Does age really make a difference in a relationship?
By fabsprecious
@fabsprecious (1565)
United States
October 15, 2010 9:31am CST
My brother in law starting dating a girl that was about 6 to 7 years older than him. At first it was a bit awkward the age difference at least for him, but she assured him that it didn't bother her, that she was fine with it. No offense, but men tend to take a bit more longer to mature than women, and I think that was their problem. Besides the fact that they both enjoyed going to out together, they enjoyed basically the same things, hanging out with their friends, going to bars to have a social drink and spending time together. But after being in the relationship for 4 months, she started insinuating and letting him know that he was to young and to immature that she wasn't looking for that in her life at this point in time, she needed something more stable.
I understand her point of view up to a certain point. She is 31 and she probably has different priority than he has, but why lead him on into thinking that this relationship would work. He actually did get strong feelings and cared for her. He thought she was good for him. And for a long time he had found someone that he thought he could relate to and probably try and settle down with.
Now what bother's me the most, is that instead of just breaking it off, the way she did, she continues to haunt him, calling telling him that she misses him, spends the weekend with him and then they are back to the same situation, that she doesn't want that so called "mess" in her life.
Do you think that age is really a factor when it comes to relationship?
2 people like this
16 responses
@my_name_is_coco (4334)
• Philippines
16 Oct 10
I don't think age matters in a relationship.age is just a number.a person's maturity and emotional stability is important in relationships - all kinds of relationships.some people's level of maturity doesn't jive with their age.a lot of people in their 30s still behave like a lovestruck teenager;some in their 20s are very much into serious settling mindset.just like in dress tags,I believe that age is nothing but a number.
@fabsprecious (1565)
• United States
18 Oct 10
I completely agree, I don't believe age is a factor is the level of maturity and emotional stability that is of concern. I've only meet her once or twice, but she can be very arrogant and controling, he's a bit immature (he's a 24 year old guy that says it all). I personally don't think neither of them are to mature, but that's just my opinion.
I just don't think she is ready and him in that matter for a serious committment. He says he wants to be with her, but she says he is to immature for her taste and needs, but then she breaks off one week and the next week she's calling again. I think she's the one that's unstable at this point in time.
@maean_19 (4655)
• Philippines
15 Oct 10
I cannot certainly answer this question, but I will try to do so since I have the same situation and I am on the side of the girl. I mean, yes, I am 6 years older than my current bf. We actually do not argue about the age gap, but I notice the differences as times pass by. Because of his young age, he is still into being with his friends and taking things more lightly while I am on my stage where I have to think of the future. There are times that I have to be the one adjusting and understanding him. My friends would tell me that I should not expect much of him.
@fabsprecious (1565)
• United States
15 Oct 10
I personally wouldn't know how to react, because me and my husband have been together since high school and he is only 6 months younger than I am and there is really no age difference there. I never had the situation in which he was more into being with his friends, he always wanted to spend his time with me. I could just imagine how difficult it can sometimes be. But what I don't understand from her if it is so much of a problem for her that she has broken it off three times, why keep on coming back to him, just move on. I completely understand her point of view, I will be the first to say he is completely immature, but why continue leading him on into thinking there's a chance. Live your own life and look for something that you need and want.
1 person likes this
@maean_19 (4655)
• Philippines
16 Oct 10
Kind of confused, is the girl telling you al those stuff? I mean, that she does not want to be in a "mess"? hat she knows the guy is immature, yet she still remains with the relationship?
Before I was in my current relationship, I had a fiancee who is also 5 months younger than I am. Yes, we had no problems. We can discus almost everything and pan together. The only problem then was that his mother gets jealous of me. Same is through with his relatives.
At present with my 6 years younger bf, I can see the difference now. What I fear now is when my bf reaches the maturity I want him to be, it is already late for me. However, maybe he will change sooner.
I think on the part of your brother in law and his gf, I guess the girl is just being optimistic that it will work despite the age difference. I am not sure what is her reason to remain. They are simply just in love perhaps.
@JudgeIronFist (2472)
• Singapore
16 Oct 10
I feel there is. But maybe 1 to 3 years difference may be ok but 6 to 7 years is a bit too much for a relationship to last. They will have differences in thinking and their perspective in looking in things could also differ from each other, therefore they may not be able to agree with each other so easily. I feel it's better to go with someone who's of the same age or just a 1 year difference will do. I think it'll work out.
@fabsprecious (1565)
• United States
18 Oct 10
It really all depends, I mean I have known couples that have a 5 to 6 year difference and they made it work. It also depends on the level of maturity. I will be the first to say, that he isn't very mature, he hasn't experienced life. She on the other hand has. But if they are willing to make it work it can be possible. The only thing I desagree with, is if you want to break off a relationship because you are concerned with the age difference, just be clear and break it off, don't continue manipulating and making that other person believe there a chance.
@madteaparty (2748)
• Japan
16 Oct 10
Well, there are many factors that might make a relationship not to work. Maybe she was just tired of the relationship and wanted to use the age as an excuse, but the problem might have been any other too.
