Do you know someone that SEEMS perfect?
By bonnie
@bunnybon7 (50973)
Holiday, Florida
March 7, 2011 2:13pm CST
well, ive come to the conclusion that if someones perfect, its only in your eyes.
recent events have caused me to think this over a lot. Its kind of like the love is blind thing. isnt it? I have an aunt that seems perfect to me. great mother, great wife, great worker,and almost everyone loves her. I say almost because im sure there are someone dont like her. My late hubby was also one like that. To me and many others he seemed perfect.he used to say though, "dont say that about me. Look what happened to the last perfect man!" and it did him to.
Anyway, getting to the point of this discussion. The worst has happened. sons gf broke up with him because she says he wants to much of her time and she just cant give it. she seemed almost perfect. Beautiful,liked me a lot, said she loved my son. not sure what happened. 
she works from 8am to 8pm five days a week. workaholic i guess. she would come over on the weekends or he would go there. it seems though shes a daddies girl and daddy started thinking son was taking up to much of her time. as her moms been ill with different things and her dad wants her cleaning and helping out on the weekends. so it got to where he didnt want my son coming over and she would come here and spend less and less time. this weekend she decided she wouldnt come at all. my son got upset of course, so he kept asking her why she dont even call him back and at least hang on the phone with him? she promised to then, never answered the phone. (sad) well i called and her dad said she wasnt home, uuuuhhhooohh!! son got madder and madder. then she text him at 11 pm last night and said. he deserved better, she didnt think it was working out, he wants to much from her, and shes done.!!.... so, is part of each weekend to much for a guy to ask? so, not perfect. now, i know im going to miss her. she was the nicest anyones been to me for a while. and now sons got a broken heart again but it seems not so bad this time. unless hes covering.
recent events have caused me to think this over a lot. Its kind of like the love is blind thing. isnt it? I have an aunt that seems perfect to me. great mother, great wife, great worker,and almost everyone loves her. I say almost because im sure there are someone dont like her. My late hubby was also one like that. To me and many others he seemed perfect.he used to say though, "dont say that about me. Look what happened to the last perfect man!" and it did him to. Anyway, getting to the point of this discussion. The worst has happened. sons gf broke up with him because she says he wants to much of her time and she just cant give it. she seemed almost perfect. Beautiful,liked me a lot, said she loved my son. not sure what happened. she works from 8am to 8pm five days a week. workaholic i guess. she would come over on the weekends or he would go there. it seems though shes a daddies girl and daddy started thinking son was taking up to much of her time. as her moms been ill with different things and her dad wants her cleaning and helping out on the weekends. so it got to where he didnt want my son coming over and she would come here and spend less and less time. this weekend she decided she wouldnt come at all. my son got upset of course, so he kept asking her why she dont even call him back and at least hang on the phone with him? she promised to then, never answered the phone. (sad) well i called and her dad said she wasnt home, uuuuhhhooohh!! son got madder and madder. then she text him at 11 pm last night and said. he deserved better, she didnt think it was working out, he wants to much from her, and shes done.!!.... so, is part of each weekend to much for a guy to ask? so, not perfect. now, i know im going to miss her. she was the nicest anyones been to me for a while. and now sons got a broken heart again but it seems not so bad this time. unless hes covering.9 people like this
23 responses
@GardenGerty (157665)
• United States
7 Mar 11
That is sad. Her dad is not being fair to her. I hope your son eventually finds a great girlfriend that really is committed to him.
@bunnybon7 (50973)
• Holiday, Florida
7 Mar 11
oh me to. this is starting to feel like a merry go round of women. i cant keep up 
i really liked this one to. she was very good to me. who knows when he will find another like that. 
1 person likes this
@lovinangelsinstead21 (36850)
• Pamplona, Spain
7 Mar 11
Hiya bunnybon,
So sorry to hear that he seemed to be so happy from what you said before. Perhaps the situation will calm down and she will have more time to go out with your Son again. Could be that she feels a bit lost and bewildered by her situation.
