My best friend loves me, should I accept him or not?

China
August 27, 2010 5:07am CST
Last week my best friend told me that he loved me, and I was shocked at the moment. We know each other nearly for 6 years, and now we are in different cities. I didn't expect that he would break the silence. oh, I'm totally at a loss, and I don't know the exact feeling I feel towards him. I just know he is a quite good friend. Should I change his role in my life or not? I need your help.
7 people like this
43 responses
• Philippines
28 Aug 10
You must ask yourself: Do I also love him the way he loves me? Or do I love him merely as a friend? If you do the former then go for it and lavish that relationship. If you do the latter, continue being a friend--just let him understand everything how you feel. If you're confused between the two though then I advise that you both give each other a space to think and reconcile things. If time comes that both your mind and heart seek for him fervently, then I must say it must be LOVE. Hit it then!
@atv818 (1986)
• United Arab Emirates
28 Aug 10
Well, it really depends on how you look into this or how you feel about this. If it feels good then go for it. I personally think that any romantic relationship should have friendship as a basic foundation so that it will be in a more stable ground than infatuation. If you are in doubt, ask God for guidance. Good luck!
1 person likes this
@skysuccess (8880)
• Singapore
28 Aug 10
christinachow, Let's really be realistic and factual with yourself. I am coming from the fact that your indecisiveness, shock and lost is that you did not expect your friendship to progress. In other words, he is the last guy you'd ever consider to be romantically involved with. There's also another part where I am anticipating that you are actually in a love relationship with someone else and as such you are feeling awkward if you should leave your current boyfriend for your best friend. Hence, whether you should change and accept his proposal will really depend on how you had consider him to be an unlikely candidate or the reasons for remaining as best of friends all these while. If it is really incompatibility, then I just have to say that sometimes incompatibility when coupled with wrong frame of time... sometimes... makes the most suitable thing unsuitable. Be objective and honest with yourself here.
• Philippines
28 Aug 10
it depeds on your feelings. you might be confuse if you love him as a guy or as a friend. if in the end you realize that you love him, go for it. you've known each other for years anyway. just follow what your heart says..?
1 person likes this
• India
27 Aug 10
Hey there Christina! First of all 6 years is a very long time. I am sure that you have also got some deep feelings for him and if you really wanna know the answer you should just look in the mirror and ask yourself. Your best friends suddenly asked you out means that he needs your presence. As you said that you are staying in different cities i thinks he wants to be more close to you than ever. He misses you a lot everyday and has probably been thinking about you every single time he gets. You should sit and have a chat with him and let him tell you how he really feels about you. Every girl has only one aim. Her lover should love her more than anything else in the world and it maybe easy to say that but it is really hard to prove it. Your lucky that your best friend has asked you out but i am thinking maybe it's because of too much loneliness. But hey i am not the person to tell you that! Just talk to him more and enjoy the moment. Ask him to express his love to you in a more suitable manner in ways which you would like. That way you could really get to know how much he loves you and since hes been with you together for so long he would know everything about you. Well almost now... Cheers!
• China
27 Aug 10
eh, due to the long time, I need to reconsider it. He said he would do everything for me. And in his heart there is only one cup of water existed. Since i fill the cup with full water, how can him get a second one. However, I know the feeling in my heart is more important at this moment.Ok, I will be honest with myself and him as well.
1 person likes this
• India
28 Aug 10
Well since he knows you for so long it's no problem to say yes to him...but beware the cup of water can be emptied and refilled again...
• Philippines
27 Aug 10
my sister ended up marrying her friend, a very close friend during high school. in their college years, they had boyfriend and girlfriend. and these serious relationships lasted for four years. then, they broke up with them.. when they were already working, they got along, hang out most of the time. and finally, the guy admitted that she fell in love with my sister and that she had a big crush on her since high school.. when you feel the romantic sense towards him, then go. ;)
• Portugal
27 Aug 10
aww the story of your sis is cute^^
@sid556 (30987)
• United States
27 Aug 10
Hi Christinachow, Welcome to mylot! It sounds like you need a little time to think this over and decide how you feel. You don't want to go along with it if you don't feel the same way because that would end up hurting both of you and destroying the friendship. I would first off let him know how much you value your friendship with him and that you would not want anything to ruin that. Then tell him the truth....you are shocked and need some time to sort out your own feelings.
• China
27 Aug 10
Thanks, Sid. We should make it clear that we don't want to ruin the good relationship between us. eh, i really need some time to figure out how i truly feel inside of me. Anyway, to be honest with both of us.
