If It's Not Cheating Then What Is It?

Philippines
September 19, 2010 6:18pm CST
The wife is wondering whether to believe his husband is not cheating on her. The husband has a co-worker that the wife thinks that their so-called friendship is being too close for comfort. The wife notice the telltale signs because even in their own home the husband talks and praise his female co-worker. It became the center of their conversation. The wife ignores it at first. But, having his female co-worker attends to his needs like making his appointment to a dentist and shopping together becomes unbearable to her. Also, there was a time that his husband have a business trip and that female co-worker is also on that trip. The wife confronted the husband if there's something going on. The husband denied telling her that she was being ridiculously unreasonable. That they were just being the best of friends in the company they work to. Still, the wife is not convinced. She feels there's more something to it. Do you think that the wife is being unreasonable with her intuition? She wonders why her husband's bestfriend need to be a female co-worker.
1 person likes this
20 responses
@niairen01 (1018)
• Philippines
19 Sep 10
"If it's not cheating than what is it?" hmmm... flirting and stubbornly ignoring that fact that wife is already jealous out of it and might get their relationship in trouble. You know what, my husband and I went through the same situations and I just gave birth to our first child that time. I've seen his mobile phone and saw text messages from this girl stating that she is coming home this date at this time and if he is going to pick her up. I ask my husband about it and he said it was his friend blah.. blah..blah.. we were in a bad situation that time and I don't blame him for asking comfort with other friend.. but PICKING HER UP?? WTF is that?! and then next day this girl demand my husband to call her immediately telling him its important... anyway, I confronted my husband and ask him to answer all honestly without a holding back what he really feels. I told him to look at our week old baby and then asked him if he wanted him to grow up with a broken family. He said no and I told him to start doing things right from now on. The girl never texted him again nor showed her shadow to us. (good for her.. or I might have teach her a lesson or two). My husband swear that it was just a text message and nothing ever happens. I told him with smoke coming out of my nose and ears that... Do I need to wait for that to happen before I start suspecting something?" If this is your case cajimenez.. if you are the wife, it's okay that you seems to feel something is going on between them since your husband is mindlessly talking about her nonstop not even paying attention into what you might feel about it. you could actually give him a punch or two in order for him to wake up! While if you are the husband... well, try to think about how your wife feels when you do this kind of things. do you choose your Best friend co-worker against your family's happy relationship? think about it! but if you're neither of the two and just make is discussion for the sake of discussion. nice post!
• Philippines
19 Sep 10
Well, it's about my friend (the wife). His husband tells her she's crazy to have such thoughts. You're story is definitely similar to hers. Good to know, you were able to get rid of the girl. While in my friend's case. It continues.
@misheli (552)
• Philippines
20 Sep 10
I went through this situation too. 2 years ago when my husband went home for vacation I saw him talking on the cellphone and when I asked who he is talking he just said nothing wrong number. So I just ignored it. Then one day when his cellphone rings and I'm beside him I told him to answer it because it's an overseas call he said it was nothing maybe a call from his work. Then I told him why wouldn't you answer it he just ignored me. Until one day when i was deleting the sent messages of my cellphone I saw 1 sent message from my cellphone and the message there was, how are you i miss you blah..blah..blah. I immediately confronted him and show him the text message that he sent to the girl using my own cellphone. I was so mad and I hit him , slap his face and told him to leave the house. Oh and by the way I was also pregnant during that time. It really hurt my feelings. I texted the girl and told her to stop flirting with my husband and the girl replied to me saying this words "excuse me...who's this? I'm not in a relationship right now and I don't know what you're talking about. So I told her don't play innocent because I know the truth. I texted her saying words that I know will hurt her. My husband keeps on calling me asking for my forgiveness but I was so stiff at that time because I can't accept what he did to me. He lied to me, he deceived me though he said it was not a serious relationship. I didn't talk to him and it lasted for 2 weeks. But because I still love him and I can feel that he still love me too, we had this serious talk and I told him to tell me the truth and be honest to me. He told me that it was his co-employee from the ship they became closer because of teasing. It's really painful to me I was crying and told him what did I do wrong for doing this to me and he was crying also and asking for a second chance. Of course I love him so I gave him what he want, a second chance. Because of what happened our love for each other become stronger. There's no perfect marriage and we both learned from our mistakes.
