What if you realize that your true love is not your husband.....?

Hi, If I loved someone else other than my husband and had not realized that at that time but married my husband,then I would share this issue with my husband and would ask for his advice.I am sure my husband would be my best friend and would help me to resolve this problem.This discussion reminds me of a film by Karan Johar "Kabhi Alvidaa Na Kehna" which dealt with this issue itself.Two married people realize that their spouses are not their true love and fell in love with each other.The film had sparked a lot of controversy in India because at the end the two lovers are seen as deserting their spouses and children and settling together.Conservative people could not accept such an end to the film and the film therefore was not too successful here.However I truly loved the movie and supported its conclusion because that is exactly what should happen in real life-if two people find that they are not each other's true love after few years of marriage they should definitely not stay together and try to live an unsatisfactory life.Rather they should move on and seek the love of their life.After all,true love is rare and comes just once in a lifetime.

That is a hard situation. After 20 years it would truly be sad to figure out that the person you have shared the last 20 years of your life with is not the person you were meant to be with. I think people start to have these kind of feelings when someone else is trying to move in on the marriage and sometimes it works and they capture the heart of the married person, but I think one needs to think really long and hard before ending a marriage about weather or not it is love with this other person or just a simple attraction. I married my true love, and I made sure that I did. I dated a lot before I got married so that I would know my true love when I met him, and I did and married him. We have been together for nearly 26 years, and are still very much in love.

mods196621, I do not advocate finger pointing here but we still need to look into where does the fault start? From reasoning or behaviour? Can we safely say that one is guilty of 'sinning in love', even if infidelity does not manifest into behaviour? I am not commenting the above idea along with the logic of 'One must see fire before one understands the destruction of a conflagration' - but rather, if a fire is sure to occur, there's little you can do to stop it. In simple: you might be interested to know what's going on with your other half, but I think prior to that, it's equally important to understand where did the inflection first begin that led him astray potentially. Evolutionary Psychologist would have claim that monogamy is against the instinct of man and it's part of the Natural Selection to spread his seeds - but that's only if human are without cognition and a spiritual soul, as the latter is extremely crucial in our development in Love. I think we all must come to an understanding that we cannot stop people from leaving or becoming unfaithful if that is what your other half desires. Love and marriage is bounded by freewill - even transcendental beings are powerless to meddle against the freewill in Love. Therefore, if this very freewill is geared towards committing transgression, unless components of the source is evolved, if not the consequences are often dire. Because I do not know your man, neither does the relationship - it's almost impossible to make accurate assessment as you aren't clear yourself. Knowing this, I say, take some ample time to understand the entire issue first. However, I would advocate that we avoid jumping into conclusion, thinking that our other half is promiscuous. There might be suggestions, but there are many dimensions to unfaithfulness and some of these might not be intrinsically motivated (which means that a marriage is still potentially salvageable, for as long as certain components of the push factors is resolved). Before I end my post, I just like to say: please do not dismiss divorce from your option totally. I am not encouraging you to consider this ultimatum, but rather, you still must allow yourself this option IF development of your situation becomes irrevocably putrid. Nobody should suffer abuse, neglect or helplessness over a vast period of time, without any viable mode to change their circumstances. Even divorce could not be initiated by womenfolk in your society, it does not mean that the men could not be encouraged or convinced because when the situation is un-salvageable then there's really no other better option than this. You don't have to use it, but you must be able to find it when you need it. This is what I am advocating.

that situation is not impossible, it could happen to anyone's marriage. if i will be in that situation, i will remain with my vow to stay faithful with my husband. happiness is something i could sacrifice to make the family intact, because they are the only treasure i could bring to heaven. i value family so much that no matter what happen, i will fight for it. i made my vow in front of God and i am not supposed to break it, because in the first place, nobody forced me to get married or to be married to a certain person. it is all my decision so that i would stick with it.

very sad if that happens..but in reality there are many cases like that... so, before getting married, think well..

what if you realize that your true love is not your Husband ..? Mods 196621 i have read your description but answering your description i would like first to answer the your question..and than we will discuss when did you realize that your true love is not your husband ? is it you in love with someone else .. is it you think that love between you and your husband has been stop?If its stop than why ? is there any communication gap..?if your husband is in love with someone else than why he found the another person ? why the husband can`t find love within you ? do reply these Despite sharing 20 years of marriage there can be a communication gap the understanding between you and him is not strong as it was before ? despite sharing 20 years u have not build the bond of being friends also ..if you and him have been friends than you could have solve the problem and safe the realtion .. These is such a realtion that no one can be perfect and its very hard to find the true love in todays world last but not the least Husband are Man and Man are Dogs D - Darling O - Of G - Girls ;-)

there are some marriage that still work well and good even without love between the couples. but when love is not present and you only hate each other, it is better to separate and end the relationship.