• Mauritius
27 Aug 10
hI Christinachow Since you have known him for 6 years i guess you know a lot about him, and you should also ask yourself how come for all these years you did not realise it??? im sure he was always very nce with you and doing his best to please you , or always trying to protect you... and may be he was expecting you to find out and im sure he loved you a lot to keep that for himself for all this time.... Try to see thru your heart and understand the feeling you have and see may be inside you also might love him or may be you did not even let the love develop into you... Take your time and take a good decision.. good luck
• China
27 Aug 10
really a good friend, but now I'm wondering whether he is the guy I want to fall in love with. He said to me that at the end of last year, he confimed his love for me in his heart. And he had been seeking for the chance to talk out. Yeah, i should really look into the inner part of me to see whether I love him. It's a big task, oh god. anyway, i wanna take it right.
@airasheila (5456)
• Philippines
27 Aug 10
Dear Christinachow, As a general rule, every person has the right to be given a chance. A situation wherein he or she can express the emotions and show what he or she feels. However, whenever there is a general rule, there is always an exception. In relating this statement to your query, as far as I know, your bestfriend should be given a chance and be accepted for what he is offering. But, you should examine and check carefully the feelings that you have for him in order for you to avoid hurting him that much in the end. Since you will gonna enter into another level of relationship, it will not be that easy especially if you unnoticeably hurting him, for sure, the friendship that you have had before will somehow be affected. Though, the love of friendship will not be lost. On the other hand, if you are really certain that the love you have for the time being is only a bestfriend's love, then, you must talk to your bestfriend slowly. Until he comprehend all of the things you want him to understand. For sure, he will get over it and understand everything. Without putting your friendship at stake.
• China
27 Aug 10
yeah..I like your word "chance". It's really important for us to give each other a chance. Given a chance, we can talk out our true feelings frankly. I don't want to put our friendship at risk, and I wil try my best to handle it. Hope luck could go with me.
• United Arab Emirates
27 Aug 10
why not,,,,, i am married to my best friend and we are married for now 5 years after 5 years of friendship..... then also take your time talk it out with him. Its a very imp. decission of life ....... think it over well.....
• China
27 Aug 10
yeah, that's pretty cool. I'm sure in your life you also take each other as a goood friend. I will think it over and make the decision. Anyway, 6 years is a long time for both of us.
@nanayangel (7881)
• Philippines
27 Aug 10
Hi there Christina Chow! I think that you should be honest with him since he is your best friend. The best thing to do is to assess how you really feel about him. Ask him for some time to do that and I'm sure he will understand. Just weigh the situation, which one you value more: the friendship or love that you feel for him if ever you realize that you do love him.
• China
27 Aug 10
ok. I really need some time to assess my true feeling and his love. Hope i can make a good decision.
@AmbiePam (57009)
• United States
27 Aug 10
I think it depends entirely on how you feel. Do you love him more than just as a friend? If you are not sure, perhaps you could tell him you need some time to adjust to the new way your relationship is going, and that you need some time to process the change in your relationship. Some things are worth going for, and if you love him too, then this would be the time to go for it.
• China
27 Aug 10
You are right. Some things are worth going for, like true love. I should be honest with myself and him. Reconsider it, then make the big decision.
1 person likes this
@akn1961 (1034)
• India
14 Sep 10
why not if you love him too ,if you think he is good and charming person and understand your feeling ,then you should enjoy life and companionship with him ,god bless you with new venture and may bless you with all happiness of this world.
@bystander (2299)
• Philippines
3 Sep 10
by all means, sort out your feelings and follow what your heart tells you... don't forget, the mind also helps...
@bagumbayan (2705)
• Philippines
2 Sep 10
Maybe youre shocked but think about it. Do you like him. If you dont have your bf yet and he is good and he is nice why not think about it. Your frienship is a good foundation. But if you only like him as a friend then inform him. Its nice to be honest.
@mauie0918 (338)
• Philippines
30 Aug 10
If you feel the same way then why not give yourself a chance! Don't let this thing pass you, or you might be sorry soon! But if you don't feel anything for your best-friend and you're in love with someone else then be true to yourself and to your best-friend. He is just true to his self telling what he really feels for you and there's nothing wrong with it.
@tianly (39)
• China
29 Aug 10
Do you think he is good guy? If so, and of course you are very familiar with each other. it is very important that you have same feeling to him. Ask yourself,please.
@sjhaeki (797)
• Philippines
29 Aug 10
unless you are sure of your feelings for him, and it's the same as his then there's no problem in changing his role but if you'll do it for the sake of your friend and friendship i guess it would be better to tell him what you really think. it's a difficult situation you are in especially that you've been friends for a long time, but telling the truth would be safer than letting him hope or believe that his feelings have been reciprocated. hopefully this would be helpful.
@lonmar71 (89)
• Philippines
29 Aug 10
why don't you give it a try. friendship is a good foundation in a relationship. love comes when you least expect it and it involves taking risk. just go for it especially if you think you also have feelings for your friend because the two of you will make a conscious effort to make the relationship work .
@ifa225 (11092)
• Indonesia
29 Aug 10
give your self some time and ask this question to your self: 1. are you happy being with him? 2. do u love him? 3. do u need him? 4. do u want to be always by his side? and if all the answer is yes, you know where to go now