when does pc go too far?

Well weight is a ticklish subject, isn't it? I'm sure your friend knew he needed to lose weight and either couldn't get motivated or didn't believe anything bad would happen to him. Would saying something have been taken in the spirit intended, or would you have offended him and possibly lost a friend?

It depends on whether you saw him making a pig of himself or he was eating the wrong food to scold him . And was probably inactive as well. My father was active and walked a lot but he had diabetes as well to the certain foods (of the cabbage family ) that would help him. I also think having a large frame does not help. There is A difference between someone with bulges at the waist and pockets of fat under the thighs and those who are large, curvy, and the only way one knows if they are obese is if the doctor remembers that muscles weigh more than fat So one has to be careful and not assume that the large person pigged out on chips or fries .9

You think telling a person who is obese that they are obese means something?? Being obese doesn't also mean stupid. Most people know they are obese and are unable to do anything either because they don't have the knowledge or skills or because there are psychological or other physiological issues. Telling them is just going to make them feel worse. Most know that diets don't work but they continue to try stupid diets that will only reduce their finances. Weight loss means a huge life style change and most people have no idea how to go about this. Obviously I am overweight and I find it very difficult to lose as I have always been healthy and active but osteo-arthritis came into my life and reduced my mobility. Some movement is extremely painful; day to day stuff like going to the loo and getting out of bed or a chair. Getting out of the car can bring tears. Sitting at my lap top all day doesn't help either. So I have finally figured that if I make a couple of small goals and hope for a result. So far so good and I have begun to lose at last. I would love for a friend to go for a walk with me 3 or 4 times a week and I've asked but I've had no takers. I've even started a walking group with about 8 ladies signing on, 3 turning up the first day and none on the next. There are no footpaths where I live and if I fall I can't get up so walking by myself is a hazard. How many are really prepared to help a friend by becoming involved and truly stepping up to the mark and helping them work out a healthy eating plan, shopping without cheating and buddying up for activities??? Reckon the answer is a big fat zero.

If it's something the individual really needs to hear, tell the truth in love. If it will make no difference, don't say anything. If you're asked point blank, don't lie but be gentle. If the individual is refusing to listen to the truth, be blunt.

I have a friend who very obese, and I am worried about her health. She has been told by her doctor that if she doesn't lose weight she won't get old. The truth is she is more than a little overweight and I am worried she could end up in the same kind of situation as your friend. She is aware of the problem and we have talked a lot about it. She lost weight some time ago, but since that time she has gained more weight than she lost. I don't think that I help her by pretending that the problem doesn't exist or that she is just a little chubby, because she has a serious problem. I know that it might be painful for her to talk about it, but if we ignore the problem the result could get a lot more painful.

I think there are different ways to tell truth to people. It depends on how close you are and what you say (and don´t say) to each other. I´m sorry about your friend and I am also sorry about how obesity has become a health problem in one part of the world while starvation in common on some other places. When I have such a problem with a friend (about any important issue) I invite him/her alone and talk about the subject. I try to do a brain storming conversation to bring up what we can do about it. Friends can halp a lot by helping face up the problem and being there. Language is so incredible, including sign language! It is very rude to say "you are so and so". It is an agresion and it won´t help. But saying "what can we do" is involving yourself in the problem and helpping him to face it and solve it. The we I see it (it has happened to me), when someone says that I´m eating (or smoking, or drinking or whatever) too much, they are also saying they aren´t. They are saying that they are perfect and I am not. So that won´t help. It will only bring more misery. Happy posting!

My dad is morbidly obese , No one could ever tell him anything. I am forever on my hubby to watch out ,Not to eat certain things,ect. Though my daughter,mother and father all tell me to leave him alone. I know whats best for my hubby after 26 years, And have told them so. Thank goodness ,None of them are living with us.

