If my ex-boyfriend is so committed to his wife, then why is he flirting with me?
By cream97
@cream97 (29087)
United States
August 24, 2010 5:32pm CST
On Sunday, I happened to start chatting with my ex-boyfriend on Facebook. Well he said some things to me that made me wonder if he really loved his wife. He asked me this question: He said what would you do if I came over to where you are at and kiss you like I used to, hold you, like I used to do and ???????? like I used to do. He kept on calling me Landa.. I don't know what that means. I asked him what is he hiding from me and he told me that he will tell me what it is, face to face. After the end of his message he says, "MUAH". It is like he was blowing a kiss at me. If he is so happily married to his wife like he says that he is, then why is he sending these flirtatious signals to me. Today he wrote this on his wall about his wife. Please read below:
To My Wife: "Whatever gold is here on earth, it isn't worth losing you. Whatever diamonds and pearls can be, they cud never be more precious than u are to me. Whatever we may gain or lose, we'll always have each other. I love you, *****!"
Okay, so he has now realized that he loves his wife. What was Sunday with me all about then?
I have to reveal something to you all. This guy and I had a really strong relationship at one point in time. It would have lasted if he did not cheat on me with another female and tell so many lies and played the childish games that he has played. I can sometimes feel him thinking about me. From my intuition he really wants to be with me. I can tell and feel this attraction whenever he looks at me. He is reassuring himself that he loves his wife, when he is really caring feelings for me. I have read all of his poems and they all sound as if he is talking about me. When you have loved someone, the love is so strong that you can almost feel each others thoughts and desires. That is how our relationship was. His mom has already told him that he should have married me instead of all of the women that he has been married to. This makes his third marriage as of now to the girl that he is currently married to. I know that he wrote this poem to hurt me. And to assure me that he has no feelings for me at all. Be honest everyone, if a man has deep feelings for his wife, he would never chat with his ex girlfriend like he has. And oh yeah, he was the second ex boyfriend to come over to my house when he was going through his divorce to one of his other wives. She committed adultery on him while they were married.
4 people like this
20 responses
@Hatley (163781)
• Garden Grove, California
24 Aug 10
cream are you sure you are not giving him some hope there, Ithought you
really loved your husband. He sounds like he is playing both ends against
the middle. I feel for his poor wife. and do be careful, he is an ex remember that. do not let him back into your life. I can sense you still have strong feelings but you are both married. I really do not think you
should have added him to your friends,think about your own marriage and why he is your ex.I think you are very right about him but why should the poem hurt you u nless you are letting old feelings rise again. you are not really being fair to your current husband.
1 person likes this
@bounce58 (17387)
• Canada
29 Aug 10
It sounds like he has not gotten over the bad habit of cheating. And I think this is his way of getting into your head. Having a history together just makes it easier for him.
I hope you look at this objectively and see it for what it really is. I'm sure it makes you feel good with all the attention he is giving you, but I'm also sure that this will lead to nothing good.
@angelface23 (2494)
• United States
25 Aug 10
I think he likes the thrill of the chase. When he was with you he cheated on you but I bet that those relationships didnt last as you said this is his 3rd marriage. I know what you mean about the intuitive thinking. i feel that way with my ex boyfriend and he moved out of state 2 years ago. I think he is just playing you. I would just ignore him on Facebook so that you don't end up getting hurt my him again.
@laydee (12798)
• Philippines
25 Aug 10
Men will always be boys.
I think he does love his wife but he was just looking for fun from you, to see if you'd still take a ride on his tactics like you did before when you were together. Some men are just in it for fun, for the adrenalin rush.
I think this experience should make you realize that it will always be in your control if you allow him to make fun of your emotion.
I sincerely believe that things could be better if we women just did our best to avoid married men, most especially if they've been part of our lives. I would want it that way should my husband start to look for flings.
I do take heed on interacting with married men. They will always have the 'boy' inside them wanting the attention and trying to find out if they're still in the game.
One such incident happened when I was recently broken up with my 5-year relationship. I was not feeling all to well and was feeling rather gloomy in the office when one of my male colleagues was 'trying' to make me feel better by talking to me about it, I knew what was up when he said, "If I weren't married, I would have asked you out now."
I mean, what was that all about? He was married and I knew his wife.
