Would you take a chance?
By laydee
@laydee (12798)
Philippines
July 15, 2011 9:57am CST
It's raining outside and I am left to ponder before I am going to settle down to sleep. I have two very important thoughts tonight and I'm wondering what other people would think about it.
Both of these thoughts involve travelling and settling down to another country. Perhaps the reasons may be varied but still it's a huge step for one's life and decisions must never be hastily done.
The first predicament is the fact that a friend's relationship may soon be in jeopardy because of her decision to leave and work in another country while her fiance stayed here to pursue his higher studies.
I came to think that perhaps it was a very huge risk for her to have decided on it (and against his desires). Now, she's tied in a contract for the next 2 years and he's somewhat getting tired of the whole setup and is starting to look into other women for comfort.
Question 1: would you leave your loved one (whom you have been with for the last 9years) to pursue a dream that they have never really supported or was actually against in the first place?
On the other hand, my boyfriend has asked me to come live with him in another country so that we could be closer and since earning potential for me is also better there. I have a career here and would be leaving that, but the one thing that I'll be truly leaving would be my family (parents, I'm very close to my primary family). Though he has assured me that we'd be spending holidays here in my hometown.
Question 2: would you go to your love? or would you wait for him to come to you?
Thank you very much in advance. Have a great MyLot experience ahead!
4 people like this
7 responses
@my_name_is_coco (4334)
• Philippines
16 Jul 11
Question 1: would you leave your loved one (whom you have been with for the last 9years) to pursue a dream that they have never really supported or was actually against in the first place?
Answer: I would.if my partner will not support me in my dreams I might as well leave him/her and focus on achieving my dream.s/he wouldn't make a good partner for me if s/he isn't supporting my dreams.I would rather leave him/her for a partner who will support me and my dreams.
Question 2: would you go to your love? or would you wait for him to come to you?
Answer:I rather wait.I think that when you aren't looking for something,the best things happen in life.
2 people like this
@laydee (12798)
• Philippines
19 Jul 11
[i]Answer: I would.if my partner will not support me in my dreams I might as well leave him/her and focus on achieving my dream.s/he wouldn't make a good partner for me if s/he isn't supporting my dreams.I would rather leave him/her for a partner who will support me and my dreams.
[/i]
I think it's more difficult to think this way if you've thought that the two of you would be together. They have plans of getting married after the contract is over and they've been together for a long time that I don't think that it's ever that easy for her.
Answer:I rather wait.I think that when you aren't looking for something,the best things happen in life.
I have always believed this, however, after several years of waiting, I think I owe it to both of us to take a little step of risk for the relationship. I have always been on the 'safe side' all my life and I think he needs me to be stronger with my decisions and to try to cut my attachment to my family (which is obviously too much). He always wonders if I could ever make it without my family. I think this is one way for him to see that I am finally ready to do so.
Thank you very much for the thoughts, I highly appreciate it. 
@KrauseHome (36448)
• United States
16 Aug 11
Personally this has always been a Big problem with long distance relationships and something that most people would hate to have to put their feet into if they were in your or your friends shoes. I Love my husband and could never imagine him or I being transfered somewhere for work, and not being able to bring the other person with us. It would be OK if it had to be for a short while, but nothing permanent.
As for your situation, you really need to weigh things out and figure what is Best for you. If you really Love your boyfriend, and feel you would be Happy together than maybe you should take your chance. At the same time have you discussed this with your family to get their feel as well? Overall, it is really up to you.
1 person likes this
@laydee (12798)
• Philippines
29 Sep 11
Sorry for replying so late. I do understand your sentiments and I am grateful that you shared your time with me. The trip will be in two weeks and I'm excited. There's nothing final yet but we'll try it for a month, if I find the place okay and if I can find a job then, then I'd probably stay, otherwise, we'd have to have more budget going back and forth till we really find our shoes.
Thanks once again. :)
@strawberrychocodahi (4818)
• Philippines
15 Jul 11
Well I guess some of the scenario was quite the same to what happened to me. I married my foreign boyfriend and left my job in my country but before I left the country, my parents blessed me already and gave me a green signal. Before anything else would fall into place, my bf now my husband came to visit my country first, he met my parents, my relatives and we got engaged(6 months)first before we got married in his country. I didn't leave my post just like that, I resigned with clearance so that I have no records of liability to my company. So to answer your question number 1: Would you leave your loved ones to pursue a dream, yes if he agrees to it and if both of us have plans to still be together as long as our communication will be more stronger.
Question #2: I did go to my beloved but we already had an agreement since we were engaged for 6 months before we decided to tie the knot when I reached their country. My husband came to visit my country first to meet me, my parents and even my relatives. During those months that we're away, I settled all the documents required before marrying in other country so that we won't be having any problems when I reach there. If you would wait, you should know for how long, since you can't wait for forever my dear, if you two plan, set a goal and time.
