I am a woman, should I add this to every post?

@Hatley (164264)
Garden Grove, California
December 1, 2011 8:29pm CST
this was triggered by another discussion I just responded to and I thought maybe to help others if they do not know me by user name maybe in my post I should add I am a Mrs. or I am a woman just in case you did not know. again that could be awkward. sometimes in some discussions I have already mentioned my husband or being the mother of a son so no need for adding some awkward allusion to my gender.For newcomers is it not wise to suggest that they check profiles for gender before putting their foot in their mouth calling an elderly woman "hi dad" or some other allusion to the male species. Of course its not a horrible thing to goof like that but checking profiles often helps me to tailormy response to the right gender. your take fellow mylotters.
18 people like this
52 responses
@Palma138 (18)
2 Dec 11
I think you should be more safe with your personal information being that there are so many scammers and freaks about the internet.
3 people like this
@Hatley (164264)
• Garden Grove, California
2 Dec 11
hi Palma 138 thanks for your concern but I have a good protection on my computer plus a firewall so hackers can not get into my computer so I am pretty safe. So letting people know I am an elderly woman should really be safe enough I would think. welcome to mylot. You really are new so do read all the information as it will help you with mylotting and do add friends too. have fun here.
2 people like this
• India
2 Dec 11
Hey hatley, Palma just mean that you must be very careful with your personal contents in mylot she doesn't mean about the datas on your computer. Am I right ?
2 people like this
@Hatley (164264)
• Garden Grove, California
2 Dec 11
hi thewonderboy yes I do understand like not giving ones address or phone number etc no I am really pretty careful as there are some weirdos out there I suppose.Yes I am sure you are right.
1 person likes this
@mari61960 (4895)
• United States
2 Dec 11
Haha I know what you mean...usually you can tell by a persons responses or what they write in a discussion.. When I'm in doubt or feel I "need" to know..lol I just look at their profile. (not that that always tells or is true) Maybe mylot should give us little pink and blue frames for our avitar's hehe. On a more serious note, it would make it easier to tell if there was something like that!! Of course there is always going to be people that like to remain "anonymous" that would complain or want it the way it is...oh I am giving myself a headache..lol I guess checking profiles works for me, should work for everyone else...it has since the beginning of MyLot!!
@Hatley (164264)
• Garden Grove, California
2 Dec 11
hi mari61960 Yes usually you can by some mention of family 'or something showing your gender. I like to check profiles if I am not sure but of co rse some people want to be anonymous and of course that is their privilege too. pink or blue borders oh you made me smile. thanks.yes one can give oneself a headache thinking' about some of these things. lol lol
1 person likes this
@ajithlal (14613)
• India
13 Jul 12
I also think that some people wants to be anonymous in myLot like they want in the chatting.
@jtj_hello (627)
• Philippines
2 Dec 11
I don't think there is a need for you to do that in all your post. Beside, mylot should not be a venue to be criticize but to express what we think will help others and ask for opinions when there is something that we don't know. I think what you should do to avoid this is to change your username, though I'm not sure if it is possible.
3 people like this
@Hatley (164264)
• Garden Grove, California
2 Dec 11
hi jtj hello welcome to mylot. No we should not be criticizing each other truly. Mylot is a place for all of us to express ourselves'which ever way we want as long as we do not break the don'ts of making discussions. NO I asked about changing my user name years back but you cannot do that. so instead I inserted my gender on my profile page. I do not think I was being critical when I suggested that people not use derogatory terms for us elderly here on mylot. we are really not supposed to insult one other for one thing. but some times it might not hurt to 'suggest I am also a woman in some instances.
2 people like this
@ajithlal (14613)
• India
21 May 12
I also think people does not have rights to criticize each other. I think it is better to look the discussions rather looking at the profile of others. I think it is mostly some new guys that might be criticizing others.