So, take care interacting with married men. They always seem to try things only to say sorry in the end if things have gotten too far or their wife finds out. In the end, the woman who isn't the wife ends up crying and depressed.
1 person likes this
@Crisfannum1 (314)
• Indonesia
25 Aug 10
Boy, now I know why he was flirting with you. Clearly this guy loves women too much. Not just one, but a few...It's a dangerous type and I think you should avoid him. Maybe he likes to test female friends just how far they are willing to have a fling with him, or something. But you know him more than I do....
1 person likes this
@katie0 (5203)
• Japan
25 Aug 10
If he loves her he is a cheater and as he is married you really should stay away from him, for your own sake. Sounds to me he is a player.
I don't have a close friendship to my exboyfriends anymore. I wouldn't like my to be close to his ex so I don't do the same.
1 person likes this
@maean_19 (4655)
• Philippines
25 Aug 10
A cheater will always be a cheater. If he said that he loves his wife and happy with her, yet flirting on you is just one of the symptoms that he never stops having an affair. He is not just flirting on you rather he is already seducing you. Your intuition may be right that perhaps he still have strong desire for you, however it may be a trap. This type of guy are good on it. what they say are hypnotic and thrilling because they are sweet, but they are good on lying.
You have to take note, he cheated on you during your relationship, if you will consider him, you have no assurance that he will not do the same thing again, when in fact he is doing it to his wife. You cannot already take that away to his system. He will cheat again and again whoever he is with. Do not fall into a trap.
1 person likes this
@veejay19 (3589)
• India
25 Aug 10
hello cream97, after reading your discussion i feel that your ex is getting bored with his present wife( his 3rd you say ) and now trying to flirt with you as he knows that you still care for him.The best thing to do is to completely cut off all contact with him and totally ignore all his manouvres. You should not have got connected with him since he cheated on you and has done so with his other wife too.You should understand that he is not a stable person and whatever your feelings for him just close the chapter and get on with your life.There are better things to do than fall in muddy waters and drown in them.
1 person likes this
@reckon21 (3479)
• Philippines
25 Aug 10
Your ex-boyfriend is playing a game again and don't be stupid to fall for it. Guys like him who plays on womans emotion is a person to avoid. he even has the nerve to flirt on you like the way before and the next day declare his undying love to his wife. Is he nuts or had a dual personality.
And he already had three wives total and that is a lot. Maybe the reason he could not keep a successful married life is because he can't find happiness with other women.
Maybe he is sorry losing you. But can't just admit it to himself because of pride or ego.
1 person likes this
@SimpleBB (1329)
• Philippines
25 Aug 10
Hi Cream,
You mentioned that he is the one caused your break-up, which would have been lasted if he did not cheated you. After all the words of endearment that he told you, and you had this feeling of doubt about his feeling with his wife, just wandering why does it have to affect you? Isn't it you that is not over him yet? And why do you have to entertain him that way? Obviously, he knew that anything he will write in his wall would be visible to anybody he want to see it, why would he wrote that message at the same time, telling you those flirting words? Didn't you think that this man possible put you into a test if you still have feelings to him? Let say he still have the feeling for you, but maybe he could also sense the same way around. For me, since you are both married, you better face your own life with your husband, we never know what would be the outcome of all of this, don't let it ruin your life with your husband before it's too late. Hope all comments & opinions here could help you in someway. Good luck.
1 person likes this
@junmae (1586)
• Philippines
25 Aug 10
I think your ex boyfriend doesnt love you or havent love you at all. If a man really loves a woman, he wont cheat because if you are enough with him then he wont look for others. I think your ex-bf doesnt really knows how to love. He had manny wives before and it doesnt last. Be thankful that both of you are not together anymore because if you are the wife right now, then you didnt know that your husband is flirting right behind your back.
