Raising Children with Truth and Honesty. What's ur Take?

United States
June 13, 2011 5:37pm CST
Me and my husband want to raise our children and be completely honest with them. From all aspects of life. For instance holidays.. We want to show our children it's not all about gifts and the true meaning of the holiday.. Such as Easter.. A lot of people say that there's an easter bunny and that he comes to your home and delievers chocolate and stuffed animals. I want to be honest with our children and tell them there is no such thing as an easter bunny. And the reason we celebrate the season is because Jesus died for our sins and was rose again to wipe our sins away. To me the true reason for the season. Another one is Christmas that there's no such thing as Santa Clause but there was one a long time ago that gave children toys to play with. But the true meaning of the season was that Jesus was born and celebrating Christmas is a way we show our love and joy for him being born into our earth. And with this not to overwhelm children with how many gifts they received but instead one to two toys and a savings bond and a new outfit.. I think telling them there is a Santa Clause and than them finding out there is not one I think is hurtful and showing that parents lie. I think it's better to be honest and not such a shock to the childrens emotions. As it was for me and my husband. So what is your take on this matter? Are you one that is willing to lie to your children rather than be truthful? And if so why do you think it's the right way of raising them?
2 people like this
8 responses
• Philippines
14 Jun 11
That's a great idea. Although I've had some trouble with telling the truth to kids a while back. The kid asked my how they were made and I had to lie to him about the whole thing. He was asking about the details and I just couldn't help but lie about it.
1 person likes this
• Philippines
21 Jun 11
But if you say something vague like that, I'm afraid kids might take it too serious, even literally. They might accept your answer but it's also considered lying if you ask me.
• United States
20 Jun 11
I know it can be embarrassing, but you can be truthful and not be graphic. You can say something like, you were made from a hug... a very special kind of hug. I would just keep things age appropriate. Sooner or later, our kids and grand kids will tell us things we didn't even know... they aren't stupid.. they want to know. The more they know, the more they can protect themselves in the future from disease and unwanted pregnancies.
• United States
14 Jun 11
I think the honesty approach is the best approach. It also helps them learn the true meaning of all the holidays and gives them more knowledge for the future. Knowledge is always an important endeavor in everyone's life.
@Flight84 (3048)
• United States
7 Jul 11
I just responded to another discussion you started and I entioned being an Atheist. I want my child raised to be honest, kind, and compassionate to all kinds of people from all walks of life. I want to gve him the option of donating to charity periodically. I want so much for him. There are so many negative things in the world, I want my child be feel positive and that he can do good things. I want to recommend a book to you. It's called Raising a Freethinker. It's a book for Atheist parents, but it goes along the same ideas you have about honesty and trust. It's a very inspiring book.
@Masihi (4417)
• Canada
13 Jun 11
Hat's off to you, mate, I agree with you 1,000,000 %!!! Lying is lying, period, it eats away the trust in your children, plain and simple. I myself talk about the history behind the legend, like St Nicholas in the 6th century. When they get older I'll be talking about the cultures of how people celebrate holidays around the world. Even atheists are starting to not tell their kids about Santa Claus, and have stopped celebrating the holiday period.
• United States
14 Jun 11
I definately feel like we should be honest with our children. But my mother says that by doing that we are ruining there imagination and there excitement of lookin forward to the holiday. To me I feel differently.
@sjvg1976 (38634)
• Delhi, India
14 Jun 11
Hi neededhope, I totally agree that you should not lie with your children & should nourish them with truth & honesty.As if lie with you children then the time will come they will lie with you which will not be accepted by you. But my suggestion to you is not to be honest with you children just for EATER & CHRISTMAS as these are very small things & does not effect because ultimately the child will come to know it automatically though you need to be honest with them in your day to day activities which will be more helpful.You will face instances when you will think deeply what should i do should i lie or say truth in those cases you need to make your heart strong & should say the truth because one lie will make you to speak 100 lies.So i always suggest you to be honest & appreciate you to have taken such decision.
• United States
14 Jun 11
Yes i am choosing to not lie to my children all thru the year not just for holidays. For instance when we were growing up my mom and dad if we wanted something like a toy or something they'd say no with no reasoning. Later in life they told me that it was lucky if my dad was making 10k a year and during the winter we'd go ice fishing to fish to make enough money for the winter season. Now.. if I knew this as a child.. I would of been more understanding that we can't afford those items and more important items need tending to.. I mean they didn't have to explain as in.. to much detail to make a child worry.. But if they just told me I wish hun we could buy that toy for you but right now mommy and daddy can't afford to get that toy for you... Maybe it's wrong to say anything like that to a child.. But I think if I knew at least a little explanation I wouldn't of been so upset about not getting the item.. That possibly more understanding. So to me being honest is so much more important than lying in any form to our children.