1 person likes this
@laydee (12798)
• Philippines
16 Jul 11
For #1. I think the main point here is the fact that he did not really agree to it, therefore they took a huge risk into trying a long distance relationship - perhaps they were not ready for it yet, but I pray that things would be better soon.
For #2. I have known this guy for a long time now, he's not a foreigner, he's just working in another country. He has already met my family, friends, and relatives and have been here in my hometown on a regular basis.
I think I'm just afraid that if things don't work out, then I would be risking my career.
But I am confident that it'll work out. Thank you for your thoughts.
1 person likes this
@knoodleknight18 (917)
• United States
16 Jul 11
His actions show that her career/dreams are more important than the relationship and she is unwilling to compromise. I probably wouldn't follow someone who left me for a job. It's not like it shouldn't have been something they weren't prepared for if they had been together for 9 years. Honestly if it weren't what I wanted to do I'd probably move on. Being in love doesn't mean much if you can't work together as a couple, which they don't seem to be doing.
1 person likes this
@Hatley (163781)
• Garden Grove, California
18 Jul 11
okay knoodleknight but its okay for her to follow the man bullpukey
thats sexist for sure. If a man really loved a woman he would want her to be happy and if that meant pursuing her dream he should be for it too. life is to short to have to agonize about what might have been when you are old and grumpy as you missed purusing a dream. men pursue dreams and why not women? women are people first and wives or mate second, mom next bu t she should neverhave to give up her own meness men do not do that nor should women have too. now days women and men both have careers and still h ave families and children and manage wonderfully well. why must comprmise always mean its the woman who gives up her dream why not both pursue their dreams while they are young and can do so. they still can have families too. this is modern life not back 4000 years.
1 person likes this
@knoodleknight18 (917)
• United States
18 Jul 11
Should have read "her actions" in the opening.
It's not sexist, I'd have said the exact same thing had the roles been reversed. Equal rights are great, but she chose between staying with him or moving and she moved. It's a lot harder to balance two people pursuing careers and chasing dreams than one, they often just don't mesh. So, people have to compromise between their relationships and their other goals or focus on one and hope the best for the other. It's great that both women and men can work and pursue their dreams, but it's not great for relationships because it requires one or both to compromise more. If she wanted him to move there and support him and his dreams that would change things; but, if he has to have a job, expecting someone to move to a new country and find a job is a lot to ask.
1 person likes this
@dsailor (44)
• United States
15 Jul 11
To answer question #1 If it was something that i wanted to do and was a dream of mine then yes i would leave and get it out of my system, i don't want to look back on my life and have resentment against someone blaming them for holding me back. neither of us would ever be truly happy together when we would always have resentment. Answer #2 is if there is truly a connection between you two and you are truly in love then yes you should go, if you wait and he waits then you two are wasting valuable time that you could be together now.
1 person likes this
@dsailor (44)
• United States
18 Jul 11
If he is looking into other women for comfort already because he is tired of the whole setup and she hasn't even left yet then that puts questions in my mind. I think if she does go and fulfills her dream she might be better off. I've seen where two people stayed together for over sixteen years and after they divorced they realized that they haven't loved each other for years and had resentment for missing opportunities because of the other one, and was actually happier after they seperated and meet other people. The only reason they stayed together was because of comfort and stability. She needs to do whats right for her and not for someone else. Life takes us on seperate paths sometimes for a reason and i think life is offering her a chance to find her real true love. Just a thought.
1 person likes this
@laydee (12798)
• Philippines
19 Jul 11
Actually this thought made me think so much. I have had years asking myself if they're just in the relationship for the stability and the comfort and not really because they think they're fit for each other.
I thought hey were great together when I cam and visited them (when they were in another city). The teamwork seemed to work well but now, I don't know if it was really there. Perhaps the distance is just killing them both and they haven't had enough time to adjust before they were torn apart by distance.
It's indeed sad but you're right, if they put up with it for the sake of the years, then perhaps they would have regrets in the future and the relationship wouldn't really have a chance to grow much further.
It's just sad when a love doesn't end up forever. But well, that's my fairy-tale filled heart talking. Who wouldn't want to find his/her knight-in-shining-armor or princess anyways?
Thanks for the response.
@Dominique25 (9464)
• United States
16 Jul 11
Your friends' situation is sad. It can be extremely hard to make such a decision. It's a personal situation that she had to make for herself and hopefully she won't have to regret it. Keeping a relationship thriving when a couple lives far away is difficult. Relationships need love, care and communication in order to thrive. And even with these types of things it can still be hard to maintain a good relationship. So I can see how the relationship is starting to fall apart. In your case leaving your family that you are close to will be hard but as long as you both keep to what your plans are about visiting your family it can work. Visiting your family is essential for you to feel happiness even when you are with the one that you love in another area. At times our spouse/partner can drive us crazy and having family that's there for us can bring us comfort when we need it. If you really love him and want to have a closer relationship with him you will go to him. I would and most people would and do. Just make sure that you both are happy and that you see your family when you need too. Even if that means you have to start saving now for the time you will visit your family-go ahead and start saving.
