I talked to my ex's girlfriend earlier......
By celticeagle
@celticeagle (189880)
Boise, Idaho
July 6, 2011 1:39pm CST
and she seemed so nice. I really felt she was genuine in her concern for their relationship and so I talked to her. I told her one major issue my ex and I had had. I told her I thought he was a good hearted person and hoped they could work this out. That was all I said.
I felt bad after talking to her. Like maybe my ex might feel I had betrayed him and so I called and told him. He told me that she was a selfish, controlling person and that he thought she might be trying to back him in a corner where he would hit her or hurt her in some way and get him thrown in jail so she could live in his house. He told me that she had threatened him severaltimes with a knife. And that she had threatened to throw his camera out of the car when he had stopped on an outing they went on this last weekend to take afew pictures. She will call him controlling and selfish if things aren't done her way. She made him take down all of his pictures(he is a great artist and had his pictures all over his house).
He can sure pick the ladies now days. His last relationship was with a psycho that stocked him and really made his life miserable. Says alot for me doesn't it? That was years ago now. I left him in 1996.
So my question is this: If you got a call from an ex's girl/boyfriend would you talk to her/him? (I really thought I was helping and would not have said anything to hurt my ex. He and I are good friends now)Do you think it is a good idea to talk to ex's girl/boy friends about past issues you had with them? Is that fair? Is it good/fair to bring up old stuff like that?
I feel really bad. I thought she was sincere and wanting to make the relationship work between them only to find that she had told my ex just the opposite yesterday. That she felt it couldn't be salvaged and that she would be leaving and would let him know today as to when.
I have been think about this for the last two hours. Should I have? Did I make a mistake? I don't feel that I did and I think, I would do it again. I only spoke of one issue and I was very positive about the type of person I feel he is. I think if I had negative thoughts and feelings still(and I did have for several years) about him I wouldn't have talked to her at all.
Your thoughts.
6 people like this
14 responses
@savypat (20216)
• United States
6 Jul 11
Your mistake was giving advice based on your past relationship. People are so complex, and how things happened between you and your ex may or maynot have anything with what your ex and his girlfriend are facing. There must be something about these bad girls that attracts him, until he looks into this there will be no
escape for him from this type of relationship. Just make sure your ex knows you meant no harm and listen if you want but keep your ideas to yourself. Your Ex will have to manage this problem.
@celticeagle (189880)
• Boise, Idaho
6 Jul 11
I don't think so. I think she wanted to know if he acted the same way now as he did then. He explained to me why he attracts these type of women. He has past mother issues. He and I had a long talk and he knows I meant him no harm. I just didn't understand both sides. Now I do.
@CelticSoulSister (1640)
• Southend-On-Sea, England
10 Jul 11
I don't think you've done anything wrong, as you weren't to know that she seems like a full-blown psycho. I hope your ex understands that she was probably manipulating you, and that what you said to her was just you trying to be kind to her (even if it turned out that she probably doesn't deserve it).
My ex husband (who I'm still friends with) has had 2 partners since me and both of them have in the past contacted me asking my advice on how to deal with certain of his little quoibles. I did give them the advice they were asking for at the time, but with hindsight, I wish I hadn't have done as to be honest, those women were his partners (he's still with the 2nd one) at the time and it should be up to them to take the rough with the smooth, as I had to, with no advice. Neither of these women were/are psychos though...they're actually quite nice.
It sounds to me like you were just trying to be helpful and that she was manipulating you.
I hope your ex is OK about it, but I'm also wondering why he's managed to pick two crazy women consecutively? I don't mean you....I mean the woman he's now with and the last one.
1 person likes this
@celticeagle (189880)
• Boise, Idaho
11 Jul 11
I don't either. She did turn out to be a twit. I was glad that I did call him afterward and told him. My friendship is with him, not her. He was concerned but okay with it. I was trying to help and was fully manipulated by her.
@CelticSoulSister (1640)
• Southend-On-Sea, England
11 Jul 11
Glad he's OK with it and as for her, OMG there are some loopy people around!
@celticeagle (189880)
• Boise, Idaho
8 Jul 11
Thank you. I think she is doing a fine job on her own also.
@sid556 (30953)
• United States
7 Jul 11
No , it doesn't sound as if you made a mistake. You spoke honestly. My ex's girlfriend used to call me all the time...and only when they were having problems. I finally told her that I was probably the last person she should call. We were broken up because I could relate to these types of issues with him. It was easy for me to side with her on some of these things...I'd been there. She conveniently left out the parts where she was showing up at his house raving drunk and being a fool...cheating on him etc etc. I just put an end to her calls. I got out of there and got beyond the problems we had. I did not want to get drawn back in.
1 person likes this
@celticeagle (189880)
• Boise, Idaho
8 Jul 11
She just called to get some ammo against him. She seemed genuine so I fell in. I called him right after and he clued me in. SHe is manipulative and controlling. SHe has even been physical with him. I hope he can move out of the situation gracefully.
@celticeagle (189880)
• Boise, Idaho
6 Jul 11
I don't think so either. I just feel bad that I may have hurt his situation. It is so easy for women to act like the victim and make the guy out to be the bad one. And probably vice versa. I think psychologically our first thought is self preservation and sometimes we aren't always able to be honest about our short comings in a given situtaion. Know what I mean? I am just trying to be very realistic here. I wish the best for him. He and I ended badly and then years later he called me out of the blue to try to re-establish some kind of friendship with me because I meant something to him. He is good man. Just has some co-dependency issues.
