The past is the past, or is it?

Well, I would myself not like to maintain any secrets. But tehre are a few things which I might not feel comfortable telling my partner. For eg, it once happened that a guy fell in love with me and started talking ill about my partner. He held my hands too. I didn't like telling my partner about these things as I did not like to tell anything that could hurt him. And, I hated that guy trying to hold my hands without my permission. These things create embarrassement. However, according to me, if both of you have moved on, then 'past is the past'. But if both of you couldn't, then I would say there is always a chance that you both can make a present too!

Well, I think we must forget the past and moving forward with what we have now. If there's no more emotional feeling, if still then it still not the past. I have experienced similar problem and both me and my ex has met and build mutual agreement to end-up everything since then. I don't think we should keep any huge secret if we already committed to someone since really hard to build trustful relationship if we have any.

He's making a big deal out of it and that is not putting the past into the past. It's allowing the past to dictate the present and the future. Since you're on good terms with him, why not talk to him about it? Having secrets from each other is no way to have a relationship anyway. If she finds out some other way, she's going to be hurt and suspicious. If you're both above board about it and she can see that there is nothing left of that relationship now, then she will learn to trust both of you.

I don't like secrets. I think they are like a slow poison and destroy more relationship then anything else. If you talk to him again, tell him you will certinaly not talk about the past but if it were to come up you couldn't lie to keep secrets. Also advise him to find a way to tell his new girlfriend, because you are not the only one that knows that past and if she finds him keeping secrets it will certianly change the relationship. Blessings and stay true to yourself.

hmmm.. i also don't think that it is going to be a great issue. Well, for me.. if he really loves his partner.. he should have told her everything. I believe in past is past so better forget it. The past doesn't matter anymore. But secrets like relationships of each partner must be shared with each other. What I mean is that the past relationship as lovers is nothing already. However, the past friendship you both had must remain as memories.

We'll its good hear that you are still friends with your ex. I actually admire you for being that open. Personally, I am the kind of person who really doesn't approve of having ex's around. Be it my ex or my husband's. I know, not everyone agree's with me on this, but I do believe that having ex's around is never healthy for a relationship, especially if the relationship is just new. When ex's who are friends say "past is past". They say that the feelings of wanting to be more than friends is gone... But for me, to make past stay in the past, is to keep it there. Now on your other question of keeping your relationship a secret. Maybe his new girl is like me. And maybe he did not come clean with his girlfriend yet. And if you intend to be friends with him and his girlfriend, you better tell him to let his girl know about your past relationship. Because when she finds out from other people, it will hurt her more. She may even feel betrayed not just by him, but also by you. That's just my two cents. =)

I think she owes the explanation from your ex. I think you should not meddle, that is right and it is not for you to tell her.. it would then seem like you are trying to break them up, etc. you should really stay out of it then. you may feel guilty, but its not your relationship to worry about.. except of course if you do feel something for your ex then.. but im sure you don't anymore.

It's weird that he's trying to hide it. Maybe she's a jealous type and would tell him he can't socialize with you since you used to be an item? I know I am a bit insecure and would not feel comfortable with my husband socializing with an ex-girlfriend even if they'd both moved on in their lives. There's always that fear in the back of my mind.. they had something for each other once, obviously they were attracted to each other, it wouldn't be so hard for them to start realizing their attraction again and that could lead to disaster. If it were me in his situation though, and she is a jealous type.. I personally would break off the friendship. I don't think anything is important enough to cause trouble in my primary relationships, which in my life is my husband and my kids. If I were to make friends with someone I previously dated and my husband said he wasn't comfortable.. then I stop the friendship because hubby is my #1 priority. Though I do think he should be honest. Someday this information will leak, and she will be upset that he didn't tell her. That could dissolve their relationship right there.

That's good that you all are still friends. However, the fact that your ex isn't telling his girlfriend about your past with him is not good. I would tell him that is he wants to remain friends with you then he needs to be honest with his girlfriend. If he chooses not to tell her then I would cut ties with him.

i would just look at it as doing a favor for a friend. she may be the jealous type and i wouldnt want to cause any problems. she may turn out to be his happiness and that would be quite good for you to be a part of.even if she finds out eventually, id just pass it off as not being important enough to mention if i was you.i know i have this cousin that im close to and hes always had those feelings for me although ive just loved him like family but every woman hes had has been really jealous of me. even tho theres nothing like that has ever went on.

