I hate it! my boyfriend changed his password!! guys please read. gals comment
By geonelynn
@geonelynn (369)
Philippines
September 13, 2010 4:20pm CST
i hate it!! i used to checking my boyfriend's eails without his knowledge but now i can no longer do that because he changed his password!! i know i should not tinker around his email stuff but i just can't help myself coz i always wonder what is he doing other than the things that i already know!!
i am a control freak, therefore. :(
i realized i must get over this soon because it might get into our relationship and we might have trust issues. well we do have trust issues.. it was way back a long time ago when he broke my trust..now i guess i don't have 100% trust on him anymore.
i want to know if he is always honest with me or not. HONESTY is a big issue for me. but i guess i am also not being honest when i mess around his personal emails. i hate myself! i can't get over the hurt when he almost cheated on me..well almost but it hurt so bad considering how i trusted him then.
now back to the PASSWORD..i just don't know what to feel now that he has changed his password. maybe he also felt like i've been going over his emails because it has been a long since he has changed his password and he always tells me.
does this mean i have to back off on his personal life? maybe this would mean he wants his space and privacy and he does not want me nosing around on him.
i want also to get over this feeling. i know this is not healthy. i know one day or another this would cause havoc in our relationship and i don't want that. i just don't know what to feel or react this time..
guys, how much do you really want space?
girls, how can you lessen your being a control freak in a relationship?
4 people like this
25 responses
@Vantri (42)
• Sweden
13 Sep 10
I my girlfriend checked my private mails or likewise without my concent, I would be really upset and angry, plus I would lose a lot of trust for the person.
It feels like you want to justify your snooping around that he broke your trust, but you're doing just the same to him (not as serious, but still in the same category), so don't complain so much.
How much space a guy need is completely up to the person, it's not like guys need a specific ammount and girls a completely different. You should either ask your boyfriend or figure it out yourself.
And yes, you should indeed back off when it comes to snooping around, it's really distrustfull and an extremely bad habbit. How would you feel if he checked your mails? Just think about that.
1 person likes this
@geonelynn (369)
• Philippines
13 Sep 10
thanks vantri..
but come to think about it, i would like him to check on my emails.. LOL. it makes me feel wanted in the process. LOL.
i must admit you are right that we're in the same category so i'll just leave it all to TRUST and see where our relationship is going.
thanks for the advice.
@speakeasy (4171)
• United States
13 Sep 10
If you can't trust him and feel you need to check up on him - you shouldn't be with him.
If you feel you can't trust any guy and need to check up on anyone that you are going with - then you should not be with anyone until you get some serious help.
Trust goes hand in hand with honesty and reading someones emails, listening to their voice mail, or going through their stuff is a major invasion of privacy. If they want you to see it, they will show it to you - otherwise - HANDS OFF!
My husband and I have been married for 31 years and we would never do what you have been doing.
When you invade someone's privacy, they feel violated and feel that they can no longer trust YOU! And, if they cannot trust you; then, they will start hiding things and being dishonest with you to try to preserve their own privacy.
@geonelynn (369)
• Philippines
13 Sep 10
okay i will keep that in mind. you are right in some ways. thanks for banging my head.
thank you.
@sid556 (30960)
• United States
14 Sep 10
Geonelynn,
actually Speakeasy is right on so many things here. When you read my post, you'll see that I had trust issues and for a reason with my husband. I will never ever ever be in a relationship again with a man where I feel that I have to check any of his personal belongings. Prior to the incident with my husband I'd never secretly checked his wallet or gone through any of his stuff. It had never occured to me to do so. The worst thing about not trusting him anymore was the way it made me feel about myself when I was being like you. It's not worth it.
@cream97 (29087)
• United States
13 Sep 10
Hi, genonelynn. The reason that you are a control freak is because your boyfriend pushed you to be this way. When he almost cheated on you, that is when you lost all of your trust for him. If he has changed his password, then it means that he wants you to trust him more. Or it could be that he has something to hide from you. I want to know how does your boyfriend know that you have looked through his emails with his password. If you have been doing so without his knowledge then how does he know that you have been snooping throughout his emails? How does he know that you have access to his password?
