When will he learn??

@akinad (446)
Philippines
March 8, 2011 11:02pm CST
I am so tired of my younger brother. He is turning 23 this coming May and he still doesn't know how to manage his allowance by himself. I mean if I give him allowance then he would spend all of it playing online games. After all of his allowance is lost, he would ask me for another amount. It is making me crazy. All I want is for him to be responsible and wise enough to know how he should handle his money. We are on a tight budget and I don't know where to get some if we fall short on budget. He is also making me feel like I am selfish when it comes to our finances.I just want him to realize that he cannot always get money from me and he should be more responsible because he is already an adult. What should I do??
3 people like this
19 responses
@kristinad (185)
• United States
9 Mar 11
hello akinad i feel like he is 23yrs why is he getting an allowance he should be getting a job and making his own money to help out with the bills in the house. maybe by him getting a job he will learn responsibility and how hard it is to make money then maybe he will not blow it all on online games.
2 people like this
@akinad (446)
• Philippines
9 Mar 11
Yes I know that will help him realize. He will be graduating this coming April and I am hoping that he would get a very nice job after graduation. Thanks for your response :)
@SIMPLYD (91040)
• Philippines
9 Mar 11
Teach him a lesson. Next time when he asks and just spend it on online games, do not give him anymore should he ask for more. Tell him that you work hard earning that money and that your budget is tight, so he will know how irresponsible he is. Be firm when you do that.
1 person likes this
@akinad (446)
• Philippines
9 Mar 11
Thanks SIMPLYD for your advice. I will do that. It's high time that he learns how to be responsible especially on money matters.
• United States
9 Mar 11
Can you give us some more information here? Are you both working? Are you saving something? Why does he feel you are too tight with money? Is he older or are you older? Where are you getting the money that you are giving him for the allowance. I feel like everyone that it sounds like he should be more responsible, but until we know the exact circumstances it is hard to say if he deserves any more money.
@akinad (446)
• Philippines
9 Mar 11
He is currently studying.I am older than him.My mother is working abroad,she is the one that supports us financially, I am the one who budgets all.She asked me to look after my brother so that she can be sure that he is gonna graduate. Fortunately, he will be graduating this coming April. By then I can decide to let him on his own so that he can learn his responsibilities. He is getting enough, I am sure of that and the only problem is how he spends it and how he ask for more when he has no money left.
@lacieice (2064)
• United States
9 Mar 11
23 and getting an allowance? Why isn't he working? Why isn't he finding some way to earn some money? If he wants more money he can just go out and earn it. He is not a kid to get an allowance, unless there is a very good reason why he can't work, like an illness or handicap, and even at that, there has to be something he can do. So let him go work part time if necessary for minimum wage. He has to earn his own way, and he needs to start now. In fact, he should have started a long time ago.
1 person likes this
@akinad (446)
• Philippines
10 Mar 11
Well, he is currently studying that is why he still needs financial support from our mother. But he will be graduating soon and I hope he'll find work by then. And when he works I hope that he'll realize how important even a single cent is.Thanks for your response :)
@lacieice (2064)
• United States
10 Mar 11
If he has time to spend on playing games on the computer, he has time to find a part time job. Don'y you think its time he took some responsibility for himself? I worked the whole time I was in college, and I managed to graduate with highest honors. If hes smart enough to go to college, he is smart enough to find a job and earn some money.
@dreamy1 (3815)
• United States
9 Mar 11
Why are you giving a grown man money? That's the problem. Does he have a job? He needs to be supporting himself. If he falls on his face he will learn. Cut him off stop giving him money. It's doing him more harm than good. If you keep giving him money he will never learn to stand on his own two feet. Help him make a plan to become independent.
1 person likes this
@akinad (446)
• Philippines
9 Mar 11
We still have to support him on his studies until he graduates this coming April. Hopefully, he has a plan with his life like getting a job and helping out. Thanks for your response.
@dreamy1 (3815)
• United States
10 Mar 11
Ok he is still in school that makes more sense. I thought he was just sitting around doing nothing.
• United States
10 Mar 11
Same here with my older brother, he is 30 years old and spends money like he's living the rich life. We all give him money but he spends it on clothes that he doesn't need. He never learned not even when he was your brother's age. The only advice I can give you is to not give up on him because you don't want him to end up like my brother. You have to save his money for him, keep a piggy bank or something and stash all his cash in there without him knowing. That's what my mom and my brother's girlfriend does for him, they save every little penny he gets for him. That's the only thing you can do right now.
1 person likes this
@akinad (446)
• Philippines
10 Mar 11
Nice advice :) OH, I hope my brother doesn't end up like that. I hope especially when he earns his own money, that he will be spending and saving his money wisely.Thanks for your advice!
@kwylima (452)
• United States
9 Mar 11
He is already a adult rght? So tell him it and that the fact that he is already a adult he has to take care himself and be more responsible. You don't have to fell sorry about not giving him any money. If you work hard for it. When he realize that you care about yourself more than you care about him. He is gonna stop do it and he will starts care abou himself as well. Love u first girl then everybody around is gonna love u more. Good luck :)
1 person likes this
@akinad (446)
• Philippines
10 Mar 11
Actually, the money he is getting from me is really from my mother who works abroad. My mother just asked me to handle our finances since I am the eldest and I am the more responsible one when it comes to those matters. Anyway, I agree that he is old enough so he should really be more responsible not just on handling money but on other things. Fortunately, he will be graduating this coming April. I hope by then he can be independent.