I have seen many relationships with an age gap bigger than 3 years that worked very well, so I don't think it's a big problem unless the gap is too big, like 20 years difference, for example, as brains are in a stage that is too different, and it makes it more difficult to make a relationship work.
@fabsprecious (1565)
• United States
18 Oct 10
I personally don't think that the age difference, would be to much of a factor. At first I thought it was. But she is the one that continues to persist. I mean if you say that the age difference is bothering you, why continue calling the guy, leave him alone and move, so that he can do the same. But I have a feeling it's probably something else that is bothering her, she just doesn't want to admit it yet.
@iamjesca (185)
• Philippines
16 Oct 10
In your discussion it goes to show that the girl is the immature one. She is older so she should know better. If they are over then she should not play the feelings of the guy. Age is not really a factor in this situation because as you have seen the girl is being childish. She is not acting her age. I think your brother in law should move on and find another girl. Because that older woman would just mess his life up. The problem is not the age. The problem would be the level of maturity that they have. She is way immature than the guy. And to think that the guy is 6-7 years younger than her. I have seen many relationship with wide age gaps and they are still going strong together.
@fabsprecious (1565)
• United States
18 Oct 10
You are absolutely correct, she is being completely childish but then she blames him for being immature. I think in this relationship he is actually being the matured one, because he is trying his honest best to make it work, he does have strong feelings for her. And if the feelings are there for the both of them, then why couldn't it work. I personally don't think that age in this case is a factor.
I have told him as well as my husband to forget about her and move on, but she spends an entire week without calling him and then come the weekend she wants to start again. I don't know they need to figure something out, because this can't be good for either of them.
@AJohnrick (5)
• Philippines
16 Oct 10
no! age doesn't matter if you are in love in with somebody,then prove it no matter how old she is.
@yogeshdhusa (2236)
• India
16 Oct 10
I don’t know what to say I am in the same situation. I done know what to do. I have left on GOD.
@jet2r0cks (190)
• Philippines
16 Oct 10
I think it's maturity that matters more than age. Seems to me that the older woman is the one who's more immature ._. She couldn't make up her mind about your brother - I thought she wanted something more stable? How can she say that when she herself can't make up her mind ~_~
I'm older than my boyfriend by 4 years but he can be a lot more mature than me sometimes, so I really don't think age makes a difference but maturity does.
@sweetmary86 (822)
• Philippines
16 Oct 10
dont let society dictate u whats wrong or right. follow ur hearts desire and it will make u happy. dont conform too much on the society just to fit in. u have ur own discretion...age doesnt matter as long as u love each other then its fine.
@Sanitary (3968)
• Singapore
16 Oct 10
Age does make a difference in relationships even though those involved always said they don't mind the age gap. During the initial stages of a relationship, it's the honeymoon period whereby both people are trying to get along, having fun together and seem inseparable. But things will change when the honeymoon period is up and problems surfaced. That's when age factor comes in because of their maturity in solving problems. If they are able to get past that, they will be safe and the relationship will last. If not, it's the end but not totally ending as it will turn into another kind of physical relationship unknown to others.
@girlaloosh01 (154)
• Philippines
16 Oct 10
Age is really a big factor in a relationship. But it doesn't mean that if the age gap between two persons is very far, love will not exist. It is a factor which can make a big difference in the relationship. Try to compare 2 pairs. The 1st pair whose ages are just near, then the 2nd pair whose ages are far. Try to ask them about their relationship, isn't it that there is a big difference? I know some people whose parents have long age gap, then some of them said that the relationship is still fine. Based from what I've observed, age really doesn't matter as long as love is present between the two.
@starrose_ara (784)
• Philippines
16 Oct 10
In love there is no right formulas including age difference matters. Love understands, it goes beyond the not so important restrictions that society places on it. I know of several friends who married a younger man and yet their relationship flourish. If it works, it works. There is no explanation for Love to bloom in the most unusual circumstances and places.
@lynlypiochy (706)
• Philippines
16 Oct 10
I think it really does. If one is older or younger than another, there are a lot of differences in the way they think the world goes. If you and your parents have an age gap, why do you think you and your older or younger partner wouldn't have that?
@kendrathil (308)
• India
16 Oct 10
I think it will and will not. Love is something that comes from within. Moreover, think that no one young would go dating an old man.
@elmiko (6630)
• United States
16 Oct 10
yeah i had a friend who married a woman 6 years older then him. being 18 and all he really thought he was something being able to marry a 24 year old. then years started to go by and he was in his early 20s and she was now in her 30s. it then no longer seemed so special as she seemed a little too old for him while he was still young and of course he had more room to mature. the point is what seemed to be so good at the beginning turned out not to be so good later. i'm not saying such a marriages can't work but he didn't need to get married so early. he should of enjoyed the single life at such an early age.
@Strovek (868)
• Malaysia
16 Oct 10
I don't think age is the real factor. The thing that makes a difference it the mental maturity and that differs by experience and exposure.
Physical age does not determine mental maturity. A person can be 40 and still act as a child and a child who is brought up to be independent and has to do things by his/her self and more likely to be more mature mentally.
Sounds to me that your brother's gf has not figured out what she is looking for. One the one hand she wants him but on the other hand, she is trying to change him.
