It Is Not About Us Anymore

eurekafemme! Do not think too much of this and concentrate on your children. They are as much yours as his. Children are the binding factor in a marriage and when your husband sees that all your life is revolving around your children then you have a common factor and this would or [let me put it this way ] this might bring you together. There seems to be a lack of intellectual or emotional compatibility between you and your husband. If it is emotional compatibility then few would have it because man and woman do have different thinking processes. We can strive for some sort of intellectual compatibility . If it does not happen and you have totally different aptitudes, then forget it for the time being and concentrate only on your children. Now, you are staying together. Why are you raking up the 'years ago' ? You were young then. Now you are older and mature. Your children's future is your primary concern too. It is a common goal. That apart, once they grow up [ just go to school ], you will have time to excel in your intellectual pursuits or other productive activities that would give you a sense of fulfillment and accomplishment. This is a phase where you have an inner disappointment with your husband [whether there is an expectation/fulfillment mismatch or your husband is treating you badly because he is a brute--you know what it is; if he is not a brute but still has a mind of his own then that cannot be helped] You will soon have your own activity and be hopeful instead of giving rise to depressing thoughts. Good physical compatibility and togetherness would also go a long way in making you happy. If chemistry is ok , then many things would fall in place. Take care about that.

I don't know the exact state of your relationship and the reasons why exactly you thing that it's only because of the kids you are together but all I can say is that after you have kids...a major part of your life is about them. You need to shape their future and if your husband is putting in a lot of effort to have a good future for them...there is nothing wrong about it. If he is not giving attention to you at all, you need to talk to him about it. You must ask why is he behaving this way and why can't things return back to the way it were before. It happens that many a times men become too stressed after they have kids simply because of the reason that they think they have too much responsibility on their shoulders. Assuming things wont help...sitting together and sorting out things will!

Hi, I felt a bit guilty about this last year. I am a workaholic mother and every time I'm home, I make it to the point that I spend time with my kids. What I failed to do is spending time with my husband. He makes complains but I always told him that what I'm doing is for our kids (since I earned more than he does). I thought my husband was jealous with our kids so I told him that he was being unreasonable. Three months ago, he slipped a home-made card with our picture (the time when our relationship is still budding)as the cover. The note in the card said: "Ey, how are you? I miss you. Why don't we have a cup of coffee and talk about us.. I'd like to catch up with the moments that we're not together"... The note moved me and that was the time when I realized that I did miss a lot about us. We did spend time to take a break and drank coffee that night and it was during that night that we decided to schedule a time for ourselves once a month. Last month, we just had a window shopping at the mall. This month, we went hiking together.

Jee that sounds sad. Wouldn't you love to be considered, I'm surprised you haven't started looking around for someone to have an affair with. I guess I'm kind of lucky my husband is starting to see a difference in me and I think it's scaring him. I find he trying to put me down all the time. But I'm not letting it affect me.

Sorry to ask: how long have been in long distance marriage? How many children do you have? Are you planning to follow him with your kids?I have a friend who has been married for 7 years with 6 year-old daughter. My friend works in Jakarta while her hubby has catering business (kind of family business ) in Medan. They had already made commitment before getting married about what kind of marriage they would be in So far, they are happy and their marriage is fine. She says that the key is COMMUNICATION. Now, if you have problems with that, try to communicate with your hubby. Sit, talk and listen and make compromise

nah... i talk this out with the wayfoo... one cannot afford to have that tinge of jealousy within the family, especially when it concerns the kids... as you say, just enjoy it and don't misinterpret the hubby... talk with him... share your thoughts and find ways to bridge certain longings... then, you would not feel that way towards your children... they are your beautiful gifts, which both of you, must be thankful for...

Your relationship should be about everyone in your family, and not just the kids itself. You should be included as well, since you are his wife. You have been loyal to your family and marriage. I knew this guy that cared so much more for his daughter than me. All he did was talk about how he was working just so she could have a better life. I was never included in this situation. So, I just left him alone. I don't know why your husband is just all about the kids and not you. You are a very important person in this marriage and your family. If you never gave birth to them, none of your kids would ever be here on today.

Heyy, you're just becoming sensitive. Or the type of parent who get jealous of her own child? You shouldn't be. You gave birth to your children out of your love to your husband, right? they are the product of both your love to each other. Your husband concern is not different from you, they came from whom he love most. He doesn't want your children be deprived of their needs, much more his concern to you for he doesn't want you to worry. He make it all his responsible for your own piece of mind. Probably you just feel pity because you missed him, and the reason of being in distance is the kids. Both of you are sacrificing because of your children. It's just happened that you are the one left with them, just try to feel yourself in his situation, you will definitely missed your kid and you will also say, "we're just doing this for our kids". Cheer up Eurekafemme, you're just miss your husband, why don't you try to open & tell him what you think and feel, for the sake of your piece of mind?

That's really sad. Its not supposed to be that way. Your relationship should involve your kids, you and your husband. It should not be just about the kids. If that happens the marriage is having a big problem. I think you should settle this with your husband. Have a serious talk. Discuss what both of you want. As for me I don't want that kind of relationship. I want it to be about my whole family forever. Not just for our future children or us, the couple but for my whole family.

Many troubled marriages opt to stay together because of the kids, so they say. This not only disrupts their train of thinking but it makes for a very dysfunctional family. I thought so too until I just could not take it and well I have very good results two wonderful fantastic and respectful children I have raised on my own, completely on my own as the dad never looked back. If you find that you are so unhappy in your living situation virtually you are not really responding to your kids 100%. I do hope your husband and you can settle this distance gap for the family sake and please take care of yourself, as the children will grow up sooner than we think and well you just cannot have any regrets later.

im sorry for it :( i wish things could work between you guys again. you still love him? the way you talk seems like that so please talk with him and tell him how you feel. ask him if he still has feelings for you and if he says he has but feels things are not like before dedicate more time to spend together. i understand he works in other place to have more money for kids but you are his wife he should also give time to you. so he must change work so can be more time with you and the kids also bcs even he is working so much for them if he almost dont see you he almost dont see them too. what matters most for the kids is feel their father's love and money im sure he can find other job near you and your kids so you can have both. love and money^^ he is dedicating just to money and worrying about kids future and will lose the best thing. you and time he could also spend with his kids showing he loves them. even if he is caring much for them they cant feel it bcs they almost dont see him and for kids is important to see their father and play with him. and also you married with him to share life with him and not to just take care of your children. please talk with him and tell him how you feel^^ he might see how things are really going and change his attitude. im sure he isnt happy too living like this.

yes you do rigth things and about you husband i dont know why he said like that or he just cant reach the kid maybe if you husband nearly in you and yours kids maybe he never said that coz kids make our stress is out .. keep that way to you .

Eurekafemme, you should ask yourself whether you love each other anymore. If the kid is the bridge to link you and your husband, then in my eyes, your marriage relationship must have some problem. Hope you can solve it perfectly as soon as possible.