1 person likes this
• Philippines
20 Sep 10
Good for you , Misheli. You were able to forgive your husband. I just wish your husband will not do it again. I want to congratulate you for being able to trust your husband again. I still can't understand why men do such things even though they're already married. Thanks, for sharing...
@macey_27 (23)
• Philippines
20 Sep 10
Well, I don't think the wife is being unreasonable by any means. As her position in her husband's life - being his "wife", she has every right to act and feel that way. Some husbands may have female co-workers or a secretary perhaps, that may ran some errands on their behalf, but such things should only include those related with their work; personal things like making appointments to a dentist and most especially shopping together, this husband is really giving his wife something to be jealous of. And a husband relentlessly talking about his female co-worker and praises her in front of his wife what the heck?, how insensitive can he be? Being a husband he ought to know what are the things that could really hurt his wife's feelings. And the wife having confronted him for what she feels, the husband must do something to fix this if he really is just being a "friend" to that female co-worker. The husband wouldn't like it anyway, if his wife will do the same to him.
• Philippines
21 Sep 10
That is absolutely right. But then, what if the husband don't have any intention of fixing the problem. And will just continue blaming the wife for being unreasonable. Thanks, macy-27.
• Philippines
22 Sep 10
Well, if that's the case I think it would be difficult to force the husband to do what he doesn't want to do like avoiding his female co-worker. The only thing that the wife can do is to be extra vigilant. Not in the way that is intimadating, but the manner that she wouldn't be cheated by the husband. The wife must also prepare herself whatever it is that she may find out. And be extra ready to take necessary actions if the husband really is having an affair with his female co-worker.
@glechelle (146)
• Philippines
20 Sep 10
They say that people who cheat tends to accuse their partner of being unreasonable and sometimes cheating just to get away with it. The mere fact that his a married man, he should establish limitations to his friends, especially if it is a girl friend. I think the wife should serious talk with her husband and express her discomfort to the actions of the husband. If the man respects and loves his wife, then there should be no problem in keeping a distance from his friends.
• Philippines
21 Sep 10
Thank you , glechele. Friendship has it's own limitation specially if one is already married.
@eurekafemme (5877)
• Philippines
20 Sep 10
Oh, how I wish my husband is like that guy. :) My husband often talk to me about other women but in the negative way. It seems that he's making it sound that all women he met were all unattractive. He always find flaws in them. I don't really like it because I know he isn't really telling me the truth.He only tells me those because he doesn't want to give me the wrong impression that he is interested in them. Even if he is not saying it, but, he thinks that I am jealous with other girls.:( The mere fact that her husband can talk to her that way about the girl, is a good sign that he isn't guilty of anything. A man would not want to talk about the other woman in their lives especially with their wives.LOL Just think about it. They will hide their existence as much as possible even lied because of them. In this case, I don't think she should be alarmed. If he isn't talking about her anymore, then, she should be wary about it. :) She could just be jealous, discard that thought or she'll be pushing her husband too far that he might eventually do it. Tell her to hush... Give her husband the benefit of the doubt that he is faithful to her.Trust him completely and just listen o him. Things will soon be cleared.:)
• Philippines
21 Sep 10
Yes, I know. Somehow, we are gifted (or cursed) having that woman instinct.... But, dear, don't push it too hard. Men are basically weak and given a chance, err, invited, they will grab that opportunity to flirt. Men need a constant boost for their ego. They needed to feel they are man. Sadly enough having a woman to flirt with is one of the greatest factors they consider that measures their masculinity... Hold on there. Don't give the other woman the satisfaction of enjoying the husband's company. And whatever you do and however you feel about it, don't nag. The more you are giving this husband a reason to come to the other girl for comfort... Be patient, dear....
