Why do parents expect their children to behave if they don't behave themselves?
By Suzieqmom
@Suzieqmom (2755)
United States
February 5, 2011 7:31am CST
My sons are in cub scouts, and I was in charge of the annual Pinewood Derby this year. For those who don't know, that's a race between cars that are about 7 inches long, made out of pine. The boys are supposed to make the cars and race them, but, of course, it is the fathers that make them, design them, adjust them, paint them, weight them, etc. Of course, no one expects the kids to cut the cars on the power saw, but certainly they should be designing and painting their own cars!!
Nonetheless, every year, the boys sit nicely along the race tracks, cheering for the den members and such, and the fathers start yelling, screaming, and ultimately cursing when their car does not win. Then they start yelling at the scorers and judges, the den leaders and cubmasters. This year, we had one parent threaten myself and the cubmaster with bodily harm because--get this--they tied for first place and didn't want to have to share the medal because they "saw" their car inch ahead of the other 1st place winner (it's electronic scoring). Their son and several other boys watched as the father screamed at us, after having taken a swing at the judge scoring that race. What kind of lesson does that teach the boys? This is cub scouts, not extreme wrestling!
2 people like this
5 responses
@sender621 (14889)
• United States
6 Feb 11
Parents will just expect their children to do as they are told. They don't often think of the role models they represent to their children. Parents see a different set of rules for themselves. We can't honestly expect our children to behave in one way when we are behaving in another.@Suzieqmom (2755)
• United States
6 Feb 11
Absolutely--especially when the bad behavior is occurring at a children's event!!! It's like the old saying "do as I say, not as I do." What kind of example does that set?
@GardenGerty (169585)
• United States
5 Feb 11
My daughter played softball as a young child. Eventually she asked me, one night, "Is that ____________'s dad?" (referring to the coach) I feel sorry for her. I always considered my self to be a kind of bossy mom, who was really strict, but my daughter has often told me she felt sorry for one or another child because of their parents. It is hard to teach some adults or kids anything. Other kids will fortunately learn on the principle of "The best bad example" when parents act in a way that they really should not behave, and they learn that they do not want to be the same kind of jerks that those adults are.
@Suzieqmom (2755)
• United States
6 Feb 11
I am a fairly strict mom (but fun, too),a nd my kids have often asked me if so-and-so is someone's mom or dad, and why are they acting that way (or letting their kids act that way). It's sometimes a VERY hard question to answer. . .
@scheng1 (24649)
• Singapore
5 Feb 11
Hi Suzieqmom, I think many parents behave as if they are out of sight from their kids.
Even in the workplace, most adults behave worse than a kid.
After all, kids still manage to get their homework done. They will ask for help from their classmates if they do not know the answers.
But adults do not. Adults may even backstab their colleagues in order to gain job promotion.
@Suzieqmom (2755)
• United States
5 Feb 11
Excellent point. In the workplace, bad behavior at most makes them look bad in front of other adults. But in front of kids, the effects can be devastating. I wish more parents would remember that!
@megamatt (14290)
• United States
5 Feb 11
That is one of the greatest mysteries in life I think. This story just underlies that the parents take competition ten times more seriously then their children ever may. Until later, when children learn from the bad examples that are set from their parents. Then they are the ones that are going to be the future immature adults. This is really a sad and vicious cycle. Not all people are like this but I see an alarming enough number to make me stop and think.
Really if parents want to set a good example for their children, then they really need to take a good, long and hard look in the mirror at what exactly they are doing. There are times where I think that half of the problems or more can really be pinpointed to the actions of the parents. Then when the parents try to tell their children to behave, children are more likely to roll their eyes and not pay attention, because their parents are setting a bad example.
@Suzieqmom (2755)
• United States
5 Feb 11
Your response is right on the money. I agree completely, and was embarrassed that my kids saw their friends' parents behave this way. But the positive aspect is there are some really good kids out there, who behave well regardless of what their parents are doing. We should observe our kids more often, I think, and learn from them as well.
@Suzieqmom (2755)
• United States
5 Feb 11
I honestly don't think they care what they look like--they just want to win, no matter what the cost.
