. The best thing to do in this situation is to forgive and forget. we should try to forget all the mistakes of our friend and partner. Hot exchange of words is never the answer to this problem. We should have feelings of compassion and love for our partner. Our life is too short for any kind of animosity.
• Philippines
15 Aug 10
it is true! it is a divine act. but we must all forgive because we all commit mistakes and noone is perfect.
• China
16 Aug 10
I would not that extreme to attribute all the mistakes to my partner. I know it takes two to make a quarrel. I would calm dowm and find the reason.To be honest,few of people would admit their own mistakes actively, they would find plenty of reasons to prove they were right. Time can solve everything,I think. If I said I forgave someone,I really forgave. But it needs time to recover.
• Philippines
15 Aug 10
being angry to someone you love is just a spur of the moment....for me it is much harder if i will just give the cold shoulder to my partner than just say i'm sorry if it was my fault. pride just makes our relationship unstable that can cause to heart break eventually.
@bloemart (222)
• Philippines
15 Aug 10
I always forgive someone who makes mistakes. Though I forgive them, I can't forget those mistakes and I use them as my guide if I trust one's or not. Of course, forgiving means giving one's another chance. I do believe with chances. I firmly believe that whenever someone gives you chances, you must not waste them nor take them for granted.
• United States
15 Aug 10
First if we had a figth with my husband i normally ust shut up i am the kind of a person that do not talk when i am mad or irritated coz when i will gonna open my mouth and start talking while i wam angry for sure i will regret after we have fight coz i have a very sharp tongue evry word that came out form my mouth when i am mad can really really hurt other person. that is why i made a change when i am mad i will rahter choose not to talk then my husband will just leave me alaone and then when i am calm then i will go to him and during that time we will have an adult conversition. Then our fights will be over and i am not the kind of person that will point finger of whose who is the wrong one or whose mistake. If i am wrong i will accept if and apologize for it.Normally if we had fight it will not last an hour wesolved it right then and then...We had a deal wiht my husband if am mad i need 30 mins. to calm down and then talk about it after 3o mins...But at first it was so difficult for me to do that my husband was the one who tech me this idea.
• China
15 Aug 10
Small conflicts between friends,a small mouth which is normal.It is like people drink water every day as normal.May your friends will say something you do not like to hear,but as a friend,you should stand in each other's position on issues to consider.As the saying goes,resented.If he is your loyal friend,then please give serious consideration to what he said.If it is your mistake,then it should actively acknowledge the error.If it is the other error,as friends shouled not seize and hold others to know that the opportunity to correct,such a person more attractive.Open-minded people to learn not to Xiaodujichang.Work and generous,honorable people who will always be the most popular.
• United States
14 Aug 10
Right now I don't have a partner but to answer your question based on my experience it might depend on the situation. If he didn't do something that bad then why not forgive and forget. I personally believe in forgiving people especially if they truly mean whatever it is won't happen again. But if it is something pretty bad and it happens again then you should seriously consider leaving them. Because if they can't learn from their mistakes then they will keep making the same mistake over and over again.