• Philippines
21 Sep 10
That's a very positive outlook. But then, not because the husband is not hiding doesn't necessarily mean he's not doing something. As a wife you can tell if something is not right. Thanks, eurekafemme...
@malmoc (17)
• Denmark
20 Sep 10
hmm sounds kinda strange...
• Philippines
21 Sep 10
Strange and suspicious thing.. Thank you, malmoc.
@sayariza (146)
• Indonesia
20 Sep 10
hey, if your husband is a cheater he will hide anything about that female co worker...
• Philippines
21 Sep 10
Yes, they are hiding their cheating in being friends. Thank you, sayariza.
@meemingNEW (2226)
• Philippines
20 Sep 10
If its Not Cheating, then its an Insensitive Husband who doesn't recognize or feel what her wife is going through over his so called special "relationship" / best friend with that female co-worker. If you come to think of it, you can't blame the wife for being jealous because of how the husband like you mentioned, talks and praises his female co-worker more than her. How the female co-worker sets her husband's appointments to the dentist and shopping together which is supposed to be what the wife and the husband should do together.. and not the husband and the co-worker. That will certainly put a buzz in the wife's head of a cheating husband. If the wife goes that low into investigating if there's something really going on.. then she should hire a private investigator to spy on her husband and that co-worker. She could ask her husband's other co-workers if she's that desperate.. But if she just would not mind his husband's corporate relations with other workers, then I guess she'll just have to trust her husband even though its hard for her to do so. With that, she'll have a piece of mind with the issue.. Best of luck
• Philippines
21 Sep 10
You're right, the husband is insensitive with his wife's feeling. Spying your partner is another thing. Maybe, that's the next option.. Thanks, meemingNew...
• Jamaica
20 Sep 10
You have to admit, his behaviour is cause for concern. Why should another female be his best friend? His wife should be his best friend, of course she's going to feel like her place in his life is being usurped and if he really loves her he would definitely do better and try his best to make her happy.
• Philippines
20 Sep 10
You're right. The husband is just making an excuse. He knows where this friendship thing with his co-worker will led into. Thanks for sharing, charmaine36.
@bing28 (3795)
• Philippines
20 Sep 10
Co workers can be best friends but can be lovers as well. They can be very close as friends but shopping together when the guy is married and making his appointment to a dentist, if I'm the wife, I'll be thinking negative as well...
• Philippines
20 Sep 10
Nothing is impossible. Temptation can occur anytime between friends. Thanks for sharing, bing28.
@ybong007 (6643)
• Philippines
20 Sep 10
In this case the husband is technically not cheating, not just yet anyway. But it could very well lead to that situation if they don't do something about it. After all, they're both human and could fall in love without them knowing it. But before we make judgement we have to look at the personality of the husband, if he's friendly in nature then chances are he could always draw a line between what is friendship and what is an illicit affair. But it's clear that the temptation is there.
• Philippines
21 Sep 10
I agree with you, ybong007. Temptation is always present. Thanks for sharing.
@p3ks626 (6538)
• Philippines
20 Sep 10
The wife should tell her husband that it is bothering her. No husband or no wife should do something like that. That's could be a start of infidelity. So couples should avoid that no matter how much they are going to deny that's its nothing.
• Philippines
20 Sep 10
I agree on that. Married people should avoid being close with someone other than their partner. Thanks p3ks626 for responding.
• United States
20 Sep 10
It is my personal opinion that if a partner shares an emotional side with a member of the opposite that I would consider cheating. If he needs dental appointment and shopping then what the heck does he have his wife for??? She has every reason to wonder as imagine if the shoe were on the other foot and she acquired auto services if even for flat tire then what the heck does she need her husband for?? This I would convey to her.
• Philippines
20 Sep 10
I agree with that. The husband is just denying that there's more something than friendship in it. He'll use the excuse that her wife is being unreasonable. And because of that he'll use it against his wife that it's not his fault he had fallen for his co-worker. Thanks, hardworkinggurl...
• Malaysia
20 Sep 10
never trust people like this, sure something wrong with her husband..