@geonelynn (369)
• Philippines
13 Sep 10
well, he has given me his password even when our relationship was still young..and he changed it then informed me. this time, he didn't which kinda made me upset.
i guess he got a clue that i was snooping on him when i discussed on a topic with him about what i've read in his email indirectly. he must have gotten the idea that i was reading his email.
i guess the main reason why i'm upset was that he did not tell me he changed his password. :(
@rainaleaf (11)
• China
14 Sep 10
please don't be upset with him, He must have his own reason to do that. Unlike girls,boys want to be more self-governed.If he have change his password of emile whitout telling you,maybe it is a hint for you that he don't like the felling of being peeping, or maybe he change his password for other reason. Don't guess it by yourself, you can ask him directly ,then you can get the true answer.
If your peeping on his email make him uncomfortalbe ,please stop! It is because stay with you is happy that he still loving you ,if the felling vanished,then he will no longer love you. Left him his own space,you will win much more.
In addition, tell him your felling without surmise it by yourself,maybe you can find that you wake up the wrong passenger.
@htownshawty (265)
• United States
13 Sep 10
i use to do the same thing with my boyfriend cell phone go into his voicemails and call logs online. it was go end our relationship so i stopped and gave him his space. then after he seen i stop checking on him wondering what he doing caring what he doing. then it seem like he was kinda upset that i wasn't all on him like i use to be. just show him u don't care but u really do and still do it.
@geonelynn (369)
• Philippines
13 Sep 10
okay. i'll do that. as if i'm minding my own business. geessh so hard!! but okay i will do that! thanks for the advice!
happy mylotting!
@manusauza (1)
• Italy
9 May 11
you still need help with the pass? I might help you, contact me at:
findyourpass(at)yahoo.com
:)
@chulce (1537)
• United States
14 Sep 10
Girls it isn't worth snooping. Especially if you aren't even married. If you can't trust him, then you shouldn't be in a relationship with the guy.
If you truly respect him and feel that you want to have trust, then back off, let him breath a little.
Yes, it is scary to think that your guy might step out on you, let's face it, its human nature. I've been married 20 years and yes, we have had our problems, so much so that it almost cost us our marriage. I too had a trust issue, but realized that I needed to step away because it would only cause more problems.
Another thing, communicate your concerns, let your boyfriend/girlfriend know that you are worried. Especially if something has happened to you in the past in a relationship, it will help them to understand you better.
I know it is hard, been there/done that, but you have to let them have some space.
If something does happen, you will then learn and grow from it. It will be that person's loss if they step out on you. They will be the one that will suffer because they won't have you in their lives anymore.
It sounds like geonelynn that you have had problems in the past in your current relationship. You don't trust him, that is apparent, to be honest, if you truly love him, back off and see what happens, if you find that he is stepping out on you once again or what ever the situation may have been, then to be honest, he isn't the one for you and it is time to go fishing in that great big see of men once again.
Good luck!
@sunnycool (12714)
• India
14 Sep 10
Going through his mails isn't right on the first move --- if you guys had some misunderstandings then you should sort them out than to barge into each others routines out of insecurity!
@madteaparty (2748)
• Japan
14 Sep 10
It's difficult to trust a person who's invading someone else's privacy like you did, so in case that your boyfriend found that out, I can understand that he changed his password.
@saphrina (31552)
• South Africa
14 Sep 10
Sweetie, i think you should change very soon.
I will never read my boyfriends mails, neither his sms's for that matter.
Even if you are in a relationship, you need to trust your partner.
If that trust is missing you have a problem.
It was his right to change that password as it is his personal mails, whatever they are.
You need to start trusting him and stop trying to control him.
That is looking for trouble.
If you keep this up, you might loose him.
Luck.
TATA.
