Do you secretly check on your BF's wallet and celphone??

Philippines
July 15, 2011 8:39am CST
I trust by BF's 100% percent, but sometimes I have this feeling that I wanna check on this private things on him. Do you check on his wallet and cellphone secretly? Do you also feel that strong urge sometimes to do these things??? Is this bad? I just wanna know your views...
1 person likes this
14 responses
@diala84 (138)
• United States
15 Jul 11
I used to be more insecure about my relationship and wanted to check these kinds of things alot. Now that we have been together a long time I really don't get that urge anymore. Although sometimes if I happen upon something by accident (note in pants while doing laundry or internet browsing history while looking for a page I visited). I will usually ask him about it and it is no big deal and he will respond openly, quickly and honestly about it. I have a lot of trust in him. I think it is natural to want to protect yourself and investigate clues about your partner to prevent you from getting hurt or betrayed. Hopefully as a relationship builds and trust is accumulated this will lessen over time. I don't think it is as simple as right or wrong. If you think it is wrong to peek then don't simple as that.
1 person likes this
• Philippines
16 Jul 11
Hi Diala! That is the thing I wanna hear! There is this trust actually, no question with that. But as you say "to protect yourself and investigate clues about your partners" very well said. I think by doing such you are not breaking the trust here. Do it in a subtle or elusive way also to let him feel that you are trusting him. Don't you show like you are acting suspicious because that will just make him feel bad.
• Philippines
16 Jul 11
Hey, I forgot to welcome you here in Mylot, I see you just hit 4. Did you just signed up today? Welcome aboard, I was rating your comment and that was a good start! Happy Mylotting!
• India
16 Jul 11
Don.t you think all this is a matter of trust?you check ur b.f,s wallet and cellfone just to check whats going in his life othen then you.it may be ur insecurity and also ur negative trust on ur b.f.and not think for a moment,ur b.f loves u heartly and he caught you doing it with this intenson then how will you justify urself.would you say him that you don.t trust him so you were checking him.and after that can you imagine the purity of love as before.bcoz ur b.f couldn.t feel secure even with you and may be it end with a broke up of ur relationship.
• India
16 Jul 11
ok.you are talking about spying your b.f activity.just imagine if he do like this with you,then what will be your reaction.,and if u think just guys are cheating and breaking trust in relationship then my friend you are totaly wrong.you can just say it half and half in this matter.but yet i will say it would never be fair to spy in relation
• Philippines
16 Jul 11
I don't think spying is the appropriate word to be used. There are word that closely describes to what I really mean. Spying is different from peeking, checking, look...spying, there's some kind of a bad actuation there. And when you say spying, then there is a feeling of suspiciousness. Its just plain curiousity for me, nothing deeper than that. Well, if you don't like to check on his things, then you got the best behavior! I applauded you...
• Philippines
16 Jul 11
Of course you do not do this like you are like a security guards in the malls checking for bombs! You can do it secretly in a subtle way, to not notice that you are checking on something. It will be a turn off for him if he caught you checking his private things. We always provide privacy but, just peeking to see some clues is not a bad idea! And i think it is not breaking trust. The trust is still there.
@Galena (9110)
15 Jul 11
well if you want to check these things, then you don't trust him 100%, whatever you say. I have never considered checking these things. that's not healthy in a relationship.
@Galena (9110)
16 Jul 11
why would you want to know what's in his wallet? I'm sure it's no more interesting or exciting than what's in your purse.
• Philippines
16 Jul 11
Who knows what's in his wallet. I don't really know that is why I am curious. Some girls really are curious to see what's in other's bag. It isn't that bad though.
• Philippines
16 Jul 11
I still trust him, you know. I won't admit that I don't trust him. I have this curiousity, but I am not being suspicious. You think is it right to ask him what is in his wallet???
• United States
16 Jul 11
My boyfriend is as antisocial as I am. In fact, he has only one friend and he has some kind of aversion to female species. I cannot even type the curse words he uses for women on the street. Also he deleted his Facebook. His phone book has just mine, his parents' and brother's numbers. Because of this, he was feeling embarrassed in front of me during our early days. And the text messages are all from me or his brother. My instinct tells me 100% that he is not cheating on me at all. Also other women are not programmed to handle him! He is a very difficult person who does not even smile! I feel happy that I picked myself a hardcore introvert. But yep, if he was outgoing I would have been definitely worried. I would have also had the urge to check out his personal things. Is it bad? No unless we have some kind of insecurity or controlling issue. But sometimes, instinct serves us right. If it says something is amiss we should listen to it and look for the answer through investigation. Some boyfriends lie and so the only way to get to the truth is to try the searching method.