@lkbooi (16100)
• Malaysia
2 Dec 11
Hi Hatley, I always address people by typing the username shown. Almost all the discussion created here are anonymous. Only a few that names are available at the left bottom of the discussion content like some friends usually do. I think doing in this way would avoid to address people wrongly. Yeah, I have read and join in many of your discussion before so for old users like me would know clearly that you are dear Mrs Hatley of course Anyway it's a good idea to mention one's spouse, husband or wife so that people who respond to the discussion won't call the writer wrongly. This is for the convenience for new users who don't have extra time to check the profiles to learn the gender or identity of the writers related Happy posting
3 people like this
@Hatley (164264)
• Garden Grove, California
2 Dec 11
hi lkbooi I u sually do that to and I really so often mention something about my family or my husband and that will help newcomers know I am a woman. I also when I read disucssions somehow tuck clues away in my mind, oh yes, he;s not a he as he mentions her husband okay got it. but som etimes I do go to the profile and check sometimes more to see what culture as sometimes otherwise I might pu t my foot in my mouth as we Americans have different customs too and sometimes forget others might not smile at some custom. so check and know more about my new friend whom I am talking to.I relaize that a lot of people work and thus their mylot time is limited so a little mention of family will help of course.
1 person likes this
@carmelanirel (20979)
• United States
2 Dec 11
I don't have my age or gender on my profile, but I'd hope the name, "Carmela" gives one a clue I am not a man..lol I do struggle when I find someone who not only doesn't have the info on their profile, but the name gives me no clue. I have one, who had me guess and whether because I guessed correctly or what, we have become friends enough that she calls me her "mom"...lol
@Hatley (164264)
• Garden Grove, California
3 Dec 11
hicarm hehe i dont think I have ever seen a guy named Carmela'ever if whatshis f ace made a fortune singing a boy named sue.Johnmy Cash I had a similar experience and the guy now calls me auntie Hatly lol at first I thought he was a her but then he made a very masculine remark about his sister and I though aha he is a he. I have to tease him as he has a cute avatar but half the time it does not work and he again as that little white man on green., I do check profiles often and sometimes because we are discussing a subject that while okay for americans coule be iffy for someone in some countries. knowing their customs a bit one can avoid making remarks that might be taken the 'wrong way. I have learned so much from being on mylot that I had not even learned in college classes. so I do check profiles but some times you just have to go your best and hope. lol.
1 person likes this
• United States
3 Dec 11
Hi Hatley, and just think I too am learning from mylot while learning college classes at the same time...lol Actually I have learned probably just as much here if not more about life right here..
@sid556 (30997)
• United States
3 Dec 11
Hi Carmel, you really just don't ever know. My ex husband's name was Kim. He was named after the actress Kim Novak whom his father had a thing for....seriously. I used to cash his checks all the time without question until one alert teller looked at the check and back up at me. It was his business check which was construction. I happened to have just left the office and was dressed in office clothes. She said, "You do not look like a construction worker. Do you have ID?" I was not on his business account and she refused to let me do the transaction. Thing is ..I DID do construction work on the side with him so you really can't tell always.
2 people like this
@enelym001 (8329)
• Philippines
2 Dec 11
I was mistaken to be a guy before when I was using a different avatar. I think some people never really want to look on the profile and just directly respond to my discussion. It's kinda offending sometimes.. so I have to tell them I am a girl. But sometimes I just let them think I am a guy. Most of the time now I check the profile when the person did not mention anything about their gender. I think that if we are not sure of the person's gender and too lazy to check the profiles, we should not address them as if we'are sure that the person is a guy or a girl. We can just call them dear or friend.
2 people like this
@Hatley (164264)
• Garden Grove, California
2 Dec 11
hi enelym I first thought you were a guy because anmo ther user addressed as such but I checked your profile and realized the person was all wrong. its irritating to me too so I try often to leave some clues such as I am a widow or a mom and that should clue people but I also put my gender on my profile as for a while I was called dude, and guy, and old man, and this i really dislike Grandpa now I am not male nor am I a grandmother. I wish I was but my son is very much a bachelor soI am just an elderly mom insteadl. lol I do think its good to check the profiles as it helps to make making friends much smoother.
@Hatley (164264)
• Garden Grove, California
10 Dec 11
hi enelym I learned that being called granny is a term of respect in Indian culture and I thanked my mylotter friend for his respect and love as he explained even if I had no grandchildren its his way of showing respect for my age and how could I fault that.