@cowboyofhell (3063)
• Philippines
14 Sep 10
actually it would be fine that a girlfriend know the password of a boy. the only fear is that when the boy allows access so frequent and so much, the boy would sense a feeling of cheapness. as the girlfriend you have to consider his feelings too.
@Angie1982 (69)
• Malaysia
14 Sep 10
Don't 100% trust on people...even your boyfriend or whoever he is. If you really love him, give only 99% trust on him. So when you get hurt/dissapointed, at least you still have 1% trust for youself to 'survive'. Relationship without TRUST is so complicated. better you discuss with him and tell him what you feel and from his answer you know wat to do. i'm sure, if you love and trust each other this 'password' issue, you can solve easily..
@maean_19 (4655)
• Philippines
14 Sep 10
I can relate with you my friend. My bf does not give his password to me. I know he is hiding something from me and I hate it. Would you believe that we are not even friends in his FB account? It freaks me out too and gets more suspicious. I am giving him all the privacy he wants, but darn, I am not the type who would create an argument for the sake of quarreling. Speaking of trust, you are right, how can we trust them when they are the one not being true and honest to us.
I hate being too suspicious, yet i cannot blame myself because I have basis to suspect.
I guess, you need to tell him what you feel. If you cannot tell him face to face, you can tell him through a letter. That is what I did with my bf. I write what I feel. I am straightforward and vocal type of girl, but I have no courage saying what I feel directly to him because I avoid us to argue. Another, silent treatment may work sometimes, but not always. It depends on the personality of your guy.
I cannot blame you being paranoid and suspicious, our instinct is just so strong and is always right. When you are already feel getting mad, just take 3 deep breaths and be calm. Again, write down what you feel.
@Metatronik (6199)
• Pasay, Philippines
14 Sep 10
I am actually wondering of how come you can still settle with him the fact that you have trust issues to him? I mean yes I know you love him but is that the person that you want to be with for the rest of your life? I mean imagine if you could make it an an opposite the the girl has trust issue I mean do you think the guy will give a chance to a girl because of what she did? Isn't unfair right? Actually trust and honesty is the biggest and the most sensitive issue especially in terms of relationship as it is important factor to have to settle the relationship. So why in the world that you must still stick to a guy who can't stick to one girl? Just give respect and pride for your own dignity I think you must not deserve to have a boyfriend like him.
@Beautyfactor (1512)
•
14 Sep 10
Well it already sounds like you are having trust issues against your boyfriend. If he has never given you reason not to trust him then I think you are totally wrong in thinking that you can look into his emails without his knowledge.
If you have problems with trust and honesty then you have to deal with those and work on these problems because one day it will be the ruin of your relationships. The way you are feeling and thinking is not healthy and it is your problem and you need to get it sorted out.
@jennbart (1330)
• Philippines
14 Sep 10
Well, you are not supposed to read his emails as it is already a private and personal thing, think of it as this:Would you want your guy to read all your email stuff, read your messages in your inbox and monitor all your calls, dialled, missed? I do not think so! so the golden rule apply. " do not do unto others what you do not want others to do unto you.
@enthusiasticone (348)
• China
14 Sep 10
that's not a good subject ,so many times my gf changed the password she ever said, so love is not a long thing for two people . we must do something to keep the love better and better .so no one can help you for love just your two .
@preppydezza (309)
• Philippines
14 Sep 10
He maybe needed space goenelynn. But for me, if I were the guy, I would definitely be annoyed of you snooping my emails. There was an issue of him almost cheating you and you should be happy that he did not continue cheating you. It is like you're invading his privacy and you don't really trust him that much. What would you feel if your guy does not trust you, it would be hurtful too. So you should understand him. Or try to talk to him on how you feel and he may tell you he feels about doing it. You should have good COMMUNICATION. You are hurting there and your boyfriend don't know that you are. It is just non-sense. ;) Being a control freak is sometimes bad. So try to lessen it . Just enjoy what you have with him and you'll be happy.
