Would it be rude?

United States
August 27, 2010 12:58pm CST
We were invited to a wedding next week. My hubby accepted the invite w/o thinking that we have no money to spend on a gift for the couple. We are not real close anymore but have known them many years. So my question is would it be rude to send an e-mail asking if it would be ok if our gift was late? Not that it would be much but money is super tight right now and I have other debt to deal with and that comes first. Not to mention back to school items, 3 birthdays, a Dr bill we owe on still + our regular bills.
8 people like this
24 responses
@dawnald (84206)
• Shingle Springs, California
27 Aug 10
Hm, I think I would be sneaky about it myself. I'd bring a card to the wedding, and then say in the card that I have a gift planned, but that it will be delivered later. No reason to explain why...
2 people like this
• United States
27 Aug 10
She knows I don't have alot of money with me not working full time and all. But I like your way sneaky & tactful. Or I could be a not so nice person and say keep the blanket I couldn't sell @ her craft fair for her hubby & or gift since it's been nearly a year and has not returned it to me.... hence IMO I didn't want to go amongst another issue that upset me this time last year with her.
2 people like this
@dawnald (84206)
• Shingle Springs, California
27 Aug 10
I think I'd keep the blanket thing separate. But no harm in asking about it...
1 person likes this
@AmbiePam (56992)
• United States
27 Aug 10
I don't think you are required to even send an e-mail to ask them that. Just go ahead and attend, and when you are able to give a gift, then you can send it to them. But if things happen and you for some reason cannot give a gift, there won't be that expectation that a gift is coming. If someone asks you about it at the wedding, then I'd go ahead and say the gift will be late. Otherwise, I wouldn't worry about it.
2 people like this
@GardenGerty (128588)
• United States
28 Aug 10
I agree with Pam on this. You will send a gift when you can, but they will not be anticipating when it will come.
@cynthiann (18613)
• Jamaica
27 Aug 10
Don't send an email but speak to the wife to be and send them a lovely wedding card for them to keep. You do not have to go into any detail - just tell them that regretfully the gift that you are sending them will be a little late. Nothing else is required. And enjoy yourself when you go
2 people like this
• United States
28 Aug 10
Another tactful way of saying it much like Dawn. I hate to do it but dang life is too stressful as it is this time of year.
@SomeCowgirl (32254)
• United States
27 Aug 10
I do not think it would be rude, I am sure the couple would understand that money is tight, and I think in this way they can get all the gifts, find out what they are and maybe save you the trouble of getting them something they have already gotten? Do they have a registry do you know? My husband and I actually got gifts early, and well we got more money then we did gifts to be honest.
2 people like this
@savypat (20244)
• United States
27 Aug 10
Well there is no shame in beign short of funds these days. Have you thought of an IOU for some service they would like done, wash the car, walk the dog, child care, wrap the Christmas gifts, I'm sure you could come up with something clever. Can't you just hear them years from now? Remember when Snuggle and family washed our car for a wedding present. I would bet yours would be one of the gifts they would never forget. Blessings
• United States
27 Aug 10
Those are exellant ideas. I have done a lot of wedding cakes that I told them to buy the ingredients and the labor of the cake would be their wedding gift! Trust me those were some expenseive cakes if they would have had to pay full price somewhere for them.
1 person likes this
@lacieice (2064)
• United States
28 Aug 10
I love your idea, savypat. I thing it would be lovely to offer a service as a gift, such as maybe cleaning the house once, or running errands, or something that would give them a break.
@Hatley (164168)
• Garden Grove, California
28 Aug 10
hi 3snugglebunnies if you do crafts there might be something you have made that might give them a one of a kind gift that they might treasure. otherwise I guess you will have to go withe the email idea. If they know you are having problems financially perhaps they will not be at all upset.
1 person likes this
• United States
27 Aug 10
You should let your friend know what is really going on. I think a real friend would understnad your troubles right now. School,bills and food come first.
1 person likes this
• United States
27 Aug 10
if it were my wedding I owuld be fine with you showing up with no gift. People are aware of how hard it is for the world right now. I personally would not send a email stating this. I would let her know I would not be able to buy her a gift altogether and ask would she still like you to attend. Your needs are very important and your right to put them first. Don't put yourself in a spot to where you will owe her a gift. Just in case you can't find something. search online for the world of products catalog. Look for something cheap in it. I will give it to you wholesale. I don't want to make a profit on your hard times. the catalog has a lot of stuff people sell for weddings on ebay. Let me know through pm.
