He thinks she is his
By dorannmwin
@dorannmwin (36392)
United States
February 21, 2011 6:45pm CST
I know some of you might have read about the fact that I've recently come back into contact with a college friend of mine whose brother is my ex-boyfriend. Well, the kids spent the night with Angie on Friday night and they had a blast. On Saturday morning Angie's mother and brother came over to pick up her littlest nephew. When Donnie asked whose kids mine were she told him that they were mine. I wasn't there to have seen this, but she said that her brother had to immediately ask how old Kathryn is. She is eight years old and that is what Angie told him to put his mind at ease. However, the fact that when we got there to pick up the kids he was acting really sketched, I think that there is a part of him that thinks that my daughter is also his daughter (she is not, she is my husband's daughter).
I would love to know what you all think I should do to clear the air with him. I know that we will encounter him again and I don't want him to think something that isn't true because it wouldn't be fair to him.
Has anyone else ever had a situation similar to this in their lives?
2 people like this
13 responses
@katsmeow1213 (28716)
• United States
22 Feb 11
So apparently you hooked up with hubby and got pregnant really soon after breaking up with this guy, huh?
No I've never had an issue like this.. first off my kids look so much like my husband it's scary! Second, my ex saw me a few months after we broke up and knew I wasn't pregnant.
@dorannmwin (36392)
• United States
24 Feb 11
Well, I guess now is the time that I have to admit that I went through my wild period. The dates are close depending on how you look at it. However, they wouldn't be quite as close together if Kathryn hadn't been a preemie. That said, she does look just like my husband (though she looks like me as well).
But hey, he really can't say all that much, his daughter was only four months younger than Kathryn.
@katsmeow1213 (28716)
• United States
24 Feb 11
I won't judge. I had a wild period myself. I'm just lucky enough to have not gotten pregnant during my wild period. I knew at the time I was lucky too. I had a boyfriend who I was crazy about.. but I was cheating on him. I thanked my lucky stars everyday that I didn't get pregnant or get any sort of disease. The disease would have been awful of course.. but getting pregnant and not knowing until the child is born whether it's his or not.. and if it wasn't his I might not have wanted it.. I'm just so glad I did not have to go through that decision process!
@dorannmwin (36392)
• United States
10 Mar 11
It is actually kind of funny looking back on it. I never once cheated on anyone (now that isn't to say that I was never cheated on). I was pregnant with this guy's child at one time, but it ended in miscarriage a couple years before I met Tom and was pregnant with Kathryn. However, there was the one moment of indescretion right after Tom and I started talking, but had not yet met in person.
@bunnybon7 (50970)
• Holiday, Florida
22 Feb 11
oh yes. mine was even more problematic, as i dated my second husbands brother just before i started dating him and had gotten pregnant about 4 months in the relationship. i had to convince both the brothers wife, while we were alone, and my hubby that they needed to count better. 
as id had her 14 mths after id stopped seeing the brother and no one holds a baby that long. 
they finally had to agree i was right. maybe if you make a point as to exactly when her birthday is. say like in bringing up zodiac signs or something, that will help. of course some men have a problem with dates and when certain things happened there, you know. @dorannmwin (36392)
• United States
24 Feb 11
Well Bon, I guess that I'm not the only elephant in the world. 
That is what I told my mother just after I talked to Ang on the phone and she was telling me about her brother's reaction to meeting my children.
That is what I told my mother just after I talked to Ang on the phone and she was telling me about her brother's reaction to meeting my children.@dorannmwin (36392)
• United States
10 Mar 11
That brothers and cousins at the same time thing is quite funny. It is kind of like my friend whose cousin is her boyfriend's brother's wife. The kids are already related in a certain way and in the future they might be step-siblings as well.
@sid556 (30953)
• United States
24 Feb 11
Hi Dorann,
Well, since he didn't bring it up, I wouldn't bring it up either. Is there any even slight chance that it could be his? I know you said that your daughter was a preemie. How early was she? How much did she weigh? Is there any chance the doctor's could have gotten the due date wrong? I ask because they did by 2 months with my youngest daughter and insisted that she was born early. She definitly was not and was born right on the due date that I had calculated. I KNEW beyond a doubt the date that she was conceived and they kept telling me that I was wrong. There was no other possibility so they do make mistakes. She was just a small baby. She is 17 and still very tiny.
@dorannmwin (36392)
• United States
10 Mar 11
There is absolutely no chance that Kathryn is his daughter. She was a preemie as I stated before and that put her being born in December instead of right at the new year. If she had been his child she would have had to have been born no later than the middle of October. I think that there is a part of him that hopes that she might be his considering the fact that he just lost two children three months ago.
@Nadinest1 (2016)
• Canada
21 Mar 11
You could write him an email and straighten things out....or give him a call. It would be terrible wondering if this child is his....it must be driving him crazy....or has him scared out of hiss mind.
