What Should I do?

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I had a really good friend, at first we both wanted more. Though my life was being hard and I made a lot of mistakes. I constantly started worrying, questioning him, accusing him, blaming him. I would neg him until he was confused, we were fighting and he would walk away. Yet he would never stay away long and keep trying. He done this for 2 and a half years. Still, in my eyes he was to blame for everything, I had convinced myself he was just playing head games with me, I would start with him, and go rant about him to his friends. He finally had enough and just stopped talking to me after my brother did him wrong and I broke his trust so much he blamed me for it. I was convinced he hated me, convinced that I could make it right. I constantly talked to everyone about these problems who would give me their opinion on what they thought was going on. I believed he was to blame and would be convinced that their advise was true, and I'd fight with him the more for it. Finally he just stopped talking. Yet I still didn't get the hint. And still kept trying to fix what was never broken until I started fixing things. When my dad, passed away he informed me he just couldn't be there for me when we had just said goodbye 24 hours before that and that I could only blame myself. After that I took all the time I needed to think things, am ashamed of who I became, and realize it was all on me. Problem is I don't know what to do about it, considering I negged him so much he just thinks its the same old crap coming again, yet this time its genuine, it took losing him completely to understand. This guy that we know who always used to tell me that this guy was being decietful is now telling me this guy is who I should be focusing on because I love him and he loves me. And he believes this is all some sort of big test. I hurt him so bad I can't believe that, I don't want to fall into my old habits of negging him or others about it so really what should I do.