Apart from feeling bound to her Father as well and her Mom too. She could well have a problem in coping with everything coming at her all at the same time.
I would think that she does not give enough time to herself to think about what she does. A lot of the younger ones seem to race around all Day with no time to stop anywhere for anyone or for anything.
Not only my Sons are sometimes like that too but a whole load of their Friends are the same. From their Job to their Friends and very little time in the House and the rest of the time sleeping. No wonder I wonder that they don´t wear themselves away with so much rushing around that they do.
I tell mine to calm down and listen and look what they are doing to themselves they don´t like to admit it but they know it is true what I say sometimes anyway.
It sounds like that this Girl is a bit lost in that sense not knowing where to turn or who to turn to. Give her time she needs a lot of love too I suspect.
That´s only my opinion of course and you know her much better than me but this is how it sounds from the outside looking in. Take care now hope everything will be okay. xxx
@bunnybon7 (50973)
• Holiday, Florida
8 Mar 11
that is so true and i knew this was going on with her. i even told her my concern with her dealing with so much pressure. i also told my son to stop pressuring her to spend time. but he wants more, so i guess thats why it isnt such a big deal this time. says he needs someone that wants to spend some time with him at least. worst of all though is she wouldnt call and talk with him during the week. just text a couple times. even when she'd promised to make time just to talk on the phone. maybe she just wasnt that into him. @lovinangelsinstead21 (36850)
• Pamplona, Spain
10 Mar 11
Hiya bunnybon,
My youngest is going through a rough time with his Girl Friend too although she does not have any problems in her Family thank goodness.
Could´nt it be that this Girl feels swamped by the situation and does not yet know how to handle the situation?
I feel for your Son too. If you love someone that much you want to pick up the Phone and talk to them of course you do.
He needs to give her a bit more time to see how thing go and let her think things out by herself.
I can remember how whacked I was when I found out my Mom was very ill and there was no recovery chances for her at all. They made my life impossible too so I had to cope with a few bad situations all at the same time.
You see the more love I gave her the more they tried to hurt her so I did have a rough time with them too.
She may feel that she is in a very tight spot too and does not know how to react even if you talk to her she is probably hearing you but not yet ready to do anything about it all.
@Christmas2006 (1661)
• United States
7 Mar 11
My daughter works those 12 hour shifts and sometimes 7days in a row! So I can understand the working. Moms sick I can understand her helping out. Sure doesn't leave her much time for herself! Personally if the dad didn't want your son coming over I don't think I would trust anything the father had to say. Maybe once she is away from your son she will decide he is to important for her to give up. Gee how do some of these parents get their grown kids to give up everything for them? I sure can't mine! I even offered to PAY them to help me with stuff and they won't do it!
I knew a couple that I thought had the perfect marriage when I was in high school, and I wanted a marriage just like theirs! After graduating I went to stay with them, I was to be their live in baby sitter...that lasted until the husband made a pass at me! Talk about shocked! I went back home!
1 person likes this
@Christmas2006 (1661)
• United States
8 Mar 11
I worked with a girl, 25, and her mom worked there too! She would come in and just 'yell' at the girl for nothing. Once she streaked or tinted her hair. OH MY was mom furious! She's such a nice girl to! The mother would even stop in and tell the girl what she could and couldn't do. I understand why she lived with her grandma and not at home!!! Last I knew she didn't approve of her new boyfriend either!
Best of luck!
@bunnybon7 (50973)
• Holiday, Florida
8 Mar 11
oh i know. i wonder how the parents get so much say of grown kids also. i mean i was always scared to cross my mom but i still done what i wanted and was best for me. if it was something like that, id just not listen, but not argue. my mom didnt like my last hubby at first, but i continued to see him and later married him because it was best for me. best thing ever happened to me.