1 person likes this
@dawnald (85137)
• Shingle Springs, California
6 Jul 11
Sounds like she is hurting the situation far worse than anything you could have done.
@KrauseHome (36445)
• United States
6 Jul 11
Personally I would quit blaming yourself for this, as you did not know, and I would not say that you did anything wrong by talking with her. I am not sure if any of my Ex boyfriends girlfriends were to call me I would say much. Because even if it was someone I really got along with, I have been married for 12 1/2 yrs. almost now and so my main concern is my husband and our life. And it would make me wonder is she really like this, or was he trying to make you jealous to where you would want him back in your life?
1 person likes this
@celticeagle (189880)
• Boise, Idaho
6 Jul 11
No. He isn't trying to make me jealous. We haven't had a basis for a relationship with him for along time. It has been years. Nothing there anymore.
@ANTIQUELADY (36440)
• United States
7 Jul 11
I think her wierd to even call u to start with.I feel sure she thought u would give her a bunch of dirt on him. I'm glad u didn't. I figure the less u have to do w/exes & their problems the better off u are. I have 2 exes & we talk if it's necessary but neither are my good friens, lol.
@bunnybon7 (50970)
• Holiday, Florida
6 Jul 11
i think that no matter, you did right. when we are freinds with someone for yrs. we tend to do all we can for them. and thats a true friend. even if its an ex hubby. 
1 person likes this
@celticeagle (189880)
• Boise, Idaho
7 Jul 11
And that was truly all I was trying to do. But, as usual, I tend to double think myself and that is just what I did.
@JenInTN (27514)
• United States
7 Jul 11
It's not your fault and if you felt comfortable talking to her..there is no reason you shouldn't have. She called you.
I would not personally. I am not that open of a person though. I don't share my personal life very easily so it would be hard for me to talk to a stranger about my past. I think you did the right thing by maintaining positivity. I would have done that too had I spoke to her. I am not in a good place with my ex though. Maybe that's why I wouldn't have anything to do with the girlfriend.
People like that will make whatever they want out of your conversation. Don't worry yourself too much...if you hadn't have talked to her..that would have been her excuse too.
1 person likes this
@celticeagle (189880)
• Boise, Idaho
8 Jul 11
I called him afew minutes later and told him what was said. He wasn't too surprised. I hope he can get her out of there without anything too bad happening. She is very conniving and controlling. I hope he can get to a point where he makes better choices. He deserves to be happy. He is co-dependent and has selfish mother issues. I try not worry but it is in my DNA I am afraid.
What you said. 
@toniganzon (77187)
• Philippines
7 Jul 11
You didn't do anything wrong. If my ex's gf would call me, i would be suspicious. But if you said that she sounded sincere then I would have been deceived as well and would have done the same things you did. But nevertheless you still called your ex and informed him. So i think you really did nothing wrong. She was just a deceitful person.
1 person likes this
@celticeagle (189880)
• Boise, Idaho
8 Jul 11
Thank you for your honesty. I really didn't want to hurt my exe's situation at all. I thought I was helping or I never would have said a word. She turns out to be quite a piece of work. But I didn't give her any dirt. Thank you.
@PointlessQuestions (15397)
• United States
7 Jul 11
Hi Celticeagle,
I would have to wonder why she called you in the first place, like what her motive was? An ex girlfriend of my second husband did call me once before we married, like she wanted to warn me about him. I was living with him at the time, I didn't entertain her. I said I wasn't interested and hung up. My first impulse was why she was calling in the first place. She didn't know me from Adam's house cat.
I don't think you did anything wrong, but I still wonder why she called you, and was her decision to leave him based on her conversation with you? I also wonder if she was truly nice or pretending with you... and if your ex was right that she was selfish and controlling? It's like who do you believe, and why are you drawn into the middle of this? Not a place I would like to be.
If you know your ex and believe him, then it makes me wonder why he gets involved with women who are like this? Something seems kind of "off" to me either with her or him.
I've gotten involved with some real "winners" before, so I know it could happen, but after awhile I learn a little bit about myself and teach myself to be a better judge of character before I let myself "fall" for someone... well.. I don't fall anymore... I watch and listen before making a decision to let a person into my life. Even then I could make a mistake though...
But to answer you... you didn't do anything wrong. You thought you were helping. I'm glad you called your ex and told him what you did, so he wouldn't be upset with you.
1 person likes this
@celticeagle (189880)
• Boise, Idaho
8 Jul 11
He make a bad choice with her. She was calling to get ammo against him. It didn't work because I had none to give. I hope he can get her out of his house as gracefully as possible.
@ieniemienie (231)
• Netherlands
6 Jul 11
I would not do that, or he had to be my best friend (I dont see that happen).
You will never know what she / he will tell your ex about the conversation. And if your ex will believe his/her current girl/boy friend.
I think you can not really do a good thing when talking to your ex's boy/girl friend. It is a different relationship then yours and the current girl/boy friend is not you. You can not compare these two relationships.
The only thing I would talk about with a ex's girlfriend is the weather her job or things like that. Nothing that involves my ex. I dont really want to get into their relationship, that is their business, not mine.
It is ok however if you feel you did what you had to do, this is what I would do.
1 person likes this
@celticeagle (189880)
• Boise, Idaho
6 Jul 11
He is a very good friend of mine now. If a person still acts the same way in this relationship as the last isn't it a good thing to know? I DO feel I did what I needed to do and I didn't say anything derogatory.