1 person likes this
@sender621 (14894)
• United States
25 Aug 10
It could be that your ex-boyfriend may be trying to make his wife jealous. Perhaps she is flirting with someone else and flirting with you could be a way to get back at her. Then again, perhaps there are still feelings that he has for you. It probably wouldn'tg be a good idea to encourage him. He may think you want his attention. Alao, he may not think what he is doing is flirting. It would be a good idea to find out how he truly feels about his wife and you. A relationship with him doesn't sound like a future.1 person likes this
@mikaela8132000 (144)
• Philippines
25 Aug 10
hello, for me i guess ur xbf is playing mind games with u. he want something in reserve when he and his wife got problem and end up in bad situation. why need to be back to him or let him play u again you already say that he cheat on you and play mind games with you before u guys still together so im sure he doing the same .. if someone cheat before he will cheat again
@Kashmeresmycat (6369)
• United States
24 Aug 10
Cream, he sounds like he's trying to get under your skin again. You said he cheated on you when you two were dating.
He's been married 3 times and he probably cheated those times too. Plus, he's flirting highly with you, which means he would cheat on his wife right now too.
The guy is a player, and no one will make him happy. This is not worth breaking up your marriage over....what would your husband do if he found this out?
I really think, for your sake, he should be removed as a friend on Facebook. I'm sorry, but he doesn't sound like he changed in the least over the years. If he respected you, your marriage, AND your husband, he would treat you with the type of respect you deserve to receive...right now, he's not, so he's a loser to me from head to foot.
He doesn't even have any respect for his OWN marriage either and I feel very sorry for his wife. He'll be divorced soon enough again because I'm sure you're not the only one he talks to like this...think of it that way. Take care hon..
1 person likes this
@miraclefreebies (3043)
• United States
25 Aug 10
Hi cream, I really don't want you to get hurt by putting too much hope in how he could be feeling about you. It sounds like he is playing some type of mind games with you and his wife. I also feel for his wife, not knowing that her husband is flirting with his ex girlfriend on Facebook and blowing kisses and stuff.
You are a bright, sweet woman cream, and you don't deserve to be bounced around like a pin ball. He is clearly a player and is not interested in keeping it REAL and being with just one woman. Do your husband deserve all of this happening behind his back?
I know it's hard to ignore your feelings for someone, but you married someone you made vowels to, and if you loved your husband when you married him, then maybe you can get back those feelings by working on your marriage.
You really don't want or deserve a man who has a track record of cheating do you? If he will flirt with you and cheat on his current wife, (already cheated on YOU) he will do it to you "again" if you took him back or do whatever with you.
You could already have a good man now, don't trade him in with a proven playboy and cheater.
@Youreyes4Today (2356)
• United States
25 Aug 10
First I feel that no matter what happened in any relationship we still hold them in our hearts, in a small chamber.
With that Cream, are you actually setting yourself up for more hurt from this man. From what you are saying he cheated on you and now he is cheating on her with you. Yep, I consider the way he is talking to you is cheating on his wife. The only person he should be talking that way to is his wife, not an ex.
Why do you have him on your fb friends if he cheated on you and you broke up and he married how many?
He sounds like no matter who is being with him, isn't enough for him, he seems to more intrigued with what he can get away with, with other women while being committed to another.
I hope you take your life and live it for you.. don't worry about the ex that is still cheating ...
1 person likes this
@madteaparty (2748)
• Japan
25 Aug 10
To tell you the truth, that person doesn`t sound like someone who can be considered reliable at all. A cheater will always be one, and if he`s hitting on other people, that means he`s not as attached to his wife as he`s trying to pretend.
Don`t lose your time with that kind or person, they only try to hurt others.
1 person likes this
@saphrina (31552)
• South Africa
25 Aug 10
I think you should really stay away from him, sweetie.
He might be your ex-boyfriend, but that smells like trouble to me.
That is why i don't like facebook at all.
Unfortunately i have to have one for my work.
People think that they can accomplish anything on facebook even ex girlfriends and boy friends.
Just stay away from him and don't talk to him at all.
If that means you are going to be rude, so be it.
TATA.
1 person likes this
@babyimp (151)
• Estonia
24 Aug 10
If I understood you right, then you are still in love with him, even if it's just a tiny bit. Because of that I will tell you this honestly. He may have loved you but it was a fancy, otherwise he wouldn't have cheated on you. People in real love don't do that to each other. I think his wife and him had a fight and he talked to you on Sunday just because hes that vindictive. If you parted on good terms and he's hapily married, he would count you as a friend. He wouldn't be trying to warm up the broken-off relationship. So I'm sorry to say he's just fooling with you and he's wife and how many other broken-off relationships?
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