He Shoud Have at Least Informed me...

insensitive husband - insensitive husband, the one who can not and will never keep his promises
Philippines
April 15, 2011 1:20am CST
Talking of husbands who couldn't keep their words or very insensitive to other people's feelings, my husband is like that... Again! He informed us that he'll be home friday morning so I told my daughters about it. Came friday morning and no father showed up. Worse, no text from him until mid afternoon. He remembered to text only because there was no power in his place and probably he has nothing to do much.Plus, a subtle way of saying that I must prepare a food for him for dinner. Some people will never change.
3 people like this
18 responses
@xien2xien (1382)
• Philippines
15 Apr 11
that was rude... you should talk about this with your husband that you felt like a fool waiting for him when he has no plan of going home at that very moment, all the preparations and excitement will turn out bad in this way.. talk to him so that he will understand how you're feeling about this
1 person likes this
• Philippines
15 Apr 11
Hello, Xien2xien.:-) I know it was ride. I wouldn't do that to him if I were on his shoes. Nor I won't keep on giving promises I couldn't keep. I am trying so hard to make things work between us but I feel like he is being careless again. God forbids but I am running out of patent. It is not only me that he is taking for granted but his kids,too... Next time, if my kids ask about him, i'd rather no hold on to his words but rather say something differently so as my kids will not expect too much. They are already growing up. One day, it is either him or me that they will see as a liar. No more of that for me.
@saphrina (31552)
• South Africa
15 Apr 11
Hi sweetie. I know that feeling. Why should we always be the ones to wait for them? Next time, he can prepare he's own freaking dinner.
@shibham (16977)
• India
15 Apr 11
Saphie, how are you? Miss you in discussions.
@saphrina (31552)
• South Africa
15 Apr 11
I'm fine thanx Shiby and you? Maybe later, i cannot think of anything and i haven't lost my temper enough to start a rant.
• Philippines
19 Apr 11
Hi, Saphy. I know that you can relate to this ,dear. Why... We are always playing our roles as devoted wife and mother. No complain about that. But, how we wish, these men should be at least a little bit sensitive to our feelings. We are not robots, they should remember that. Well, he will always have dinner when he comes home, dear. He is the one giving me the budget for that so I don't have an alibi not to prepare his dinner. Besides, kids and I also eat.
@dpk262006 (58673)
• Delhi, India
15 Apr 11
Hi eureka! Ideally, it would have been better on his part to keep you informed about his status because if he did not intimate you about his exact time of arrival, this would be construed as carelessness and unsympathetic attitude on his part. However, if you want to give him benefit of doubt, he might be too busy to inform you or might have tried to reach you but somehow could not. (it is for you decide whether he deserves the benefit of doubt) dpk (I was thinking that you've not started a post in the recent past today only and here you are)
• Philippines
18 Apr 11
Hi, dear. I am so glad to see you here other than in FB. Yes, I'd like to give him the benefit of the doubt, for the children's sake. I know he had been very busy the past few weeks because of his new assignment and his new responsibility being the shelter manager. However, it is already sad that he can not be with his kids for 5 days and he still makes promises he can not keep. On my part, I am considering this as negligence because we already talk about it. Matter of fact, I had been through this situation before so it truly pisses me off that he is doing it again at the expense of my children... Re my not being so active here lately, I am busy facebooking. trying to psyche myself. If you noticed that I am doing my best playing a devoted Mum and supportive wife.I am going through something right now, dear.
@dpk262006 (58673)
• Delhi, India
18 Apr 11
Hi eureka! I can understand that you are too busy facebooking and looking after your kids, sometimes taking them out for picnic and supporting your hubby in his thick and thin. FB is a different ball came and sometimes easier to handle.. Back to your response - I will have to but agree with you that if a partner makes a promise again and again and does not keep it, then s/he tend to lose his/her credibility and doubts do start emerging.. You are right, if not for you, he should keep his promises for the sake of children. Have a nice day! Deepak
• Philippines
19 Apr 11
Thank you, dear for the support. if only my husband has the same mindset as you have... But , hey, there is still time for him to change. Our kids are still young and they aren't that much as expectant as I am. . He, hubby, has still time to practice keeping his promises. I do not want my kids to see him as someone they can not rely on, especially his words... Though, I dislike him because of this but it is still my duty to promote and instil in my children's hearts the love and respect for their father...
@vandana7 (98119)
• India
15 Apr 11
Hi eurekafemme, I agree.. some people never change, but that subtle way is also not his.. insensitive people dont know the meaning of subtelity I suppose.
@dpk262006 (58673)
• Delhi, India
18 Apr 11
Really!
@dpk262006 (58673)
• Delhi, India
18 Apr 11
Quite Philosphical!!