1 person likes this
@sjvg1976 (38634)
• Delhi, India
14 Jun 11
There are certain things for which parent don't think to give explaination to their kids.I also have been through the same phase when i asked my father to buy something he denied without giving me any reason for not buying it. I did not ask for the reasons also but now at this age i got the answers myself. There is self respect in everyone which people don't want to let it off that too with their children thats why my father did not tell me the truth at that particular point of time.But has he told me the truth that he could not fulfill all my demands due to lack of money then i would have not asked him to buy small things also which my father did not want that may be the reason he did not tell me the reason or i may not disclose it to any one as most the children do.
• United States
14 Jun 11
I respect your decision to not tell your kids about the Easter bunny or Santa Claus, it's a fine idea. However, I think I will still tell my children that they exist. I was told that they did, and I came out just fine. It's cute for a little while, and those traditions were started to encourage children to behave. They're just cute. I don't think there is anything wrong with children living in fantasy, let them delay knowing about the everything there is. On another note, I won't be celebrating the religious aspects of those holidays, if we end up celebrating them at all. But I want to celebrate something, of course. I hope as time changes, there's more traditions that come along.
• United States
14 Jun 11
I respect our decision as well. I to was told about those things existing. And honestly I turned out fine too.. It's just that finding out that it was all a lie actually hurt me pretty deeply. And it was a shock.. honestly I don't wanna do that to my children. Maybe that's why we choose that decision. But again I do respect your decision as parents it is our difficult choices we face to raise our children. :)
• United States
14 Jun 11
actually my parents said there was a santa.. at night my mom would go outside our bedroom window and ring bells. I still believed in santa till my sister told me.. I told her mom and dad wouldn't lie to us.. She said she'd prove it.. and Said to pretend to be sleeping when they checked on us.. I did as she said.. few mins later she had me peak out my bedroom door... we could see my folks bringin bikes and big boxes from there bedroom... When they got us up a few hours later it said "from Santa"... My husband found out from going in the cellar to play and seeing brand new bikes.. Christmas came around and see them by the tree with there names on them "from Santa"... Different ways that we found out.. and we both feel to be perfectly honest. Don't get us wrong we still love our parents but we feel it'd be less of a shock to just be honest from the beginning so they'll know we'll be honest and true to them anytime they need us. And not have to wonder if we are lying or telling the truth... But it's a matter of personal opinion as we all get to make that decision as we get to have children :)
• United States
14 Jun 11
I guess your parents were just really convincing fibbers if you didn't find it out very early on! My parents are awful liars, so I can't remember actually finding out that it wasn't true.
@bounce58 (17392)
• Canada
19 Jun 11
It'll be great if everybody can do like you say. But the truth is, it is very difficult. It is so much easier to do as everybody does. Please don't take this the wrong way, because I am not discouraging you. In fact, I'm applauding you. I hope that you and your husband would be successful. And that your children grow up to be successful human beings.
• United States
20 Jun 11
I agree with you Neededhope. I think children should be taught the truth of what the holidays mean to the family and to society in general. For some, Christmas may not be as important as a religious holiday as it is a secular one, and they might even go into the pagan side of it. Whatever their beliefs, I feel the children should know what those beliefs are. For me, Easter has never been about the Easter Bunny. It was always about the resurrection of Christ, Jesus. And Christmas was never about the Christmas tree or the ornaments or giving gifts, but it was about the gift of Jesus Christ coming to earth as a human child. I think of Christmas as the day that God was given a mother. Every other person on earth has had a mother, but God has no beginning and no end, so I feel that Jesus is the gift that God gave to us, and at the same time, God got to experience what it is to be human and to have a mother. Some may not agree with what I just said, but it means a lot to me. I wasn't taught all this as a kid... I learned it as an adult, and I taught my daughter to value Easter and Christmas as days in which to honor God the Father, Son and Holy Ghost. I think parents should raise their children according to how they believe is right. They might not be Christian, so I wouldn't say teach them Christian ideals unless that is truly how they believe. For me it was a big let down to find out that there was no Santa Claus. I was equally shattered when I discovered there was no tooth fairy... I discovered my mom was the one leaving quarters for my teeth that I put under my pillow. Fantasies are great, but I think kids should know the difference between fantasy and truth.