@jazel_juan (15747)
• Philippines
7 Mar 11
That is quite a sad story bunny! That Dad is quite unfair.. i mean her daughter must have other life than taking care of their household stuff...she must not be confined to those only unless there are other reasons why she broke up with your son or maybe the dad did force her hmmm 
quite sad, i hope your son is coping up and hope he will recover fast.
Anyway, i knew people who seemed perfect before not until i saw their flaws, there was a time well that was in high school where i knew this classmate she seemed so perfect, good grades, she can dance, she can recite, she can do almost what everyone cannot..she was good with public people..but then her flaw was she was arrogant and stubborn and we saw that her family at home was falling apart. it was sad though because it seemed like she had everything and then at home she was falling apart. Till now we have not heard from her..quite sad but life is like that.
quite sad, i hope your son is coping up and hope he will recover fast.
Anyway, i knew people who seemed perfect before not until i saw their flaws, there was a time well that was in high school where i knew this classmate she seemed so perfect, good grades, she can dance, she can recite, she can do almost what everyone cannot..she was good with public people..but then her flaw was she was arrogant and stubborn and we saw that her family at home was falling apart. it was sad though because it seemed like she had everything and then at home she was falling apart. Till now we have not heard from her..quite sad but life is like that. 1 person likes this
@bunnybon7 (50973)
• Holiday, Florida
8 Mar 11
so i guess no one can be perfect or even close, though sometimes some us us seem to think so. 
@catdla1 (6005)
• United States
7 Mar 11
It sounds like the girlfriend has a lot on her plate, with working those kinds of hours and helping with her parents. Adding (what she felt) was an obligation to seeing your son, maybe was just too much. Everyone needs 'alone' time and time with other friends. Maybe she was just feeling smothered, maybe every weekend was too much.
I don't know if the relationship could be rescued, but maybe your son could be a little more understanding and give her a little room. They need a heart to heart to find what terms are acceptable to both of them.
I hope it works out, she really sounded ideal.
1 person likes this
@bunnybon7 (50973)
• Holiday, Florida
8 Mar 11
unfortunately she was ideal for me. but not for him. he dosent want another relationship where he hardly ever gets to see her. he tried being understanding by saying ok, just one day on a weekend, but she didnt even go for that. its just how he wants a gal to be i guess. he says if you really love someone you will give them more then 1 percent of your time or not make them last on your list. anyway, my problem now is hes looking again. doesnt seem to broken up this time. maybe hes just getting used to the disappointment. 
btw, he would have been happy to talk with her on the phone during the week, but she wouldnt do that either.1 person likes this
@catdla1 (6005)
• United States
8 Mar 11
Let him know that love isn't something that happens overnight. That which starts fast, ends fast. If he invests money today, and cashes in tomorrow, he won't have earned anything. Some things are worth waiting for...and many things that are fast (or hurried...aren't.
@nangisha (3496)
• Indonesia
8 Mar 11
Hi Bunnybon7!.
I believe no one perfect in this world because we all made mistake we regret in our life. I also tend to see how perfect is someone but when I know know thats person I usually feel pity for hear. I think first impression not give the right clue what kind of person they are.
I think time is the best way to know someone and decide if you wanna made thats person become your friend and he will give positive impact in your life.
I feel sorry for your son lost because you seem like her and hoping its work. Maybe now its not the right time, person for your son. I hope he will find his soul mate.
1 person likes this
@bunnybon7 (50973)
• Holiday, Florida
8 Mar 11
i do think he dont wait long enough to get to know someone before he lets his heart in. i keep telling him, friends first is the best policy. getting to know someone is the key. so you are right there.
@MsTickle (25180)
• Australia
15 Mar 11
Oh dear, that's awful. Sounds like her father or both controlling and selfish, not wanting to let their girl have her own life. I'm guessing the father is putting lots of guilt trips on her as well and the easiest thing she can see to do is to obey her Dad. That would also maybe why she works such long hours....either Daddy expects it because of the extra money she brings in or else it's her own idea to get away from her parents.