• Philippines
19 Apr 11
Hi, Vandy. How are you? I am so glad to see once again. Well, I guess you are right. Such person doesn't know what subtlety is... Unfortunately, he is my husband...:-(
@jennyze (7029)
• Indonesia
15 Apr 11
Would he forget to come home that Friday if the power wasn't off? I guess you need to get te initiative to call him knowing he would likely forgotten about something as important as going back home on time.
• Philippines
19 Apr 11
Hello, Jennyze. Yes, you could be right. I could have called instead. . But, I did not because I was testing the water. If he can keep his promise that time, just like he said he would... I guess, I have relied on his word too much...
@jennyze (7029)
• Indonesia
20 Apr 11
Well, as long as his delays are sincere, that's all that matter I guess. There's just people like that, need to be reminded all the time.
@prabu03 (175)
• India
20 Apr 11
ya .they have so many works so he can forgot dont take to big problem this a simple matter enjoy the life
• Philippines
21 May 11
Hello, Prabu.:-) Sorry for the very delayed response to your comment. I didn't have much time to check Mylot lately but I do appreciate your thoughts and comment here on this matter. Well, I do not understand my husband really. I am having a hard time understanding him because he used to be sensitive to my feelings and what I thought. But, as years passed by, he seems careless, not only to my needs but also to our kids'. . I can only hope that this is only a case of forgetfulness and not really a case of being ignored... I am getting use to his attitude. One day, I'll care no more about what he says or thinks or does. Have a great day to you, too.:-)
@sid556 (30960)
• United States
17 Apr 11
Oh my...that is insensitive. What did you say to him? I remember my ex doing things like this and when I called him out on it, he'd always swear that he never actually said he would be home at such and such a time but that he said he "hoped" to be or "planned" to be and I must of misunderstood him. He always turned it around.
• Philippines
19 Apr 11
I know , Sid. It was the first thing that came to mind, too when we still keep waiting for him even beyond the time he promised to be home... I did not say anything. He only stays two days with us so I did not force the issue on him. But, I wasn't talking to him that much either.. He used to be like that, trying to turn the table on me, just to get away with his shortcomings but he knew that I am not that forgetful... I can only wish and hope that he will consider if not my feelings, then, his kids'...
@tlb0822 (1410)
• United States
16 Apr 11
So sorry to here. I would defiantly talk to him about not even calling to let you know that he wasn't going to be there. I would also tell him that he is having a great impact on your child and that she was expecting him to be home. I know my daughter loves her daddy so much that when she hears he is coming home she runs to the door and greets him. Maybe if you express how much you want him to take into consideration you and your childs feelings he will understand and try harder to make sure he keeps in touch and comes home one time. It may not be an over night thing, and may take a few talks to get things rolling, but it is worth the try. Hope all goes well.
• Philippines
19 Apr 11
Hello, Tlb. so far things are going ok again. I am a very forgiving person. I get hurt, disappointed but I can always forgive his shortcomings. That's the least i can do to make our home peaceful and not to throw all the blame on him. I have succeeded of drawing them( him and daughters) closer to each other. I wouldn't want to ruin that because of his being insensitive. Will surely give it a try to talk to him and iron this little crease, dear. Thanks for the insight.
@piya84 (2581)
• India
15 Apr 11
He should atlist say sorry to you for forgetting.If i was you i would have plotted revenge.I would have invite him for diner and then lock home and go out whole night!
• Philippines
19 Apr 11
Thank you or making me smile with your response, Piya. But, i couldn't do that. I have kids to consider plus, it is not easy to go out in the night with all three kids to tag along without a car of my own. That's the reason perhaps why I haven't thought of what you did. Maybe, if I have a car, I could have left. Hmmmm... Yeah, why not?
@sender621 (14894)
• United States
15 Apr 11
Sometimes our partners can take us for granted. they just assume we will accept anything and go along with it. Agreeing to what a partner has to offer is something that can be coped with. It is just more respectful when your feelings are taken into consideration first.
• Philippines
19 Apr 11
Hello, Sender.:-) I have nothing to say but to agree with you on this. More often than not, my husband is ignoring us or taking us for granted. I'm not sure if he is aware of it or he is just being careless but nevertheless the effect is just the same, painful. yup, being considered would be a sure thing to get our respect for him. You have hit the button, dear. I believe it is important that he makes us feel that we matter...
@ybong007 (6643)
• Philippines
15 Apr 11
better late than never...
• Philippines
19 Apr 11
Hi, Ybong. Dear, when you are a man of many words and has time to do facebook on lunch break and snacks but do not have the time to inform your family if you can not go home on the time you are expected to be home, then it is unforgivable. Better late than never shouldn't be an excuse... I'm sorry but I do not agree on this...