• Philippines
21 Sep 10
Trust is something to be earned. How can the husband have her wife's trust if he keep on doing such things. Thank you, Angie1982.
• United States
20 Sep 10
lol my dad used to be a boss and he has a employee that he was always going out with but my mom thought that she is my dad's new girlfriend. one day my mom cant bear it anymore so she kept on annoying my dad and finally my dad quited his business. im not sure if that women is my dads new favorite but i bet my mom is smart and awesome!
• Philippines
20 Sep 10
Your mom is indeed smart and awesome. Thanks for sharing , Devileric1.
@narayan2006 (2954)
• India
19 Sep 10
It is a case of marriage life,considerably lacking mutual trust,sharing and caring,love,and tolerance.If each of the partners do not trust each other,the fire of distrust will do its devastating effect. Both the partners need to freely,honestly and politely discuss the issue and try to reduce their misunderstanding and doubts. The wife's allegation and feeling may not be entirely unjustified. They need to follow the basic ethics and repair their relationship before it takes the violent term.
• Philippines
20 Sep 10
Thank you, narayan2006 for sharing these knowledge. Married life is full of trials. It takes two to save the marriage.
• Philippines
20 Sep 10
For me that is not cheating unless there is a proof, like you seen them together and you feel there is something going on. However, you cannot blame the wife for thinking that way as you can observe on the husband that he acted differently when this female coworker is the topic which is unnecessary in front of his wife. Maybe we can say that the husband is not doing any wrong, he maybe just enthusiastic with the female coworker, but still for me is inapproriate to talk about other women besides your wife in front of your wife. It is just normal for the wife to think that way, although it is wrong to be negative with your husband. Atleast at this time the wife is aware of something might happen in the future, which hopefully will not happen. And if I am the husband, since my wife is confronting me about it, i rather avoid that co-worker with or without any thing involvement with me as this will become unhealthy in our relationship.
@snowy22315 (174402)
• United States
20 Sep 10
I say where there is smoke there is fire and the wife's intution is telling her something is going on. I would tell the husband the situtaion is making her very uncomfortable and the co worker is overstepping her bounds.
• Philippines
20 Sep 10
You're absolutely right. The co-worker is crossing the line of boundaries . It's impossible that the husband is innocent of cheating. They only make it looks like a friendship thing, but there's more to it...Thanks, snowy22315.
@ifa225 (14464)
• Indonesia
24 Sep 10
she has a good intuition in fact. the husband try to make a fool. if she let it happen then i can feel that it would turn to be affair.
@qianyun6 (2067)
• China
20 Sep 10
Hello, cajimenez! "Why her husband's bestfriend need to be a female co-worker..." I want to ask, why can't? I think the wife is ridiculously unreasonable, and she is doing nonsense. If she believe firmly that there have been already something between her husband and his female co-worker, she should divorce from him directly. Actually there are only two probably facts: the husband and his co-worker have already fallen in love, or they are only best friends. If it is the former, the collapse of the relationship between the wife and the husband have been unavoidable. If it is the latter, the wife's query is nonsense and only can spoil the family. The worst result is the same as the former.
@johney264 (544)
• China
20 Sep 10
As a man I think the wife is more wrong, It is about me. my story first as you said just work together, no doubt have little felling to each other but don't have any love feeling, but to my wife this is very serious, earlier she often want to talk something to me by chances, small things might lead she fire angry, it is the sign of serious consequence, one day she told me the reason with fire then the question is too much around me, phone call me every where and every time, I feel very embarrassed with others, when I back home check me in secret, home Is not as a home, as a underworld, so that when I go off work don't want home at all, on the other side my co-work girl looked me down day by day very care about me, I never told any thing about my terrible family to her, but what she did touch me so much, finally I with her feel comfort, I like with her, I trust I really fell in love with her, I really have another girl in my heart with any relations. this time my wife keep mum and cry, if divorce I will nothing to say!
• Philippines
20 Sep 10
Then you're wife is right. You let yourself emotionally attached to your co-worker. And you fall for her... Only, you keep on denying it to your wife.. Thanks, johney264.