I think that you'd have to be really careful and have a good hard think about what you actually want from your life. Sometimes, when you've been with someone for that amount of time, it's easy to get "bored" and just assume that you don't really love that person anymore. However, you probably do still love them, but you just need to spice things up a little bit and perhaps try things that you've not yet tried in your relationship yet. This could be anything from going to eat somewhere you've never been before to trying something new out in the bedroom. The possibilities are endless, but you have to try as 20 years of marriage is too precious just to give up without trying otherwise.

I don't think it would take that long (20 years) to realize that the person you're living with, wake up beside with, had conversation with etc etc is not your true love. There are a lot of people who got married out of convenience and necessity and love is totally out of the question but they endure the relationship. Some learned to love their partner later and some just don't make it a big deal. Maybe what you're referring to is out of love. Falling out of love is very possible if none of the couple exert an effort on how to keep the relationship fresh and going in spite the years of being together.

hi, actually that is happening always to the actors and actresses,and to the ordinary people too,thats there are many couples who break their marriage and get divorce because they realized that they never loved their partner,only annulment are allowed here in my country but it also another terms for divorce.

I feel that sometimes love just fades away, or maybe the person you thought you loved turned out to be something that you didn't want. I believe regardless of the situation, if you don't love the person you should let them go. Even if you are married and have been for quite some time. It will save you and the other person all of the heartache.

OXO me you're just fell in love again, but not her husband or in some other. it is quite common. The love between you and your husband has gone into a real friendship and love may be flown or remained in the background. still think well worth it to ignore 20 years of married life one night by an unknown person for you to spend well. nice day!

I think it would be hard to accept that and I don't know if i could leave the one i'd been married to any loved for so long.

If I didn't love a man I'd either escape or try talked to him about divorce. what kind of place on Earth is it if the divorce is not possible? Weird. I think getting divorce is not the best option for all cases. Divorce is not that bad in all countries. In some it is pretty easy. BUT ! before you do it you must be absolutely sure he is not the person you wan to be with. PS. It's never too late to find our true love. Or find it back in your husband.

I hope it won't happen to me. Anyway just to answer your question, it will depend on lots of things like people that will be affected (relatives, children, etc). Getting into marriage and getting out of it needs a lot of consideration and thinking. If I'm living miserably with my husband then I might as well leave him and push the relationship through with my true love. If I'm happily living with my husband before my realization then I might just shake off the idea of true love and continue my relationship with my husband. Those two scenarios apply only if we don't have kids. It will differ if we have kids. He could be a bad husband but a good father or he could be both good husband and father. It will also differ if your will consider your relationship with your in-laws. What if you are really close to them and you want to leave your husband for your true love? I don't think you would have a heart to hurt them by hurting their son. That is really a tough situation to be with. You will definitely hurt somebody whatever your decision would be. You might hurt other people or you might hurt yourself.

I wouldn't want to be in a love less relationship. I think that the bond between the two people is a very important quality in a long lasting relationship. There should be unconditional love, passion and the bond that you don't want to break on anyone else. I think true love is out there for everyone and although one door my shut we should never fail to notice those that open in their wake.

Waking up in the morning in this kind of situation is crap, I hope i will not experience this one, surely it will be a mess. If that happens (in my dream) then I will pray to God to help me retrieve the feelings for him and spend more time with my husband. I know God will hear my prayers.

first of fall after marriage i will nevr think that he is my love or not but if this thought come into my mind i will try to ignore that thought and will stay with my husband.

At the first place, being with someone that you "love" is a choice. It is a choice that you have to live. When waking up suddenly then you suddenly you realize you did not love the person infront of you, or you realize that he or she is not your "true love"?? Well, i tell you my friend. For me, it is up to you who is your true love. I mean, if you think that your true love is your husband then he will be. And if you think he is not then he will be. What I am trying to say that it is really depends on how you think. The power of mind is greater than we thought so.