Would you take back your husband after he abandoned you?

@enelym001 (8329)
Philippines
October 26, 2011 9:10am CST
What if your husband who works in another country cheated on you but he kept denying it eventhough you managed to get some proofs - out of his and the mistress FB account. A married lady (the mistress) and a married guy (the husband) in a FB account with their names and surnames combined? That wasn't just plain friendship right? He says he lost his job but runaway and stayed there illegally when the company is sending him home. Now, you as the wife decided to take the offer to work abroad too for a better income to support your 3 children's needs and education because your husband did not send any financial support for over a year when you discovered his affair and never called you or sent you messages anymore even when you are still seeing his new photos smiling in the cam. The wife is my cousin. I heard the guy came back but she isn't here as she is in another country now. If you're my cousin, Would you take him back after he has done this to you and your children?
9 people like this
35 responses
@bubuth (1816)
• Philippines
26 Oct 11
having a married life and 3 children is a very big responsibility..but in the way he act..he is not a responsible father and husband..so i think your cousin must not take him back..but i think if he will really change for the better maybe she can forgive him..
1 person likes this
@ravisivan (14046)
• India
26 Oct 11
I also feel so and have suggested the cousin not accepting her husband.
1 person likes this
@enelym001 (8329)
• Philippines
26 Oct 11
I don't know why I have this feeling that she might take him back -- which is why I have opened this up as a topic here, for me to see is women who are in her same situation can still forgive that kind of husband....
@bubuth (1816)
• Philippines
27 Oct 11
maybe she can forgive him but take him back is a big no no..for me..if he cheated you once he can do it again and again..
• United States
26 Oct 11
No this is something I personally could not accept and once that trust is broken I could not forget. I could eventually forgive to make peace in my mind but forgetting would be difficult for me to do. I am a very loyal person and expect my partner to be the same. If he disrespected me this way, sadly it would be completely over and there would no longer be an us. I have raised two children both physically and financially alone, so being cheated on is something I could not tolerate.
1 person likes this
@enelym001 (8329)
• Philippines
26 Oct 11
I also could not tolerate this, and I am worried that my cousin would change her mind when the guy pleads with her. Sometimes women are different, even when they got cheated they still take back the guy when he promises to change for the good and fools you by saying you're still the girl he loves even after such affairs. And I am hoping she would learn from this, the mistress is not the only mistress he had in the past
@alottodo (3061)
• Australia
27 Oct 11
Yes hardworkinggirl I Am with you here I don't cheat and I expect the same from from my partner...people who cheat do not deserve any one's trust!
• United States
27 Oct 11
It is sad enelym that perhaps she does and until she is ready to let go, nothing anyone says will change her mind. One just has to be there when she is ready to move on with her life. Yes alottodo, I am with you I expect the exact same loyalty I put forth as well. That is the thing with losing trust that once it's gone it is not easy to forget. So there in itself will create future problems as one will dwell on the same things but it is because one cannot let go of the betrayal.
• United States
26 Oct 11
No way! He left and now he must stay away. The only thing I would set up is a way for him to pay his back child support. and once he is up to date, then we cold set up supoervised visits for the children but come back to be with me. No way!
1 person likes this
@enelym001 (8329)
• Philippines
26 Oct 11
Yes she had tried to do that when she told her in facebook (their only communication then, since he don't call) that she's done with him and only ask for support for their children. But after than we never heard of him -- and it was only today I heard from our relatives that he has came back, maybe he visited his kids.. although we've been hearing he got back in the Philippines months back before my cousin left the country but he never showed up.
1 person likes this
• United States
26 Oct 11
What a mess!
1 person likes this
• United States
26 Oct 11
I would never take back this man in my life. I would never be able to trust his tail again. I would not want my kids around a man who could leave us like tat as well. And seeing how the world was good with him and another woman he would need to go back to her and leave me alone.