• United States
17 Jul 11
Thanks No, he is quite independent, but homely. Just when we were talking to each other before we started our relationship we both mentioned how we prefer space in the relationship to do our own things and hate people who always need attention and entertainment. So this kind of made us feel that we are right for each other. He is at the moment, living 3 hours away from me and we get to meet once a month. But we do talk every night on the phone and keep in touch through text messages all throughout the day. He works at an army college and it is all men around him.
• United States
17 Jul 11
By the way, this is for all those who are saying that going over boyfriend's personal belonging is immoral. A girlfriend is someone who wants to spend the rest of her life with a guy through a relationship or later through marriage. And she has the right to know whether this guy will ruin or make her life. Investigating to know whether he is cheating does not equal to violation of privacy right. It is rather an act of understanding whether he is committing fraud, a big big crime.
• Philippines
16 Jul 11
Hi divinea! As I was reading your comment, i think your BF can't live without you at this moment of time. Looks like you have a perfect compatibility. A match made in heaven! Is your BF dependent on you in many ways? I guess you handled your BF very well even with his behavior, its some kind of a skill to control someone like him. Yes, I don't see bad to check on our partners' wallet and celphone, that is that only way we can get clues to whether he really "clean". Thanks for responding, happy Mylotting!
• Philippines
15 Jul 11
hello WWS, Sometimes we can't avoid doing it I do that before but with his presence around if he is not hiding anything there is no reason for him not to allow me to check his wallet or cellphone. It is bad if we get caught if not then its fine happy mylotting
• Philippines
15 Jul 11
Hi bhabycatch! Yeah, we can't avoid it but actually it isnt appropriate you know, it is a private property. But just out of curiosity hehehe and suspicion??? Hahaha what if we found something that breaks our heart??? grrrrr!
• Philippines
16 Jul 11
yeah I know but even how much we avoid it if we feels something is wrong the urgency of doing it will be there well if we found out something that will breaks our heart that is the consequences of being curious
• Philippines
16 Jul 11
Yes, true that the act of doing it is not appropriate. But it won't be that bad if we just peek hahaha it's not bad at all. So you mean, one reason you don't wanna check is because you are afraid you might see something that breaks your hurt.. It will be more hurting if you found out late.. Happy Mylotting bhaby!
• Indonesia
15 Jul 11
hi whitewingspeak, I and my boyfriend is open eachh other.I know what's thing that exist on his wallet and celphone, so he did.sometime he got jealous watching message from some guy but I tell him that it's all about friend and work talking, then he understand,we trust each other and I think we have no left secret to be hidden.for me it's normal.if the relationship going to serious level, both couple have much more open and trust each other, no secret anymore.that's what we did so far
• Indonesia
16 Jul 11
I learn from experience, trust and honesty is the basic of relationship.if right from the star relationship is full of lies, see, it won't stay longer and happy ending.otherwise trusty relationship will going far.so I have to say it's very important for serious relationship to open each other
• Philippines
16 Jul 11
Hi red! So you have trust in each other 100%, that is good thing. And he'd allow you to see your wallet that is why you know what's inside. I know your relationship will blossom because you have this trust and honesty with each other. I wish you both happiness! Have a nice day!
• Philippines
16 Jul 11
Yes, I agree with you. But I know some relationship that started so well, but in the end it ended up broken. I didn't say many of them though, but sometimes there are instances. I hope yours will be as happy as ever. Have a hearty evening!
@maean_19 (4655)
• Philippines
15 Jul 11
Even when I learned that my ex-bf was then cheating, I still did not bother to check his wallet and cellphone. Besides, when he started not allowing me to even hold his wallet and cellphone that was a confirmation of my hunches. He used to let me hold his wallet and cp then.
• Philippines
15 Jul 11
I was like you, I do not check on his wallet and celphone because I am afraid I might see something that I do not like. If that happens I don't know what to do, it might just break my heart. But he allows me to hold it, sometimes he'd just put it on anywhere in the house when he comes.
@kenzie45230 (3560)
• United States
15 Jul 11
I cannot imagine looking at anyone else's purse or wallet. My husband and I have been married for over 6 years and I have never once looked in his wallet, nor he in my purse. We don't look at each other's phone records or computer history either. If you cannot trust someone, why be with him/her?
• Philippines
16 Jul 11
Wow, really that's the thing good for a husband and wife! For how long you become Bf and Gf before? Well, as husband and wife, you should both have this trusting relationship. Keep it up and i wish you both love, happiness and more trusting relationship..