17 Apr 11
if that was me i wouldnt stand for that. if he cant let you know then why should you bother to run around after him, he is capable of doing that himself.
• Philippines
19 Apr 11
Hello, Titchy. The thing is, he is my husband. Even if he has this kind of shortcomings I can not treat him like he is the worst person I have known in my entire life. Besides, I need to show my kids that I respect and love their father even if the latter is not really perfect. I need to do what every good wife and mother has to do, I guess.. At least, this is what I believe. For my children's sake.
• Bahrain
15 Apr 11
Hi there.. Rude..Not enough reason,but you should talk or confront him of what he did. I read an article about family that making promises to children should be done for them to develop and gain trust and respect.
• Philippines
19 Apr 11
Hello, Martin. I know the implications, bad ones, to kids who were given false promises. I experience it first hand. I grew up having difficulties trusting my own parents... it is the same thing that I am trying to avoid for my kids to experience. it is just painful. I do not want my kids to rebel against their father, too. Yup, I will probably talk to him once again about this matter. I'm just waiting for the right time...Thank you.:-)
@elaidha (95)
• Philippines
15 Apr 11
You're right some people will never change. My husband is like that too so we had a lot of fight. But then I learned to accept it. I just try everyday to not expect anything. I do not expect him to do the things I want him to do. The good outcome is that I'm not stressed out as well as my kids. And our relationship become more happier.
• Philippines
19 Apr 11
Hello, Elaidha. I am happy that you have found a way to cope with such situation. When we are expecting a lot, the tendency is that we are more often than not get disappointed.So, better not to expect. Let the man change if he wants to change. Let him change on his own. I guess, I should go back to this attitude. Maybe it 'll benefit all of us than ruin us... Thank you for the insight.
@shibham (16977)
• India
15 Apr 11
Hi eureka.. before taking any step or decision, you should ask him about why he has done that act? he should know how much he has hurt your child. How passionately they were waiting for him. Hope he will understand and never repeat the same. take care.
• Philippines
18 Apr 11
Hello, dear. I know why or what he'd tell me if I will ask him why. He'd only tell me that he has been very busy working and that his schedule was erratic. And for sure he will be upset with me because I am not that supportive of his work and my asking him about his unkept promise would mean that I do not understand his job and his situation. Yes, I am very much sure that this scenario will most likely to happened because I have been in this situation before. My only hope is that he will realize what he did before our daughter will start asking more questions of 'why'.
@jaiho2009 (39142)
• Philippines
15 Apr 11
hello eureka, I guess you really to talk with your husband,at least he has to consider your feelings. He needs to respect your feelings,if not yours...at least your kids since he knows his kids are surely expecting him too. You have to talk with him,if he keeps doing that,the kids might lost respect and will not believed in him anymore. Be strong for your kids,i know someday you will decide what's best for you and your kids
• Philippines
18 Apr 11
Hello, Jaiho. My kids do not expect much from him since those who are close to him are just 3 years old and 1 year old. The three years old often ask when he'd be coming home and I am always telling her what he(hubby) told me. It is a good thing that my daughter do not expect and would soon forget that her father promised this and that. But I do fear that one day she will learn to anticipate and that it will break her heart when he can not keep his promises to her. Yes, it will eventually make us lost our respect and trust on him. I had been through this before. Thank you, Jaiho. For my kids' sake i am trying to be strong and will remain strong.:-)
• India
15 Apr 11
Well i am sorry about all of this. He might have been so involved in work but you are right too because you have to be informed about the same situation which you are having right now. But you are mostly right. When he said that he would do a certain thing and he doesn't obviously then he must have been sidetracked but that shouldn't be the excuse. I hope your husband takes more care for you and your daughters in future! Cheers!
• Philippines
18 Apr 11
I am trying to understand him, Rav. I know that he is very busy and he has great responsibilities in their office but I just hope that he won't forget the promises he made especially when it is his daughters that are directly affected about it. He sometimes could be very forgetful that makes me feel that he is ignoring us and put as a second next on his priority. Well. maybe we are...
• Philippines
15 Apr 11
hello eurekafemme, Sorry to know this i understand your feelings i think you need to talk to your husband regarding this besides its not only your feelings but also your kids feelings he is just not a husband but also a father he should be sensitive most of the time especially with the kids feelings. have a nice day!
• Philippines
18 Apr 11
Hello, honey. Honestly, i have been through this thing before. From the very beginning my husband is very forgetful of the things he said or done which makes me believe that whatever he does or says , he doesn't really mean them. But, for the sake of my daughters, I am giving him the chance to make up and prove himself for the nth time that he will eventually learn to be sensitive to our feelings. I'll just hang in here for just a while, I guess and see what happens next. If none, then, it is time to talk to him seriously.