1 person likes this
@enelym001 (8329)
• Philippines
15 Dec 11
I too won't ever trust such kind of guy. Imagine how he keeps denying that he's cheating when we're seeing all his photos with the lady. Recently, both went on a vacation here in the country. He never even stayed long to his children he just disappeared after being with his children for 2 days. Then we started seeing photos of him, his mistress with kids (maybe his mistress' daughter, nieces and nephews), they have no idea we've seen those photos.
@bjc66bjc (6738)
• United States
26 Oct 11
Even tho they say all men are dogs...I truly believe they are just human being..I don't think anyone should feel that their mates are always trustworthy...When they get especially in another country..some men fell the need or greed to cheat on their mate..but if a man leaves his family and dosen't conyacy them in over a year knowing that he left children behind...its terrible...cheating on your mate is so different from neglecting your children...
1 person likes this
@enelym001 (8329)
• Philippines
15 Dec 11
Hi bjc66bjc, True both are different. and worst is my cousins husband is guilty of doing both things. In fact his children have started to develop hatred on him.
@Rosa26 (2620)
• United States
26 Oct 11
I would not taking him back, because I am not a second table plate,if he decided that she is more beautiful,more smart, and a better woman for him, I am not going to ruin his life sentencing him to be with be. I don't believe in a person that today is in love of me and them tomorrow in love of another person, I would never taking back.
1 person likes this
@enelym001 (8329)
• Philippines
30 Oct 11
Indeed, I also would not take back a husband like that. He's just gonna a burden. I also don't believe in guys like that. Those are guys are players and would not have a good life for sure.
@ravisivan (14046)
• India
26 Oct 11
Putting myself in the place of your cousin -- "My husband has cheated me. he has been having extra relationship hiding them from me. I am independent. I can earn money and take care of my children. I will not accept him hereafter and I am conifdent of managing single myself.".
1 person likes this
@enelym001 (8329)
• Philippines
8 Dec 11
Hi ravi, That's a very good answer and hope every woman is like that. Brave enough to face everything, and has the will to move on and think about the welfare of her kids.
• United States
26 Oct 11
I would not take him back. That's a huge form of betrayal...Especially since he didn't even come clean to her about it before she found the evidence. If someone doesn't feel any guilt after doing something like that, then how can you forgive them? They're lacking enough conscience to do it all over again. He's married to her...He's committed to her...I would be extremely upset.
@enelym001 (8329)
• Philippines
26 Oct 11
Yeah right, if he has no intentions of cheating.. he could have openly tell his wife that he met a woman who was so kind to him and they decided to be close friends... and I guess married guys having a girl friend (a friend who is a girl ^^) is okay as long as they don't cuddle ^^ and don't be too touchy with each other, and share names on facebook is stupidity.
• Philippines
26 Oct 11
NO WAY for me! Once done, it's all enough to turn your back and never give a chance. If I am your cousin I'm sure i will not be happy and peaceful if she takes him back. I will always feel uneasy when the husband is not around. Trust is not there anymore and the love will be less. My mom had taken my dad back after everything that he did to her, but until now my mom still discuss with me that she never gained back the trust and respect to my dad after that (28 years already). She got my dad back just for us, their children,but i can see that she was never that happy. I have asked my mom why did she did it for us, it's because she has nowhere to run and something to grab on to. It's good that your cousin had sort things out and is out of the country she's experiencing better things there for sure. Hope she's done with her husband and will never look back. Guys like that never deserve second chances.
1 person likes this
@enelym001 (8329)
• Philippines
15 Dec 11
Hi shanegrace, But sometimes it's not healthy at all to take back the husband just for the sake of children. The children will feel that something is really wrong, look at how you react with this situation. Just shows too that you aren't happy even if your dad is there with you.
@luvmysons (497)
• United States
26 Oct 11
I have always said that if my husband cheated on me then I would kick him out of my life.. I think every woman needs to do whats best for them but cheating is the one thing that not only I cant tolerate but I will never be able to forgive..
1 person likes this
@enelym001 (8329)
• Philippines
26 Oct 11
True, cheating someone who loves you honestly is something that's very hard to accept. We can forgive but forgetting it will be the hardest. Unless the guy proves he's worth to taking back... but definitely there will always be trust issues along the way.