This is awful and I'm sure your son is angry, frustrated and sad. It's so not fair. I'm so sad for you too Bon because the girl had a lovely generous heart.
@bunnybon7 (50973)
• Holiday, Florida
15 Mar 11
yes and i miss her. dont think he will ever find one i like as much. 
@dragon54u (31636)
• United States
7 Mar 11
If her mother is ill, I can understand where she wouldn't have much time. Family comes first, always. On the other hand, does she really have to work 12 hour days? Something smells a bit fishy here, even if it's her attitude towards the value of her personal life.
Glad your son is taking it better than the last but he'll get used to it. It's very hard to start and maintain a relationship. I don't think, from what you've said, that he was making unreasonable demands--it seems like he was trying to adjust to her lack of time by settling for phone contact.
Maybe this one just wasn't meant to be. I thought she sounded like a great match for him. There's all sorts of things below the surface that you can't see that may have made a difference.
1 person likes this
@bunnybon7 (50973)
• Holiday, Florida
8 Mar 11
yes i know and son understands that part better then anyone else ever could you know. after all he has me. he tried to be understanding about it all along. yet, he couldnt go there and she insists on working all them hours. also, she at first visited once during the week, but started saying she was working way late, etc. then he said well, he missed just talking to her, but she wouldnt call much and only for a few minutes. she texts fairly often. but thats not the same you know. i suspected also she may have been going back to drinking since son met her at AA and she was fairly new in it. like i told him,and as he knows, few people stay away from it long. from what shes said about her dad, id probably go back to drinking. 
then again, maybe its something about my son i dont see. i mean, love is blind like i said.
after all he has me. he tried to be understanding about it all along. yet, he couldnt go there and she insists on working all them hours. also, she at first visited once during the week, but started saying she was working way late, etc. then he said well, he missed just talking to her, but she wouldnt call much and only for a few minutes. she texts fairly often. but thats not the same you know. i suspected also she may have been going back to drinking since son met her at AA and she was fairly new in it. like i told him,and as he knows, few people stay away from it long. from what shes said about her dad, id probably go back to drinking. then again, maybe its something about my son i dont see. i mean, love is blind like i said.1 person likes this
@grunge_avenged (552)
• Canada
7 Mar 11
That is quite unfortunate. Something similar happened to me with what happened to your son. When I was in high school, I dated a girl and she was busy working a lot so I had to break up with her because I thought it was really hard not being able to see her as much as I would have liked to.
And yes, sometimes I think people are so perfect. I have a friend that is extremely smart and would seem to never really have too many problems and he also ended up going to Harvard (still goes there actually) which is one of the best schools you can go to probably in the world. Also, there was this girl I knew in high school who was very smart and sometimes I thought she seemed almost perfect, but then I found out that she was bi polar. So, as we know, not everyone is perfect! :)
1 person likes this
@bunnybon7 (50973)
• Holiday, Florida
8 Mar 11
you know i never thought of that. she did say she took meds for stress. wonder if its something like that. well son is on the pc right now talking to another gal, so who knows he doesnt stay alone long.1 person likes this
@cream97 (29087)
• United States
12 Mar 11
Hi. bunnybon7. This is very sad. Your son does not need to be pushed to the side like this. He deserves so much more better than he already does. You son should not cry over a woman that has no more interest for him. It is just her father that is pushing her into being this way with him. I blame him for this! I hope that he comes to his senses so that he can make up his own mind for himself.
@bunnybon7 (50973)
• Holiday, Florida
12 Mar 11
well with my encouragement hes right back out there. because i hate seeing him sad, slinking around the house. today hes in there watching a movie with a nice new lady. i think she will ease the pain. 
@ANTIQUELADY (36440)
• United States
7 Mar 11
Sorry to hear that news. I knew u were very fond of her. Maybe things will work out. I sure hope so.
