Relationships being destroyed due to high expectations.
October 6, 2011 2:58am CST
We see and read it all the time in magazines, movies, books and television shows. It's all about love. When we see those images, I bet more than half of us wants to reach that kind of romance. Where it's all sweet, we never fight and our prince on the white horse does everything to make us happy. We want our own fairy tale to happen. I never stood still by the fact that those images might 'cause our own relationships to fail! I think we've all got expectations. Especially when it comes to a relationship. There are some things you expect your partner to understand and do. Some of them are common sense, and nothing to worry about. But don't we expect too much? Sometimes I read upon the internet and I see people expecting all kind of stuff. Especially women. They think that a relationship is never good enough, except when it looks like a fairy tale. What do you guys think?
6 Oct 11
well, nothing is perfect in this world,including relationship..It is really hard to find soulmate who really matching, understanding and perfect on every aspect and meet our expectation..I used to have high criteria when select partner, but it always failed due to various reason..Then I set another criteria which more realistic.Since the most important things on relationship is trust..as long you can trust your partner,everything will looks fine..Even you can get high expectation on them..
6 Oct 11
Perhaps trust is a high expectation already. 100 years ago people were not talking about trust at all, or true love, or being honest or cheating. It was not a subject at all or reason to divorce. Now we are looking for true love, the soulmate, even we don't know what a soulmate exactly is. I think these are also high expectations.
6 Oct 11
Especially women expecting all kind of stuff? I never heard of that. Might be because we don't live in the same country? I only see and meet women who give up everything for a man who is not sacrificing anything for them. Women who do everything in the name of love, even paying for that guy, even if he has money enough but only likes to spend it for himself. The only thing those women expect is that the guy shows them once in a while he loves them (and with showing I mean expressing his feeling not buying stuff, jewelry, expensive vacations, clothes or paying for the restaurant). Personally I think many relationships don't work because they are not equal at all. Men find it great women make an income so they can now pay for themselves, their kids and their husband. The man can keep what is his. Also the only "good" reason to get married seems to be love. But since love seems to be the only good reason for that more and more people are divorcing. Seems to me most don't know what love is at all. So if they don't feel that love (which is different for women as it is for men) they divorce. I wonder what is wrong if you marry for an other reason. As long as you know what that reason is and you both are willing to work for you marriage it has as much and even more chance to succeed as just out of love. Also.. love has to grow through the years. It will get stronger and stronger because you live together, you will see eachother in good and bad times and don't give up.
6 Oct 11
Well, to be honest, I see that a lot of girls have high expectations. I don't say that it's just the girls and that all girls have high expectations, but in my experience it are girls most of the time. I think that might be because girls tend to watch more romantic movies than boys, and they also read a lot more about it. Again, I don't say that boys never read books like that and never watch romantic movies. I'm a girl too and I think that I expected a little too much of my boyfriend, though I was pretty realistic.
7 Oct 11
You are correct. we expect our relationships to be like in the movies... to be like what we see in the television.. some guy and woman fall in love and their relationship becomes perfect... the guy chases the girl... he gives her surprises... so we want to also feel the same surprises... i mean i admit i do feel why is my boyfriend not like that... and all... but then he would do things that would make me feel happy and i would be back in the reality that though he is not what i am expecting him to be.. he loves me to his abilities...
• Nairobi, Kenya
6 Oct 11
If we start blaming high expectations for destroying many relationships then we are lacking the reason behind it. Think this way, when people are courting, which promises did they give to their partner? People who lie, promising things that are never there or unreachable or beyond someone's means are the one who mostly get affected by high expectations. In some cases, one may be blinded by love that he/she cannot really see small things in his/her partner which may later affect a good relationship. People don't change after marriage, that is the time marriage partner's eyes get opened to see the reality of his/her partner.
10 Oct 11
Every girl has her own dream guy I guess and most girls really believe in fairytale. I think you're right. These expectations can to lead to failure of relationships. At first, the relationship should be very okay. But as time passes, you will discover a lot of things about your partner that you haven't known before. If it is a good trait, then it's a plus for you but then if it's a bad trait, here is where the problem starts. It's now up to you to think and decide whether you really love the person or not and that if you're willing to give up all those expectations you have of him. If you're willing to give up those expectations and accept him for who he is, then I guess the relationship is a strong one.
6 Oct 11
I think that you have to be very careful at the beginning of a relationship to make sure that both of you want the same things from it. If you don't, then you might find that one of you is a little bit disappointed by what they actually get from the relationship. I was seeing somebody a few years back who thought that I was going to be something very different to what I turned out to be, and we ended up finishing our relationship because I just couldn't cope with the tremendous amount of pressure that I was having to put up with.
• United States
6 Oct 11
After my first marriage, I learned fairy tales don't exist in real life - and I also discovered I would not want them to. Then I found the real deal, which involves commitment, determination, patience and lots of love. Expectations should be high but not unreasonable, recognizing nobody is perfect (including ourselves :)
6 Oct 11
Very True. The statement stands good for relation between True Lovers, Father & Son, Mother & Daughter, Father & Daughter, Mother & Son and so onnn.... The Bond between them is responsible for such high expectation and it turns to be dark if someone fails to reach the expectation.
6 Oct 11
You are indeed correct! There's a big possibility that high expectations destroy once relationships. If you love someone, do not set standards or rules. Just love them what they are and what they have. For me, it is far more important to have happy than to have a money. I mean I am willing to give everything for my love one, no matter what.