1 person likes this
@jaiho2009 (38990)
• Philippines
26 Oct 11
Wow, sounds like my story (really) I thought I am reading my life story here. Well, coincidentally, I have almost same story like your cousin. I kick him out of my life and now planning for a sweet revenge. Yes, I will let him know and the mistress how evil I am too I am taking my steps with definite moves.
@enelym001 (8329)
• Philippines
26 Oct 11
I really hate these type of people, the mistress even got the nerve to call my cousin for her to hear their sweet nothings on the fone, to think that they were abroad and calling my cousin in the Philippines.... and then both says they're just friends. Your sweet revenge means you already have someone new, right? Good luck and hope you'll find your happiness.
1 person likes this
@enelym001 (8329)
• Philippines
26 Oct 11
Right, coz these guys sometimes thinks there's nothing you can do but cry. Well, now I hope for my cousin her sweet revenge is having to stand on her own to support their children.
1 person likes this
@jaiho2009 (38990)
• Philippines
26 Oct 11
@ enelym, NO..not that way dear. I will lose my card if I will have other man with me. My sweet revenge is..they will suffer more than I do. I suffered emotionally...I will let them suffer physically and emotionally. I will put them on shame they will never forget for the rest of their lives. It's on the process now and the last laugh is mine. I am not as evil as them,I only know how to play my card dear. You cousin should/must know the legalities, ask a lawyer.
1 person likes this
@SIMPLYD (89827)
• Philippines
27 Oct 11
For me, is such is the case, i wouldn't ever take him back anymore. The fact that he didn't even remember sending you any message in addition to not sending any support to your children is a blatant admission that he doesn't love me anymore. So why would i take him back?
@enelym001 (8329)
• Philippines
27 Oct 11
Yes If i was in her shoes as well, I would never take back a guy like thim... he is very irresponsible and selfish. But sometimes women easily forgets and keep him back :(
@SIMPLYD (89827)
• Philippines
27 Oct 11
Did your sister took him back?
@enelym001 (8329)
• Philippines
27 Oct 11
I think the answer is YES. She left the country for some weeks now to work, and the guy suddenly comes back. I heard they already spoke on the fone. And her dad came in the morning to tell us they took him in for the sake of the kids. So this guy is really lucky to live in his in-laws house for free.....
• Canada
8 Dec 11
Do you really need to ask that question?? Of course I wouldn't put up with my husband or boyfriend for that matter, cheating on me. Once a cheat, always a cheat. My mom and dad were married and my dad cheated on my mom over and over again. We kids knew it even though they thought we didn't know anything about it. My mom took him back every time. I bet my dad cheated on my mom at least 10 times before she finally had enough. The last straw for my mom was that the last woman my dad cheated with was his uncles wife. His own aunty by marriage. They were both drunk and my mom walked in on them with me in tow, I was 8 years old. I am now 28 years old and I love my dad and my mom but I still have a hard time understanding why my mom put up with it for so long. When I ask her she tells me because he always said he was sorry and that it would never happen again and she believed him...over and over again...because she loved him. I would never put up with a man like my dad as he is now 52 years old and he still continues to fool around on his new wife. I see it all the time because he doesn't even try to hide it from me, he has even introduced me once to one of his mistresses. I don't feel sorry for his new wife either, because she is one of the women my dad fooled around with when he was married to my mom, that was 20 years ago and they are still living together. Once a cheat, always a cheat. littlemissy here signing off for now, talk to you later my friend
@enelym001 (8329)
• Philippines
8 Dec 11
Hi littlemissy, Wow what an experience you and your mom have with your dad. I can see your mom loved him so much and I have seen some relatives and mom's friends who went through the same kind of life with their cheating husband. Some guys who cheated on their wife, probably realized something and never fooled around anymore. Amazing that there can be guys who'd really changed, well most of them are so old when they realized it. But most would really runaway with their mistresses. Women are martyrs when they love. But like you, I wouldn't be one of those too. Once a guy cheats on me, I will never take him back or forgive him no matter how he tries. I guess I have a heart of stone I just hate to be cheated on. Thanks for sharing your parent's situation. Take care of your mom.