Past is never just a past.It is past if you are no more interacting with those people for years and do not have any feelings towards them.

I would not keep a huge secret from my partner and it seems you would not either. But some people are unsure of their partners and maybe afraid of telling them some things of their past. I don´t thing it is a huge secret either. All people from a certain age on surely have had other BFs or GFs in their past.

While the past should most certainly be left in the past, there are just many times where it tends to rather taunt us in the not so distant future to say the very least. There are just many times where past feelings, both good or bad tend to really taunt us, something that has happened or could have happened, it really is going to be something. I think that there are times where we feel like something is some deep dark secret, because we have really made it out to be such a way in our mind. Is it truly? When some of the time yes, but other times, it is rather not the case to say the least. The past was it was, even though there are many times where it does color a great deal of what is being done in the present.

Hello my friend, actually for me yes past is the past which other means forget the it and make forward without looking back. But I strongly not believe that because past is always part our real life which sometime in relationship past can caused of path ways or separation, sometimes is it for good reasons and sometimes as you said huge or big secret from the past. However, you can forget the past for a while may be, but past can always connected to our present and future life which depends on person how to handle it.... like your situation.

I don't know. They say if you loved somebody, there's always still something there, but I can say that for a few of my exes that's not true, but in at least 2 cases, there's still something there. I've kept huge secrets from my partner. Bad policy...

Hi Doran, we are here because there is a past. i can't leave my past just like that cause it play a role for what i am now. and i can't blame you if you feel uncomfortable..that is normal

I find it hard to keep the past in the past when faced with people from the past. It's like a whole other me.

It sounds to me that you don't have any problems letting go of the past, but your ex has. Maybe it's his feelings that he still has that's preventing him from letting go. You being free of this is also the reason you are uncomfortable with her around. Because you know that whatever you had in the past, is already in the past.

I feel that the past is only the past when the two of you mutually agree it is the past and will move on with the current. I think it is okay that he tell you what he told his girlfriend, however not with the intent to keep as a secret. I am not sure why that would make a difference to the girl friend as she is now the current and being that you are married you pose no threat to her. Personally I don't have communication with any of my exes, but my situation is a bit different as we did not end amicably. Therefore, I think it is okay to think in the direction that the past is the past if both of you mutually understand that friendship is more important. I do understand the feeling of discomfort around the new girlfriend and maybe distancing might be wise.

You can not escape the past. It's a dark room where you can not go. Stand in the doorway and try to see what's inside, but can not because everything is ambiguous. However some say that they were clean "room" so that they make decisions and do not return the way, the past is arranged as he wants. When walking on the street, sidewalk, in stores, in parks or simply the "give a round" by yourself, you give him everything that follows you everywhere, so how it is invisible city or places you review your haunted by the ghosts are called memories. Some of them forcibly put in the "dark room" sweat gathering on his forehead. They had no place at a time because they were too big, too powerful, too over you. But you wanted ... wanted to go there and you've hidden due asudând hard effort ... Others came with nonchalance on you when you begged them not to leave, but they got over losing you reach the door and into the dark room where you can not ever do inventory. And then go look ... Memories come and go so quickly that you do not know if they have gone, if only staying a bit or if you seek always pushing yourself to feel the presence. So you can wake up to a night with a message from someone you've never seen it three years and that you will not revisit anytime soon because he lives in another country telling you that thinks more in you and that you are a special person, or a Monday you can end up with an e-mail from a person no longer exists for you reprimanded and that no longer greet and that you give them things that she made gift. And so you realize that the past comes with detachment you want more than you. Nothing you say that you've locked in the room in question properly and that will not bother you. Nothing remain immune to some things that no longer exists, because you've forgotten, because you found they were only superficial. All you rising up ... and that's because I stand before you and force you to look and think about them. Our Shadow's past, always following us, we meet from time to time after that ... and go.