@enelym001 (8329)
• Philippines
10 Dec 11
Good to know it
• United States
2 Dec 11
Actually, I'm not at all bothered if people use incorrect pronouns for my gender. I can see how it may bother other people, though. Usually I find it best to just refer to others by username or by the encompassing term of "they," which most people can accept being called by.
2 people like this
@Hatley (164264)
• Garden Grove, California
3 Dec 11
hi polaroidsredwine I know some are not but what gets me is to be called by ugly old men terms like geezer when I am an older woman not a wheezing coughing geezer at all. but I will live of course and often laugh too at the dude bit but if only they had checked my 'profile they would see I am a woman. your avatar is really interesting in that red red lipstick wow.
• United States
6 Dec 11
Thank you! I drew it myself. Ahaha, yes, I see how that would be very annoying after a while, especially since those can be kind of rude to call someone depending on context. The assumptions people make of others on the internet!
1 person likes this
@Hatley (164264)
• Garden Grove, California
10 Dec 11
the trouble with making assumptions here is I am usually wrong.,for a long time I thought my friend here was a m an until she talked aout her daughter doing something bu t thank goodness i had never called her him or suggested I thought she was a man so no harm done.
@jdyrj777 (6547)
• United States
2 Dec 11
I usally check profiles before responding to users i dont know. Your discussion today reminds me of a time i worked ina service station. This one guy head down comes in to pay his gas withoutlooking up he hands me the money and says,"Thank you sir." So i replied, "Your welcome mam" That was when he finally looked up. But he didnt even say anything else just kept looking at me ina odd way. He didnt even offer an appoligy or anything. I do not look or sound like a male.
2 people like this
@Hatley (164264)
• Garden Grove, California
3 Dec 11
hi jdyrj777 oh how funny and he never apologized. I think I would have said, mam do you need glasses? that might have made him say something. what a funny man. Maybe he was a little slow in the upper story.or as one'friend here says all her synapses do not seem to be working.she was referring to a woman who just did not seem to get it at all.that is the first tiem I have smiled and laughed today. but I did finally do something today I should have done three months'ago I got my diabetic and thyroid blood work done this morning and it was painless and no big deal. so wondered why I had 'put it off for so long. lol.
@jdyrj777 (6547)
• United States
3 Dec 11
I did wonder why that guy never even looked up till i said that to him. It was like he was really concentrating on what he was doing. If that was me i would be totally aware of all my surroundings. The manager was in the back office and heard it all she came out laughing too. The next person in line got a laugh too. Glad you did. I get these emails taht always have diabetic tips. Im not diabetic so i usually send them on to my couzin who is.
1 person likes this
@Hatley (164264)
• Garden Grove, California
10 Dec 11
hi jdyrj777 and me a diabetic never get the emails with tips for diabetics. I was suprised that there are even more diabetes per capita here in the US than last year but they say its because of the obesity epidemic here in the uSA.
@shskumbla (3340)
• India
2 Dec 11
Of course, we can check the gender while posting a response. Also we can see the country name also. A good suggestion by you, but it will take more time-as the mylotters was writing comment only for money(?)
2 people like this
@ravisivan (14046)
• India
3 Dec 11
This makes us learn that we should check the profile of persons before posting. To be frank first time when I posted in a discussion of aunty -- I was not right in addressing her-- of course after few postings now I have an aunty living so far away from me. great. Hatley aunty -- why can't you change your avatar with your own photo? I am not aware of problems if any you have in doing so. good day.
1 person likes this
@Hatley (164264)
• Garden Grove, California
10 Dec 11
hi ravisivan my problem is I do not have a camera nor the funds 'right now for one.,However my picture taken wih Lori the dumbblondedizzy user name is on my account in Face book I am the one with the grey white hair lol.so check it out. besides I lofe doing graphics too. have a great day.
@ravisivan (14046)
• India
2 Dec 11
Hatley aunty -- how are you? Please erase bad feelings if any on account of a member addressing you by a different gender. Probably in some countries names of male members end with 'ley'. Aunty - did you see in change of my avatar. I have posted my photo. have a good day.
