should i change to please others or should i say"to hell with them haters"=)
By angelzfangz
@angelzfangz (244)
Philippines
September 5, 2010 2:33am CST
it is but typical for a person to stop and relax for awhile, it can not be stopped that the human mind thinks of so many different things, based on what is recently encountered... so this are my thoughts=)
While relaxing from a long discussion with my GM (grandmother), i was pushed to wonder..."should i change my self so others wont think differently of me or should i be just my self and ignore who does not like me and embrace those who believe i am capable of something great and beautiful?"
earlier this day my GM saw me wearing a short walking shorts, since the oldies here in Philippines are very keen about being a conservative my GM snapped at me telling me to change immediately just because she did not like my attire that time i was running late for a meeting with my friends to discuss something important and my GM never allowed me to go out if i will not go change so i run back in my room to change frustrated and angry that i did not make it on time just because of the petty whim of my GM.... i know she did not like my attire yeah because she is a conservative person but the greater reason is that she did not want her grandchild roaming around town with that attire because she is worried what might her amigas(friends) think bout her allowing it=( without even stopping to consider my own preference.=(
so now i was left with the thought if i should just follow my GM's example sacrificing my own wants and just make other people happy about me??? or should i be following my own intuition and be happy for myself.... i just realized that i also have a life to live this is my life and that i should be the one running it=I why the hell would i strive hard to please others and left my self doomed to what they like???
i must be a true advocate for my self because if i am not gonna be that then who will??? so i decided to just let people like me or hate me i would never care less besides i have my friends and family who no matter what will love and accept me... whatever i do whatever i wear for that matter=)
just a short advice to people who experience this kind of dilemma... be yourself and be happy with it..damn the haters=)
2 people like this
8 responses
@chayapathys (2111)
• India
6 Sep 10
Every has his own or her own individuality in thinking and action.It is not in their hands.If at all it is a pretension. I therefore think as to why should anybody? Not necessary.I would like to advise to be diplomatic in dealing others in which case neither your or the other person is hurt.How to be diplomatic depends upon the situation. I have come across such people.They are very successful in life.
@angelzfangz (244)
• Philippines
6 Sep 10
thanx for that comment chay=) almost if not all of the people who always want to please others are succesfull in life being a people pleaser is their strong motivation to succeed... but i know deep inside they are not that happy coz they tend to strive hard just because they want to please other peope not for themselves...=(
@ankster (273)
• India
6 Sep 10
Iam extremely impressed by your climax lines.Be yourself and be happy with it.Damn the haters.I would like to share my experience which Iam currently going through.Iam happily married and Iam extremely happy.I and my hubby enjoy every moment of life.We are always in service of many of our relatives and family members at our place and also we enjoy weekend trips to some or the other places.Iam happy with the way my life is moving.My In-laws are also very happy with me.But I always find astrong desire in them for me to go out and work.Iam a housewife and the only thing they do not like about me is me being a housewife only.They want me to be professional as well.I sometimes hate it when directly indirectly they give examples of others and motivate me to work in a different way.Its my life and sometimes I think they should not interfere.I mean I know they are extremely loving and caring but they also know mmy hubby is not in favour of my being professional and career oriented.He is happy with our lifestyle and me being at home.Iam a very good writer and I have wriiten many articles and poems.Also I have written one small book.But sometimes when I see my In laws I feel that what should I DO.Should I go out and work despite of my disinterest or should I pay a damn heed to what they say and make me feel..This is th only thing which makes me feel uncomfartable sometimes rest I feel Iam the happiest person.
@angelzfangz (244)
• Philippines
6 Sep 10
thanks a lot for the appreciation=) i am extremely honored to gain a thumbs up from a writer=) well all i can say is that dont let others push you to be unhappy if your happy with your life like that then be it...anyway your hubby likes you just like that and besides you marry their son not them ...=) well i hope you have access to just blurt your wants to them so that you can explain your side and let them understand your side...=) im sure ya'll can work it out smoothly if ya'll just talk with each other bout that issue, like an open forum....=)
@zapatee (477)
• Philippines
5 Sep 10
trying to please everyone is very frustrating because it can never happen. even if one has already tried to do everything to make everyone around him happy and contented at his own expense, still the "please" factor will never happen, and that can result in burn out. so don't do it.
but we should also learn to discern well if what we do for other people is out of respect or our responsibility, and not merely out of another person's whim or our aim at pleasing that person, because these are entirely different.
your gm may only have wanted what was right for your sake. levels of decency in an attire varies from generation to generation.
@marguicha (230350)
• Chile
5 Sep 10
I checked at your age before answering and I think that if you are economically independent, you must do as you wish, no matter what your GM´s amigas think. But if you are still dependant on your elders, while you are, you must accept their rules.