The truth is that every one of us knows our own faults and frailties but pride keeps us from admitting it. The overweight person knows its unhealthy, they know they are overweight - they know what size clothes they wear and how short of breath they become with light exercise. The smoker knows that smoking is bad for you. There are two forces at play here: pride and self-determination. People ultimately have the right to do things that are very bad for themselves, and they are likely to not want to publicly admit their weaknesses or addictions. I think it's alright to voice concern, or better yet, offer help and support. However, it's very unlikely that the person you offer to help will take that help. Voicing concern too often will make them want to avoid you - they will feel "nagged" even if you have the best intentions. If you can gently get the person with an overeating problem into a program, the best motivation for them at that point is to experience success. What keeps most people from truly dealing with problems is the fear of failure. You have to judge your own position in someone's life to know if you are close enough to broach sensitive personal subjects. If you can do it, you should. But don't expect a grateful reception, people really hate to look in truthful mirrors.

hi jb one can help a friend with some gentle talk about worrying that their weight is going to cause a heart attack, but to plow into strangers who are overweight drives me into a fury. Yes stranger I do know I amn over weight,I do have a mirror and yes I have a doctor who knows why I ma overweight, and he is helping me, and yes I know its unhealthy, now is there anything else you would like to know before you call me fatso or blubberpuss and I slug you one. goodbye maam..Some people feel they must do a savage number on a stranger who is overweight. there are limits to what you should say to strangers.

Political correctness or social politeness cannot be the primary concerns when it comes to the people you care about. Just as it's perfectly fine to discuss bad eating habits and a lack of exercise with someone who is overweight instead of pretending that it's okay, it's also acceptable...and pretty important...to talk about other bad habits as well as obvious or suspected problems. People need emotional support and encouragement sometimes so, if friends and family aren't going to speak up and be honest, who will?

It's a tough question. If you tell some people of their bad habits, they increae them to, in some perverse way, 'get back at you', which, in effect, only hurts them more. Others can take criticism and try to turn their lives around. PC may be good up to a point, but we tend to push the envelope until we've ripped it to shreds. We have a small quotient of people who speak the loudest, decide certain words are 'bad' and convince the rest that they are horrible people if they continue using those words. Calling a person 'fatty' is not a good thing - why not call them by their real name? Telling a person you are worried about their health and offering to go into a program with them is a nice way of saying you care without pointing a finger in their face. Welcome them to walk with you a little further each day. As the weight drops away, include other exercises. My husband listened to his mother harp about his weight all his life. It never occurred to her that SHE was overweight and supplying every fattening food possible at every meal, with nothing to balance them. He began eating more just to irritate her. My daughter was 4' 4" tall and weighed 205 pounds at age 27. She has a very slow metabolism and is on synthroid. While she listened, a doctor said is was impossible for a Down's Syndrome child to lose weight. She marched into a diet center three years ago on her own and today she weighs a delightful 120 pounds. She is one of those folks who hears a challenge and has to tackle it. She is no longer on the program, but watches her weight and refuses to get one pound heavier. It really depends on how the other person reacts, more than the words used. But, if people use words like 'fatty', 'retard', etc., they probably have the sensitivity of a rock and would be furious if the tables were turned and they were called names.

There is a world of difference between a stranger calling a person "fatty", and a concerned and trusted friend expressing anxiety over someone's health. A friend would express their concern in a considerate manner, taking the person's feelings into consideration, not hurting them unnecessarily. While truth can be difficult to accept, "The wounds inflicted by a lover are faithful.." (Prov. 27:6) as this proverb says, when you know the person speaking has genuine love or concern for you, it can make a bitter pill more palatable. All of us, at one time or another, have had to hear some unpleasant truth. How much better when it comes, borne of genuine caring, than as a harsh, disinterested criticism.

For the purpose of this discussion, I'm assuming that your are using the term pc in its narrowest sense. That is, meaning polite, but tactful by correcting one sensitively or by not correcting them at all. Finding the right words can be difficult when trying to be helpful. Speaking "the truth in love" can be daunting. But, conversely, ignoring the truth can allow people to self-destruct. It's a delicate balance, to be sure.

I don't think being politically correct means that you shouldn't tell someone that he's overweight, shouldn't smoke, shouldn't rob a bank, shouldn't eat unhealthy food, etc.

When it comes to health, I would let him initiate a concern, be it out of breath often, sweating, sore legs or feet, then ask him if he saw a doctor about it yet. There are such things as healthy people who are above the weight guidelines, and only a doctor can really tell if it is not some other condition. Then the doctor can offer advice about diet, exercise and the like. One should always consult a doctor anyway before starting exercise or drastically modify their food habits.

Talking the example you put it in the post, a I am an overweight person who recently have had experienced twice cardio-respiratory strokes ... well, I think it depends on the one is about and the relationship level. Some will take it personally and get angry, some may take it as joke .. some like a good advice .. However, the ultimate way I personaly think is to be follow - truth hurts but better a small pain at feelings / self esteem level than permanent health damage .. or whorst. So, yes, tell him/her the truth. After all, that's what friends are for, isn't it ?