1 person likes this
• United States
27 Aug 10
I don't think you owe them any explanation or a gift. If they asked you to the wedding I am hoping they did it because they want to share this joyful day with you not for a gift! Handmade gifts are nice to, but maybe not enough time to do one, depends on your talents.
1 person likes this
• United States
27 Aug 10
I would bring it up indirectly,like how would you feel if some one comes to your wedding without a gift. You know, but at least bring them a card. Do not email, it would be the talk of the century. Your presence is worth more than the gift.
@coffeebreak (17811)
• United States
28 Aug 10
Don't see why it'd be so wrong to go and not bring a gift at all! Does it say gift required? I thought weddings were about celebrating the couples happiness and starting their new wonderful life together. What's a gift got to do with that? Are we to believe that they won't be happy unless they get tons of gifts? Do they think they won't be happy unless they receive a gift from each guest? I know i is the nice thing to do, but is it absolutely required? Especially in this current depression we are in...if they only wanted me there for my gift, I'd rather not go. But, why not do a "coupon" card thing. "Good for 1 car wash" or something that you can do for them as a gift. How about "Good for one afternoon helping you write thank you notes for all the gifts you received"......
@sid556 (30987)
• United States
28 Aug 10
Hi Snugglebunnies, I really don't know what is considered proper or not these days. If it were my wedding, then I would understand perfectly if someone could not afford a gift. I mean, after all, I did not get married for the gifts I'd receive and I did not invite people in hopes of getting a gift. I invited people to share in our special day and to have a good time. Everyone is different. I think talking with the couple you might get a better idea on where they would stand on this issue. If you sense that it would bother them then I would decline on the invitation. As for being rude....NO you are not being rude at all. You are being honest about your situation and trying to do what's right.
• Portugal
28 Aug 10
dont send an email. go to the wedding and be honest with them and say that you are having money problems right now and cant give much but when you have more you give a bit more^^ if you send an email they might think you dont care to give them something or is just an excuse but if you say it in their faces and explain it they will see in your words you are saying the truth and for sure they will understand^^
@dragon54u (31628)
• United States
28 Aug 10
I wasn't aware that a gift was mandatory. I'll bet there are a lot of other people in the same boat as you! Guests at a wedding are there to celebrate the union, not give gifts. I know it is traditional but and even expected but your presence should be enough. I would not email them. Send regrets if you must but you are under no obligation to give a gift. You could give them a nicely printed house blessing in a pretty frame if you feel you must give something then attach a card good for a dinner, lunch, babysitting, etc. I think that's about all most couples can expect from normal people right now.
@cream97 (29151)
• United States
28 Aug 10
Hi, 3SnuggleBunnies. I think that you should bring them a Hallmark card that is very beautiful. And you can just plan to buy them something more special after wards. I am sure that this married couple is getting many other gifts from other people. It would not be so bad for them to miss out on an extra gift. If they are nice people that will understand then you could just try to send them an email about giving them a gift a little late. They will still be newly weds when you give their the gift anyhow.
@atv818 (1986)
• United Arab Emirates
28 Aug 10
We are on the same boat. Finances are so tough lately that whenever we go to weddings, we simply go to church and wish them well without going to the reception. This way, we didn't break our promise to attend and it won't be much of a shame not to give them a gift regardless whether they know your financial situation or not. Hope this has helped. Good luck!
• United States
28 Aug 10
If you don't have the money, just tell them that the gift is in the mail. That's all you can do because you don't have the money right now. Also, I don't understand why people are getting married when the economy is so bad right now. It's strange.
@jaiho2009 (38995)
• Philippines
28 Aug 10
If i am in your shoe,i would rather give a card and write that gift is to follow later. No need to explain why,they could guess about it. Then,you can set your gift after a month,give it on their first month anniversary. Ok,you still broke by that time,a year anniversary gift is not bad at all
@GardenGerty (128588)
• United States
28 Aug 10
The wedding invitation should not be about the gifts. In fact some couples prefer not to have the gifts at the wedding because then they must be taken care of before the honeymoon. I would not say anything about it being late, certainly not in an e mail. A pretty card for the day should be sufficient.
@jhyan007 (467)
• Philippines
28 Aug 10
..i think it is fine, in my own opinion...if i were to invite someone in our wedding, i don't expect for a gift from them but of their presence for that special day in my life...=)