@bunnybon7 (50973)
• Holiday, Florida
8 Mar 11
i doubt it. shes not answering her phone or calling. so, what to do. probably she sees his name on caller, so dont answer thinking its him. so, guess ive lost a good friend also. 1 person likes this
@andy77e (5156)
• United States
10 Mar 11
Well... it sounds like he was calling and calling and texting and texting, and getting upset and unhappy. This is very bad.
If the girl feels smothered, and feels like she needs space... and he starts calling and calling and texting non-stop... that will only make her feel even more smothered.
That will confirm to her, that he really was smothering her.
He likely did more damage by getting upset. He should have let her have some space, and called her up a month later.
But now, she'll remember him calling and texting and getting upset, and she won't want to repeat that.
It's too late now, but hopefully he will learn from his mistakes.
@bunnybon7 (50973)
• Holiday, Florida
11 Mar 11
well i would think if you have a relationship, you should at least talk on the phone a couple times a week and see each other at least once a week. i dont think thats smothering and he would have been glad for that. but her dad just didnt think she should have a relationship since he wants her to concentrate on helping with her mother and her career. getting ahead. i think her dads forgotten how it is to be young and how a relationship works. being married some 40 yrs to a woman. 
@bunnybon7 (50973)
• Holiday, Florida
12 Mar 11
it could be but you know she did do a lot of texting at first after the dad got that way. but son figured that was another sign of her not caring. its ok. hes off meeting another today. hopfully this one is the one.?@andy77e (5156)
• United States
11 Mar 11
So you think the girl wants to be with him, but it's just the father that doesn't?
I wonder about that. I would think if the girl wanted to talk with him on the phone, there's not much the father could do about it. She could be texting him, and he'd never know.
That seems to tell me that it's not the father, but the girl that wants to have some space.
As for how much they talk, smothering is relative. Some people need to yack on the phone every day. Some do not.
Some couples I know broke off their relationship for a year, and then got back together. It just depends on the people. I think this girl just needed some space, and I don't think your son gave her the space she needed. That's just my guess.
@hardworkinggurl (37063)
• United States
7 Mar 11
Awwh I too was so hoping this one was the one for your son and you, hehehe.
You have mentioned what a wonderful girl she was, . Unfortunately she has allowed her father to be her decision maker. Let's hope she does love your son enough to reconsider sometime soon.
I think your son is really hurting but is coming to a point where he just will let life be as it is. I am sorry for him, but will hope he does find the ideal girlfriend and perhaps the ultimate wife.
. Unfortunately she has allowed her father to be her decision maker. Let's hope she does love your son enough to reconsider sometime soon.
I think your son is really hurting but is coming to a point where he just will let life be as it is. I am sorry for him, but will hope he does find the ideal girlfriend and perhaps the ultimate wife. 1 person likes this
@bunnybon7 (50973)
• Holiday, Florida
8 Mar 11
yes hes pretty much been through it and i think by now he is just not investing his heart as much. this one i think was just so pretty, etc. that he didnt ever quite believe she loved him anyway. she was always kind of reserved he said. one of those that wont communicate with any one about whats going on with her. and you know a lot of it is about communication and honesty.
and you know a lot of it is about communication and honesty. 1 person likes this
@margeryann (1845)
• United States
8 Mar 11
That is sad. She needs to think of her happiness and not let her dad run her life.I know what you mean about people seeming perfect. I have a in law family member that everyone thinks is perfect. He pretends to be perfect so he can use people. I've learned a lot about him over the years. That is real sad. It does seem like your boyfriends girlfriend is a nice girl she just needs to help her mom out but she needs to not let it take over her life.She could go over there on the weekends to clean and spend the rest of the time with your son. Daddy needs to do the work the rest of the week to show his love to his wife.