@shibham (17019)
• India
9 Mar 11
Hi... better you should reduce the amount slowly.... so that he can understand what does a coin really means and will be able to evaluate the value of it. If you suddenly stop, then it may react on him with some negative attitudes. Have a nice day.
1 person likes this
@akinad (446)
• Philippines
10 Mar 11
I would not stop giving him allowance,I mean he should still receive his share because it is from our mother. I am just the one handling the money. I will give his share but nothing more than that because it will ruin our budget.
• India
9 Mar 11
He will learn by himself. You can not do any thing about it. So just let him learn by his own mistakes...
1 person likes this
@akinad (446)
• Philippines
10 Mar 11
Yes, I have done my part..I guess I cannot push this idea to him any longer. I just to wait for him to learn and I hope it will be soon.
@sender621 (14933)
• United States
9 Mar 11
There are just some people that are better at handling their finances tan others. they have learned the art of self control early on. for some people this is a lifelong lesson to learn. Some are quick to grasp it while others may never catch on without the proper motivation.
@akinad (446)
• Philippines
10 Mar 11
I guess you have a point there. All I have to do right now is to be more patient. I know someday he will learn, I guess just not right now. Thanks!
@jaiho2009 (38995)
• Philippines
9 Mar 11
I do understand what you are feeling. Your brother is old enough to make a living for himself. If he still studying,he can look for a part time job so that he can have spare money for his vices. Now,if he not studying,the more he needs to get a job for his own future. You must teach him lesson,let him feel how hard it is to earn money and that you are not just picking those money from somewhere. Sometimes we need to hurt our loved ones for them to realize what we wanted to convey. It's not every day that you are healthy,what if one day you'll get sick,who will work for your family then? And..do you have some saving to spend for the days that you will not be able to work? I know it's not easy to explain everything to your brother,unless you will let him feel. Say NO next time he spends all the money for nothing and asks you again. He is not a small boy anymore...he's old enough. Have a good day
1 person likes this
@bingskee (5235)
• Philippines
9 Mar 11
i think you need to schedule a time for both of you. talk heart to heart. try to explain the whole thing. try to tell that you love him and is concerned but is not selfish. try telling him how much both of you could only afford to spend.
1 person likes this
@akinad (446)
• Philippines
9 Mar 11
I have already than that. It is just frustrating, I think he understands the whole situation but he just doesn't care enough.I hope in time he does learn. I think just need to be more patient dealing with him. Thanks for your response bingskee.It is a lot of help :)
@katie0 (5208)
• Japan
9 Mar 11
That's kind of dangerous cause he is already too old to know how to learn to use money. And he is receiving allowance? Tell your parents it's time to put an end to it, for his sake dear.
1 person likes this
@akinad (446)
• Philippines
9 Mar 11
I know right :(, but then as long as he is still studying,we will still need to support him financially. By the way, he will graduating this coming April and I hope by then some changes will happen. I hope he becomes more responsible. Thanks!
@prasunsam (359)
• India
9 Mar 11
well some people learn by time,some people learn early and some take time.
1 person likes this
@akinad (446)
• Philippines
9 Mar 11
I agree..but don't you think that it is time for a 23 year old man to take charge of his own finances??something to ponder on..
• United States
9 Mar 11
I agree with the comment above the only way he will learn is to not give him any more. Directly tell him that if he spends his allowance he has to wait until the next one. Otherwise it is enabling him to continue to mismanage money. This will be a repeated problem some day when he has personal and priority bills to pay.
@akinad (446)
• Philippines
9 Mar 11
That is what I am trying to tell him..but he really takes it the other way around as if I am being so uptight with everything. I told him that it is for his own sake that I wanted him to realize how to handle money wisely, It is one very important aspect of REAL LIFE right?? Right now, he is given money for his needs but what happens if he needs to earn it for himself??I guess he would have real problems by then, IF he doesn't learn right away.
@bounce58 (17449)
• Canada
10 Mar 11
I think one of the reasons he is becoming like this is because you are becoming his enabler. By providing him his allowance he has become dependent on you, and does not see the need for him to take charge of his allowance and his life. You should back off. And be firm about it. I know that he is your brother, but he is also already 23 years old. In any society, anybody that grown-up should be able to fend for himself.
@whengcat (1458)
• Philippines
10 Mar 11
There are people whom I know that are just like your brother, always depending on others, specially their parents. Not knowing how hard it is for their parents to be away from their kids just to give them a bright future. I just hope that your brother will soon realize this....If you've done everything you can just like I've read you did and still nothing happened, then all I can suggest is for you to pray more....Prayers do wonders...
@thereza (316)
• Philippines
10 Mar 11
Explain your budget status to him, maybe this time He doesn't know about how hard for to earn money and after that he will just spend it not important things. Sometimes we also need to inform them about what is happenning, do not wait for him to realized it let him know in a nice way. Goodluck.
@bird123 (10484)
• United States
10 Mar 11
So many times in life we need a problem in order for us to grow. If you give him more money after he wasted his, he doesn't have a problem. He doesn't have to change. Draw the line. Never give in. He might call you selfish but it is quite the opposite. You care enough to give him what he really needs An Education!!
@sid556 (30987)
• United States
10 Mar 11
Eeeks. I'm confused. Why in the world would you be giving your little brother an allowance to begin with? At 23, he should be working and supporting himself. My girls started working while still in highschool and when they got their first job then I stopped giving allowance. When they did get an allowance then they had to budget it or go without. I don't know why you are giving your brother allowance but I'm sure you have your reasons. Still, the whole point in an allowance is to teach kids to budget their money. If he runs out then just don't give him any more.