2 people like this
@Hatley (164264)
• Garden Grove, California
3 Dec 11
wow ravisivan you are one good looking guy. great avatar. Iam great but my computer mouse acts ill,it will work just so long then shuts off.so far this is the longest it has worked today. I have had to manually shut my computer down then reboot. I have not had anyone call me a dude for two weeks so there is hope yet lol. anyway after fighting with my mouse here i am just happy its still working. my son will come see me tomorrow and check it out for me. he is my fix it man.,lol also he never charges me. he he.
@ravisivan (14046)
• India
3 Dec 11
Hatley aunty -- I was also facing problems with the mouse I have been using for a year. I bought another one -zebronic - 3$ only. Now it is working well. These peripherals are cheaper in India because more population, more demand, more production... My avatar I could change after too many efforts thanks to jaiho suggestions of reducing the size of photo using microsoft manager. have a nice day.
1 person likes this
@Hatley (164264)
• Garden Grove, California
10 Dec 11
hi ravisivan I had a lovely day today as we had our christmas party at eleven now I am mylotting til almost 7 pm then am going downstairs to the activity room to listen to Carolers from a high school and an elementary school. I love seeing all the children and we had a really great time listening to them last year.I always go early to get a good seat. Its wonderful that they come here to Gold C rest and sing for us. hugs from hatley.
• Pamplona, Spain
2 Dec 11
Hiya Hatley, Me I never bother I am not here long enough to have time to elaborate on anything in particular. I have a young Puppy that I have to cope with as well as living in a place that is upside down for the moment although I am very lucky to live here but its quite nerve wracking having to pull and shove everything around to keep it all clean all the time. When they see me on here they start pullign long faces so thats why I have enough time to write this little bit just to say hello to you and lots of hugs wished you lived close so I could go and see you but alas I am thousands of miles away from you all in fact. Even the British Women who live here are quite isolated from each other as well. So if I do put my foot in it I guess I will never know or bother much either as I am limited as to the time dedicated to this bit.xxx
• Pamplona, Spain
3 Dec 11
Hiya Hatley, Oh a little Mouse lol that is not funny I know as you are online an awful lot and post much much more than I ever could in ages. They are already trying to persuade me to get off here but I just had to post to shibs about is Sister having a Baby he is going to be an Uncle. Yes I wish you lived closer because I would love to round a group of us up and just have some kind of Party without even going anywhere. Blueboy is a he and don´t I know it right now he is sleeping outside like a Baby alas for me Cesar Millan does not live round here although he has been in Spain just recently. He is a Puppy in his own right and he is a lot of work for me as you can imagine these lot buzz off everywhere else and leave him to me he does not obey me so I have to use my tricks he he he otherwise we would both be pulling and tugging in a tug of war game all Day long. You could get a little Mouse for Christmas and with all its wiring intact and then you will be able to navigate much better I hope anyway. Yes I am doing my best I can´t wait for my eldest to get his Flat you cannot imagine how I am having to sleep as there are only two Bedrooms here so I won´t go on about that. Blueboy is lots of fun but he does not like you to be the leader in the Game he likes to be Boss so I can´t play with him very much yet.xxx
@Hatley (164264)
• Garden Grove, California
10 Dec 11
hilovinangelsinstead21 Blueboy sounds like a typical puppy, love them hate them and adore them lol.Myson is coming tomorrow with a new mouse. I am still elated we had this huge high school glee club that sang Christmas carols for us last year here again, they sing acappelo and do a great job. You know up til I had to come here I was used to living among people of all ages so its a real treat t see these great high school kids and they were so sweet. I dislike this thing of living only among other elderly people, its not really normal. anyway it would be fun to drop in too, I would love that. we had a feast after wards and thank heavens the kids brought me some brown rice with veggies and two egg rolls and a coke. they had a spread of home made cookies of all kinds and cakes.,alas those would flatten me and send me to the hospital. I am a diabetic and sugary stuff really makes me ill. so he was very thoughtful for my friendand I both elderly and both diabetic.Merry Christmas its early but I love the sound. hugs from hatley
@sid556 (30997)
• United States
2 Dec 11
Hi Hatley, I won't tell someone I am a woman in every single discussion. My name is more often a masculine name and I'm often mistaken for a guy. I understand that and am not in the least bit offended when someone calls me "dude" or "sir". What I really find amusing is when someone changes their tone and softens things up a bit upon finding out I'm not a "dude"
2 people like this
@Hatley (164264)
• Garden Grove, California
3 Dec 11
hi sid I learned a longtime ago you are a she from something you 'wrote so I did not put my foot in my mouth. What bugged me was being called an old geezer. to me an old geezer wheezes, smokes'like a chimney and has emphysema , which does not define me ane elderly lady who has never ever smoked, does not wheeze,or cough or spit, or have lung diseases. yuck. I have had several friends , women friends, named sydney and both of them claimed their dads had wanted boys'but were okay once they were born thus the sydney I guess. I so often nmention I am a mom or a widow so no I do not tell anyone I am a women., I had the funniest set of messages on face book as this guy insisted that we strike up a friendship that could turn into more.I kept telling him I was old enough to be his grandmother and I think he thought I was fibbing. He finally gave up. I had one stalker when I was twenty who almost killed me as I refused to accept his proposal. He was choking me but two big waiters pulled him off'before I passed out. His dad was wealthy and shipping him off to the East to some A unt. the guy landed in jail when he almost killed anthoer woman. so I did not give the facebook any finormation about me at all. I did not want him showing up here at this retirement center.