1 person likes this
• Canada
10 Dec 11
No heart of stone. I think that my dad will never change. I can see him 70 years old and still cheating. He just isn't happy with just one woman.
@enelym001 (8329)
• Philippines
12 Jan 12
Oh wow now that's really something! He should change coz he's getting old. I do hope he'd not wait til he's 70 to realize what he's doing is wrong.
@globaldoc (860)
• Philippines
5 Nov 11
I do not want to sound defensive, but there are a lot of times that men who work abroad end up playing with other women, but still remains loving the wife and the kids. I think it would be so difficult since men have needs and urges. This is the reason why I do not like couples separating just for work. Many times, these relationships are just for release, and nothing personal.
@enelym001 (8329)
• Philippines
5 Nov 11
Yes and I have known a couple of men and women; and friends of friends working abroad and having another partner even when they're already married. But the guys end up breaking up with the other woman and go back to the wife. I haven't heard about the woman going back to the husband, 'though... But my cousin's husband disappeared again... well, we don't know what his up to.
• Philippines
5 Nov 11
If the husband does not let the wife know where he is, then that is a completely different story. Who knows maybe he is living just 3 blocks away from your cousin with another woman? I think the obligations of the husband still have to be fulfilled by him. In the absence of this, it becomes another situation. Or maybe he has turned into a priest?
@enelym001 (8329)
• Philippines
6 Nov 11
Hahaha that sure is a good way of breaking this serious issue, but it's definitely is impossible for a sinner to be a priest even a pastor My cousin was forced to worked abroad because they don't know where he was anymore... and then he came back and spent like 2 or 3 days with the kids at my cousin's parents home. And said he was going somewhere to look for a job, then never returned again... they don't know where he was again. He's such a trash
@bellis716 (4805)
• United States
28 Oct 11
She has grounds for divorce. Would that be best for all concerned? Whether it would be best for the unfaithful husband is of little concern. Who is taking care of the children while the mother is abroad? Is husband working now. Is he helping to support the children? Even if the answer is yes to both questions, I'd probably not trust him as far as I could throw an anvil.
@enelym001 (8329)
• Philippines
28 Oct 11
He has actually came back two days ago, at that time she had just left the country to support their children's needs. Her mom and dad is taking care of the kids, and even when the guy hasn't gone for work in another country they were just living with my cousin's parents. So if you could just imagine, he is not actually doing his best to provide his own family their own house... we can understand if in those times it was really difficult for them even when they were just starting. But when he left for work, and my cousin asked if they can rent their own house somehwere away from her parents, he said he could not afford it. So, now that he came back - definitely he will live with my cousin's parents again. And they already took him in to take care of the kids. So now he is jobless, would live free with his in-laws (with the 3 kids), would eat free. This is something he likes I guess.
@bellis716 (4805)
• United States
28 Oct 11
In my opinion, he 's a bum or a freeloader.
@enelym001 (8329)
• Philippines
29 Oct 11
Exactly! You described him fairly well!
• Romania
27 Oct 11
Cheating is something I will never do and never accept. If someone wants to sleep with many girls, he can just be single and do that without hurting someone's feelings. I will never take him back. He's an adult, he is responsible for his actions and he will know from the beginning that if he cheats on me our marriage is over.
@enelym001 (8329)
• Philippines
27 Oct 11
Like you, I really don't understand why people get married and then cheat... You are right if they want to sleep with every girl they meet, they should have not get married, stayed single and enjoy having fun on the bed with all the girls they meet.
• Romania
27 Oct 11
There are so many girls that will have fun in bed with a boy right from the first night. Many girls enjoy one night stands. That's why I really don't understand why a boy will get inolved in a relationship or a marriage and then cheat
@enelym001 (8329)
• Philippines
15 Dec 11
I also don't understand.. but what I came to know was he was the lazy type of guy who wants to rely on someone, with his wife, wife's parents... and since maybe he found his mistress having money, he had an affair with her and enjoyed a lot maybe benefiting not only in the bed but financially too.