Get in contact with him somehow and set him straight.
@dorannmwin (36392)
• United States
8 Apr 11
Unfortunately I haven't had the opportunity to do that with him because I was going to at his niece's birthday party, just make it clear to him in no uncertain terms that Kathryn is not his daughter. However, that was also the day that his cousin ended up in the hospital on life support. I haven't seen him since then. I can't send him an email because he doesn't believe in computers anymore, so I have to wait until I see him in person again.
@much2say (57760)
• Los Angeles, California
4 Mar 11
Wowsers - I guess this is the discussion I missed while I was gone!! I've never been in this situation (been with my hubby for too many years before we even had kids - we know our kids are definitely his kids) - but geez, I can only imagine! Well, did he actually bring it up? He has the issue - but you don't because you know the truth. If it were me, I would only clear the air with him only when he says he needs to have the air cleared - otherwise it might open a can of worms. And if he wants any testing done to really clear the air, make him pay for it!!
@dorannmwin (36392)
• United States
10 Mar 11
He didn't bring it up with me solely because he was walking out the door when we got there to pick the kids up. However, we were at a birthday party together for his niece this past weekend and though I didn't exactly bring up the subject I made a comment about Kathryn's name and how she was due around Christmas and her name would have been different had she been born on Christmas Eve or Christmas Day. That should be enough to make him never question it again.
@bounce58 (17380)
• Canada
24 Feb 11
I haven't been in this situation.
I don't think you need to do anything. As far as making his mind at ease, I think his sister has already done that. You don't have to do anything that make the issue bigger, or complicate things. Your relationship with him is alrady in the past. If he continues to have doubts, then I think that is his problem.
Just sayin'...
@dorannmwin (36392)
• United States
10 Mar 11
You are right and we were at a birthday party together this past weekend for his niece and Kathryn was talking about her American girl doll and said that her name is Holly Noel and I made the comment that it was the name that my grandmother had wanted me to use for her. However, where she was born early I thought it was too far away from Christmas to use that name. I think that statement in and of itself should have put his mind at ease since she would have had to have been born in October to have even had the potential of being his.
@Thoroughrob (11742)
• United States
22 Feb 11
The dates should be able to tell him that. If not, I would just tell him.
@dorannmwin (36392)
• United States
24 Feb 11
Unless I'm an elephant. LOL. That has been what I've been jokingly calling myself since his sister told me this.
@skysuccess (8857)
• Singapore
23 Feb 11
dorannmwin,
I believe you can either trust your intuition or disregard it till he approaches you directly.
I do not think there's a need to "hurry" and I trust that there will be a timing for you to set the record straight. You may disagree since I do not have a similar situation but sometimes taking the initiative on your part may not really work for you.
I am coming from the propriety aspect, where he should know his place. He shouldn't be wandering off with his thoughts since you're already married and he should move on.
Hope all will be well with your family and you. Take care.
@dorannmwin (36392)
• United States
24 Feb 11
Oh no, I definitely know better than to approach him because I don't know if he will come to terms with things between now and the next time that I see him. However, should it ever come up in conversation, I want to be ready to deal with the situation.
@dorannmwin (36392)
• United States
24 Feb 11
I think that if things actually do come down to a discussion that he will accept that Kat is not his. If my word is not good enough for him, then I would make them pay for DNA testing because I know who my daughter belongs to.
@dorannmwin (36392)
• United States
24 Feb 11
I'm definitely not going to be the one that will bring it up. However, I have the sneaking suspicion that it is something that will eventually come up and I want to be prepared with how to deal with it when it does.
@durgabala (1359)
• India
22 Feb 11
Leave the matter here itself. no need to bring up the subject again. it will be good for you and also to him. if he sees u and questions then u may think of clearing the issue out. till then just be relaxed. 
@dorannmwin (36392)
• United States
24 Feb 11
You are right and this is definitely not something that I plan to bring up because I know the facts in this situation since I was there when everything happened. LOL.
However, there is the chance that he could bring it up and I want to be able to be rational about it.
@hardworkinggurl (37062)
• United States
22 Feb 11
I would probably say no, because it is not your husband questioning and he actually had not directly asked you. If he were asking then I could see you would want for friendship sake clear it up.
But he is not asking right? You know there is nothing to that so I would perhaps wait it out and see if he asks, if he does then I would say sure why not.
@dorannmwin (36392)
• United States
24 Feb 11
He didn't ask me then, but I suspect that it will be something that comes up in the future. I know that Kathryn told me that he asked her a lot of questions while she was riding the pony and he was leading it.
@fjclolazy (859)
• China
22 Feb 11
Hi,my friend,
I have never had a situation similar.but I think u can talk to him and explain something clear.It's fair for him and u!
@dorannmwin (36392)
• United States
24 Feb 11
You are right and he definitely has the right to know that despite any suspicion that he might have, Kathryn is my husband's daughter, not his.