A rant because of shorts is less important than to decide how and when you are going to live by your own. Are you studying or working? We all must strive to be ourselves but old people often have other ideas about many things and they mean well. I could almost be your grandmother: I´m 65 years old. As it is, I found sifficult to understand when some of my friend´s children pierced parts of their bodies that we didn´t at my days. Later on, there came the tattoos. I´m very glad that my granddaughter doesn´t want a tatoo but I can only say what I think if they ask me: it´s not my life.
Way back, when I was young, I gave my fights to wear mini skirts and finally won it. But I also took care of my life. If I wanted to be my own master, I had to be on my own.
Welcome to mylot!
@angelzfangz (244)
• Philippines
5 Sep 10
thanks for the reply=) i would just want to clarify something i wasnt mad because of the incident i was mad because i know she was just being like that because she doesnt want me to disgrace her reputation...it means she chose reputation over me=( if it wer meant for purely concern i would have give in that easily ...well she knows my friends and she know where im going just a block away why would i want to put on some nice and conservative dress im just going out to my friends house to discuss something=)...i totally understand what you mean i know i should follow my elders coz they would never advice me something that can harm me in any way.... but that action from my GM is way overacting anyway me and my GM are close we do lots of thngs together... the only thing that we disagree a lot when i can see a hint that she does not say and act what she really want she always think of what others might think of her and i dont like it=( and i would never be like her for that matter=I.... i hope we met halfway=)thanx again for the response=)
@amybrezik (2118)
• United States
6 Sep 10
I don't think you should ever change for someone else, and you should always be true to yourself. Your friends and family should love you for who you are and respect that we are all individuals. Changing is ok, but I think it will only last and only be truly meaningful if you are changing for yourself.
@angelzfangz (244)
• Philippines
6 Sep 10
yup i have seen people who continually want to please others to the extent of sacrificing theirown wants and they are living in a comlete misery lols..it is really difficult to base your entire life to other person's standards it is sooo tiring to be like that
@sender621 (14889)
• United States
5 Sep 10
I would never change to please someone else. i would only want change in my life because it is what i want myself. Changing for someone else will not bring us happiness, joy or contentment in our lives. Only the change we welcome in ourselves can do that.@angelzfangz (244)
• Philippines
5 Sep 10
yup we should never do something against our will just to please others unless it is really for our own good=)... i love my self that much and i dont want to live as miserable as those people who always want to please everyone to the extent of risking their own happiness and identity...=(=)
@laydee (12798)
• Philippines
5 Sep 10
Remember the cliche phrase "You can never please everyone".
That is what I have been telling a special friend a day ago. He can't seem to know how to relax and is now at the brink of being burned out by a job that isn't really paying him for all the lost time he has (socially) because of an overload on jobs. I had seen that though he denies it, he's a people pleaser - he wants to please everyone.
You see, when your goal is to please everyone around you ALL THE TIME, you'd end up discouraged and frustrated because as humans we have varied moods and tastes. One thing may be approved by someone yet another would find it inappropriate.
However, we must also think about such comments of other people. If their point is valid and would be beneficial for you (like your GM telling you to change your attire because you could be disrespected by people because of the outfit) try to think about it, would it really cause you to be disrespected? Would it bring unwelcome attention? If so, I guess she's right then.
There is a difference between pleasing everyone and listening to good advice. It is your job to choose which to follow and which to let go.
@angelzfangz (244)
• Philippines
5 Sep 10
um i would just like to clarify something...by the way thanx for the response=) i will never be mad for the way she reacted if only i know that shes doing it for pure concern i know her that much if she wasn't thinking that i would be seen by her friends shell never care that much...my grandmom is a people pleaser too and i don't wanna see her like that she always want to please others.... if only i know she did that for pure concern i would have easily give in=I but i know her too well to really see her reason... by the way my short is not that short short short it is just 5inches above the knee...=) she was just over acting that's all because i am going to her friends House looking like a sham...=I and have i mentioned that my GM is the coolest person on earth when it comes to fashion hahah that is for people her age=)
@sjhaeki (795)
• Philippines
5 Sep 10
it is okay to follow your grandmother's advise or rather respect them. but to change just to please others will not do good to yourself, unless it is also to please yourself too. you are right! we should just be ourselves and damn the haters! it is our lives we are running after all.
of course, if its you yourself that want a change coz you want to improve and erase your weakness, whatever they may be then that'd be fine ^_^
@angelzfangz (244)
• Philippines
5 Sep 10
i would have followed her if i know it is for pure concern for me she was just overacting =) i know her too well to really see though her reasons hmmmm...i just want to be comfortable thats all... i dont wanna dress up just to go to a house 1 block from ours=I she was just really thinking what would her friends say that is why i am pissed....i dont like that quality of hers...only that =)
let us be happy being ourselves and not let anyone interfere especially when we know there is nothing wrong with what we do=)
