After relationship - give yourself a break

True Hardworking, great words included...

After my divorce I took 5 year break, maybe a long time but I was married for so long that I felt I needed the time to find me first before I got into another relationship.

Great decision Hardworking, really great. I'm sure it helped you a lot. That friend, i was talking about in the leading posts of the discussion, her husband divorced with her after 2 years marriage and few months when they were not together. I mean he gave the documents, but it took few months their documents to be checked and everything to be good, so the court to divorce them. At the same time somehow she grow up and wanted a family. Her husband was a good guy, they had too long relationship before their marriage. She had another relations while she had her serious relationship with her husband... Long ago we were co-workers with the girl in one shop and i told her - don't say YES to your husband, you're not ready to have a family... But no, she didn't listen to me. She moved from that work and found new one, while she was married she was dating her new boss, before that one of their drivers and she was in love with the driver of the new company. It was hard decision for her husband, but finally he found new girl, who will love him more than everything. And when they got divorced my friend said .. "I'm so depressed, i had to keep my marriage, i want children, why i was so stupid"... May be i have to post one different discussion about different characters and what keeps them together, because my friend and her husband was totally different characters. Her husband is a young boy, who didn't have good family and wanted to make his own good family, with children, happiness. He did his best to work for himself and his wife, they bought car, everything was o.k. About her ... she is a girl, who always feel passion to change her guys - to date with different of them depends how they are with the money. She loves going to luxury places where she could have diner or expensive cocktail or coffee... That kind of girls care more for the way they look than the relations they have.

True, every relationship changes us a bit ... we got new habits we received while we were with the past partner, we discovered new hobbies, new lines are interesting for us. It doesn't mean that when we break up with the person we have to throw out the habits we received from the relationship - some may be are good, others not. We need to pay little attention to ourselves after relationship, to see how all our personality has changed and everything else. Thanks for the precious opinion.

That's so so true friend, i agree with everything. Actually i was single all the time, during the relationship, wedding, divorce of that friends and i found the beauty of being single. I was one hard working girl, who didn't thought so much for men, just to improve myself and to find the power which i have deep in me. That's what i'm suggesting everyone. Even one of our friends came back from Germany and soon after 5 years relationship in Germany with her boyfriend, she felt just broke with her feelings. I was trying to tell her - don't give up, everything happens in the right moment. Soon after that she found a boy - 3-4 months, at the 4th month she engaged and now she is pregnant, but she is still happy. I only hope they will be fine, because there is a child on it's way, so they don't have the possibility to break up so easy.

Thanks!~

I'm so happy that you think positive for that. When people feel strong together, there is nothing which can make them to break up I'm happy for you.

Thank you Lore for understanding the point, also for sharing so nice experience, because that's exactly what i wanted to say. Finding the power deep in yourself is the best one person can do ...

Absolutely right. Some people are afraid to be alone, that's why they jump in relationship very fast after they stop dating someone, but independence is something really good. The way you can stand up and say - I can be alone and i'm not afraid of loneliness and what i'll do with my life is a reason for us to be proud of ourselves.

Thanks for sharing Zapatee, very true.

Hello Didi, i find sense in your words, but i've been in many situations when i just finished a relationship and i used my time for myself. I was never afraid that i can be alone for whole my life, because i am positive person and i know that somewhere in the world there is a guy, who is a part of me and i'm a part of him, so we will meet each other sooner or later. My first boyfriend, who i had close to me years ago, i was just 16, told me something really interesting, which i still remember and i started to understand more when i grow up, it was "Everyone of is a part of a couple, we just have to find the other part of the whole thing". So i keep reminding it. Also i strongly believe that everything in our life happens for a reason. Sometimes we don't know the reason, but i know that we will understand it later, when we see the final result of the things. That friend, which i'm sharing for, was a good friend years ago. I always wanted to study psychology because i feel that i understand the others. I'm doing my best, to understand myself too. But when i see the attitude of someone, i start thinking and soon i got clear view of what kind of person is he/she, what is good or bad. We worked together with that girl and we knew a lot of things for each other, because we spent whole days long together and we had chance to become friends. I knew that her husband in the past had many situations when he had to forgive her her mistakes. The day when he made his proposal i knew she is not ready to make that big step. She needed to live some more, to experience more things, even more relations with guys and to see who will be the right guy for her. It was like she was a responsible person, but her thinking for the man was kind of teenage thinking. She said "I'll choose the person who loves me more instead of the person who i love more, that way i won't be hurt". That's one really stupid decision - to choose your best friend for your husband, only because you know that he will forgive you every kind of mistake (because he already has done it before). We had little fight, she changed her work, i stayed where i was, so life changed us and we stopped contacting each other for an year. When we met after one year, when she was already married for an year, we drunk coffee and she told me "You were right. We were at home with my husband, with my family, he was talking with my father, i was looking their relations, i was hearing their conversations, but i didn't feel as a part of that whole picture, it was wrong decision to marry so unready for such thing.". Year after that meeting we had with her, her husband wanted divorce, because he was that she is dating other guys and she was actually dating other guys all the time, even when they divorces, she had relationship with another guy, but the relationship with the guy was not so good. When she was already divorced and stopped seeing the new guy, she had brilliant chance to make her life better. She had good job, good earnings, she was living in her own apartment, she had only to pay her bills and nothing more. Instead of finding power in herself, she decided to move to live with her parents again and to be dependent of her parents ...

I think she understood her problem after the divorce and she will be more careful in future, but still she is a bit selfish person, thinking for the way she looks and so on, so it's hard character ...

I understand the situation better this time.She wrong choice, and suffered the consequences. Lately, the women follow the next trend, more than one "it. " I think she has a big problem to succeed in maintaining a stable relationship.Fidelity, communication and respect are essential in a marriage or a stable relationship. Since it does not stick any of these attributes. Perhaps, thinks every time, will find better, simply does not belong to her, and her feelings,and, if it continues at this rate, probably never will be. I do not know what else I could say is, an old adage of the people: "How do you bedding so sleep!"