How to comfort someone whose friend/family member died?

Nothing. Absolutely nothing comforts. That's how grief is. All the platitudes and honest concern is wasted, in my opinion. As Stowyk already said, all you can do is let the person know you're there if they need you. Anything you do - all the "helping hand" stuff - is annoying unless it's asked for. It's even worth asking them what they need from you, whether it's help, normality or being left alone. I may be an oddity but all I wanted was to be left alone. I didn't want people to feel sorry for me or try to help or treat me like I was suddenly incompetent and incapable of doing anything. I just wanted them to treat me normally and leave me to my own devices, as they always have. All that sugar-sweet concern just rubs me up the wrong way. But then people are different. My lady spent most of the last year crying after the loss of MY mother, whereas I was just a bit out of sorts for a few months, broke down a couple of times late at night and otherwise carried on. She needs all that babble and almost perpetual hugging to make her feel better, and that's fine. It's just not for me.

THe recovery for the lost of a loved one has phases and nobody can make them feel better until they accept the lost within themselves. The best way you can do for them is to listen if they want to talk and stay with them if they want silence. We have a friend who just lost his wife, he talks a lot about her and what we did is just let him talk... we didnt tell him what to do and how to feel. We just let him be... but we did assured him that if there is something we can do for him, we are just a call away. We joined him in his grief and told him we will get over the loss together.

I am at a loss for words. All I can do is give a hug and what comforts me is if someone just gives me a hug. Words do not work at a time like that.

Hi Stary1, there come a time when there is more comfort is just being there for a person than words can say. Let the person know this. And when in the presence of this person give them the option to speak, and in doing that they can initiate the conversation and you can go from there. Sometime people just want you there so they can talk and be heard. Maybe they want to talk about the good time he/she had with the deceased person. Just be there for them. It mean a lot. Be blessed.

I will tell those people who have lost their close friend and family member that every one must leave us one day and what we can do is just to treasure the one we love who are still alive. This is how I prepare myself for that sad moment.

For me action is more important than just words. You can just hug your friend, become handy for a while or something like that. Sometimes words can made feeling even worst.

I went through a period of years where I lost close family members one right after another, including my husband. I was comforted not so much by what people said, but what they did, they hugs they gave me, their willingness to listen if I needed to talk. I was touched by people who spent time with my daughter and took her places while her dad was ill. Doing, for me, is much better that talking.

times like this is never easy. being there for support is nice plus taking food over to them is good too. my dad passed away a couple of years ago.

I have lost several loved ones in my life. I think the best thing is to hug. Words don´t mean a thing then and there are no words in the wold for the grief you feel. Just today, talking about my lymphoma, I told a friend that I was not depressed or scared or anything. Worse things had happened to me. I lost my husband and I lost a grandson. After that pain, having cancer is next to nothing.

Will...for me, there are really no certain words that can comfort someone whose in that situation. But you being there is already a big help. Your presence alone is a big help to them especially in times that they really need someone to lean to.

Focusing on the tasks the future brings and on the rewards such focus has wrought.

Being there for the people who lost someone is the best support that will comfort them. Your presence does so much more than words can say.

it's not easy to comfort someone that lost a family member, all you can do is to be with them, stay at their side whenever you can, because people who lost someone feel sad but with a true friend besides them it can make them feel that someone care. and some comforting words would help too i think.

i did not through this before...but it's really the hardest thing in our life. but i think sometime we need to let him alone(i mean after you talk to him),get through this by himself. then he must be more stronger and stronger. maybe.