@sid556 (30997)
• United States
3 Dec 11
OMG, Hatley! Did someone on here actually call you that? That's horrible. Old Geezer brings an image of one of those scruffy, smelly old wino's that walk around with their booze in a paper bag...thinking no one knows. A sweet older woman or even a nice older man is not something I'd associate with that word. And all that being said, even if I came upon a person fitting that description, I'd still not be so disrespectful as to call him that. PEOPLE!!! What cool and fascinating stories you have, Hatley.That stalker guy story is downright scary. I heard a song today. Some of the lines in the song were really cool. It went something like, "These lines upon my face tell the story of who I am and where I've been and how I came to be here."
@zralte (4184)
• India
2 Dec 11
Wholeheartedly agree, Hatley. I had some members addressing me as 'Dude'. I wanted to tell him that I am not a 'Dude', rather a 'Dudette' When I need to address a member in gender, I make sure I check the profile and use the right gender form of addressing the member. I would be embarassed to make a mistake like that. That is not to say I have never make mistakes. I do make mistakes, but I try to avoid them as much as possible. In the community as large and wide as myLot, what seems to me a masculine name could be feminine in others and vice versa.
2 people like this
@Hatley (164264)
• Garden Grove, California
2 Dec 11
hi zralte and Joanna you both sound f eminine but I have to laugh as I did tell the guy who called me dude that no I was a dudeette amd he laughed and apologized. I think we coined a new word. I think taking a few seconds to check profiles avoids those kinds of problems.for now my mouse is working but after a few hours it quits its light goes off.if I restart it will work again but only for so long.frustrating when I want to work on my comments and it does not work.
@Hatley (164264)
• Garden Grove, California
10 Dec 11
hi joanna yes I really do and my son said he would bring me one tomorrow Saturday so thats not too long now. I have a habit of opening too many tabs then it does stall things so I go and' clear all the ones i have already done. lol I love it that I can have several tabs to work on at the same time.Myh mouse quit once and I just pulled the plug out part way,juggled it and voila its working again.
@bunnybon7 (41396)
• Holiday, Florida
2 Dec 11
well it often helps if they check since they may not know. sometimes i check. and sometimes they dont even have it. i know i should probably put girly things on my avatar like you do. whats wrong with someone cant see you got girl things on your profile?