@mods196621 (3652)
• Philippines
15 Jul 11
As gf i think it is not yet appropriate to see his wallet and cellphone. Mayeb cellphone but the wallet i think is not good to do. When i am still not yet married and i had a boyfriend i did not try this thing. But when i got with him (husband) i did everything to inspect all his secret belongings. And this is just natural to a husband and wife....
@Galena (9110)
15 Jul 11
I don't think so. if you're married you should have even less desire to sneak through private correspondances and property. unless you were silly enough to marry someone you didn't trust.
• Philippines
16 Jul 11
Hi mods and Galena! Yes, I think you are more curious to see his private property when you are not married yet. Whether its appropriate or not, maybe just out of curiousity you can do that, just don't get caught hahahaha. You do all the styles and tricks to know if he has secrets. But when you are already married, I guess you no longer have this idea of checking his private things. Before, when me and my BF were just in our first year, I admit I was suspicious. One time when he left his email open, I tried scrolling down to check if there is a female name emailing him but you know that was scary hahaha. We are in our 8th year now and so far, and we live in honesty so we are doing good so far. Thanks to God!
@maezee (42003)
• United States
16 Jul 11
I feel like going through anyone's personal stuff, whether it be a family member or a boyfriend/girlfriend it's wrong -e ven if they don't necessarily have anything to hide. So you say you trust him 100% then what are you looking for in his wallet or cell phone/text messages? I try not to pry into other people's personal stuff like this just because I know what it's like to be on the receiving end of this, from family, friends, guys, whatever. It's annoying and intrusive.
• Philippines
16 Jul 11
So, you wouldn't even try to peek on your BF's personal belongings. Maybe that is an ideal behavior but as other mylotters say, that is the only way to get clues if our BF or GF's whereabouts. And for me, it isn't bad at all. Just to peek, but not to inspect it, I think it is not a big deal.
• United States
15 Jul 11
Actually I am in a relationship where we do not check one anothers things. I have no interest and or desire to do so as I do feel I trust him implicitly. I feel that it is an envasion to do so and am very glad that my boyfriend does not. I can even ask him to reach in my purse for something and he will bring me my purse to me. I guess it is just not something either one of us do.
• Philippines
16 Jul 11
That is good hardworkinggurl! My boyfriend do that sometimes, too. When we do to a store in a counter, he'd let me pay and just lend me his wallet, and when he comes to my house sometimes he asked for a cellphone charger and just plug it everywhere. I know he trust me, I trust him too. But sometimes, there is just this urge out of curiousity to do such thing. I do not break trust by doing such, I guess the trust is still there. I think that is why we are in our 8th year now, and still getting stronger...
@edb225112 (124)
• United States
15 Jul 11
You start by saying you trust your BF 100% then go on to prove that you don't trust him at all. The rule I live by is if I have to do it in secret, then it is WRONG! If you feel the need to check up on what your BF is doing, you don't have a trusting relationship. You either believe he is doing something wrong or cheating on you. How good a relationship can you have if you feel the need to uncover his 'secrets.' You must believe he has secrets or you wouldn't be looking for them. So, either gain some trust, get rid of the BF and find someone who you can trust.
• Philippines
16 Jul 11
Yes, I admit I trust him, but I said it was out of curiosity I have this impulse to do that. Does that mean that I am inconsistent? I don't think so. Oh ok, I may try your suggestions. Actually we are on our 8th year now, me and my BF live in honesty, but still there is this kinda curiousity to what is there in his private properties and correspondences. It isn't breaking your trust though. I think curiousity is different from being suspicious.. Or are they similar? Can you elaborate it for me pls? Am I bad for doing that??
@nurseclare (2209)
• Philippines
16 Jul 11
Yes, i do check his personal belongings, with him or without his eyes. And he don't mind at all if I do that. It's normal for us girls to look on the bf's cellphone, we might caught them texting wild cats. lol And boys do check our phones too, sometimes they first read the messages and doesn't bother to tell who texted us. :)
• Philippines
16 Jul 11
Hummm there's a lot of confidence in your comment nurseclare! looks like your BF is trusting you fully. I hope you are trustworthy too, are you? hahahah joking. It would be a disaster if we check our BFs texting to some guys!
• Philippines
27 Jul 11
hahahahaha! Of course he trust me.. And I am trustworthy, I am so faithful with him. I love him with all my heart.. How about you do you check his belongings? or you aren't comfortbale becasue some girls don't do that.
@bubuth (1815)
• Philippines
12 Apr 12
I also do the same. I trust my husband but i also still wanna see his private messages on his phone and i also like to look at his wallet. I do that because sometimes i have hunch that he is not telling the truth and after i look on his phone and wallet i found out that his not telling me the true. After that i will just talk to him just to avoid the argument.