@JulyKing (110)
• China
27 Oct 11
Hi,enelym! I am sure I would not take him back because he was not responsible for his family,you said he didn't afford his three children's tuition,I think he is just a coward not only without responsibility but also without single-minded!I really hate a person with this chacter,he have betrayed his family and not cared about his children!I think he will not correct his mistakes if her wife excuses him! Have a good time!
@enelym001 (8329)
• Philippines
27 Oct 11
Yes and the latest I heard was he was taken back and allowed to stayed at my cousin's parents home... this is really sad, but okay they are thinking about the children who would grow up without a father... but I am thinking that the reason he came back home was because he get to know that my cousin is working outside the country now... i'm thinking it's about the money she would send home for the children - and him being a lazy coward stup*d guy who still had the guts to show his face to his inlaws and live there.
@JulyKing (110)
• China
27 Oct 11
Oh,from what you said,I think the wife loves the husband all the same,if so no one could change the situation!In other words ,if your cousin didn't love her husband any longer,she should apart from him as his behavior just showed he didn't love the family or take his three children into account!He isn't a eligible not only as a husband but also as a father!
@enelym001 (8329)
• Philippines
30 Oct 11
I still don't know as of now, I am still wishing she would not take him back. It's really a good thing that she got the opportunity to work outside the country at least she would not be fooled by this man through his words. It is better for her to be away from him. I spoke with her just half an hour ago and I feel she is again angry because we got to know some thing else.
@khare_1005 (1310)
• India
27 Oct 11
no,if i were in her place i wouldn't accept the guy.it is not done at all.he wasn't there when i needed him the most.he cheated me and flew away with someone else.he wasn't concern about us(me and his family. when the time needed to show his responsibility,he turned his faced and was enjoying with some one else.why should i accept him now?give me one single reason.
@enelym001 (8329)
• Philippines
27 Oct 11
well yeah but sometimes some women, even they have been physically abused, will take back the guy... because they still consider him as a husband and the father of her kids... it's just sad
1 person likes this
• India
27 Oct 11
i know there are such kind of women too.i feel blessed to have a husband who can never break my trust and i never have to face this problem.i know its tough to take such a strong stand but ou have a self respect and nothing should hamper it.
• India
27 Oct 11
Hi enelym001, putting myself into the shoes of your cousin, I would have enough reasons not to make up with the ex under any circumstances. The reasoning is this: the guy had drifted away completely and wanted to remain incommunicado. If he were just involved in a clean & mature friendship, then as a responsible husband & father, he should have been transparent and caring. That he had done everything with the sole purpose of not being reached is reason enough to conclude that he had got deeply involved with another woman and was guilty. If he gets kicked either by his new found passion or by cruel fate, he better pay for his misdemeanor. He can't have the cake & eat it too. It is not ON. Your cousin has done the most ideal thing under the circumstances. Having been betrayed and treated shabbily, she has demonstrated courage & conviction and has moved on. Which is great for the children. No looking back. Move ahead. Let the guilty offer penance before God & suffer.
@enelym001 (8329)
• Philippines
27 Oct 11
Yes he was indeed guilty.. but the sad fact was my cousin's parents took him in... he's back (eventhough months back we've been hearing he was in the province of his mistress) he just showed up yesterday - and since he was a father of their 3 grandchildren, they let him live freely in their own house, this is nonsense right! well, sometimes it is better to shut up and not get involved with relatives marriage problems.. coz in the end they will take back the guy who made a fool out of them. but anyway, for the sake of the kids then i'm fine with it...
• India
27 Oct 11
That's right-it is better not to get involved too much.
@Mashnn (4503)
30 Oct 11
Oh common, I don't need such a useless person in my life. I would rather live without any man if those were the only type of men left.
@enelym001 (8329)
• Philippines
8 Dec 11
That's a very smart and good thinking Mashnn, I will never put up with such kind of guy too.