2 people like this
@bunnybon7 (41396)
• Holiday, Florida
2 Dec 11
i mean avatar
1 person likes this
@Hatley (164264)
• Garden Grove, California
2 Dec 11
hi bunnybon yes I think my avatar is pretty feminine . but also I som etimes add I am an old woman but or something like I am alos aq widow and those clue should tell people do not call me guy or dude' really I go get annoyed at dude. I do check profiles and most of the time I can see if its a woman or a g uy. sometimes not then I check discussions and that will tell me.[[
@cynthiann (18613)
• Jamaica
2 Dec 11
I read this and felt like singing 'I am woman'. I don't think that has happened to me but my pet peeve is when a post of mine is answered and they have not read the whole post. So why do they bother answering when they have missed the point? Before I accept a new friend I do go and check their profile just to find out a bit more about them. I do know whether my friends are male or female
2 people like this
@Hatley (164264)
• Garden Grove, California
3 Dec 11
hi cynthiann oh my I am woman hear me roar thats all I remember of it. oh thats also my pet peeve to read a response that had'nothing to do with my post at all, just the title. why indeed bother if they cannot read it and respond to what I actually'wroteI had a discussion about how common ordinary sounds around your honme and outside can change into scary sounds when you are home allalolne and your imaginatin goes crazy. I got a response abougt ghost b usters and that had nothing to do with ordinary sounds becoming sacray because of our overworked imagination,.I had not said one thinkg about ghosts in my discussion,.my title was to lead p;eople in but Idid not think people were going to respond to a title. they did no read it or get my p;point at all.I do check all profiles before i ever accepted friends so I knew the men and the women pretty well. .l
@fwidman (11515)
• United States
2 Dec 11
As often as people have mistaken my gender due to my cute icons I find it rather humorous for the most part when I am mistaken for being female I do agree though that if their response is going to deal with your gender they should probably make sure they are answering to the correct gender and not just assuming things
2 people like this
@Hatley (164264)
• Garden Grove, California
3 Dec 11
Hi fwidman oh your username made me know you are a guy , a guy who likes cute shoes which is okay too. I also love cute shoee and alas am condemed to orthopedic ugly clodhppper like boots with a brace for my left leg and bad foot.sad as I love pretty shoes and used o wear themn to until I ruptured the tendon in my foot and it was not diagnosed in time to repair it surgiclally so theyjust put a brace and orothopedic ugly shoes on me. I do check profiles if I am not sure and it might make a difference in my response. most give he gender and some show their gender in their discussions instead so it all evens out any way.
@saphrina (31738)
• South Africa
2 Dec 11
Hi Hatley. Awkward, if you ask me. Anyway sweetie, if someone's not sure, they should go and look at the profile, that is what i do as i sometimes ain't sure myself. But to say, i'm a women on every post, sweetie, you will be damn exhausted. Just go with the flow and take it as it comes, okay.
2 people like this
@Hatley (164264)
• Garden Grove, California
3 Dec 11
hi saphy how areyou doing as this character here is always saying. H is a character and at times repulsive as he has this horrid habit of making a noise much like one would make vomiting. this got him the' privilege of sitting in the c uby hole next to the kichen. so he calls hello to all who pass by and then when you say hello gerry he asks how you doing buddy and thats to anyone man or women., I feel a bit sorry for him as hes had several strokes and frankly his brain is slightly scrambled but he would not hurt a flea. any way I do check profiles to be sure if I do not know the gender. but for me I leave enough clues so I am not going to go out of my way saying I am not a guy. lol lol. I do my best and thats all anyone can do.
@stephcjh (32327)
• United States
2 Dec 11
I have often wandered how to respond to some people on here too. I look at their profile or skip over calling out a gender in my post to play it on the safe side.
2 people like this
@Hatley (164264)
• Garden Grove, California
3 Dec 11
hi stephcjh yes me too and went to thier profiles, then 'if I could not get a clue I used a term like friend as that should not offend anyone. and of cou rse some discussions really do not matter about gender as that does not come into play.but I do like to check the profile if I am not sure. some discussions about families do bring gender into it then I check if I really do not know,still sometimes I miscue. but I did do my best which is all anyone can do.lol.
@dragon54u (31647)
• United States
2 Dec 11
That happens to me all the time, Hatley. It doesn't bother me anymore and I rarely correct people. On my profile it says I'm female and that's enough. I don't want to embarrass them by correcting them unless they are obnoxious to begin with. It's just natural for people to do that since they can't see us. You could always change your user name to Mrs. Hatley!
2 people like this
@louievill (22087)
• Philippines
2 Dec 11
yes for new comers, looking at profile for gender is very important, I also look at country as a guide to a few sensitivities that might be associated with it, so I could very well more or less predict what I would post or respond to, as we already know being here for a long time, certain comments that are just fine for some might not give the same reaction to others, proper discretion is also very important.
2 people like this