Loss of a friend
By dorannmwin
@dorannmwin (36392)
United States
October 9, 2011 11:04pm CST
I can't believe that life can be so cruel to us. You see, I found out today that a dear friend of our family has passed away. It was unexpected and it is very painful to our entire family because she has always been there for us through the last five and a half years.
She started out as a babysitter to my oldest, Kathryn when I was pregnant with Paul and she also watched Paul from time to time since he was born. She was also one of the few people that I could really talk to about what was going on in our lives.
It seems like I've just started to heal after another close friend of mine passed away last year and then this happens.
I think that perhaps what hurts the most in this situation is that I won't even be able to go to her funeral because it is being held in a city that is about four hours away from us and Tom can't get off work and there is no way that I'm driving eight hours in one day with two children in the car.
I really would like to have some suggestions of what our family could do for her husband in his time of loss.
5 people like this
10 responses
@skysuccess (8857)
• Singapore
12 Oct 11
dorannmwin,
I believe you need to prepared for such news at this stage of your life when the passing is real.
I am sorry for the loss and that your friend had not suffered. But, I think you will agree with me that she is in better hands.
Most of all, I hope that you would be able to move on soon especially when you've got to take care of your ailing husband.
Take care.
@dorannmwin (36392)
• United States
12 Oct 11
I do agree with you that she is a lot better off now, free from the variety of pains that her body gave to her. However, I also know that for those of us that continue to live, there is a hole in our hearts that will never be filled.
1 person likes this
@savypat (20216)
• United States
11 Oct 11
I think a nice hand written letter that would express the value of this persons life to you and your family. Not an e-mail or a card but something hand written
which is rare in these times.
@dorannmwin (36392)
• United States
12 Oct 11
What I had told the children that we would do is to design a card ourselves (I do a lot of graphic arts) and then have each of them and myself write a letter to her husband and step-son that lived with her.
@nanajanet (4436)
• United States
11 Oct 11
I am sorry for your loss. I lost my best friend, last year, my nephew, last week, my son, seven years ago. It stinks to high Heaven!
I feel your pain and that of her family. I will keep you in my prayers.
The best thing that you can do for her husband is call him, and let him lead the way. Keep in touch, go out and visit, when you can, or invite him to come and visit, but after the initial shock, keep up the contact.
See if you can find a place that does meals that are delivered and have a few sent to him. He may not eat right, due to grief, or feel like cooking.
Did they have children?
@dorannmwin (36392)
• United States
12 Oct 11
Her husband has two grown sons, but she was never able to have children of her own. When I first met her, she said that was the reason that she babysat, she could never have children of her own, so she babysat and loved the children that she cared for as if they were family.
@TrvlArrngr (4044)
• United States
11 Oct 11
I feel for you. You can pray for her and her family while they are mourning. Perhaps send food to the house so that you know her family will be eating durin this awful tme. One of my employees lost her 35 year old son about 2 months ago - she was so upset she landed in the hospital. We sent a few prepared meals to her house so that her family could be sure to eat. Afterall no one is thinking about food during this sad time.
@dorannmwin (36392)
• United States
12 Oct 11
I certainly do know from my own experiences in life that we don't think about eating when we are grieving. I do plan to send some food over to their house for her husband and step-son, that would be one less thing that they have to worry about.
@vasumathi (436)
• India
10 Oct 11
I deeply mourn for your loss. It is really a big loss to you and your family. Just pray for her soul, so that it may rest in peace.
@dorannmwin (36392)
• United States
10 Oct 11
I need to pray not just for her, but also for her family as well so that they are able to get through the hardships that they are now going to be facing.
@Greninee (369)
• Philippines
11 Oct 11
Prayer is the most important thing we could do for your friend. You could have a cottage prayer meeting at your friend's house. Does your friend have children? You could also include them in your cottage prayer meeting. Time is precious and if we give time to our friend, it would be such a great help to him/her. So, let us offer our time for prayer. Since, you were so close to her husband, you could give him a time to verbalize his feelings to ease even a little pain in his heart.I hope my suggestion helped you.
@dorannmwin (36392)
• United States
12 Oct 11
I've definitely been praying, along with my children for Brenda and for her family. That is something that I think is very important to do.
Though she had always wanted to have children, she was never blessed with any of her own, though she did have two grown step-sons and one step-granddaughter.
@sid556 (30953)
• United States
10 Oct 11
Hi Dorannmwin,
I just comforted a friend tonite that was very torn up over losing a good friend unexpectedly like this. It's so hard for those that they leave behind. There really isn't much you can do in these situations other than just be a friend. I would send a card with a personal note telling him what Kathryn meant to you and offering an ear if he needs someone to talk to. Time is really the only thing that truly helps these situations. I'm so sorry for your loss, Dorannmwin!
@dorannmwin (36392)
• United States
10 Oct 11
You are very right that time is the only thing that really heals the loss of someone that we care about and I do intend to send her husband a card and letter letting him know what a special person his wife was. Like I said before, she started out as a babysitter, but over the years she became so much more to our family.
@GemmaR (8517)
•
10 Oct 11
I am very sorry that you have lost a friend, and I am also sorry to have to say that I am in a similar position to you at this moment in time. With regards to her husband, I think that the most important thing that you can do for him right now is just to be there for him when he needs you to be. Remember that everybody copes with loss in different ways, and he might want you to be there a lot for him or he might just want for you to be there for him from a distance. Whichever he wants, it is important that you are aware of this and able to help him in the best possible way that you can.
@dorannmwin (36392)
• United States
10 Oct 11
You are right that everyone does deal with their grief in a different way. I just want to be able to do a little something for her husband.
@kittysmile (88)
• China
10 Oct 11
I'm sorry for your loss. You can keep loving her family just like loving her. I think a phone call is a good choice. You should tell her husband how great she is and your entire family feel lots of greatful to her.
God bless you and hope you can come through it as soon as possible. It's the life.
@dorannmwin (36392)
• United States
10 Oct 11
I know that I will be able to come through it because I've been able to come through a lot of things in my life already. However, as you lose more people that you care about, it does become something that is harder to do.
@astreadido (608)
• Philippines
10 Oct 11
The thing you can do for her family is remain their friends even after the person who connects directly with your family is gone. The distance may prevent you go to them personally but other forms of communication can be used to maintain the connection. It is a way of showing them how much you appreciate her wife and that they are always remembered and cared for.
@dorannmwin (36392)
• United States
10 Oct 11
You are right. The rest of her family does live here in town, but I'm not sure where now as the family moved a couple months ago and I never found out exactly where they moved to. But I could try to find out so I can make them a meal or something.