@bunnybon7 (50973)
• Holiday, Florida
9 Mar 11
son had asked her to move in since she does live with her parents. thats why he figured her dad could help her mom at least one day on the weekend. but she didnt think she could even do that. hence the split. i dont think thats the only reason. just the one she gave. who knows the whole story. only her and parents@margeryann (1845)
• United States
9 Mar 11
It is awful. Hopefully she wakes up before it is too late.
@KrauseHome (36448)
• United States
10 Mar 11
Personally I think there are times when you meet someone who just seems like they are always really kind, sweet and caring, and you always wonder how they can stay this way all the time. But maybe somewhere deep inside they are drowning and too afraid to show it they find other ways to cover up for it as well.
Maybe she has something to hide is why the reactions and sharp words, or maybe she just is afraid of committment etc. as well. I know you all might be hurt right now and maybe never truly understand, but it seems like the Best thing is to let her alone while letting her know you care, and give it time. If she comes back it was meant to be, and if not there will be others along the road.
@bunnybon7 (50973)
• Holiday, Florida
10 Mar 11
i know. you are right. its pretty tough though. thanks sweetie.
@moonlitmagikchild (22181)
• United States
9 Mar 11
grr I replied but it disappeared when I lost internet connection..
I, being a realist and a psychology nut I love observing people, especially those that seem perfect because sooner, or later you can find a flaw in them (sounds horrible doesn't it?) and i would love to be perfect and won't admit to other wise =p but I don't think its possible to be perfect or perfect for long.. usually the more perfect you seem the worse the fall..
Sounds like your sons gf's parents have a little too tight a hold on her.. i mean it's great she wants to help out at home, but they should understand an want her to be happy in a relationship.. seems like she just hasn't gotten to where she can be totally independent OR they have too much of a hold on her.. I know several people that were like this and it seemed harmless and oh how nice of a family but then you realize the parents want their kids to themselves and almost to the point of sabotaging any relationships.. unfortunately it seems to take years before they figure it out =(
@bunnybon7 (50973)
• Holiday, Florida
10 Mar 11
yes hers seem to be that way. i really wanted this or some relationship to work out. son seems to want to settle down to one woman enough to even over look a few differences, but, alas wishing dont work. 
@Opal26 (17679)
• United States
9 Mar 11
Hey bun~ Sorry to hear about your son's latest problem, but quite
honestly I think that he gets serious a bit too quickly. It seems
like he just goes from one situation into another without much
time inbetween. If he wants a woman like that I know plenty that
I can fix him up with! I have lots of gfs that are looking for a
wonderful man like him who wants to give them nothing but time
and they complain just the way he does! They would love to have
a man like your son who really cares and wants them around all
the time! They keep saying they can't find someone that really
cares and wants to really be with them! Your son is a real gem
and any woman would be thrilled to have him so he must be looking
at the wrong women!
@bunnybon7 (50973)
• Holiday, Florida
10 Mar 11
thanks Leslie. you know, i think its mostly that he so badly wants a life partner. i mean he likes a woman to work some and share the load, but not just be gone all the time. im wondering if hes doing what most younger people do and living in that fairy tale mode. you just cant have it all. i tell him that. @JenInTN (27514)
• United States
8 Mar 11
Aww..that's a shame. I know how much you liked this one. She did seem like she was perfect for your family. Well...maybe she will come around. She might just be really covered up with sick mom and dad might be giving her the guilt trip. Sometimes these things work themselves out. I hope it does work out. Take care.
@bunnybon7 (50973)
• Holiday, Florida
9 Mar 11
problem is it might not. son is really tired of on again, off again type relationships. so looks like its not. hes already moving on. just crossing my fingers for whats next
@mythociate (21437)
• Oklahoma City, Oklahoma
8 Mar 11
Everyone I know seems perfect! until I find out how they're not perfect, which is when I focus on how they ARE perfect and work with that!
@bunnybon7 (50973)
• Holiday, Florida
9 Mar 11
you are right and like me, i see you try to give everyone the benefit of the doubt. 